WARNING: THERE WILL BE MENTION OF ABUSE AND SUICIDE, IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT. PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER!

Illumi was sent on a mission to assistant a wealthy rich man, but the man was a excellent nen user and a bit stronger than his usual targets. He knew what he had to do, he sighs as he grabs his phone and call a certain someone. " Hello illumi, I didn't expect to hear from you so soon~ " the male spoke in a flirty tone.

" I was assigned a mission, but it seems this man is stronger than expected. I need your help, where are you? " He spoke in his monotone voice. " So impatient as always, I'll send you my location~ " the magician spoke as he sends him a link where he was. " I'll meet you at the bar that's five minutes away in twenty minutes, don't be late " he spoke and hangs up.

~UxU~

He was at the bar waiting for the magician, he looks at the clock and frowns, he was already a minute late. He takes a sip from his rum, he soon hears someone sit in the stoll next to him, " you're late " he spoke and looks over hisoka who smirks a bit, " sorry, I got caught up with something~ " he spoke smiling at the raven.

" Let's just get down to business, I was assigned a mission to assistant a wealthy rich man, but the man is a excellent nen user and a bit stronger than my usual targets " he spoke. " So you need my help hm, I have nothing better to do so I'll help you~ " he spoke

" Alright, we'll start our search tomorrow. I rented us a hotel room for the night " he spoke. " You renting us a room?, How unusual of you, you must be getting paid a lot for this one~ " hisoka spoke. " That dosen't concern you, I could simply let you sleep on the road but I was feeling a bit nice today " illumi spoke making hisoka chuckle.

" Alright, we'll start fresh tomorrow. For the meantime let's have some fun~ " he spoke as he raises his glass and takes a sip of his drink.

~UxU~

As illumi said they started at dawn, gathering as much information about the man. Once they got enough information about his power, they headed out to look for the man. Hisoka noticed illumi was extra quiet, he question him about it but simply said he was fine. As they were walking they soon came across gon, killua, leorio, and kurapika.

As soon as killua saw them he got in a fighting position, " relax I'm not after you, I was assigned a mission " illumi spoke causing killua to relax. " Why is hisoka with you then? " Killa spoke, " my target is stronger than I expected so I need his help " he spoke. " It's so good to see you my dear gon~ " hisoka spoke, " we don't have time hisoka joinx will be at his house soon. We have to hurry " illumi spoke.

" Wait do you guys mean Hiroshima joinx by any chance? " Gon spoke, " that is correct " illumi spoke. " We're after him soon " gon spoke, " say illumi why don't we let join him. We're both after same person~ " hisoka spoke. " No way I'll never work alongside him!! " Killua yells, " killua we're all after him, plus chances are if we go separate ways. By the time he get to his house your brother probably would already have killed him " leorio spoke.

" If you want to simply ask him something I don't see why not " illumi spoke, " come on killua " gon spoke as killua was speaking. " Fine, but he tries anything fishy I warned you guys " killua spoke. " Great!, We should walk a bit. We might have to make camp for the night since there's no nearby hotels~ " hisoka spoke.

All four of them nod as illumi began to lead the way, killua wasn't so sure about this but followed him.

~UxU~

Soon night came and all six of them sat around a campfire, killua keeping a close eye on hisoka and illumi. " Killua will you relax, if they haven't tried anything before they're not going to try something now " gon spoke. " Easy for you to say, I know what my brother capable of " killua spoke glaring at him.

" Believe me I'm not here to capture and bring you back home, and if I were I have better ways in doing that. You can choose to believe me or not " illumi spoke. He was leaning on a tree as he crosses his arms over his chest, he had his eyes closed as he held his usual emotionless face. " Illumi what are you doing over there?, Come join us~ " hisoka spoke.

" No, I plan to sleep. I need to wake up early to do some exercises " he spoke, " you're no fun, oh well suit yourself " hisoka spoke.

~UxU~

About twenty minutes passed, the others were talking, they were actually having a decent conversation. Killua calmed down a bit, illumi had fallen asleep, he began to stir in his sleep a bit, hisoka was the first to noticed. The others soon look over to see what hisoka was looking at, " hisoka why are you looking at illumi as he sleeps?, That's pretty creepy " gon spoke.

" He was moving a bit, I was simply wondering what he was dreaming about~ " he spoke. Illumi moves a bit more, he was mumbling something confusing everybody.

' no please stop '

" Stop complaining and take your punishment!! You good for nothing brat!! " silva yells as he swings down the whip. Illumi yells warm tears fell down his cheeks as another scream left his throat, he felt his skin rip a bit as blood oozes out from the mark made.

' please......stop, I didn't do anything wrong '

" SHUT UP!!, STOP CRYING!! " he yells, but this time he punches him in the face braking his nose. He yells he plead him to stop, but silva dosen't listen, " I think that's enough dear " a woman voice spoke, he looks up to see kikyo his mother. " Tsk fine, you take over I'm getting pretty tired anyways " he spoke as he walks away.

She giggles a bit, he sees as she shows him multiple little knives she had in-between her fingers. " Hold still dear, mommy only doing this for your own good~ " she spoke. Fear is all he can feel, his onxy eyes widen he looks at her shaking a bit.

' what did I do to deserve this? '

All that was heard in the room were the screams of little illumi, who couldn't be more than six years old. He cries wanting it to end, but he already knew that wouldn't happen. His eyes were blurry from tears, his throat Began to hurt for how loud he was screaming.

" Illumi! "

His eyes open he was panting a bit, a hand lands on his shoulder. He looks up at whoever touched him surpassing a flinch, he saw it was hisoka as the rest were behind him. " You okay?, You were tossing and turning in your sleep " hisoka spoke with bearly the tint of care in his tone. Illumi verbally Remembers the dream, I mean how can he forget.

" I'm fine it was nothing " he spoke in a I guess you can say was worried and scared tone confusing everyone. He gets up quick, pushing pass hisoka so they won't see him, " are you sure? " Hisoka spoke. " Yes I'm going to take a walk " he spoke walking away quickly, confusing everyone.

" Please tell me I heard right, that your brother sounded scared " gon spoke. " I heard it too " killua spoke suprised, hisoka squints his eyes and looks at the direction he walked, he began to walk that way. " What are you doing? " kurapika spoke to him.

" What else I'm going to follow him, it's not everyday I see illumi like this~ " hisoka spoke. They all shrug and follow him, they saw he was in a narrow area in the forest, he look like he was practicing his aim, he was throwing his pins at what looked like a target. Hisoka noticed his aim wasn't the best, they were sloppy and he wasn't putting enough effort in them like usual.

~UxU~

Illumi had walked off and found himself in a narrow part of the forest, he needed to get away. He couldn't let his emotions slip out, he worked hard to keep them hidden, he took a couple deep breaths. He decided to practice him aim a bit, but he couldn't get the memories out of his head.

' worthless '

' good for nothing '

' you are nothing but a tool to me '

' you cannot have any friends, an assassin can't feel any emotions '

' stop you're crying!! '

' you are nothing to me, you understand? '

' love you think I love you?, I may of given birth to you. But I won't and I'll never love you '

He had pin between all his fingers and throws them all in different directions, not caring what he hit or who he hit. " SHUT UP!!! " he yells, he collapsed to his knees, he hung his head low and grips his hair. He tries blocking out the voices and memories, " please " he spoke in a low sad tone.

~UxU~

They all watched him seeing what he'll do, for two minutes nothing happened he was just throwing them at the target. They all thought maybe nothing will happen and they should leave, illumi had pin between all his fingers and throws them all in different directions.

Gon and leorio squeal a bit, they all duck not getting hit by the pins, " SHUT UP!!! " he yells, he collapsed to his knees, he hung his head low and grips his hair. This confused them all, and they looked at him " please " he spoke in a low broken tone making all there heats aches a bit. Hisoka walked over to him, he kneels down and slowly placed a hand on his shoulder praying illumi wouldn't kill him.

He flinches, he looks up at hisoka with tears in his eyes. " Hisoka? " He spoke, " and everyone else " he spoke as everyone walk out from behind the trees, " you okay illumi? " He spoke in a concerned tone. Illumi gets up and whipes his tears, " I'm fine don't worry about it " he spoke trying to hide his emotions. " But ill- " hisoka was soon cut off, " I said I'm fine don't worry about it " he spoke his voice returning to it's usual monotone tone.

That's when killua grew irritated, to t was obvious hisoka was trying his best to comfort him. But he was just pushing him aside, " YOU'RE NOT FINE, YOU'RE CRYING!! SO STOP TRYING TO ACT OKAY AND TALK TO US!! " killua yells shocking everyone.

Illumi looks at him a bit shocked, he let's out a sigh. It was quiet a bit, everyone waiting to see what illumi would do. " I was simply Remembering something that's all. Now stop worrying " he spoke as he began to pick up his pins, " what type of memory? " Gon spoke. Illumi freezes a bit, but picks up his last pin, " just something that happened when I was little, I rather forget about it " he spoke.

He puts his pins away and began to walk back to camp, everyone follows him. It was a quiet walk, illumi sits back to where he was. " Can I ask you something illumi? " leorio spoke, " what is it? " He spoke as he looks over at him, " why do you hide your emotions? " He spoke. " It's just the way I was raised " he spoke.

" What do you mean by that? " Gon spoke, " they're three important rules to being an assassin, number one you are to never show any emotions. Rule number two you are to not having friends or lovers, bounds only hold you back. Finally rule number three, you must always complete your missions even if it costs you, you're life " he spoke. " But killua shows emotions " gon spoke, " yes that's true, but that's because he got away before his training was complete " he spoke.

" Complete? " Hisoka spoke, " yes, you see when I was little I started to train as soon as I can remember. Since I was the eldest my parents didn't know if I'd be the only one, I trained hard. Being a zoldyck isn't the easiest, you must go under harsh training and torcher " he spoke. " Torcher? " kurapika spoke, " yes you might know the zoldyck are the greatest assistants, we are prepared for anything. So as soon as the child can start training you go under torcher. Me being the eldest went through this, as soon as I turned five my parents had began to do this. Make me eat large amounts of posion to be immune to posion, and start to whip, cut me and etc. So I'll a high pain tolerate. The first memory I can remember is of my father whipping and telling me to stop crying. I remember warm hot tears running down my cheeks and I screamed loudly, I had looked over at my mother begging her to help me, she smiled a wicked smile and told me to deal with it before she walks over. She grabbed a knife she cuts from my right collarbone to my left hip deeply, causing me to cry out as they both laugh at my suffering " he spoke.

Leorio and Gon gasp as they heard that, " since I was young I was trained to never under no circumstances am I allowed to show such emotions. I learned the hard way to hide emotions " he spoke. " What did you do? " Hisoka spoke, " there was a new butler so I was being what you call nice, my parents figured out. That was the first time I killed, my parents forced me to kill me, it was that day I figured out the world was complete shit. Without a purpose you're a nobody, I was punished badly and starved for two weeks " he spoke.

Everyone looked a bit shocked to hear this, even killua was a bit shocked. " My family isn't the loving family like everybody else's, killua is lucky he left before he went through what I did. Killua lucky to be surrounded by friends like you I envy him for that, all I ever wanted was to feel what you all call happiness. I never got to feel the love of a father, mother, or even brother. I was always isolated from my brothers, I was only allowed to see killua to train him. Both my parents despite me, so I've gotten used to people hating me " he spoke. " Why didn't you try to escape? " Killua spoke.

" Unlike you I didn't have th courage to escape, plus before you came along I was always being watched. So walking passed all those guards was impossible, but there was another way I tried to escape " he spoke. " Another way?, What was that? " kurapika asked. " Suicide " he spoke, all of them looked at him shocked.

" I've tried to kill myself a total of ten times, I've failed all times and got punished for it. So I've stopped and gave into my fate, my only purpose and n this life is to kill, besides that I have no use. I always hide my emotions and I will continue on hiding them. We all have a purpose in life and that's my purpose, I'll suggest you guys keep this information hidden, if my parents figured out I'll be force to kill you. Besides that let's forget about this all and get some rest " he spoke.

" What do you mean forget?!, You just told us basically your whole childhood and past and you expect me to forget! I always thought you were heartless just because, but now I see it's not your fault it's all mother and father fault! " Killua yells. " It's alright killua, I'm used to it. Father only likes you and mother hates us all. Our family is full of lies and hate. I believe you're the one who's Change that, you're able to feel all these wonderful emotions. All I ever felt is fear, angry, saddens and negative ones, I might of cried myself to sleep often but I'm fine so don't worry it. Let's just worry about our target " illumi spoke.

" But I can't except that, run away with us nii-chan! You can finally be happy " killua spoke. Illumi looks at him suprised, he walks over to him and place his hands on his shoulders. " It's fine illumi, plus I can't run away with you guys " he spoke. " Why?, why can't you run away with us? " He spoke, " because mother and father still want you to come back, but if you don't they'll make me heir. If I run away with you guys they'll find me, if it's up to me I'll let you run far away and be happy. I want you to fullfil my dream, of being happy " he spoke.

" But ni- " killua was cut off as illumi ruffles his hair a bit, " I'm fine, don't worry about me and worry about yourself " he spoke.

~UxU~

The next day they all head out, everyone still pretty shocked from what illumi told them. This man has been through hell and still walking through it, having to put on a mask everyday. Yet he still chooses to make others happy and dosen't care for his happiness, he was truly something. They get there illumi and hisoka take care of his guards as th other four take care of joinx.

Hisoka soon helps him, he was tied up and told gon all he knew. Once done illumi kills him, once done he calls his client and told them. " Well you did your job, guess we won't be seeing each other for a while " killua spoke. " That's where your wrong " illumi spoke, all five look at him Confused. " I thought your mission was only to kill him " hisoka spoke.

" It was, but this will be the last time I see any of you guys " illumi spoke, " what do you mean? " Gon spoke. Before any of them noticed he threw pins at all of them, they all collapse to the ground. " Relax you'll only be paralyzed for four hours, I didn't tell you guys what I had planned after this mission. Once I killed joinx I was going to end my own life " he spoke.

" What?! " They all yelled, " yes there's nothing left for me in this life so I'm to end it. Killua I want you to run, run far and live a happy life. I know you're friends will look after you, looks like I won't be able to fullfil your deal hisoka. Sorry I had to leave on such terms, but this is what I choose " he spoke. " Illumi don't do this you have so much to live for, you don't have to do this! " Gon spoke.

" I don't have to but I want you, I wish you all the best of luck " he spoke, " illumi don't do it!, You'll leave behind so much. I know right now it's not Alright, but I promise I'd get better _ hisoka spoke. " I've told myself those exact words too hisoka, but I just can't do it. These voices in my head and memories I can't hold on anymore, I'm sorry but this is what I want. I hope one day you can forget me, goodbye " he spoke as he rubs away.

" ILLUMI!! " they all yell, angry there stuck there for four hours. Kullia noticed hisoka moving a bit and managed to pull out his pin, he helps the others. " How did you manged to do that hisoka? " Killua spoke, " I've been friends with your brother for years, he's stabbed me with multiple pins over the years " he spoke. " We can't waste time, we need to find illumi " gon spoke.

" But where is he? " kurapika spoke, all thought trying to think wher he'll go. Hisoka then remembers something, " I know where he's going! " He yells. " Where?! " Killua yells. " There's this rose garden your brother loves to vist, he mentioned before that. That's where he'll like to die, in a bed of roses covered in his own blood " hisoka spoke.

" What are we waiting for, let's go! " Gon yells. Hisoka leads the way. They soon get there, they follow hisoka and soon he him. He layed in the garden wrists slit open, hisoka ran up to him. " Illumi?, Illumi answer me! " He spoke as he shakes him a bit, leorio checks his pulse. " He has a pulse!, If we can get somewhere quick I can help him " he spoke.

They soon rush to the nearest hotel, leorio began to clean and bandage up his wounds. He was soon safe and was resting, " he lost a lot of blood, we'll have to give him a blood transfusion. But as of now he's safe, he just needs to rest " he spoke. They all nod, hisoka called in a favor and was able to get the blood, no one questioned how he got it.

Four hours passed and everyone was worried, he may of done terrible things in the past. But after last night they understood why he did that, he groans and everyone looks over at him. They see him opening his eyes, hisoka was the first by his side, " illumi can you hear me? " He spoke. " Wh-where am I? " He spoke as he looks around.

" In a hotel " hisoka spoke, " guess I failed all nice again, I guess I can't escape my fate " he spoke as he held up his right arm and looks at his wrist. " You idiot what were you thinking?!, You had us worried " killua spoke. " Worried?, What a strange word coming from you, no one supposed to worry for me " he spoke.

" We all were, how can you simply think about ending your own life " hisoka spoke. " Strange hearing you concern for anyone, you're not one to concern for anyone not even yourself " he spoke. " Illumi we've been friends for years, everytime you go on a mission I worry for you. I would risk my own life for yours " he spoke. Everyone stare at the two, watching this scene unfold, " what do you mean hisoka? " He spoke as he sat up.

" I've been hiding a secret for you, I think now the perfect time to tell you. Illumi I love you " he spoke. Illumi looks at him suprised but looks away, " you're lying, no one can love a monster such as myself " he spoke. He cupped his cheeks, he turns his face and kisses him, illumi didn't know how to react but kisses him back. He felt a very warm feeling build up in his chest, his stomach felt funny. He admitted after a while he's started to feel weird around hisoka, he would often feel this warm feeling in his chest and would almost smile when he thought of him, but he would push away those feelings.

They pull away and they stare at each other, " I've been enchanted by you since I layed my eyes on you illumi. I love you illumi zoldyck " he spoke as he smiles at him. Illumi felt his cheeks burn A bit, as he felt that warm feeling get stronger he didn't understand what was happening.

Was this happiness?

What do you guys think?, I really enjoyed writing this one shot I'm not sure if I'll write a part two? Anyways requests are still open so please request but please no make pregnancy or bottom hisoka besides that feel free to request away.
~ pikatachi 🤗

08/03/2020

Word count: 3929