I AM HAPPY BY ALL THOSE COMMENTS WHO GRASPED THINGS SO MATURELY.♥️♥️♥️

AND I UNDERSTAND EVEN THOSE WHO STILL AREN'T CONVINCED BY HIS OVERALL BEHAVIOUR BECAUSE THAT'S NORMAL. AWARENESS CAN'T BE MADE OVERNIGHT.

And those PSEUDO FEMINIST who are convinced by his every action done under influence of BPD but "CHEATING" because they can't bring themselves to justify 'ONLY THAT ONE ACTION' cheating in any circumstances then no offence to those but I am allergic to pseudo feminism.

"A man can die for whatever reason he wants but *our lady* shouldn't be hurt!

🛑Feminism is healthy but pseudo🛑 feminism-
❌Its Toxic!❌

Happy Reading!

NANDINI POV

Life is complicated in its own way. Sometimes it shocks you and sometimes it suprises you. Just yesterday I was hating the same man for the same action but today I don't even know anymore, not even twenty four hours and my feelings, my thoughts towards him has completely changed as if what existed until yesterday don't even matter anymore.

I don't even want to go through half of the things the man I hated is going through right now or have endured all his life. 'I hated!'- I used to take pride in expressing this emotion but today its leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.

*Ring*

My phone started blowing up retrieving me from my thoughts. I opened my purse fishing out my phone and there was Mikhail's name flashing on it.

I cleared my throat breathing deeply to calm my self down and immediately wiped my face before answering it.

"Hello!" His deep husky voice spoke from the other side.

"Hello! How are you?" I asked trying to sound excited.

"I am good, what about you?" He asked sounding as happy.

"I guess I am fine."

"Where are you now?" I instantly looked around my surrounding.

I am walking home to clear my head and left my car at Malhotra's mansion. I wasn't in right mind to drive without getting myself crashing into something.

"Just taking a walk!" I shrugged.

"This time?" He asked surprised. "It must be evening there right?"

"Yes, wanted to clear my head a little." I smiled.

"Are you sure you are right?" He frowned and I smiled the way he is always concerned about me.

"Yes, just missing you a little too much." I teased trying to not give away the heaviness in my voice just by the mere reminder of Manik condition from our encounter not a very long ago.

"Really?" He sounds amused and I giggled.

Oh! how easy it is to always make me forget everything.

"Yes!" I answered confidently.

"I am sorry to disappoint you but I don't because my secretary here is keeping me quite entertained actually."

"What?" I gasped in shock.

Its 4:49 pm here then in New York it must be around some 6:30 am Isn't he too early today to office?

Or...

Did he stay the night in office....
with his secretary all night?

"Yes..even more so she looks really hot in that red mini skirt she wore today."

"Mikhail I will kill you!" I gritted out. I know he is lying just to tease me, to make me jealous. This infuriating man!

"You sure I look hot in this red shirt?"

"Fuck you!" Mikhail groaned under his breath.

"Wait...!" I gasped. "Is..is that Haim?" I concluded hearing the voice in the background.

"Well..."

"Don't you bloody dare!" I snapped. "Its..not skirt its Haim's shirt!" I laughed in amusement while there was silence on the other side.

"I will talk to you later because I have to kill someone and then have to hide the body." He grumbled in annoyance before hanging up while I laughed out loud in the middle of the road.

God so help Haim today.

***********

"Nandini are you going somewhere again?" I was leaving out of the house when mother asked me looking confused.

"Yes Mamma I have to be urgently somewhere for a little urgent work." I excused staring my wrist watch that strikes 8:00 pm.

"But its dinner time..." She objected.

"Mamma I will dine out tonight don't worry." I smiled assuring her.

She was silent for a moment scrutinizing me with her eyes.

"I am noticing.." She narrowed her eyes. "You have been out alot these days. Is there something that I need to know?" She asked suspiciously, her voice firm.

I shook my head with a big smile. Oh this is what exactly I used to miss in New York. My mother's care, having dinner with my parents and someone at home waiting for me.

Now I realize how alone I was there, no one to ask where I am going and when I will be back. No one was there to call and ask why I am still not home even I stay out spending whole night.

"I missed you mom, alot!" I blinked the tears away and quickly hugged her with a big smile.

She was taken a back before she wrapped her arm around gingerly around me.

"I missed you too, meri bachi!" She kissed the side of my head.

(my baby!)

"Okay I guess I am getting late." I pulled away instantly after basking in long soothing motherly love to leave my house to meet Ruhi.

"Take care and don't be late!" She yelled from behind and I chuckled shaking my head and was finally out.

*********

"Why you called me here at this time?" I asked Ruhi while sitting on the chair across from her. "When you asked me to meet at your work place today I expected during your office hours."I started looking around while she was studying some files, this is the first time I have witnessed her dressed modestly, her hair wrapped in a tight bun.

And her cabin looks so dull and dead, with no fun and colours. The walls were pale, cabinets were full of thick black or grey books. Posters and showpieces were mostly of brains and nerves. Psychological quotes from many psychologist. A typical psychiatrist cabin how its supposed to be, boring!

"That's because what I have to show you is here and I didn't have time during work hours." She answered flipping the file away and leaned on her chair stretching her self.

She looks exhausted. After all its not an easy job to deal with a ton of patients with mental issues everyday. I wonder how isn't she depressed yet when I am not able to even think properly since I have found out about Manik and have encountered him.

"Wha.. what's wrong?" Ruhi asked checking herself feeling a little uncomfortable when she felt my eyes checking her openly.

"You're doing a good job, you know." I smiled appreciating her efforts.

"Wait...Is Nandini Murthy complimenting me?" She mocked feeling shocked.

I shook my head.

"No need to get your head a size bigger." I scoffed rolling my eyes trying to suppress the smile from breaking on my lips while she stared me looking amused.

Prolonged silence engulfed us before we both sneaked a look from under our eyes and caught eachother in surprise and burst out laughing for nothing.

"Well you're not that bad." She shrugged nonchalantly.

"neither you I guess." I replied.

"Wait.." She pointed her fingers before grabbing the telephone and dialed. " Meena, two coffee in my cabin now."

"So what do you want to show me?" I asked curiously when she put the phone back in its place.

"First let me make you something very clear..." She breathed suddenly turning very serious.

I narrowed my eyes before signaling to go ahead.

"Whatever I am going to show you its against the law , its a confidential information of my patient that I am going to share with you now." She looks stressed. "I have never done this but as a doctor I think its a demand of the situation if I am willing to treat my patient or else I am not allowed to show it to anyone until my patient permits me. So please try to keep it between us?" She asked pleading, she is surely risking it.

"You can trust me.." I blinked assuring her.

"I hope." She stressed her smiled.

"By the way I have a question..." I asked. She nodded thoughtfully. "Why do you think I need to know all this information and why you think I could help you to cure Manik? I mean how?" I am too curious.

I mean that guy hardly spare me a look when we are together. I don't think he really have to do anything with me now. Perhaps he is too busy focusing on himself, compiling to the treatment. His health is his priority right now after all.

"That's because maybe your are not related to him by blood but you have been closest to him in most part of his life. Most of the memories and action that still triggers him are linked to you." She leaned forward looking serious while I heard everything patiently and curiously trying to grasp everything.

"You asked me why we aren't able to cure him right?" I nodded.

"Well we have succeeded 75% to cure him in four years. Everything was going fine we were happy by the progress until...." She hesitated to speak further.

"Until?"I frowned.

"Until he went to New York...." I was taken a back.

"He hide from us about you being there. He hide about his feelings and attacks he had after meeting you and that's all what made it worse leaving our efforts back to 0..." She shook her head feeling defeated.

"So when you guys find out and why didn't I notice anything off with him? He was just....distant. As if he had no memory of me." I asked curiously remembering our time in New York.

He behaved like as if he don't even know me.

"Because he was undergoing treatment, in four years he have got plenty of idea about his condition. Why he behave? When he behaves or how he behaves? Thanks to the medication and therapy and of course knowledge about his own behaviour he have learned to take control over his behaviour pretty much. He could now think most of the time before taking action. " She explained patiently.

"Then why he lost control this morning and as you said in New York too when he is in control most of the time?" My head is blasting with too many questions. Its all so complicating.

"Remember you telling me when you met him this morning he left you all looking normal but when you reached his room it was another story then the attack?" She asked keenly. I nodded thoughtfully.

"Well he was in control of his mind at that time even after you triggered the memory. He was in control of his emotions until he was away from everyone's eyes he let his emotions loose, the guilt from the past started building a pressure and he took it upon him to cope with it by hurting himself but then you entered inside when he was in process of collecting himself....."

"I spotted him in his most vulnerable moment that made him feel embarrassed, bare and weak; means more pressure and stress then I pushed him to tell me and this is what it took him to loose complete control...." I gasped uttering each and every word slowly, staring in a distance by the realization.

"Exactly!" Ruhi exclaimed. " His family relations are fixed, he is well aware about his condition and knows about his past but the feeling of guilt for making you go through, for using you still have him chained to the demons of his mind. He still is clinging on to that part of his life and your hate towards him have made it worst because you believe it or not but you were most important part of his life." I was just trying to grasp her each and every word.

"He doesn't have family stress anymore, he doesn't have work stress anymore, therapies have made him convinced of his past action but the only stress he is now dealing with is his guilt and pity. He isn't in need of pity and he wants to free himself form guilt but he couldn't bring himself to do that." She finished by leaning on her chair staring at me with pleading eyes.

"You mean I..I have to make him feel free from the guilt?" I asked shocked and she nodded sympathetically.

Why I never thought it that way? I was so stupid that I went to trigger the memory to make things more worse for him instead of finding a way to help him.

"Remember? You he was admitted to the hospital and no one told you why?" She asked curiously staring me.

I thought for a moment before snapping my head in her direction with question shining in my eyes. This has been troubling me since New York, having no clue about the situation was making me crazy.

"He overdosed himself that night... attempted suicide!"

"What?" My jaw dropped and my eyes rounded in shock.

"And this is how we found out about you and it was also the first time in two years he tried again." She revealed more information.

"Wh.. what do you mean?" I was flabbergasted. "He.. has attempted to kill himself before too?" I am still in disbelief.

"Thrice and New York was the fourth minus the self harm..." She answered "He was lucky that he was saved everytime, Maybe he is really a survivor or else very less patients are lucky to see the day when they are completely healthy." She shook her head helplessly as if she has more memory of such patients.

"Will he be healthy again?" I asked feeling scared for him. What if he won't be cure ever and he have to live with this sickness and one day will day by suicide because he can't be lucky everytime. Right?

"Its not impossible to cure BPD but the condition is patient should be lucky like Manik or he should be treated well enough to not have suicidal thoughts as often." She explained with a deep sigh.

"So exactly how worse was his condition in the past exactly?" I shuddered remembering his behaviour from the morning.

If a person who have been 75% treated successfully could behave like this then I can't even imagine how exactly he might had behaved when he wasn't even cure?

"Wait..." She got up from the chair and walked towards the locker and pulled out a thick file.

She came back with it and sat on the chair while opening it.

"Here.." She threw a stack of pictures my way.

"What's this?" I frowned grabbing it my way started checking one by one until one caught my attention and I yelped.

"Its horrible!" I threw it away back to her away. My throat clogged with bile and I am feeling like to puke.

"Do you get what's this?" She asked ignoring my nauseated look pushing the pictures again my way.

I immediately looked away in disgust but peek a look on her question.

"It..It looks like some kind of injury....but why are you showing it to me?" I freaked out.

"That's why I called you here." She answered. "Its Manik's!" I removed my hand from my face staring at her in horror before finally peeking a look at the picture.

I gathered the courage to look at it before making up my mind and warily pulled the picture closer gulping anxiously. It looks so painful and horrible in picture. It almost look like someone has rendered the flesh from the skin. Its looks very deep and painful as if someone was trying to torture him but who?

"Wh..who did this?" I asked staring at the picture still in shock.

"Manik himself." It was a short reply but left me breathless and lightheaded. The lights in the room dimmed and the vision in front blurred for a moment.

"Wh..why?" I asked baffled.

"We take pictures of our patient's self harming injuries to analyse the mental pressure. " She explained taking the picture back to me before throwing few more in my way.

They all look horrible and painful.

"The tortureos or deeper the injury the severe the stress level of a person." She turned the first picture in my way again. "Do you know what's this is exactly?" I shook my head.

"Its an injury caused by the burnt leather on the inner side of his arm." I gasped staring at Ruhi in shock. "It was when we forced him away from all the addiction and he was away from people unless necessary. At that time he needed some way to relieve himself from the pain and stress and that's when he started causing self harm to himself." She expressed his condition with a far away look. "How is it look to you?" She asked showing me the same picture.

"It looks painfully." I grimaced just by the the idea of the amount of pain it must have caused him but why he would practice such tortureos self harm.

"But it wasn't as painful to him you know?" I was bewildered. How can't one feel such tortuous pain is beyond me. Is it even human?

"The purpose of the torture is to numb his inner pain as I said the deeper the torture the intense the inner pain is. He needed this amount of physical pain to numb and to distract himself from the mental stress. My point is, his inner pain was equally painful as this physical one." She tossed and turned more pictures throwing one by one my way.

The picture I am holding right now is a big ugly stitch mark on his thigh done so unprofessionally.

"Its a knife slash on his thigh tearing the muscle tissues and then he stitched it himself. He has more scars like this on his body." She explained my about the picture I am holding.

My eyes are continuously brimming with thick tears almost making my vision blurry. I couldn't wrap my head around any of it. The more pictures I am seeing the more restless I am feeling. My eyes rounding bigger and bigger on every new picture, its all making me feel nuseating. My head is feeling too heavy as if its has lifted a whole mountain. There is an immense burning in my heart like someone has dipped it in acid.

"When was it?" I chocked somehow managed to speak.

"Right after the accident." She answered. "After analysing all these I recommended immediate asylum." She revealed more from her time.

"Asylum?" Until the picture was sure I couldn't be more shocked than that.

"Yes Asylum. It wasn't normal at all." She huffed rubbing her head. "But Mr Malhotra flipped. He didn't want media to tag his son as 'pagal' " (lunatic)

"Then?"

"Then we have to give in...I arranged the best medical team of doctors for him who stayed and monitored him 24x7 for two years approx but It was getting hard to do it in the city; for us and for the patient too. " She smiled sadly. "Then one day Manik made a request to go to Tibet and stay at one of the monastery and it worked like magic for him." Her eyes sparked on the achievements.

Meanwhile I went to the memory lane when Manik confessed staying at Monastery. So for this reason he went there.

"I remember he told me." I mumbled absently.

"He did?" She was surprised.

"Accidentally spilled actually nothing much."I shrugged.

"Anyways I have more things to show. Hopefully your heart is strong enough..." She got up from her seat giving me a pitiful look.

I frowned is there something more horrible still left?

God please help! I don't want to walk out from here the one depressed. I sighed rubbing my head to ease the pain.

OKAY SO DONE FOR TONIGHT!♥️♥️♥️

HOW WAS IT LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS?

P.S- I don't know how psychologist exactly deal with a patient but it was all my theories and probabilities. So if I have wronged somewhere then please excuse it as a fiction.