P.S~ this track was decided much before Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan 3 started, so no alterations can be done to the track.

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our insecurities are made of all those who have built and hurt us. And despite breaking deep inside, we all wish for a forever even when we know that it doesn't exist;
maybe that's the power of love, or maybe, that's the power of being broken

M A N I K

Fuc-

"Manik yaaaar....!" She shouted in my ears making me startled.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck. Will this girl ever let me live in peace?

"Kya hai Mukti....", I shouted in an avidly irritated tone and she threw one more file on the counter table.

Why did Nandini have to leave me today?! And that to all alone with this Mukti?! Out of all the days in the world, she chose just this day to have a siblings day with Abhi?! Aur gayi toh gayi, yeh Mukti ko yaha kyu chod gayi?!

"Manik. This is the last time I am asking you, tu shaadi kab karega yaar? Dekh, we are all settled in life. Tu hi bacha hai ab!" She said patting my back and I rolled my eyes at her.

"Mukti!" I fake smiled, "tu kabse yeh Indian mentality rakhne lagi that a person is settled only if he/she gets married.!" I cried.

"It's not about Indian Mentality Manik...", she smiled dreamily. "Nandini is a girl, uske bhi toh thode khwaab honge regarding marriage, aur phir tum dono budhe bhi toh ho rahe ho. Pata chala Mom-Dad ke jaga tum dono ke bache tumhe seedha Dada-Dadi bula rahe hai!" She laughed.

"Joke tha? Hassu kya?" I asked rolling my eyes.

"Shaadi. Shaadi. Shaadi. We want MaNan shaadi....", she sang in my ears making me even more irritated.

"Nahi karni yaar shaadi-vaadi, tu chod mujhe!" I shouted back and she immediately kept mum. Subeh-Subeh peeke aayi hai kya yeh ladki?

"Humein bhi shaadi chahiye. Kaun shaadi kar raha hai?" We heard Dhruv laugh as the other three walked in, completing the Fab5.

"Tumhaari hi kami thi, circus pura ho gaya!" I mocked and Cabir rolled his eyes as they all settled themselves around me and I took a deep breath, this was not going to go easy.

"Yes buddy! It's high time that you and Nandini should tie the knot....", Dhruv supported and I threw my head back on the cushion. "Seriously buddy, tu bhi?" I gritted.

"Manik, meine bhi shaadi ki hai, Cabir ne bhi. Not all marriages suck, some are based upon true love.", Aliya assured keeping her hand on mine and I took a deep breath before telling anything.

"Guys, tum-tum.....", I started but trailed away, not knowing from where to start and where to end. "Mukti ko kyu nahi bol rahe ho..", I shouted and she nodded in disbelief.

"I am still single Manik Malhotra! Jab mujhe koi boyfriend mil jaayega, I will get married..!" She smiled proudly and I rolled my eyes. She thinks she'd lie to me and I wouldn't get to know the long calls at midnight that she makes. The only point is, why is she not telling us the truth? Was she Gay too?

"Guys, I- I have seen many relations fail, my parents marriage break in front of my eyes. It's not so easy to suddenly get up and say that I am getting married, okay?" I tried putting it ahead in simple words.

"But it was you who proposed Nandini for marriage, right?" Cabir asked. For the first time, he looked serious, lost deep in his thoughts.

"Haa Cabir but.... that was just like the heat of the moment. Voh Nandini ke aakhon mein mujhe khone ka darr, mujhse voh nahi dekha gaya, I couldn't see that. And I don't know how, before I realised, I had already asked her to marry me....", I confessed and they looked at me with an open mouth.

"Manik, tu Nandini ke baare mein serious hai na?" Mukti asked. Suddenly, her voice was shaking and cold, and the fear in her voice was evident.

"Of course serious hu yaar, if there's anything right I've done in my life then that's falling in love with her....", I smiled dreamily looking at our potrait hanging in the living room.

"Matlab hum teri life ke wrong number hai..?" Cabir cried dramatically and we all rolled our eyes. How, like how in the seven hells did Navya get married to him? I would seriously, seriously prefer dying.

"Haa Cabir, aur tu toh chaaro mein se by mistake lag gaya tha..." I smiled and he made a bored face.

"Kya meine tujhe isliye paal poske bada kiya hai? Ki tu meri hu parvarish pe ungli uthaaye?" He cried again and i rolled my eyes at him.

"Mister budhe baaba, teri mujhe paal-poske bade karne ki history se zyaada important kaam chal raha hai yaha.....", I informed as a matter of fact.

"Oh yes! Back to what I was saying, I was asking you Manik, tu kahin pressure ke under shaadi karne ka faisla toh nahi.....", his voice trailed as he looked upon me with huge eyes. All their faces were turned towards me, as if waiting for some jackpot answer and I took a deep breath.

"No, atleast I don't think so. Mujhe- .... mujhe kya pressure hoga?" I tried laughing but it came as weak as a girls voice. "Manik..!" Mukti squeezed her eyes at me and I took a deep breath again. "Mujhe nahi pata yaar...", I sighed in defeat.

"Toh tujhe shaadi karni Hai yaa nahi?" Dhruv asked and I didn't know.

"Mujhe Nandini chahiye, but shaadi nahi karni!" I concluded and they all rolled their eyes.

"Manik...", I heard a small voice behind me and I squeezed my eyes tight. This can't be happening.

I opened my eyes to see my four friends smiling at me with a face that said, ab tu gaya bache.

"I think it's our time to leave, kyu Mukti? Teri bike servicing se pick kar lete hai chalo...", Cabir dragged them.

"Cabir...!" I cried in a whisper as he looked behind and winked with a smug face.

I held his collar and hit him by the floor, punching him as I massacred his neck, blowing curses all the way. In my imagination, Cabir Dhawan just died by my hands.

"Nandini!" I smiled at her swinging my hands as I turned to welcome her, trying my face to be as casual as possible. But the moment I saw her standing on her one leg, with her hands crossed by her chest, I knew this was not going easy as the sweat beads appeared on my forehead.

"Hi Manik!" Her voice sounded as neutral and casual as it could, which actually scared me more as she entered inside. Had she not heard anything?

"I'm in the room, tum kaam khatam karke aa jao..", she gave a small smile as she walked up the stairs and I threw myself back at the sofa. Ofcourse she had heard!

"Nandini!" I shouted as I ran behind her, and into our room, only to see her calmly standing by the window.

Tip toeing towards her, I stood behind her, my hands wrapping around her waist as my chin lied on her shoulder, and she held my hand over her body.

"Gussa ho?" I asked, slightly kissing her cheek and she nodded negatively, as a sniff left her mouth.

"Nandini...", I sighed as I turned her towards me. "Are you crying?" I asked, my thumbs brushing her cheek as she continued staring at the ground and nodded negatively.

"I'm sorry princess...!" I sighed, taking her into a hug.

"Bohot easy hai na tumhaare liye Manik, kuch bhi karte ho, and then sorry bol dete ho!" She sniffed holding my tee tight and I stood quiet. Maybe because i had nothing in defence and i knew she was right.

"Manik, kya tum jaante ho how I felt looking at you lying there lifeless on that bed. Kya tum jaante ho how difficult it was for me! Mujhe laga tha I wouldn't see your eyes ever open again Manik. Mujhe laga tha that you will never hold me tightly ever again, we will never be able to be together. I thought you will never sing for me Manik, the stars will never shine upon us, and the fireflies will never glow for our love. Mujhe lag raha tha that this was the end of our Hamesha Manik!" She cried and I pulled her more into myself as I slowly sat, and she sat on me, hugging me tighter.

"Mein kitni darr gayi thi Manik, you toh were asleep na. Mein akeli thi Manik, I have craved for you! Yaha-vaha dhund rahi thi tumhe, I wanted you to wake up, I wanted you to kiss me. And you know why?" She asked as she broke away from me.

"That's because I loved you!", she cried, her voice getting slower. "And not because I wanted to marry you!"

"I want to marry you because I love you Manik, I don't love you because I want to marry you.", she sighed. "These statements sound similar but bohot farak hota hai inme Manik! Bohot farak hota hai.....", she cried as she swept down on her knees and I felt miserable, because I was the reason she was broken, once again.

Maybe Naira was right, maybe Harshad was right, maybe Soha was right. Maybe every single fucking person in this world who knew me and Nandini were right. I was dark, I was darkness and I wanted to pull myself out of my mess and be a better person for her. But in the process of pulling myself out of darkness, I am pushing her into it. Love is like fire, beautiful to see, but it would burn you down into ashes.

"You don't deserve to cry Nandini...", I spoke in daze as I sat near her, wiping away her tears.

"You always say that na Manik, but you always make me cry....", she whispered in anger, her voice breaking as my hands left hers.

"Manik, I don't want to marry you, trust me. All I want us is to be happy. I'm tired of all these downs...!" She confessed truly and a small smile let down my lips.

"You're tired isn't it?" I asked as my left side of the lip twitched up and I kissed her hand as she looked at me confused.

"You should be tired, ofcourse Nandini. I can never give you happiness. I want to make things perfect for us, but I always end up making you cry, this way...", I gave a tired smile and she withdrew her hand from mine.

"What do you mean to say, Manik Malhotra?" She almost shouted as she got up on her feet and I got up behind her. "Nandini....", I tried catching her hands but she pulled it away from me.

"I don't want to make you cry Nandini, we're having too many downs in this relationship, and all I'm wanting to say is, give yourself time....", I tried.

"Manik Malhotra, are you breaking up with me?" She asked, her eyes welled up and her voice faded by the end.

"No! No! Are you crazy?" I shouted. "I love you, and chahu bhi toh I can never break up with you...", I confessed and her muscles relaxed.

I wish I could explain her what I want to say. I don't want her to be dragged into darkness with me, I don't want her to become like me. Because somewhere deep down, I know I can only give her pain. I can only give her the sadness, the brokenness and everything that she does not deserve. She deserves to be loved, to be happy and to be taken care of. And even if I promise, I know I wouldn't be able to do that because I will screw it up, like always.

"Manik! Kya kehna chaah rahe ho tum? Is it me? Have I done something wrong? Is it because I said I don't want to do it yet? Have I-...." she blabbered and I closed my eyes.

"Nandini...!", I shouted, taking her off guard. She was vulnerable, her heart breaking inside. "Sshhh!" I whispered as I pulled her into a hug and she cried, hugging me back. "It's not you, it can never be you. You're perfect...", I confessed.

"And sex? Are you serious? I love your heart, not your body!" I shouted and she hugged me more, crying as I held her tighter, my face rubbing with her hair.

"Toh kya hua Manik?" She asked, as she cupped my face.

"I just want you to be happy, hamesha. And do you think you will be able to be happy with me?" I asked slowly and she looked amused.

"You are my happiness, Manik Malhotra. I don't want to be happy until I'm with you. Bas tum saath ho na, everything will be fine. Even in these tears, I can find my happiness, all I want is you to be with me...", she smiled slowly, kissing my palm.

"Exactly Nandini, you will find happiness in these tears. But I don't want to give you those tears, I just want to see you happy. And I know that voh smile tumhari, that wouldn't exist for long with me. I just want your happiness, even if it's with someone else...", I confessed.

"I hate you Manik Malhotra!" She shouted as she banged her head to my chest. "How can you think I will ever be happy with someone else, how?" She pushed me away at the same time hugging me and I stood there, grounded to a place.

I wanted her to be with me as well as I wanted her to be away from me. I wanted two things at the same time and I didn't know where to begin from and where to end.

"Okay, I have an idea" I said as I pulled her away from me and wiped away her tears.

"Keep your useless ideas with you Manik, before I kill you with a knife!" She gritted, her nails digging in my skin. Of course that pained, but not as much as it pained looking at her in pain, just because of me.

"No! No!" I cupped her face. "My idea is... Shaadi kar lete hai. Jo hoga dekhenge, saath mein mil kar puri duniya se lad lenge...!" I smiled weakly and she stood there numb.

"Nandini, ab I'm sure. I'm convinced that no one can handle me better than you, I'm sure that this love will last a life time. I'm sure we wouldn't end up like my parents, I'm convinced I will not become a drunkard and you aren't there with me for my money. I'm convinced that love is beyond physical relations, that you and me are perfect, that our love will last. I'm convinced all because of you, that our love will last a lifetime, our love will be with us, hamesha...", I smiled looking into her eyes as silent tears flowed off her eyes and I bent down on my knees.

"Shaadi karogi mujhse?" I asked sincerely as I my hand held her numb ones and she just cried, her other hand covering her mouth.

"NO!" She shouted at my face as she cried more. Her hand jerked mine away and the tears flowed away louder.

"I will never marry you, Manik Malhotra. Itna time tumhe isliye lag raha tha because you thought our love wouldn't last? Didn't you trust us Manik?" She shouted, running away and the irritated nerves formed in me again as I followed her out.

Rain poured upon us, drenching both of us as she stood there on the middle of the road, her tears mixing with the rain drops.

"Did you actually think I'm with you for your money Manik?" She cried and I nodded negatively.

"Never!" I cried back and she stood so numb. Not only her, even me, both of us, on the middle of the road, the dark clouds floating over our heads and the rain drenching our love away. "Why didn't you tell me all of this earlier, Manik Malhotra?"

"Manik, I hate you!" She cried falling to the ground, as I walked towards her, wanting to catch her.

But before I registered, she disappeared. The man from the black jeep that stopped right there had got her inside.

"Nandini!" I shouted as I held that man tight, and before I could think anything else, an iron rod hit my head, right where I had hit it in the accident.

"MANIK!!" She cried as she was stuffed inside. Of course she tried defending herself, my girl is a fighter. She bit his hand and ran towards me, as I fell to the ground. He came behind her, holding her hand as he slapped her to get her inside.

"Nan-...", my voice faded as her hand left mine. I could see blood droplets covering my eyes as everything around me felt weak.

"Nandini!" I whispered as I tried crawling behind her but my body shaked and I fell off, weak and miserable.

The night was dark, the conversation was deep, but the consequences were worse.

I stared at her beautiful face crying in the jeep until it disappeared from the sight and everything around me moved away.

Maybe my love was actually very toxic for her.

~this love can be labelled poison, yet we'd drink it anyway~

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