K A I R A

I knocked before entering in Ishaan's room. He didn't answer the knock, so I entered anyway.

"Ishaan?" I called. The sun had set, and the room was dark.

Silence again.

I turned back to leave. Maybe he just wasn't home and Aliya Aunty didn't know.

"Why're you here?" I heard a raspy voice when I was almost out of the door, making me turn.

"Ishaan?" I call back. "It's dark here. What are you doing in the darkness?" I couldn't help but ponder.

My hand reached to the switch board as I switched on the light and his room lit up. He sat in a far corner of his room, near the window, on his study table, listening to music.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

I stepped inside slowly. Gulping my saliva, I replied, "I came here to... apologise."

"For what?"

"You know... for what," I reply.

"No I don't. Explain?" He asked curtly.

"For Ruhaana," I reply. "For Aarav and Ruhaana. I don't exactly know why I'm saying sorry, but I just wanted to. I feel it's my fault, so I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"It is your fault," he replied.

"I know, I know," I said in haste, "I shouldn't have ever told you that Ruhaana likes you when I didn't know and maybe if I hadn't fucked it up between you guys, it would be you two who'd be together. Not Aarav and Ruhaana."

"And you suddenly realise this because Aarav is no longer yours?" He smirked.

"I don't know what you're saying," I look away.

"You had something for Aarav. Ruhaana said that, out loud. You're sorry because it's them who ended together and not you both. You're not sorry for me, you're sorry for yourself," He gritted.

"Is that what you think of me? So low?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Could you point out if I'm wrong. You did what you did all these years before, and now is when you realise that you're sorry?" He got up from his chair. His voice was cold, distant.

"I thought you had forgiven me," I reply softly.

"I had. Hell, I thought you meant good!" He shouted, pushing the chair away and fell onto the ground. My hand reached my mouth in shock as I gasped. Ishaan was the calmest of us all. I wasn't used to him being violent. Or even angry.

"I did," I murmured shakily, "I really meant good."

"You didn't," he shouted, "You wanted to patch me up with Ruhaana so that you could have Aarav for yourself."

"Stop it!" I shouted back. "You have no idea what you're saying. Are you drunk?"

"Yes I am drunk!" He shouted back, coming closer.

"I liked Aarav. Like a little crush. I wasn't some obsessive girl plotting other's lives to have him for myself. And hell, this crush rose after I found out that he liked me. I never asked him to lie. He lied! It's not my fault that I was....," my voice broke down. I could feel tears stinging in my eyes.

"It's not your fault that you were desperate to have a boyfriend, right?" He asked.

"No I was not!" I shouted. "I never wanted a boyfriend at all. I had one, in ninth grade and I regret every bit of it till this breath and I will until my last. I just wanted to give this whole thing a second chance and I thought which guy better than the one I call my best friend, the one who's known me all my life and whom I trust more than myself. It's not my fault that I turned out to be this way."

He just laughed sarcastically.

"You know what... I don't know what you're angry for... is it because Ruhaana ended up with Aarav or is it because I did this to you both?" I gritted.

"None!" He shouted back. "I'm just mad at the world. I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at how things could be and are not. I don't like Ruhaana. I don't even know if she and Aarav are together. I'm just mad at how things could be and are not. I'm mad at the world..." He argued.

"And how could things be, Ishaan?"

"It could've been different. Ruhaana wouldn't have to go through all of it alone. I and she would have still been the thick friends we were, and not awkward people who used to be friends. I just miss the best friend I had," He whispered. We went from shouting out loud, to whispering.

"I miss my best friends too," I cried, choking up, "Its her, you see. It's all about her. You and Aarav and Abeer were my best friends too. Myra was my best friend too. And suddenly, Aarav is her boyfriend or whatever they are, Abeer has got his little sister back and you keep singing her name all the time. Myra's been so stuck up with guilt in these weeks that she's forgotten she had another best friend too. That was me!" I cried, the tears I had been holding back finally broke out.

"I know I've made mistakes and I'm sorry. I was just trying to be a better person. I was trying to be better for all of you. I was trying and I still am. I want to apologise to everyone and be a better version of myself. But if you keep dragging my past in front of me, how can I look ahead? How can I--?" I broke down sitting on his bed. I covered my face with my hand and all that I had held inside for so long came running out.

I kept reminding myself I was stronger and that I had been through worst, but it was crazy.

I'm not the kind of person who could cry at the smallest things.

I let everything build up inside me, slowly, and when I have had enough, I cry it all out at once. It could be in the middle of a class or while driving a car, but this was the last straw. I thought when no one would understand, he would because he's lost a lot too.

And he didn't too.

"I'm sorry," I said, getting up. "Coming here was another mistake I shouldn't have done," I whispered as I took my bag and I ran out.

Out of his house.

I walked on the footpath towards my house, rubbing my hands on my arms, calming myself down. I wasn't crying anymore. I took deep breaths to calm down.

I missed how things would be.

Just me, Myra, and Ruhaana. Just friends, we used to tease each other, hang out, study together, vacation together, do every small thing together. We used to not even buy a single thing without facetiming each other when we went shopping alone. And now the last we had texted on the group was one and a half month ago, the day these boys came back.

I just miss what we used to be. And that might sound selfish, but I wish I could send the guys back to London and play a reverse button to make everything fine.

I just missed my best friend's. So much.

"Kaira?" I heard a voice. I pulled on a smile before turning around.

"Krishh?" I fake smiled, sweetly nodding. Something I got from my mom. "Are you stalking me?"

He laughed, "I've got better work to do."

"Doesn't seem like it," I rolled my eyes.

I haven't seen this guy since a few years except that in Myra's house for a minute that day, and now I see him twice in one day. Wow, life. Way to make it more difficult.

"I was coming to your house to pick you up? Hence, we meet again!" He smiled.

"Picking me up?" I asked, confused.

"Coffee?" He rendered. "Right!" I sighed, shutting my eyes tight. Along with the tears, I felt I had even lost my memory.

"Let's just get the coffee and get done with this!" I said.

"Gladly," he smiled back, "Walk or Car?"

"Walk," I gave him a look. "Starbucks is just ten minutes from here, and if you take your car, you'd stuck in traffic for another hour."

"Starbucks?" He asked, as we started walking. "I feel Starbucks is overrated. Have you ever tried road side coffee?"

I gave him a look. "Once," I smiled, "And then I fell sick so bad, never had road side coffee again."

"You're mad," he looked at me as if I was an alien.

"No, I'm Kaira," I smiled proudly at my lame joke.

"No! But seriously. You should have this coffee just outside Starbucks. It's amazing. Only difference, this small boy makes it with hard work and good stuff and sells it for fifty bucks, starbucks puts added preservatives and loots you for five hundred." He said.

"Too afraid to pay, are we?" I asked.

"Hah, you'd think," he joked. "You know I can buy the entire Starbucks if I want, right?"

I gave him an impressed smile.

I really was impressed. Didn't expect him to be telling me how he likes road side coffee.

"Hold on a minute," I said as I saw some poor kids on the road, staring at the cotton candy a vendor was selling.

His eyes followed my trail and saw me staring there. He passed me a look of assurance as we crossed the road.

"Bhaiya, paanch (5) cotton candy dena," I ordered. He handed me the cotton candies as I paid it and went towards the kids.

I bent to them. An eight year old boy, and his four year old sister stared at me with thinking eyes as I handed two cotton candies to each.

They shrieked with happiness and the boy had tears in his eyes. "Meri behen ko kabse khaane ka mann tha, par mere paas paise nahi the aaj. Thank you didi," he smiled as he took the cotton candies from my hand.

I gave him a sad smile as I opened my wallet and gave him a five hundred note. "Yeh apne paas rakhna, kisko dena math. Agar aapki behen aur aapko kuch aur chahiye ho, toh le lena."

He thanked me innumerable times as I gave him one final smile and got up. But Krishh was no where seen.

I looked around to see him coming from a distance with three balloons in his hand, the new ones these days that don't fly away.

He handed two to each of the kids and then walked to me.

"This is for you," I and he said at the same time as I gave him the fifth cotton candy and he gave me the balloon.

I grabbed the balloon and he took the cotton candy as we both chuckled. "Thank you," We murmured at the same time and the silently smiled again, looking away as we began walking ahead.

Within a minute, we reached Starbucks. He was walking towards it when I tapped on his shoulder and called him, and as he turned, I pointed towards the road side stall.

He gave me a proud smile as we walked to the stall. He ordered two coffees, black for himself and a normal one for me.

"Eeks, who drinks black coffee," I made a face.

"I do," he shrugged. "Since childhood. Black coffees are bliss."

"You're weird," I comment.

"I'm Krishh," he makes the same reference I did earlier and I chuckle.

The man hands us our coffee's and I blow air to make it cooler as I take the first sip.

"It's amazing," I smile.

"You'll fall ill," He teased as he paid the man and we start walking back.

"Haa toh tum Doctor ke paas bhi le jaana," I wink.

"And how will I know if you're ill or not?" He asks.

"I'd call and let you know," I shrug.

"But you don't have my number," he flirted effortlessly and realisation struck me as I giggled. I walked myself into this, quite literally.

"Maybe I'd give you mine later then," I try flirting back.

He makes a fake shocked face. "Did the Kaira just agree to give me her number?"

"I said maybe," I act, "I'd think."

"Oh leave it!" He replied, "I'd take your number from Myra if I want it."

"You and Myra are still in touch?" I ask. Krishh has just completed his MBBS exams, which meant he was out of university. He wasn't Myra's senior anymore.

"Somewhat. We've grown distant, but we text sometimes. Things changed when Abeer came," he said.

I nodded. Silence pondered.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Why?" He asked, smiling.

"You know," I said, pointing the obvious with my expressions, "You are Myra were... close. It must've been hard."

"That's the thing you see, it wasn't," he replied.

"I don't get it. You liked her. It's barely been a month. And you're over it?" I ask, stopping. We had reached outside my home.

Krishh's feelings for Myra weren't as small as my crush for Aarav. He had liked her for years, even when she told him she still liked Abeer. He just wanted to know if there was hope for them which Myra did say yes too and then Abeer returned and everything changed between them.

"That's the secret, you see," he smiled, "When you like someone, like them enough to be able to let them go."

I stared at him, into his eyes.

"You're broken," I accused softly.

"Bruised," he corrected, "Bruised, not broken."

He smiled, "And when you're bruised, you know what pain is. And when you know what pain is, you appreciate others who are in pain, others who been bruised and come out stronger. You're one of them Kaira. You're not broken, you're bruised. And I want you to know, I appreciate you."

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