HIS SUICIDAL GIRL
❝I met the guy with his smile when my pen started to phlebotomize, and my fate has begun writing a new story.❞

07 - Sparks Fly

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•XIAMIN•

"Jesus, Xiamin! You're the utmost phenomenal!"

"Cut it out, Les. It's very mortifying for the other students!"

"Then, let them stare. But for me? I'm so happy!"

"W-Well, at least keep it down a little."

I facepalmed myself because of my best friend's reaction. Lea was jumping up and down with full of energy. The District Level Presscon results just came, and she was elated that I got second in the contest. The ones in the first and fourth are from the other school, while Bea is in the third and Zachrey is in the fifth.

Fifth, huh?

It was already lunchtime, so Les and I were in the canteen.

"Hindi I just can't help it, you know?" She calmed herself down. "I just came back here at school after I was absent, then this is what welcomed me? Duh. Who wouldn't be happy, Xiamin? I'm your best friend. I have every right to be."

That just hit me. She was right. I should be thankful because she was so supportive and thoughtful. Unlike my preceding close friends who just become supporting if the victory is mine or if I give them something on the house. In short, they only cared about the results, not the process.

Les is different, very different from the others. I hope I never lose her, and I hope this never ends.

"Uy, Xiamin! Are you listening?" I blinked many times when I realized her face was so close to mine.

"Gommen, just thinking of something."

"Here you are with you Japanese words again. So, what are you thinking?"

"Before that," I took the burger from my bag. "here. We delivered to ZacDonald's earlier for breakfast."

Her eyes sparkled when I handed the burger to her.

"Cheeseburger with mushroom and bacon! This is my fave, Xiamin! Thank you!" she said with full of happiness in her voice, like a child. I laughed when she suddenly hugged me tightly.

"It's my treat for winning, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I don't need this, you know? The important thing is we're together." She pulled back then divided the burger into two. I was confused.

"What are you doing?"

"Here." She handed me the other half of the burger.

"What are you doing? It's for you, not for me." She laughed.

"Come on, Xiamin. This is our favorite burger, and ZacDonald's is our favorite fast-food chain, so I know that you love this, too. Come on, don't be shy!"

She put the other half of the burger in my hand.

"Who says I'm ashamed?" I know Les. Once she shares her blessings with others, she will not take 'no' as an answer. You must accept it.

We immediately started eating our shared burgers.

"So, what are you thinking?"

"Hmm... I wonder what it is? It's very complex, you know," I said.

She did not say a thing. Instead, she looked at me for a minute then turned her attention back in eating the burger.

What am I thinking about, exactly? It started when I found out the results at District Presscon. I was so delighted because the three of us, Bea and Zachrey still won, and we will still be together in the Division Level Presscon. But there is one thing that bothers me.

"Who's that lucky guy?" I was flabbergasted by Les's sudden question.

"W-What?"

She turned again to face me, and she was already wearing a smirk on her face.

"I know that look, Xiamin. You know I've been there. Not to mention I've known you more than you've known yourself for a long time. Who is he?"

Shit, I knew I could not hide my emotions from Les. She knows me too well. I got so fixated of my perplexed feelings, I did not even know what was happening. It started when the District was over, when I came home I suddenly remembered him. Every time I think about him, my heart always starts to beat so fast. I was nervous, and I was always looking for him.

"I-I... I'm not s─"

"Sure if who?"

I shook my head.

"I'm perplexed with my feelings," I said, keeping my voice low.

She burst into laughter.

"Obviously. Base on your reaction, it became crystal clear to me." My forehead creased when she pointed at something behind me. "Xiamin, Zachrey's right behind you!"

My eyes widened in surprise, and I can feel something inside of me. I could feel my heart going crazy, and I could also feel myself blushing.

"I knew it." I surprisingly looked at her.

"H-Huh?"

Les flashed me an 'I-Know-Who's-The-Guy' smirk on her face. It was kind of creepy when you think about it.

"I knew it. You're thinking about Zachrey." Her smirked got even bigger. "I was just kidding that Zachrey was right behind you. However, your reaction is something out of the ordinary. For me, it's funny, though. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. You flushed."

My shoulders dropped after hearing what she said. It was so true that I could feel my cheeks burning even more. Damn it. What the hell is happening to me? True, I have a lot of crushes before. Infatuation is somehow inevitable in my age. But what I am feeling right now is sort of outlandish. It feels so... different.

"What now? You have a crush on me, do you?" It was arduous to stop this girl from keeping on asking me if I do not answer her properly.

"I don't know..." I stuttered, my cheeks still burning. I could not even finish my sentence. "Maybe?"

"Very good!" She snapped her fingers and clapped her hands eventually. "Finally, you've now infatuated a real-life guy."

"It's still unsure, okay? I think you're overreacting, Les."

"So? Since when did you have a crush on him?" She ignored what I just said, and I did not know if it was just me, but I think I saw a pair of angel wings behind Les and a halo on top of her head; with matching sparkling eyes.

"Since District Level contest..."

I started telling her everything she needed to know. I told her that my so-called "feelings" started on the very day of the District Level contest. This all started when Bea said that we looked so good to each other. I walked out right after that. One of my friends, Angelica─a copy-reader ran after me, so I did not notice it back then.

Until I reached home. I did not know why I suddenly felt so lost and empty. Like, something was missing. Then when I saw his name on my messenger, that was when I realized. My heart started pounding so fast as if it was on a race, and like he was the only person in the world. I have been thinking about him since and I just wanted to see him again. I wanted to be with him and I wanted to see his smile.

"I see. His smile, huh? Talk about the best asset of Zach—" I placed my pointing finger on her lips.

"Geez. Keep your voice low, that guy's prominent and he knows almost everybody here. Who knows what others might think." She nodded.

"Understood. So, what's our codename for him? Mr. Zoldyck? Mr. Todoroki? Mr. Holland? What?" She immediately received dagger looks from me.

"Don't drag my husbandos into this," I said.

She raised her hands in the air and said, "Sorry."

I took a deep breath. Indeed, what should we call him? I saw the glass of water on our table, and that gave me a light bulb over my head.

"How about 'Water'?" I suggested.

Les was immediately in turmoil.

"It's okay so it won't be obvious. But why 'Water'?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"I couldn't think of anything else. Unless you have some better idea that is still not too obvious?" She shook her head.

"I'll just go with that."

I diverted my attention to my wristwatch when we all heard the school bell rang.

"Les, as much as I want to continue telling you everything, but we have to go. Our next teacher will be there soon," I said to her, and she agreed with me.

"But you have to tell me after class, okay? I need all the frickin' details. Are we clear?" She was so funny every time she mimick's someone else's voice.

"Yes, Ma'am."

◊◊◊◊◊

"Xia, the romantic excitement is flowing deep within my veins! My best friend finally has a love life."

"Jesus, Les. Okay, fine. I admit that he's my crush! Happy?"

We decided to go home on foot. I also continued to tell Les everything that happened. As usual, Les' romantic excitement was very extreme. It was like she was the one who had a crush on Zachrey than me.

I just smiled at that thought.

"So, are you going to see each other again in Division Level? When?" she asked me.

I went silent for a minute.

"Next week, prolly."

"Prolly?"

"It means 'probably'."

She just nodded and started squealing anew. I just smiled as well and looked at the sky.

I'm still unsure about my feelings. The fact that this feels so different is still a mystery.

◊◊◊◊◊

"Oh my, Xiamin! One week is over! You'll see your precious Zach—I mean, Water again," Les said as she was jumping up and down.

One week flew so fast, and the Division Level was coming. It felt like it was only yesterday when I won in the District. Zachrey and I will see each other once again. I wonder if he also wanted to see me. My blood was suddenly boiling in excitement inside of me. It was like I just wanted the presscon to happen every day so that I will be excused in class again, and I will be together with him.

"Okay, okay, Les. Just come and fetch me at Ma'am Jehr's faculty after class, okay? Let's still go home together," I reminded her.

"Yes, Ma'am. Are your earphones already in your bag?" I nodded to her reminder. "Take it slow, okay? Who knows, maybe later, I'll find out that you and Zachrey have started going out."

I glared at her, and she just answered me with a smirk. Then, she shoved me off right after that. Savage. According to her, my Romeo could be waiting for me outside.

I picked up my bag and went outside the classroom. I always plugged my earphones into my ears, but only the left side because maybe some acquaintance of mine will greet me along the way, and I will not hear them. In addition to that, I am a near-sighted girl, so people could say that I am quite shady.

When I stepped out, I was flabbergasted when someone suddenly grabbed my bag and they were the ones who brought it. My eyes widened in surprise when I realized who it was. Then, what Les just told me flashed in my mind.

Did Romeo just come to pick me up?

"Hey? Why do you look like you've seen a ghost?" My heart started to beat so fast. Damn that voice. "You okay, Xia?"

"Y-Yes, I'm fine. But what are you exactly doing with my bag, Zachrey?" I asked. Luckily, I managed to calm myself.

"Isn't it obvious?" He turned his back on me. "I'll carry your bag for you."

"And why exactly would you do that?" He shrugged his shoulders.

"Beats me. I'm just in a good mood today," he said. "and don't bother resisting! I'll carry your bag for you whether you like it or not."

With that, I did not bother saying a thing. I was just walking behind him, just staring at his back. My attention was caught to the song playing on my phone, and it perfectly fitted the moment.

For me, hearing the song and with Zachrey with me, it was an impeccable moment.

I slightly grunted in pain when he suddenly stopped, the reason why I accidentally bump him on his back. That was when I realized that we were so close to each other.

And you stood there in front of me just
Close enough to touch

"Why did you stop?" I curiously asked him.

He turned to face and smiled at me.

"We're right here in front of Bea's classroom now." He suddenly poked my cheek. "You look so kawaii, you know?"

Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain

"Hiya there, Big Sister Xiamin and Big Brother Zachrey!"

'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile

I heard Bea's voice, but I do not know what she said next or what Zachrey just said. I was also not able to greet her back because my mind was too occupied of the Taylor Swift song playing on my phone.

Gimme something that'll haunt me whenever you're not around

I watched both Bea and Zachrey talking. Both of them were smiling and Zachrey's smile was so sincere. I could look at his smiles forever. Wait... what? This is wrong.

"Xia, you alright? You became silent all of a sudden anew." I saw how Zachrey looked at me in turmoil.

My mind forgets to remind me, you're a bad idea

"You're right, Big Sister. Is there a problem? Are you feeling ill?" Bea also asked with worry in her eyes.

"I─"

Then suddenly, I felt Zachrey's hand tapping my shoulder.

You touch me once and it's something

My heart started beating so fast again. Damn it. I would have stopped this music, but I still have to think of a way to answer their questions so Zachrey would not be aware of my feelings towards him.

I hid my hands behind my back so they will not notice them trembling. Just to hide it, I gave them a weak smile.

"Nothing's wrong. Just listening to Taylor Swift's song," I said, the chorus repeating.

Both of them exchanged glances. Zachrey sighed and just said that we should go to Ma'am Jehr's faculty. According to him, she has been waiting for us for ages. Bea asked me again if I was doing good, and I undoubtedly lied to her by just saying, "yes".

I heard the enthralling bridge of the song being played.

Zachrey and I were walking side by side while Bea was just walking behind us. Is what I am feeling towards Zachrey right? If so, why do I feel like it is wrong? If Les was here, what would she say? Am I starting to think that this guy, Zachrey Mizuno, is my Romeo?

And I'm captivated by you baby
Like a fireworks show

The chorus started reiterating. My mind was full of questions regarding this weird feeling. What is going on with you, my crazy heart? Why are you being so aggressive today?

When sparks fly oh baby smile

Zachrey turned to face me and smiled.

When sparks fly

When the song failed, I decided to speak up so that they will not be worried about me again.

"Stop smiling. You look like a retarded jerk," I said.

"Thank goodness and you started speaking again, Big Sister Xiamin. I was kinda worried," Bea said. I turned to look at her and she smiled.

"You know, Xia," I turned to Zachrey. "if you're just going to speak up to badmouth me, then I think it's better if you remain to shut up."

I raised a brow at him.

"So, am I the one who's good at badmouthing now? Don't tell me you were offended by what I just said?" I immediately grabbed my bag from him that was hanging on his shoulder. "Then, stop carrying my bag for me if that's the case."

I removed my earphones from my ear and placed it back inside my bag.

"Just be thankful that I carried your bag for you."

I stopped on my tracks and looked daggers at him.

"Excuse me? Did I utter a word saying that you should carry my bag for me?"

"No—"

"Then, it's settled. This is my stuff and I'm the one who's responsible for taking care of it." I held the strap of my bag tightly.

I do not want to be like the other girls who will let their boyfriends or boy best friends carry their so-called Gucci or Chanelle bags for them.

"Big Sister Xiamin, Big Brother Zachrey, please, stop arguing." I heard Bea said, but I was just staring at Zachrey with his brow raising.

"We're not fighting. I'm just telling your fricking Big Brother Zachrey that I should be the one carrying my stuff."

"Oh? You look like you're infuriated and you want to argue," Zachrey said and it was so clear that he was irritated.

"Oh, seriously now? This is the way I speak. You just don't know me."

"Big Sister Xiamin, Big Brother Za—"

"What, Bea?!" Zachrey and I were both shocked when we both exclaimed at Bea in unison.

Bea did not utter any word but instead, she pointed at the woman standing beside her. That woman was not with us a moment ago, and I just realized who it was the moment I laid my eyes on her.

From the looks of her, I can undoubtedly see her serious aura.

"Xiamin, Zachrey, we need to talk. Now."