VII. Her Feelings
Sanam walked into the kitchen by morning to make coffee for herself. Momentarily, she paused realized Parth was already inside spreading butter on his toast. Their last conversation at that dinner a month ago hadn't been the friendliest.
He glanced up to acknowledge her presence before greeting, "Good morning, sleep well?"
She nodded while also greeting back, "Good morning." She deemed it safe zone and continued her way to the coffee pot.
He shook his head in disappointment. He knew for a fact that she'd just told him a white lie. He had seen her and Arjun talking through more than half the night away. He might have gone to bed early like the rest, but he had woken up to study for his classes he was taking for his law degree. He'd occasionally glanced out the window towards the beach view. He planned on talking to Arjun about it, but since she was here, he couldn't push away the compulsion to casually ask and see if she'd slip up some information.
Sanam had a question on her mind and while pouring coffee into a cup, she kept wondering if she should ask him. She kept delaying, thinking she didn't have the right to be curious about this.
Parth questioned, "What?"
"What?" She asked confused as she hadn't said a word.
He pointed out, "You keep opening your mouth to say something and then change your mind. Something is obviously on your mind, so what is it?"
Instead of replying right away, she verbalized the conclusion. "Are you always to observant?"
"I'm not studying to be a lawyer for no reason."
The fact had her surprised. "Really, you are in law school? That's... that's awesome."
He momentarily narrowed his eyes questioning if it were genuine or her attempt to divert the topic. "Thanks, I think."
She placed the mug down, clarifying. "No, really. I mean it. And no offense, but I assumed you were into business like Arjun."
"Sanam, Arjun and I are best friends, not duplicates of each other."
"Yeah." She barely mumbled back, picking up the mug again and using it as an excuse the end the topic. While trying to point out how pleasantly surprised she was at learning this about him, she'd only managed to offend him further.
Just as Parth was going to conclude she did say it all to divert the topic, she cleared her throat. Quite nervously, she questioned. "So, um... the last time we talked, you kind of accused me of being this type of girl." He wanted to point out it wasn't accusing when it was a fact, but he held back his tongue just to see where she was going with it. "I'm assuming a girl as such was involved... Was it... Rashi?"
His brows raised, and she thought it was him questioning her audacity to ask it, but it was pure amusement. He didn't give her a direct answer, but he did provide one. "Wow, you don't know Arjun at all."
He turned his back to her and picking up his plate, walked out the back door to have his breakfast outside. For the longest ticking seconds, she stood there replaying the words in her head. Last night while she'd been playing 20 questions with Arjun, she'd definitely concluded there was a lot more to him but she'd also somewhere felt that she was getting to know him. And somehow, hearing this from Parth, his one best friend... it didn't make her feel good about her equation with Arjun at all. It only made her question herself... why was she interested in Arjun's life anyway? She shouldn't be. She shouldn't be letting him get to her so much. This was meant to be a simple agreement.
She scolded herself to stop complicating it.
She reminded herself to comply with simply being friends.
And yet, another take home message was the assurance that Rashi was not that girl. But it wasn't the end of the questions. For the first time, she questioned Arjun's motive for agreeing to her proposal, for the more she was around, the more she was realizing there was a girl he had feelings for and she did not want her personal reasons to get in the way of it.
~
It had been three days at the beach house and Neha had just about had it with Rashi. She questioned Rahul, "Why is she here?"
Rahul, understanding why she was getting annoyed, answered, "Shh, babe, don't let her get to you." He pecked her lips quickly to get her to listen to him.
Ofcourse, Neha didn't listen. "If she wasn't the daughter of dad's friend..." She started to threaten, explaining her only reason for still tolerating her.
"I know, honey." He cooed, bringing her down to sit on the couch before her voice would raise and Rashi would actually hear it. The last thing he wanted to deal with was drama. Sure, he would take his wife's side but he also didn't want to deal with Rashi. She had the ability to get on everyone's nerve.
Sanam asked walking into the sitting area, "Why do you all look annoyed?"
They all gave one answer, "Rashi."
"I thought she was your friend." She answered, unable to see the problem.
Neha scoffed, while Josh answered, "We just put up with her because she's Ishaan uncle's friends daughter. We like her dad more than we like her."
Sanam nodded, taking a seat, digging into the packet of chips. Arjun questioned, "How are you not annoyed? She's given you most crap out of all of us."
It was true. Over the last two days, Rashi had left no chance to give Sanam the stink eye, taunt her, and belittle her. Sanam shrugged her shoulders, "And what? Give her the satisfaction of getting to me? I don't think so. I'm here to enjoy. Relax. Not be bothered by what she thinks about me."
Neha commented, "I always envied your ability to compartmentalize negative feelings."
Sanam laughed, for Neha was making it sound too technical by using words such as 'compartmentalize'. And yet, it was true. Sanam knew where to invest her emotional relations.
"Anyway, where is she?"
"Laying out in the sun, thank god." Neha expressed her opinion, "I hope she gets burned."
Sanam threw a chip in her direction. It hit her on the nose, "That's mean" She scolded.
Neha simple stuck her tongue out, not caring if it was mean. She didn't like Rashi, and that was the end to the topic. Taking the chip that had fallen on her top, she ate it. Her belief was, it hadn't fallen on that floor aka no harm done.
Speaking of the devil, Rashi walked inside, whining, "Guys, let's do something. I'm bored."
Rahul commented, "How about you go change first?" She was wearing a bikini, and he would rather not see that.
Seeing that it was Rahul, the eldest of them all there, she didn't much retort and listened. Parth let out a sigh of relief, "Thanks, bro. She really needs to tone it down a bit."
Rahul commented in a bored tone, "Seriously, I don't get why she still thinks she can get Arjun's attention by barely wearing any clothes."
Sanam's eyes flickered to Arjun, and noticed he was bored as well. "There's nothing wrong with wearing a bikini."
This, coming from Sanam, surprised the guys. Neha wasn't, because she knew Sanam. Therefore, she answered, "That's not the issue, babe. The issue is that she is trying too hard to get Arjun's attention. He couldn't have said it in too many words that he isn't interested. He thinks of her as nothing more than a friend. A sister even, since they are all family friends."
"Oh." Sanam understood that. Even she didn't like girls who tried too hard to get a guy's attention. She believed that if a guy was going to be interested, he would have been regardless of the amount of skin one revealed. Sure, there were girls who wore bikini at the beach and pool because it was either their choice or they were comfortable. She believed that was a different matter in itself.
Rashi returned wearing a dress with a low v cut which barely reached her thighs. Sanam heard Arjun sigh. Rashi asked, "Anyone else want a drink?"
No one was in the mood since it was only afternoon. Yet, they knew what would follow so they took one nonetheless. It didn't mean they drank more than a sip or two out of the can. Rashi asked Sanam, "Don't you want one?"
"No, thanks."
"Don't be such a bore." Rashi tried to taunt her.
Sanam simply continued eating her chips, "I'm not stopping you, am I?"
"Whatever." Rashi muttered.
Arjun gave Rashi the single recliner he had been sitting her, "Rashi, you can sit here." She grinned and walked over to it, thinking they were going to share it, but was left stumped when Arjun got up.
"Where are you going?" She asked.
Arjun gave her a smile, "Just on the couch. But you sit here, it'll be comfortable." He made her think he was doing it for her, as he walked over to the couch and took a sit next to Sanam.
Rahul held back a snicker though it was obvious on his face that he appreciated Arjun for that.
Rashi wasn't silent for long. She had to speak up, "Anyway, let's play a game or something since we aren't doing anything?"
"Well, I was trying to enjoy the quiet." Neha spoke, her face giving Rashi a smile and her tone disguised as sweet, even though she was trying to attack her.
Arjun knew Rashi wasn't going to let it go, so he interrupted, "Let's just play cards for a while and then we can start on preparing dinner." He gave Neha a pleading look, to which she gave in.
Josh said, "I'll go get a deck." And so, the rest of the afternoon passed by.
~
Sanam was wearing a white colored crotched overall above a red crop top acting as a bra along with red shorts.
Josh commented on seeing her, "Damn."
"Hmm?" Arjun looked up from his phone hearing his friend, and then followed his gaze, which landed on Sanam. Upon seeing her, his breath hitched. This is what he meant when he'd said she was tempting him without even realizing it herself.
Arjun slapped the back of Josh's head, "Stop eye-raping her."
Josh scoffed, "As if you weren't." Arjun glared at him in return, "What? It's true."
Parth commented, "Don't think we haven't noticed the way you've been looking at her since you met her."
"I like hanging out with her. What's wrong with that?" Arjun questioned his friends.
"Nothing, other than the fact that you're falling for her when you just barely know her." Parth pointed it out. Arjun didn't want to acknowledge it, but he knew better than to argue with his friends about it.
Sanam walked up to them, "Hey guys, what's up? Aren't you going swimming today?"
"Maybe later." Josh answered.
"Hmm." Sanam answered and sat down on the sand. She wanted to get in the water, but it was no fun by herself. She saw Arjun busy with his phone.
She decided to make things fun, and snatched his phone away while pretending to stretch. She instantly got up to get away from him. When he realized what she'd done, he got up on his feet too. "Sanam! Give it back."
"Hmm... not in the mood." She said, and waved it in front of him to tempt him. He reached for it, but she quickly pulled it back. This was her revenge of the time he'd taken her phone away at the wedding when they barely knew each other.
He glared at her and started to walk towards her. "C'mon sweetheart."
"Come and get it then." She challenged. He looked at her lazily and then pounced in her direction. She squealed and starting running away from him along the shore of the beach. His long strides were no match for her. Within a couple of seconds he had caught her. He grabbed her hand and spun her around, resulting in her crashing into him.
She hid her hand behind her, clutching his phone in her hand tightly. His arms went around her back to try to get it. "Give it now." She knew she was trapped. There was no way she was going to be able to escape from the strong hold around her.
"Okay, okay." She pretended to give in, "Atleast leave me first."
He fell for it and released his hold around her. She turned to run away again but he grabbed her waist and pulled her back, quick with his reflexes. Her back crashed against his chest. "That wasn't nice." He leaned down to speak in her ear. Her body stiffened. The playfulness left her as she again realized how close he was.
She tried to turn hoping it would put some distance between them. Only, his hold around her was stronger. Her lips parted in reaction to the touch when his hand slipped under her overall on her bare waist. The heat of his hand radiated to her body. She put her hand on top of his to stop it from lingering elsewhere, "What are you doing?"
He answered by using his free hand to lightly run it down her arm leaving behind a fire in his wake. She felt the shivers of it go down her spine. He reached for her hand then and retrieved his phone as he whispered in her ear, "I'm just taking what's mine."
Before he took his hand off her waist, he left a soft kiss on her shoulder. Having not anticipated it at all, her shoulder jerked up, almost hitting him. Her jaw dropped when she realized what she could have done.
She started to apologize, but he just grinned. "You really are something, sweetheart." He teased, wondering how a girl who daringly asked him to marry her and admitted to the 7 minutes in heaven scenario could get shaken up by merely having his lips on her shoulder for barely a second. She surprised him at each turn.
Neha commented behind them, "You two look like you're having fun."
Sanam didn't know what to say. She knew it had come to Neha's attention now, so she was going to be asked a lot of question as soon as the two of them were alone. In the meanwhile, Sanam glanced at Arjun once before he walked a bit away to talk to Rahul. She wondered if what he had said only had to do with taking his phone back, which belonged to him, or had a double meaning behind it. And why had he kissed her shoulder? Had he seen Neha coming towards them?
She didn't know what was real, and what wasn't.
~
Sanam woke up startled that night when she felt someone pressing their hands over her mouth. She was about ready to trash around, instantly afraid of whoever it was that had sneaked into her room, when a phone light was turned on.
"Shh." Arjun spoke, "It's me."
She relaxed and let out a relieved breath recognizing the voice and seeing him. He removed his hand, and she took a few minutes to calm her raging heart. Then, she sat up and slapped his arm, "Are you crazy?!" There were better ways to wake people up.
"Shh!" He hushed her again.
She was confused, "Why are we whispering?"
"It's Rahul's birthday. We're trying to decorate and surprise him when he wakes up in the morning." Arjun explained. "Come on, get up."
She loved surprising people. She half sat up to join them, when she realized what she was wearing. She sat back down, glad she hadn't pushed the covers away. "Uh, yeah, could you leave? I need to put some clothes on first."
He directed the light towards her, and narrowed his eyes, "The shirt you are wearing is fine." She gave a pressing look, and it dawned on him a second too late. "Oh..." She didn't meet his eyes, feeling awkward. He cleared his throat, afraid his voice would crack if he tried to speak otherwise. "Okay, um, meet you downstairs."
As soon as he left the room, she quickly rushed to grab yoga pants and put them on. She did usually wear some sort of shorts to bed under her long tees, even if no one could tell she had them on. Today had been an exception, and ofcourse, today is the day such an event had to occur. She promised herself she wasn't ever going to make that mistake again.
Reaching the living room, she found the boys blowing balloons while Neha and Rashi were sorting out the decorations. She joined Neha in helping. When Neha was going to get on the chair to tape it to the wall, she offered. "Here, I got it. Just hold the chair."
Her weight was average, but she wasn't taking a chance of falling.
Neha stated it bluntly when they were in the kitchen once the cake had baked and cooled down, "You've been avoiding me."
"What? No, I haven't. That's ridiculous." Sanam answered, getting the bowl of cream.
Neha rolled her eyes, "And now you are rambling."
Sanam sighed and crossed her arms, "Fine, what is it you want to know?"
"I think you already know, but for the sake of it, I will say it. I want to know what's going on between you and Arjun." Neha answered, starting to spread the cream over the cake.
"Do we have to talk about it now when he is in the next room?" Sanam questioned, hoping to get out of answering the question by showing that she didn't want him to walk in on the conversation and overhearing it.
"Spill it, Sanam." Neha answered, having none of it from her.
Sanam dropped her arms from defense and realized she wasn't getting out of this. "I don't know, I like spending time with him. It's different."
Neha rolled her eyes and spoke in a bored tone, "Yeah, I figured that. My question is better rephrased as whether or not you like him."
Sanam made a face, "Isn't it too soon to say that?"
Neha put the flat spatula she was using to spread the cream to look at her, "Babe, you're forgetting I know you. You don't bother to spend more than five minutes with a guy whom you don't find interesting, and you aren't forced to be around them because they're in a group project with you or something along the lines. You don't bother making male friends because you don't like to deal with feelings. And yet, you've spent so much time with him. So, help me understand that."
"Okay, maybe I like him." She admitted to her, and she herself couldn't tell if she was saying it as part of the plan, or truly meant it.
"Maybe?" Neha started to get defensive now, "Sanam, I love you, but let me be the one to tell you, Arjun is not the guy to mess with if you aren't serious. He doesn't need another girl in his life who is figuring things out."
"What do you mean by that?" Sanam questioned. Neha was the second one to have warned her.
Neha sighed, realizing what she had let slip by, "Nothing, just... look, I know you haven't been in a serious relationship and I know why and I do understand. If you think now is the time to start thinking of one, then it's all well, but don't freak out later and go back in your cocoon when both of you do start to like each other. I'm saying this for both of you."
"I still don't understand." Sanam said, confused as to why everyone kept warning her. What had happened with Arjun in his past? Neha seemed to have an idea, but she wasn't telling her.
"All I'm saying is I really care for you, and for him too. He's now family too and if you really do like him, that's great. I'll be happy because he's a really nice guy. So just... be careful, I guess."
Sanam understood she wasn't going to get much out of Neha. "Okay, I hear you." She answered, though she wished someone would just tell her what was up with Arjun instead of keeping so much of a mystery. She respected people's wish of privacy, but she also had a thing against prolonging mysteries. They bug her. She was in the scientific field. She needed for mysteries to be solved, breaking it into a piece by piece.
They worked in silence as they finished decorating the rest of the cake. Once they were done, they deposited the cake in the fridge. Returning to the living room, they saw how the boys were almost done. A few more minutes later and having two extra pairs of hands, everything was ready.
~
Sanam felt like she was laughing after ages seeing the birthday celebrations and the boys giving Rahul birthday bumps even though they were all almost in their mid-20s. No one had to get rid of their childish side just because they were growing up, right?
When she went to wish him, it was with an apology, "Happy birthday! And sorry I don't have a gift for you. Neha didn't mention it."
Rahul brushed it off with a hug, "Don't worry about it. You coming to this vacation is a gift enough. Neha's missed spending time with you."
Those words itself touched her heart, and once again she knew that Rahul was the perfect guy for Neha. Well, there was a reason they'd been together for years now. Rahul considered Neha's friends to be his own as well and he looked out for her wishes. He didn't just say things for formalities sake. He meant them.
Neha cleared her throat to get everyone's attention while standing on the other side of Rahul. "So, time for my birthday gift."
Parth teased, "Hey, if there's going to be PDA, save it for the bedroom."
Neha swatted his head with a glare before turning to Rahul again with a grin. "This is going to be the best damn gift you've ever wanted. Ready?"
Rahul knew how excited Neha got when it came to giving gifts to other. He chuckled, nodding his head. She pulled out a card and handed it over. He raised a singular brow, "A card? That's it?"
She insisted, "How do you still underestimate me? Open it!"
He pulled it out of the envelope. The front was blank - giving away no clues. He opened it to read the inside. Two seconds later, his eyes widened and head snapped in her direction. "Seriously?" She nodded ernestly. "Someone pinch me." He muttered as if still in shock.
As others were confused, Arjun walked up and took the card from him.
By then, Rahul recovered and he pulled Neha in a very tight embrace. "Thank you, love. This is the best gift. Ever."
Parth complained, "But you haven't even opened my gift yet."
Arjun answered passing around the card, "Trust me, man. Nothing beats her gift."
After reading the card, Parth admitted. "Okay, yeah. I can't give him that."
Sanam finally questioned, "Okay, seriously. What does it say?"
Parth gave it to her and she read the three words. Happy Birthday, Dad.
Her eyes widened and she exclaimed, "Shut up!" Neha chuckled as the couple stood next to each other hugging their sides. Sanam happily went up to her best friend and hugged her. "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you."
Neha embraced her as well while the boys took their turn congratulating Rahul. "You better be. You're going to be the Godmother after all."
Sanam pulled back in surprise. "Seriously?"
Neha laughed, "Ofcourse, silly. Who else would it be?"
Arjun cleared his throat to pull the best friends away from their second hug, "Just a polite FYI, there are people waiting in line to congratulate the mother."
Sanam let out a laugh blinking furiously to get rid of her tears and moved aside. Even if she knew she was Neha's best friend, the honor she was giving her had moved her heart.
~
After the midnight celebration that went on almost till 3 in the morning, they decided it was time to return to their own beds and get at least three more hours of sleep. Only, Sanam couldn't go to sleep. Neha's words kept on bothering her, making her twist and turn in bed, changing sides every few seconds. Eventually getting tired of it, she decided to go down and out in the lounge.
Perhaps, fresh air would help.
It didn't, as she found Arjun already there, laying on the couch, asleep. She wondered why he hadn't gone to sleep in his room. She decided to go to the recliner to sit without making any noise to wake him up.
Watching him sleeping peacefully, her own breathing rhythm matching his quiet pace, she could eventually put her mind to rest. It didn't last long. She was still in a light sleep when she heard sounds. She brushed it off and tried slipping back to sleep when she heard him wake up as he gasped for air.
Confused, she opened her eyes and found him seated instead of laying. He was taking deep breaths, running his hands through his hair to remind himself it was just a nightmare. There were sweat beads on his forehead that he wiped off. When he looked up, he found her looking at him in concern.
He hissed in a breath, not knowing she was there. "Sorry, I didn't see you there."
She didn't mind about that. Instead, she asked, "Are you okay?"
He brushed it off, "Yeah, just a bad dream."
"Do you want to talk about it?" She offered, wondering what could have been so bad that he didn't just wake up from sleep, but had been sweating and gasping for air. To her, it looked to be more of a nightmare.
"What are you doing out here?" He questioned, deflecting from having to answer her.
She, however, did catch on to his attempt at diverting the question. She stood up from the chair and walked over to the couch. Since he had sat up now, there was room for her to sit. She sat, lifting the blanket so she wasn't sitting on it, and pulled it over her lap.
"Arjun, not talking about it doesn't help. It's not healthy." She tried to reason with him, speaking in a soft voice. She wasn't demanding he tell her, but she would have liked it if he trusted her enough to share. She had, after all, told him about the relationship her parents shared, which had impacted her own thoughts on relationships. She hadn't shared that with anyone other than Neha. It was a huge thing for her.
"Who said I'm not talking about it?" He pointed out to her, and she remembered about his counseling. She was a bit taken aback by the sharpness in his tone. As if he noticed her stiffen, he relaxed. "Sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound that rude."
She gave a small smile and nodded, "It's okay. I understand it's tough."
"You didn't say what you were doing out here."
"I couldn't sleep in the room," She answered, "Thought fresh air would help."
"I'm sorry I woke you up." He apologized. It had been tough for him to sleep on countless nights.
"Eh, I get to see the sunrise. Can't complain." She looked at the bright side of it.
He smiled, seeing her point, "I suppose that is true." They didn't have to go up to the beach. They could see it from where they were seated.
"You asked me what I wanted from life..." Sanam spoke, not turning to face him or stopping for him to answer. He did look at her when she started to speak, "I want these precious twilight zones."
"Twilight zones?"
She breathed in the fresh morning air as the first rays of sun fell on earth. "Yeah." She nodded, "The two times in one cycle when the sun is either coming up, or going down. The in-betweens. Dawn and Dusk. They don't last for more than a few minutes, but everyone still loves them. I want to be able to see these times without having to worry about rushing to work my shift at the hospital in the morning, or going to the lectures in the evening. I want the peace it brings in life... the content I feel during these two times. I want that feeling of solace to last beyond these two short periods of time."
She turned to face him and smiled, "That's what I want from my life."
"Within few days," He questioned, searching her eyes, "How do you come up with such a beautiful answer?"
She looked away at the horizon, "I suppose I always knew. It just took looking at it every day for the last few days to realize I didn't want it to end." She had spent the week with those she cared about. Not just Neha, but she had felt connected with Rahul, Parth, and Josh as well, and most of all, Arjun.
He took in a deep breath that she could hear as if trying to embrace the feelings in his heavy heart. He knew he was in deep trouble. Or, better yet, his heart was.
"I know I said I'd answer when you do, but I didn't expect you to answer so soon." He confessed, turning in the couch so he was facing the beach as well, instead of her.
"Answer whenever you can. I'm not going anywhere." She informed.
If only she knew the weight of her words on him, how much it comforted him... how much he had needed to hear it.
~
authors note;
hi everyone! I'm sorry, last week was a rush and I couldn't update. But I'm hoping it'll be back to normal from this week onwards :D
Well... that girl is not Rashi... but their moment at the beach! Thoughts? Also her answer towards the end... guesses on why it affected Arjun the way it did?
It's almost time for their parents to be in the picture again! Vote & comment and I just might update again very soon!
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