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I went back into the living room, my head only pounding with more ferocity from last night's hangover.

I needed to sleep.

See, I didn't want to think about what I'd found out last night. I didn't want to think about how Connor and Zara were playing their own game behind our backs.

They were trying to keep me safe, that I'm thankful for but why did they have to keep it a secret from me?

And if what they said was true, I had to get out of here or else I'd once again be putting everyone I care about in danger.

That's happened a few too many times now.

"Jacob, make me another coffee?"

"Sure." he said, then he walked off into the kitchen.

The workers were all out of work today because it was some bank holiday, not that I knew which one.

After Jacob left, I went into the second living room in order to lie on the couch or something, just to rest my eyes a little bit but Derek had already beaten me to it, lying on the longest couch there was.

Groaning, I said "Get off the couch, Derek, I need to get some sleep."

"I thought you weren't talking to me."

"I won't talk to you again if you don't get off the couch."

"Why were you mad at me."

"Get off the couch and I might explain."

Nodding, he got up and moved himself so there was just enough space for me to sit down.

"Go on then. What amazing reason have you got for not talking to me for 2 weeks, then kissing me like your life depended on it."

"That's  not even what happened."

"Which bit, the not talking bit or the kissing bit?"

"You know I'm talking about the kissing thing. I was absolutely wasted, it didn't mean anything."

I looked in his eyes and just then, there was a moment where I couldn't see anything but sadness.

He wasn't even trying to hide the fact that it had upset him anymore.

"I'm sorry if you thought it was more, but Derek, you know that whenever I'm drunk, I always do things I regret."

"What, like that one time where you nearly jumped Zayn because he saved you from walking into a car?"

"We don't talk about anything that happened at Zayn's. Ever. Nope, won't have it."

"How about when---"

"LA LA LA BLAH BLAH LA LA CAN'T HEAR YOU."

There was a moment of silence before the both of us fell into laughter.

It felt good, after so long, finally being able to talk to Derek again.

But of course, he had to bring back the main problem.

"So, why were you mad at me?"

"It's nothing, I hardly remember it now."

"Andddddddddd don't lie to me, you're always the one saying how lying pisses you off, don't lie to me then."

I mean, he wasn't lying. Lying pisses me off so much.

"It was just... Jacob was only looking out for me and you went totally bat shit on him. You didn't need to do that."

"He stabbed you! Why can't you understand that he hurt you, intentional or not."

"So did you when you accidentally shot me but I never held that against you!" I croed.

Why couldn't he just get it in his head that accidents happen?

"And did you forgot that both times I've hurt myself like that have been for you? It was either you shot yourself or you get stabbed. Derek I care about you so much, you've been there for me since before I can even remember, I can hardly remember how we met."

I looked at him, expecting some kind of reaction but I got none, so I decided to carry on.

"And then you punched Connor who was only trying to make sure I got medical help. Then you asked Jacob to lie for you, to cover up what you did to him. Don't you think that would piss me off? Don't you think that I have the right to be annoyed at you?"

And once again, I expected to get a reaction out of him, anger, sadness, something but all he did was stare at me with his empty eyes.

"I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for doing that to you." He said, his eyes still void of emotion. "But Mays, there's something, something going on up here," he said while pointing to his head "Something that I don't know how to explain."

"Then try."

"Ever since mum left after what happened that night, I was on my own. I was so, so, so mad at you. I couldn't get it out of my head that you were the one that drove her away. And after she left, I didn't have anyone I could count on. So I went away, just like you asked me to. I was on the streets for a few days, you know. I didn't have any money, any anything. Then one day, this man came to me. He said that he'd seen me here for a few days and that if I was in trouble, he could help me out."

I didn't like the way this was going.

"So I went with him. He took me to some underground place with a massive cage in the middle. It had spikes and barbed wire covering every inch of its outer. He told me that he was going to train me and house me and feed me. All he said I had to do in return was to fight for him. Obviously I never backed down from a fight so of course, I said yes. Fast-forward a few weeks after he'd trained me up, I was in my first fight. I'd won it of course and like he'd promised, he fed me and housed me and I made a few friends through the ring. Boss was actually really nice to me, you know, he almost stood like a father figure. He'd watch all my matches, reward me on all the matches I won and occasionally on the ones I lost, he'd tell me what went wrong and teach me to do better."

I nodded, still not too sure where this was going.

"Then one day, he just left. He left, just like mum. He just disappeared one day. The boys told me that he'd told them before he'd left but with me? He said nothing. He just got up and left. He gave me the house and sent me money to live but he wasn't there, so it meant nothing."

Sighing, I got a little bit closer to him as he looked like he was about to cry. I wrapped my arms around him telling him it was going to be ok.

"I'm not done yet."

"You don't need to say anymore if you don't want to."

"No, I owe it to you."

"Ok. But can I ask you a question first?"

"Ye?"

"What was your name in the cage?"

"Leo."

"Why Leo?"

"I don't really know, I've always liked the name, I guess."

"Ok, sorry carry on."

"Ever since that day, I'd had this anger in me, this never ending red that always seeped into my vision whenever someone important to me got hurt. I-- There was this one time that there was a fight. One of my closest friends, Mathew, was against 'Death's Angel'. He was known to be one of the most ruthless fighters in the cage, always breaking rules and what not. They were fighting and everything was going well for Mathew but then Death pulled an illegal shot. He-- he snapped his neck."

My blood ran cold as he started sobbing against his chest. I couldn't believe this all happened, all because of me. I felt all the warmth in me run cold as my face fell. I couldn't even begin to think about the pain Derek must have been going through. 

"But that's not the worst bit. I'd always have the red in my vision but today, today was the first day where it had completely blinded me. It completely took me over. When the match was over, he left with his friends but before he could leave, I'd crept up on him. He just looked at me and sneered, telling me how if I didn't step back, he'd end me like he killed Matthew. That must have been the last straw though because suddenly, I felt so much hatred, so much anger, so much repulsion that I just choked him. I choked him and strangled him, the red completely taking over my vision. He was clawing at me, tugging and pulling at my arms which were squeezing around him and he just struggled against me, but all I could see was the red which was forcing me to clamp down on his throat. I carried on, even after his body had went limp. I carried on until the red started clearing away and that's when it hit me."

I hadn't even realised I'd started sobbing aswell, the shirt he was wearing was starting to soak with the mix of both of our tears.

He didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve any of this because this had all happened because I let Jack take over my life. I let him turn Derek into this fighter.

 I let him ruin his life.

"It was the same red I saw when Jacob had stabbed you. If it wasn't for your presence, I don't know what I'd have done. If it wasn't for Connor coming in half way through, I don't know what I'd have done."

I couldn't stop the tears from falling and neither could he because for the next few minutes, I didn't know what to say, all I could do was cry.

"Please, please don't hate me, I don't know if I could ever live with you hating me. I'd understand it, I'd hate me to. I became a killer. A killer May! But please, please don't hate me."

"Derek, I could never hate you." I said in between sobs. "I never could and I never would. Derek, it's my fault. If I hadn't told you to leave, none of this would have never happened."

Suddenly he sat up.

"Don't you dare ever try and blame yourself for what happened to me. That's all on me, I have no one to blame but myself. I know that if you were there, you would have been able to stop me, but I did it on my own accord. It wasn't your fault, I won't let you believe that."

"But if I--"

But before I could finish what I was saying, Derek pulled me against him, lightly grabbing my head and leaning me towards him.

I was looking directly into his dark eyes, his eyes that held so many secrets.

I hadn't even noticed how my hands had traveled, one to his back and the other lightly on the back of his neck.

We sat like this for what seemed like forever, just looking into each others eyes, reading and understanding the pain that was going through the both of us.

We sat there, listening to each others tormented souls.

And I didn't know about him, but instead of driving me away, he'd done the complete opposite.

I felt closer to him that I ever had.

And I got so caught up in the moment that I'd forgotten that I'd asked Jacob to get me a cup of coffee.

---

a/n: awh, she forgave him.

Team Mayrek is back onboard!

But what's Jacob going to think, especially now that we know a bit more on how Jacob thinks. How do you think he's going to react?

I wanted to really boost the main plot of Maya and Jack here but I decided that Derek really hadn't had his time to shine yet, did he?

What do you guys think about how Derek spent his two years being away from Maya?

And how about the red he sees?

Hope you have a good evening, my lovelies <3

Lolaalvilivi