HIS SUICIDAL GIRL
❝I met the guy with his smile when my pen started to phlebotomize, and my fate has begun writing a new story.❞

09 - The Cousins and The Question

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●XIAMIN●

It was summer vacation and I was with my friend whom I treated as a sister─a family. She was always there for me every time I was forlorn and infuriated of myself. She was an ideal friend that every girl wants to have.

"Crystal, are you okay?" she asked. She stopped on her tracks and turned to face me.

We were walking on the pavement, many cars passing by. We did not mind it, though. It was just the two of us, and the people inside and driving the cars were just minding their businesses.

"I'm alone. Nobody understands me." I was shocked when I did not hear anything coming out of my mouth. I could move my lips, but only that. There was no sound at all.

"Don't tell me you're feeling like an utter failure again?" She broke into laughter. I wanted to move, but I could not. She walked towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Crystal, will you listen to me?"

"Yes," I remembered that I could not say anything. I was frustrated. But then, there was nothing I could do, so, I just nodded to answer her.

She gave me a sweet smile. I could hear the horns beeping from the cars, but it was as if both of us never heard it.

"That kind of feeling is inevitable. However, consider thinking of the people like us who care about you, then, use us as strength for you to move forward in life." She came closer even more and wrapped me around her arms. "I promise, we are here for you, Crystal... I am here"

I suddenly woke up panting. It was a dream! I could not see where it was and I could not see the face of the person I was talking to. I could only see the passing cars and see the figure of the girl I was talking to.

However, even without looking at her face, I know who it was. Suddenly, my tears started falling.

I promise, we are here for you, Crystal... I am here.

I remembered the last thing that the person in my dreams said. It was just painful to think that the person who said that to me was no longer to be found. I do not know where she is now. It has been years since the last time I saw her. I do not even know if she remembers me or the promise she made for me.

I only uttered muffled cries because I did not want to wake both Mommy and Daddy up who were sleeping in their room.

Then, my messenger notification tone suddenly buzzed. I checked the time, it was twenty minutes past two in the morning. Turning off the wifi on my phone also slipped my mind. I stopped crying for a minute, wiped my tears using the back of my hand, and immediately checked my phone.

I was surprised when I saw Les and Zachrey's messages. My heart immediately raced faster than normal when I saw Zachrey's name.

Les Vil • Active Now

I first read Les' four unread messages that she just sent a few seconds ago.

CX Sandoval
(CX Beshy)
| Active Now |
Les Vil
(Beshy Les)

Beshy Les:
Good Morning, Xiamin! Sorry to disturb you but I need you to correct my English!

Beshy Les:
I know you'll be excused again tomorrow for your training so I'll just send the file to you here. LESHE, I suck at essays. Wait, I'mma send the file first.

Beshy Les:
Les Villamor English Essay.docx

Beshy Les:
Don't worry, just continue the beauty rest you're having. Just check it tomorrow. Okay, good night! Mwah!

CX Beshy:
G

ood morning too, Les!

CX Beshy:

Copy. I'll check that tomorrow. I'll send it to you before 10 a.m. and I'll see what I can do.

Beshy Les:
Wait, you still awake? Didn't you go to sleep?

CX Beshy:
C

hillax! I did, okay? I just woke up from a sad dream, that's all.

Beshy Les:
Sad dream? Wdym?

CX Beshy:
I

'll tell you tomorrow.

CX Beshy:

You need to sleep now. We still have classes tom. And don't worry about your essay. I've got it covered.

CX Beshy:
D

on't worry about me. I'm fine. I'mma sleep later anyway.

Beshy Les:
I won't force you to tell me about that bad dream of yours 'cause I know you'll tell me eventually.

Beshy Les:
But you must tell me tomorrow! Or else I'mma tell Zachrey your feelings!

CX Beshy:
B

lackmail?

Beshy Les:
Try me.

CX Beshy:
FINE! I'll tell you tomorrow, happy?

Beshy Les:
Wokie. I'mma sleep now. Also, don't forget to tell me if ever you and Zachrey'll exchange conversations.

Beshy Les:
Water, I mean.

CX Beshy:
Copy. And please stop calling him by his full name. We have a code name for him, don't we?

CX Beshy:
W-A-T-E-R, gets?

CX Beshy:

Now that's much better!

Beshy Les:
Yeeeeeeesssss ma'aaaaaaaam! Good night, wuvyouuu!

CX Beshy:
Okie dokie wokie, wuvyouuu tooooo!

Beshy Les:
<3

As much as I wanted to cry, my lips formed a smile because of the conversation I just had with Les. Somehow, it managed to drive me away from the pain in my heart that I was feeling.

The next thing I checked was Zachrey's four unread messages.

Zachrey Mizuno • Active 4 hours ago

Oh well, he still has classes this six am, so maybe that's why he slept early.

CX Sandoval
| Active 4 hours ago |
Zachrey Mizuno

Zachrey:
Hi, Xia! How are you feeling? You okay?

Zachrey:
I was going to ask you something. If it's okay with you, I'd like to ask you in person. But if no, asking you through chat would also be fine by me.

Zachrey:
But if you really won't tell me, I won't force you.

Zachrey:
See you tomorrow! Good night and sweet dreams.

I looked at the messages in turmoil. What did he want to ask? I was being hesitant to reply to his messages. What would I say to him, anyway? I was suddenly out of words.

I just shrugged it off. I pressed the home button of my phone, turned off my wifi, and placed it back on top of my table. I also laid back down on the bed. I could still feel the pain because of the dream I had. I could not help to think about her, my previous best friend.

The name of the girl who was in my dream is Cerjiel, and she was a really sweet friend. She was a friend of Les, too but not close. Back then, when I was too blind of friendship, I treated her a best friend even more than Les. For me, I just saw Les as one of my regular friends and convinced myself that Cerjiel was the only true friend I had.

But I was wrong.

She used to always care about me, and we have been friends for ten years. Our friendship journey started from enemies to best friends, and we were classmates from pre-school to sixth grade. I never thought that when we were about to celebrate the very day of our ten years of friendship, that would be the end of everything.

I would say, "Part of the journey is the end." and would credit the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Our only source of communication was through messenger because our schools were far away from each other since we graduated elementary. Then, the way she shows how she cares about me started to dissipate as time passed by. Maybe she still cares but not too much now.

I do not know. One day, I woke up in a box of infinite turmoil when she suddenly started leaving my messages seen─always telling me hat she was busy─when reality, she has more than a lot of free time she needed in life.

I was even the last person to know that she already had a relationship with her other friend. Back then, I was always the initial person who knows about everything that was happening in her life. Unfortunately now, it is not me anymore. Perhaps, she forgot about me already.

That would be okay for me. However, she promised not to do it again to me. That was her ultimate mistake. Unfortunately, she repeated the wrongdoing she did. She should not have made that promise, then.

No memories of her were worth reiterating.

I also got enough of her. I was only one call away if she had a problem, but if I was the one who was drowning, she would just leave my messages seen? Give me a break! That would be unfair.

Thinking about it all made me release a heavy sigh. Les knows about it, everything. That is why I should tell her about this tomorrow. She deserves to know.

Drowsiness was slowly coming back to me and then the next thing I knew, everything went black.

◊◊◊◊◊

"I see," she said. "You dreamt about everything that Cerjiel said to you before."

I told Les everything about my dream as promised, and I slowly nodded to her.

"I wanted to forget every piece of it," I held my head with my right hand. "but then it suddenly appeared in my dreams."

She placed both her hands on my shoulders. She looked at me with genuine concern.

"Xiamin, I'm here. The reason why it came back to you and entered your wildest dreams is that you treasure every piece of memories with her." She removed her hand from my shoulder. "It's normal. But if you still get hurt every time you start thinking of those, just shake it off, and focus more on your present memories."

What she said made my lips curve upward. Les is better than her. I just knew that. I am so lucky to have her.

"Thank you." This word of gratitude was not enough for everything she has done to me.

However, I am thankful to God because even if I am not a saint, He still gave me a true friend.

"Anytime!" She looked behind me and smiled. "More importantly, the precious water of your life is here," she said that made me turned to witness with my own two eyes what was behind me.

That was when I saw Zachrey that was smiling at me. Damn that smile. He raised his hand to waved at me. I also waved back.

"See? He's coming right over here!" Les was already grinning at me and was occupied with teasing me.

Zachrey walked towards us with his friend whom I met the other day─Cj was probably the name.

"Hi, Xia!" He looked at Les. "Hi, Les!"

"You already know L─" I was curious why Zachrey already knew Les. However, I was even more surprised when Les's' expression changed. She was wearing a death glare. Not for Zachrey, but for his friend.

I eyeballed both of them in confusion, even Zachrey did the same.

"Something's wrong, Les?" I asked her.

"Dude, what's the problem?" Zachrey asked his friend.

"Do you two know each other?" Zachrey and I asked both of them in unison. Both of us drowned in confusion.

"Of course," Les said. "Who won't even know the person who always brings bad luck to my life?"

"Les, I─"

"I gotta go, Xiamin" Les cut off Cj and turned to face me. She pulled me into a tight hug first before turning to Zachrey. "I'll go ahead of you all, Zachrey. Good luck with your training."

She smiled again, then threw a quick glare on Cj before leaving us with question marks all over Zachrey and mine's head.

Zachrey turned back to Cj and asked, "There's something you need to tell us."

I looked at him and demanded, "I wanna know, too,"

"Dang! What's with you two and your goddamn serious stares?" He raised his hands in the air as if to surrender. "It's not as serious as you think it is."

I raised a brow at him.

"Oh?"

"Cross my heart." He motioned to his heart. "Something will happen to her if we're together."

"Like what?" Zachrey asked.

"Like that time when we were in the canteen, there was a student who bumped into her, and her ice cream slipped from her hands." He shrugged his shoulders. "That Les, she blamed me for it. That time when Les and I were walking home together, we didn't notice that her Samsung Galaxy S6 fell onto the pool of mud, the reason why she accidentally stepped on it. Imagine? She blamed me again even if I didn't do anything stupid. I never laid my hands on it, not even once."

He released a sigh. That was some kind of long speech.

I did remember Les mentioning to me that her Samsung Galaxy S6 fell onto the pool of mud and that she stepped on it, the reason why it kissed the world goodbye.

"Why were you together in the first place?" Zachrey and I exchanged glances. "You're not a couple, are you?"

That sudden question choked Cj.

"For Jesus' sake, Zachrey!" His face flushed in surprise. "Les and I are cousins!"

"I knew it─wait, what?!" My jaw dropped. I looked at him, flabbergasted.

Zachrey looked at me in confusion and asked, "You didn't know?"

I shook my head.

"I mean, she told me that she has a male cousin here in Kamiya High, but I never really met him. I also never expected that it was Cj," I said. "What about you? Did you know?"

"Of course not." We looked back at Cj. "You ain't kidding, right, Cj?" Zachrey was skeptical.

"Seriously, Zachrey? Why would I, anyway?"

"Wait a minute... D-Don't tell me you're... Ponyo?" Zachrey immediately burst into laughter because of my question.

He found the name so funny.

"Yeah, does she still call me that?" I nodded, and he sighed. "Well, can't blame her. That's what our family calls me, exactly."

"So, meaning to say," Zachrey spoke, then he looked at me. "Les' complete name is Les Reidens Villamor? Her middle name's letter R?"

Again, I nodded to his question. I never thought Cj was a Reidens. I mean, not that I was discriminating but to a well-off name like the Reidens, thinking of the probability that Cj was one slipped my mind. Looks can be falsifying.

I jumped in surprise when my phone suddenly rang. The two boys also diverted my attention to me. I got the phone from my pocket and saw a text message.

"Speak of the devil."

"Let me guess, Les?" I nodded to Cj. Again.

I read her message without a question.

Damn that Ponyo, Xiamin! My day will be ruined every time I see her! I bought a shake in the canteen and unfortunately because it was too crowded, I accidentally bumped into a teacher. I spilled her uniform with my shake and now, to repent for what I did to her, I became her sub-teacher. The worst is, she's an English teacher! Hope you were here with me, Xiamin. Huhuhu. But no worries, I'm used to be alone. Nevertheless, I CURSE THAT PONYO!

Les message made me laugh and I let Cj and Zachrey read it. The two of them also laughed. After reading, my fingers started moving and I just sent her a laughing emoji as a reply.

Now we know why Cj's presence irritated Les. I am not used to calling her "Ponyo" but it is cute. We were talking to Cj for a moment, and Zachrey and I started heading to Ma'am Jehr's faculty where we will be training after that.

Ma'am Jehr said that she would not forfeit us from the competition anymore. She was so glad to hear that Zachrey and I finally reconciled. Everything is fine now. We have no more problems to face.

On our way, we still have not moved on from what Cj said. Until Zachrey broke our smiles with a question.

"That reminds me, have you read my message, Xia?" he asked. "I was gonna ask you something." I got immediately agitated.

I nodded and said, "I prefer to be asked personally. What do you want to ask?"

He inhaled and exhaled deeply. He stopped walking, so I stopped as well. He then looked at me straight in the eyes and asked me the question I never wanted to hear from anyone else.

"The other day when we were in the library, I saw something in your bag. I thought I was just imagining things that's why I wanted to ask and clarify you." My heart was racing faster than any race car in the field inside of me. "Why do you have so many different kinds of medicines in your bag?"

His question dumbfounded me, the reason why I just stood frozen in front of him. I held the strap in my backpack tightly. My hands were trembling, fortunately, not too much. I was so hesitant to answer. I did not know how I was going to answer him.

He should not know what is inside my back because I still have it in me. What should I do? I do not know what to say.

"Xia?" I came back to my senses when he placed a hand on my shoulder. "You good"

"Y-Yeah," I need to calm down. "and about the medicines you saw, it was just all for my fever. I had a high fever the other day and we went to the doctor, and I had to drink those so I will feel a lot better."

I faked a smile at him to hide what I was truly feeling inside. All he did was look at me for a minute. Though, it looked like I convinced him somehow.

"I see, but don't you think those were too many?" he said. "But if it's really necessary just to make you feel better, then I guess it can't be helped."

He smiled at me, and I felt guilty for lying to him.

I hate lies and I hate lying, but it's for the best.

I invited him to continue heading towards Ma'am Jehr's faculty so that we would not be late for real.

When we entered out coach's faculty, Bea was already there and Ma'am Jehr's look was saying that she received very bad news.

"Xiamin, Zach, it's good that you're here now. You three have to know something."