HIS SUICIDAL GIRL
❝I met the guy with his smile when my pen started to phlebotomize, and my fate has begun writing a new story.❞

11 - Division Level Press Conference

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●XIAMIN●

The school or the contest venue was so crowded with young campus journalists like me. We have ten divisions in all. So, no wonder why there are a lot of people right now because all of our opponents are from different school divisions.

I doubt this contest would be easy, but it would not be hard, either. We are still in the middle level of presscon, but the nervousness we were feeling was very intense.

I saw how Bea pulled Zachrey to the side, so I was able to walk ahead of them. What could they be talking about? I could not hear what they were talking about because of the loud music from the gym.

I was just walking silently behind Ma'am Jehr's back and every step I took, it became if harder to breathe. Because of so many people, it was so hard for me to gasp for air.

Ma'am Jehr did not seem to notice I was having a hard time breathing. Fortunately, when we reached the gym, we stayed at the side where there were fewer people around. After all most people were in the middle part of the gym where the registration was taking place.

When we reached the side, my feeling lightened up a bit when I was finally able to breathe properly.

I thought I was going to die in this crowd!

"Good Lord, may you dissipate this overwhelming heat!" I heard our coach complained, and I agreed with her. It was so hot that it felt like your skin was about to burn at any time. Aside from the sunny weather, it was also because there were so many people around. "Where the hell is Bea and Zachrey? Did you see them─you okay? Xiamin?"

I looked at Ma'am Jehr when she asked that. That was how I knew that she was looking at me with a slight worry in her eyes.

"Are you having a hard time breathing?" she asked.

I could not bring myself to tell her the truth. It was way too risky. I calmed myself down and inhaled and exhaled deeply one more time before answering her.

"I'm fine, Ma'am Jehr," I said. I even smiled at her just to hide what I was truly feeling. "and I also lost sight of Zachrey and Bea. I thought they were following right behind me."

"Is that so?" Ma'am Jehr stared back at the other people, so my nervousness somehow drove away.

To be honest, it was still hard for me to breathe. If only the school was not this crowded, it would not have been a problem for me. Not to forget that my wrist still hurts. It still aches and when I move, it pains even more.

"Oh, Zach, Bea, where the hell have you been? Good thing you found the both of us," I heard Ma'am Jehr said, so I also looked at where she was looking at.

"Yeah, there are just too many people here," Zachrey said and I could barely even hear it.

"Let's just wait here at the side for a moment. The registration table is way too crowded for us to add up to the line." The three of us all nodded to Coach.

I could feel my eardrums slowly popping out of my ears because the music was way too loud for any person's ears to bear. My eyes widened when I suddenly felt something on my throat. I immediately released consecutive coughs that somehow caught Zachrey's attention since he was the one near me.

"Xia, you okay?" he asked, slightly raising his voice above average.

"Yeah, not that I can't handle!" I also raised my voice despite the struggle I was feeling deep inside.

I did not want them to worry and look down on me. I had to act strong... without even realizing how long I could act like it.

"Xiamin, Zachrey, at Bea, stay here, and don't go somewhere else until I get back, okay? Just wait for our other comrades. Leave your registration to me." I was not able to nod at her orders, only Bea and Zachrey was able to do so.

After Ma'am Jehr said that, she left and disappeared into the endless ocean of crowd. Then, I noticed how Zachrey turned his gaze on me.

"Xia, you're pale!" My heart pounded so fast the moment I heard that.

I could not utter a word anymore, and my chest suddenly tightened. It became even more arduous to breathe. My vision went blurry, and I did not know what happened next. The last thing I saw before I slowly closed my eyes was the horrified look on Zachrey's face.

"Xia!"

That was the last thing I heard and everything went pitch black.

◊◊◊◊◊

"How is she, Nurse?" I suddenly heard muffled, familiar voices.

Where am I?

"She's fine. She just fainted due to fatigue and heat of the day," answered the girl that I did not know.

"Is that so..." I heard a heavy sigh. "How about the ba─"

"Big Sister Xiamin! Ma'am Jehr, I think she's awake." That voice of excitement belonged to Bea.

I started coming back to my senses little by little as I slowly opened my eyes, and the clean, white ceiling welcomed my vision.

"Oh my God, Xiamin! Are you okay? How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Water? Food?"

"Kindly calm down for a bit, Ma'am. What happened hasn't been sunk into Big Sister Xiamin's mind, yet."

They sounded so worried. I slowly got up, but I stopped when I suddenly felt pain in my head.

"Xiamin!"

"Big Sister Xiamin!"

Yup, they were really worried about me. I made them worry so much. Again. I forced a smile at them so they would not worry anymore. Even if my head was still aching, I was still able to sit straight on the bed.

"Bloody hell, Xiamin! You made us jittery. Why did you suddenly faint out, huh? From the looks of you, you're not the type of girl who misses a meal." Ma'am Jehr asked worriedly as her shaking hands held mine. "Prolly it's really because of the heat today."

"W-We were worried sick, Ate Xiamin." Bea wiped the tears from the side of her eyes.

I laughed softly at them.

"You guys act like I was gonna die. I'm still alive, you know. " I laughed again at the two of them.

I stopped when Ma'am Jehr tapped me kind of hard on the shoulder.

"Not a good joke," she said and smiled at me.

Bea and I just laughed. Then, I scanned the room hoping to see the person I was looking for but how unfortunate. The people whom I was only with were Ma'am Jehr, Bea, and the nurse.

"Ah! I'll call Big Brother Zach-"

"No!" Everyone was shocked when I suddenly shouted. Even me. I did not mean to shout it. "I-I mean, no. You don't have to, Bea. Besides, you and Ma'am Jehr are here."

"B-But..."

"It's fine." I smiled at her.

It seemed like she was convinced, so she just nodded.

"Bea, you and Zachrey just get ready outside. I need to speak with Xiamin privately," Ma'am Jehr said.

"Copy, Ma'am!" Bea made her way to the door.

"Bea, whatever happens, don't let Zachrey get in here. Please."

She was confused, but she nodded anyway.

"We'll just wait for you outside."

Bea left after saying that and it just made me sigh. I felt so tired. I wanted to just go home and sleep all day. However, backing out is never an option in a competition.

"I'm worried for you, Xiamin," Ma'am Jehr spoke beside me. "For your safety, I'm afraid you need to back out."

My eyes widened in surprise when I heard what my coach just said. I was hoping she would take it back and just laugh it out loud. But then, she did not.

"B-But, Ma'am Jehr, I can do it. I just passed out and-"

"Exactly. You passed out for nearly an hour. Who knows what could happen next, Xiamin." She placed her hands on my shoulders and looked at me in the eyes with so much worry. "I trust you and your talents. But you need to take a rest. Your health is more essential."

I could not say a word. I looked at the time near my bed and there were still thirty minutes left before the contest would start. Other than that, I could still hear someone doing a speech in the gym.

"Besides," She pointed at my left wrist wrapped in bandages. "I've been meaning to ask you about that."

Because of what my coach said, I avoided looking at her. Also, because of that, I noticed the nurse who had been inside with us earlier. She was just minding her own business and was writing something on her table. However, my instincts were telling me that she was listening to us.

"Xiamin," Ma'am Jehr called me back. "when I met your parents, especially your mom, I immediately knew that they would never hurt you, so why does your wrist have a bandage?"

"I-I"

"Tell me honestly right here and now, Xiamin. Did you─"

"Ma'am Jehr, can we please... not talk about what happened to my wrist?" She was surprised by my answer. "You know pretty well that it ain't me you got to worry about."

"Xiamin, your left wrist has a bandage. You're lefty so it will hurt when you write."

I held my left wrist tightly and I could still feel its pain. Fighting my tears from falling, I looked back at my coach straight in the eyes despite the pain I was feeling.

"I'm not backing out. I can pass out many times, but nothing can stop me from pursuing my passion." I closed my eyes and I sighed again but deeper this time. "This is my passion, Ma'am, and I will participate in this contest whether you like it or not, nor whether my left wrist is wrapped in bandages or not."

Her eyes widened at what I said, so she removed her hands from my shoulders.

"You..." She sat on a chair, feeling defeated. Eventually, she smiled at me. "You are a fighter, Crystal Xiamin Sandoval."

◊◊◊◊◊

After we said goodbye and thanked the nurse, I immediately received a hug from Bea. Somehow, it was a good thing that I was able to convince my coach.

Bea almost cried because she thought I was gonna back out for real. But never. This is my passion and I have a goal to achieve. I will never be going to let myself get drown in the flood and give up my passion and opportunity just because of my health.

"Big Sister Xiamin." Bea let go of my hug. "Big Brother Zachrey, I'll let you two talk. I will just wait outside our assigned room. " She excused herself after saying that.

"So, Xia ... Are you okay?" he asked. Zachrey seemed to be quite embarrassed.

"Never better." I faked a smile at him because I suddenly remembered what the nurse said to me before I left the school clinic.

"Hey, Kid?"

"Yeah?"

I was perplexed when the nurse called me. Ma'am Jehr left first because she was one of the facilitators and she needed to prepare something.

"Have you taken your medicines, yet?" I was surprised by her question, and I could not speak right away. Maybe she noticed my reaction, so she just spoke. "Do not worry. I said nothing to your coach. I wasn't quite sure myself, so I stayed silent."

Then, there goes my heart again. It started beating so fast.

"You better drink your medicines, Kid, if you still haven't."

"R-Right." I took the medicines out of my bag and drank them all.

The medicines I drank were the same as what Zachrey saw inside my bag the other day. The nurse was just looking at me, and I could see the pain in her eyes as I was drinking it all.

"H-How did you know?" I asked without any hesitation after drinking my meds.

She sighed.

"I'm a professional nurse, Kid. I've dealt with a lot of kids who fainted at different schools but yours is different," she said. "I've seen how your coach and friends reacted when you passed out for an hour. I know I'm in no place to tell you this, but you need to tell them about your condition while there's still time. "

That nurse seemed to know a lot about me. Does she know me, somehow? She was serious but I knew she was kind and does not seem to be fake. I could see it in her eyes completely.

On the contrary, that nurse looked very familiar. Not just that, these past few days, I noticed that I seem to have become a professional in reading human eyes.

"Xia?" someone called me out that snatched me back to reality. "I just didn't go to the clinic because Bea said you didn't want to let me in," Zachrey said.

"Yes, I told her that." And you did not even bother to enter even though I forbade you. "But, anyway, let's go to our assigned room. Bea is already waiting there. " After I said that I preceded him in walking.

I do not want anyone to see how I feel. I have caused way too much trouble for everyone around me.

◊◊◊◊◊

In our assigned room, I was sitting near the window. Let me insert an anime fact. According to it, those who sit near the window would most likely become the main protagonist in an anime show─and I could impeccably feel that moment.

Zachrey and I were far apart, which was way better while Bea and I were not that far from each other.

After several moments of silence, the contest has finally started. There were two proctors. The other proctor distributed the clean bond paper that we were going to use in writing our articles. While the other elucidated the guidelines. After elucidating, that same proctor started distributing the fact sheets to us.

I felt nervous at first when I read the topic. Luckily, I managed to calm down. The topic was about the satellite that was sent to monitor the melting ice at the North Pole. The proctor started the time and the others immediately started writing.

We could not hear anything but only the sound of the pen. From my peripheral vision, I could see the determined faces of the other contestants. In my case, however, time was running and my pen was waiting. I knew I could overcome the anxiety and the aching on my wrist that I was feeling.

You can do this, Xia.

Without any other hesitations, I picked up my pen and started writing my article.

◊◊◊◊◊

"Xiamin, Zachrey, Bea, how are you?" Ma'am Jehr greeted us with a smile. "I found out that your topic is not easy. Is that true?"

The three of us, without hesitation, nodded in unison. I knew our coach has a lot of questions to ask but decided not to because she figured out we were famished.

She distributed our packed lunches to us and when I got mine, Zachrey suddenly came to me.

"Want to have lunch with me, Xia?" he asked.

"H-Huh?" I was surprised by his invitation. I wanted to say 'yes', however, some part of me was urging to decline; and I chose that. "Zachrey, I─"

"Hi, Xiamin! How is your topic? Let's have lunch together!" Angelica, my copyreader friend, suddenly appeared on Zachrey and I's side, which was very great timing. She looked at Zachrey, then back at me. "Wait, are you together? Oh, sorry! I'll j─"

"Wait, Ange!" I touched the collar of her uniform, so she stopped. I then looked at Zachrey one more time to humbly decline him. "I made a promise to Ange that we'll eat lunch together. Maybe, some other time?"

"Oh, okay. All right." He smiled. I do not know if it was just me, or I think I saw a spark of sadness in his eyes.

"Okay." That was the only thing I said before I turned my back on him and pulled Angelica with me.

I did not want to get too attached to him. Maybe... Distancing myself from him is the best thing to do after all.