HIS SUICIDAL GIRL
❝I met the guy with his smile when my pen started to phlebotomize, and my fate has begun writing a new story.❞

14 - Her Disease and Our Avowals

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●ZACHREY●

It has been days since I had confronted Xia. I still could not believe what she said. I could not believe that after all the smiles, laughter, and seeing her jolly side, I could hardly believe that he was a suicidal girl.

Is she that depressed to commit suicide? You can talk about your problems over. Is suicide really necessary in our lives? I know she was not joking because the wound and the bandage on her wrist was no joke.

"Dude!" My mind was cut short when Cj called me. "Seriously, what's with you? All this time I thought you were listening to everything, then now I found out that you didn't. What a disgrace!"

"Sorry, Cj," I said. "What did you just say again?"

Most of us in the classroom was just busy talking to each other. It was almost lunchtime, and our last subject teacher did not come in, so we had free time.

"Hm? Isn't your voice a little too weak today? Did something happen?" He straightened up and looked at me seriously. "You have not told me what happened during your conversation with Xiamin. It's already been days. Why don't you tell me? Did something bad happen?"

Hearing his question made me feel so lost again. I looked away from him and released a heavy sigh. If only I could do something to forget what Xia told me ... But nothing.

"It's the latter. It is obvious from your reaction, Zachrey," Cj said.

"Cj, I have a question for you. It is not connected to what Xia and I talked about but," I paused for a minute before continuing. "what would you do when you have a suicidal friend?"

"Woah!" He was surprised by my question. "Where did that question come from?"

"Just a random question, I guess," I said.

It took him more than a minute to answer that question. Even me, I do not know what my answer to my question is.

"To be frank, Zachrey," he finally spoke. "I also don't have an answer. That's... so hard."

His answer made me sigh. We were both just the same. Cj and I just kept quiet until the bell rang for lunchtime. My mind was so blank and the only thing I knew was that I lost my appetite to crave for lunch.

◊◊◊◊◊

Cj invited me to go to Xia's classroom. To be frank, I did not want to go with him, but I was also worried because of Xia. After what she said to me, worrying was all the thing I ever did these past few days.

I remained silent until we reached Xia's classroom. I knew Cj wanted to ask me about why I was being so silent, but he just chose not to. He noticed that I just needed some space.

When we arrived at Xia's classroom, Cj asked if she and Les were inside. I just stayed at the side, and I was surprised because Cj's reaction changed while asking Xia's classmate. He approached me immediately after they had a short conversation.

"What's the matter, Cj? Why are you reacting differently?"

"Xia is not there." He picked up his cellphone and called someone. "Les is not there, either. Wait, I'll call her."

I was immediately nervous about what Cj said.

I cut it, Zachrey. I'm such a suicidal girl.

Xia's voice saying that statement immediately flashed back into my mind, and it was making my heart pound so fast like crazy.

"Hello, Les? Where are you and Xia? Huh? What are you doing there?" I got even more anxious when Cj gave me a meaningful look. "What? Okay, okay, we are going there. What hospital are you at and what's the room number? Copy, just send it to me." He ended the call.

My heart beat faster and my hair stood on end so I asked right away.

"What are they doing in the h-hospital?"

Cj looked at me with depressed eyes. He looked so hesitant to tell me but I insisted. It was as if heaven and earth fell on me the next time he said that.

"Xia had an emergency, and she was sent immediately to the hospital."

◊◊◊◊◊

After Cj received the address of the hospital where Xia was confined, both of us immediately rushed in there. Xia is in Apollo General Hospital and room 203. We did not ask at the Nurse's Station anymore because Les already sent us the pieces of information.

When we reached the private room 203, I felt even more nervous. I would have knocked, but Cj preceded me.

"You're shaking," he said. "Calm down first."

I took a deep breath. Then, I nodded to Cj, signaling him to open the door.

God, please, help me.

"Les, we're here," Cj said as soon as we entered.

My eyes widened when I saw Xia sitting on the hospital bed with IV Fluid attached to her, while Les was just sitting next to her. They are the only two here. Somehow, I managed to calm a little because Xia was not pale or anything. But, there is still a bandage on her left wrist.

"We rushed here immediately when Les said that you're here," Cj said to Xia.

"What exactly happened?" I asked. I did not have much time to wander around. I had to know the truth.

"Xia's fine, Ponyo, Zachrey. Thank you for your concern." Les plastered a smile on her face. "Something just... Xia just had a fever so her parents sent her here to Apollo right away."

Suddenly the four of us fell silent. Something was wrong. Xia was just being silent the whole time, and I could feel that she had something else to say. The deafening silence was distressing me. Cj and I have both the right to know what happened because we are their friends, too.

"Is there something you're not telling us?" Xia and Les both looked at me. "What happened to you, Xia?"

Cj agreed with me.

"We came here because we were worried about you, Xia, so tell us what the problem is," I added.

I saw how sad their eyes became, and I also saw Xia clenched her fists above the blanket.

"Xia, maybe Ponyo and I will g─"

"No." Xia cut Les off.

"But─"

"It's fine. They deserve to know. After all," She smiled at every one of us despite her condition right now. "Zachrey and Cj are indeed our friends."

My heartbeat quickened again. Now that I know Xia is a suicidal girl, I will probably hear something worse today.

Les's shoulder dropped. But she still tried to smile afterward.

"You're right." She turned to the two of us. "I'm sorry, you two. I'm just worried about Xia. Besides, her parents told me to keep her condition confidential, so we won't worry about the others who care for her.

"Sometimes I think that you're her mother, Les." Cj teased her.

"Shut your dirty mouth, Ponyo." Somehow, we all laughed in the room as well. Both Les and Cj somehow lightened up the mood.

After we laughed with each other, Xia cleared her throat.

"Zachrey, Cj, I c-can't participate in the Regional Schools Press Conference anymore." Cj and I exchanged glances. Les just stayed silent.

"Why not? RSPC is still next week, isn't it? For sure you will recover by that time from the fever," Cj said.

She shook her head.

"I don't have a fever, Cj," Both Cj and I plastered a confused look on our faces. "and I can't participate not just in the RSPC, but I can't go back to school as well."

"W-What exactly do you mean?"

Les suddenly burst into tears and buried her face in the hospital bed. Xia placed her hand on her best friend's head and slowly pat it. If before my nervousness was doubled, now it has extremely tripled. The tension was too great for me. I even noticed Cj sweating, and I could feel his nervousness, too.

"I have a deplorable disease... Osteosarcoma, a type of bone cancer."

"W-What?! How long have you been sick, Xiamin?! " I could not help not to calm down because of what she said. It was as if the continents of Africa and Asia had fallen on me when I found out she was sick. "D-Don't tell me... that's the authentic reason why you attempted to kill yourself?"

Xia smiled feebly because of that. Now I can hear Les sobbing. Cj, on the other hand, sat on the vacant chair near the door and buried his face on his hands. In my case, the only thing I did was tweak my hair.

"I'm sorry I kept this from you. I never thought it would go back to me when I reach fifteen years old," said Xia sadly, her hand still on her best friend's head.

Every one of us here was feeling so miserable.

"That is not a common disease! H-How did you get that?!" She shrugged.

"Genetics, maybe."

I swigged a large amount of my saliva. I could not think straight. My mind and heart were both acting crazy as hell.

"J-Just... How many years are l-left for you, Xia?"

My hands started to shake, but I still approached her. I wanted to know everything. Les raised her head and stood up. Her eyes were so red.

"Sit down, Zachrey. You two need to talk alone." She smiled at Xia weakly which Xia did the same, too. She walked towards Cj whose face was still buried in his hands and rubbed his back. "Let's go out first, Ponyo. Let's give them time to talk alone."

Cj looked at her sadly and nodded. He also looked at me, and I just nodded. He stood up, and he and Les went out of the room until it was just Xia and me alone.

"Zachrey," I looked at her. She looked like an angel to me, extending her hand to wipe something from the side of my face. "you're crying."

I held her hand on my face. I did not notice that my tears were dripping because of all the events I never expected to know and I never expected to dive into it.

"Please, don't cry." She smiled at me again, a very sincere one.

"How did you do that, Xia? How did you manage not to cry in this plight?" I asked her. "The day you told me you were a self-problematic, suicidal girl, I could not believe it because there wasn't a single day that I noticed you were sad or despondent. You were just smiling all the time. You were so much in glee."

She took her hand over my face after I said that and looked outside the window.

"The reason why Mommy brought me here is that I can't move my legs anymore. I can't feel them at all, they're too numb. I learned about my disease when I was seven, Zachrey, and Mommy and Daddy sent me to the States for treatment," she paused for a minute and she took a deep breath. "It was successful. Everything was successful. But my doctor said that my pain will come back and when it comes back, no treatment can ever cure me anymore. It'll be much, much worst."

I could not stop my tears from falling. I could not think of anything else but to be with her all day. I did not know what she had been through. All along I thought she was just a rich and cheerful girl with a childish mind. I thought her life was as easy as reciting the letters in the alphabet. But now I know that her current condition was worse than any person I know.

"That's why I'm too numb to cry, Zachrey. I'm used to all of this. I'm used to getting hurt. I've accepted my fate and this," She pointed to her foot and the rest of her hospital room. "this is my fate."

"I w-want to know e-everything, Xia. Even if it's death by a thousand cuts, I still want t-to know." I reached for her hand. "I will bear every pain just to be with you."

She was surprised by what I said. I was holding her hand, and it was so cold and smooth.

"You didn't know, did you?" She smiled again as if she does not have any disease at all. "You are the one who taught me how to smile, Zachrey. If you're wondering why I'm smiling, it's because of you. I'm glad you're here. You completed my miserable day in here, Zachrey Mizuno."

She pulled me into a tight hug. That was where my tears fell. I have never had this so much pain before. I also never thought I would cry like this just because of the pain of a female friend of mine.

"Stop crying, I beg you. Crying doesn't suit you. Aside from my father, you are the only man who cried for me. Seeing you cry flabbergasts me to the bone." She let go of me and wiped the tears on my face using her cold hands.

"What do you want me to do? Laugh? This is not a j-joke, Xia!" I said between my cries. "Ever since the first time I met you, you have never been a joke to me, Xiamin!"

His expression saddened again. But I tried to ignore it and continued talking beside her.

"But you changed my life, too, Xia. You inspired me. I have this unfathomable feeling inside every time I'm with you. I don't know what this is, but it feels so good and right."

This feeling I have for you, it could be the one that I was seeking for all this time. This was no time for playing games. It was the right time for me to tell her what I wanted to say.

She placed her hand on my head, so I turned my attention back to her.

"It's good that you are sitting next to me. I can reach your head now. You're just so tall when you're standing. I kinda despise your stature, you know." She laughed. Looking at her made me say that she was so much in glee despite being confined in a hospital.

"Oh? Your height is just so cute. You look like my little sister," I said, laughing.

She smiled, then she looked outside the window anew.

"My life was normal, and I could say it was flawless. Writing is a means of catharsis to a facile and feeble girl like me. Then one day, I met the guy with his smile when my pen started to phlebotomize, and my fate has begun writing a new story," When she looked at me, my eyes widened in surprise when I saw a single tear falling from the left side of her eye again. "and that guy is you, Zachrey. I like you, I like you since District Schools Press Conference."

I stared at her gentle face. What did she just say? I wiped some of the tears from my face.

"A-Are you serious? H-How could you like a man such as me? I mean, I know I'm handsome but─ " I tried to crack a joke, but she cut me off.

"Didn't you hear what I just said?" She pouted at me. "It's because of your smile, Jerk! Stop being such a discombobulated narcissist!"

I laughed. This avowal that we just had somehow eased the pain that I was feeling.

"But, yeah, I'm serious, Zach─"

Xia could not finish what she was about to say when suddenly there was a knock on the door. The door opened and a very good-looking man and a woman walked in.

"Baby, we're he─oh my, sorry. Didn't know you have a visitor." The man was surprised when he saw me.

"What's wrong, Scott?" The woman was also surprised when she saw me.

There was no mistaking it. This woman is Xia's Mom. I was a little nervous when I saw maybe Xia's Dad again.

"H-Hello, Ma'am, Sir!" I approached them and showed them my respect.

"Hi, Daddy! Hi, Mommy!" Xia greeted her parents like a cute child.

"Hi, Sweetie! And you," He diverted his attention to me. "what's your name, and what are you doing here with my daughter?" Her dad asked me seriously.

"Daddy! He's a friend."

"My name's Zachrey Mizuno and as Xia said, I'm her friend. I came here immediately to visit your daughter when I found out that she is here."

"Ah, that's why your face is familiar, young man."

"You know him, Andrea?" Xia's dad asked her mom because he was surprised by what she just said.

Her mom nodded politely.

"Xia and he are both in journalism." Her mom smiled at me. "They're both journalists."

It is so great to hear that other people call you "journalist". I just love the feeling. It sounds so phenomenal.

"They are also friends with Cj, Scott. Remember that kid? He is Les's cousin," she said, then turned to face me anew. "I remember Cj mentioning your name to us."

Her dad nodded, and I heard Xia burst into laughter.

"Chill, Daddy." I swallowed up when her dad and I had eye-to-eye contact again. "You're making this jerk here nervous."

"I'm not!" When I denied even though deep inside, I felt like I would melt because of her dad's cold stares.

I was almost shocked when he suddenly reached out his hand to me.

"Calm down, Zach. I just want to protect my daughter, that's why I'm strict. " I accepted his hand and we shook hands.

"I can comprehend your point completely, Mr..."

"Scott. My name is Scott Sandoval," he said formally.

I know their names because Xia told me before. Yet, I was just being reluctant. They might even tell me that I am a feeling close person.

I turned to Xia's mom, and we both shook hands.

"Just call me by my first name, Andrea, young man," she said formally, too, and we both exchanged smiles.

"I'm happy that you get along," Xia said happily.

If you look at both of Xia's parents, you can say that they are from a well-off family. Based on how her parents dress up, you could say that those are some luxurious and very expensive clothes. But when Xia was just talking about clothes, she was way too simple for you to call rich. In short, she was super casual and she was just the type of girl who wears male outfits; which is why she looked cute to me.

We all diverted our attention to the door when someone knocked. It opened and Les and Cj entered.

"Hi, Tito! Hi, Tita!" Les and Cj both greeted in unison and showed their respects.

"Didn't know you were already here," Les said.

"Just arrived, Les," Mrs. Andrea said.

"How are you, Cj? We haven't seen you in a long time. You've grown up. I hardly recognized you," said Mr. Scott and laughed at the same time.

"Yes, Tito. I'm fine. Alive and kicking." Cj also laughed.

On second thought, I forgot that we were in a hospital. I forgot that someone very important to me was sick. I just felt nothing but tranquility when I am with them. I truly feel that I belong when I am with them.

They're so different, unlike my family.

"By the way, Dude," Cj turned to me. "I have bad news for you."

I frowned and asked, "What is it?"

He raised his phone and showed a text message to me.

"Your mom texted me. She came home from abroad, and she is looking for you."

Shit.