Flashback

The image of Ethan hitting her kept replaying in her mind. Making more tears to wet her earlier dried ones.

Eyes red and puffy, mind numb and body aching in emotional and mental fatigue.

Vivian was laying her head on the classroom desk ,while everyone was out playing. Too tired to do or say anything.

Not even caring to bandage the wound on the corner of her lip, she was feeling the tears slide down her cheek to wet the desk below.

Not knowing when minutes turned to hours, she fell asleep.

He enters, searching for her desperately. The second his eyes fell on her sleeping form , his eyes soften and footsteps slow down.

Clenching his fist that were bleeding and bruised, he steps closer to her. Afraid of hurting her by showing her his face.

But he knows he has to do it.... eventually he has to hurt her.

She was sleeping peacefully, her eyes closed and breathing slow.
Pulling a chair slowly, Ethan turns it around to sit down on it.

Staring at her beautiful face.

He can't believe what he did today. He was a coward...a psycho...a bast*** to raise his hand on her ..even though it was by mistake.
He has punished himself already, his bloody hand an evidence of how he hurted himself after hurting her.

But it was not enough.

He has to stop this now. He can't let her hurt more.

He has to let her go.

He sits there, continuing to stare at her. The trails of tears that covered her cheeks made him move up his bleeding hand involuntarily.
His fingers shaking as he cleaned them..to only stop at the small wound on the corner of her lip.......her soft lips under his thumb making regret to hit him more instead.

She was just trying to stop me....yet...I didn't listen to her.

She was not at fault....it was so wrong to hurt her when she was just trying to stop me from hurting.

His thoughts clouded. And heart at a battle of its own.But today one thing was clear.

He won't hurt her anymore after this.

She has fallen in love with an asshol** like him....he could see it clearly. But sadly he couldn't love her back in return.

He can only give her an unrequited love.

And he knows well how bad it hurts.

He won't let her feel what he is feeling for Sophie. He will leave her.
He will let her go.

Lost in thoughts he didn't realise when she wakes up , immediately pushing him back in shock.

"What....what are you doing here?"

She asks and Ethan lowers his eyes immediately. Not knowing how to say it.

"I .. .I...am sorry for hurting...you"

He says and she ignored him, pulling up her bag and proceeding to leave him.
When he blocks her path stopping her.

"Please Vivian listen to me once atleast."

Banging close the door. He blocks her. His hands on her either side stopping her.

"I wish to leave Ethan. Move aside."

"No. I won't let you go till you have heard me."

He says defiantly. She tries pushing him back but no avail, making more tears of frustration leave her eyes.

"Let me see it atleast?"

He says pleading while staring at the corner of her lip, that she was trying to hide in the assault of her teeth.
Leaving it, she breathes heavily.

"Please....Ethan. Don't make it worse. Just leave."

She says closing her eyes and he holds her face in his palms. His thumb grazing over it, making her flinch slightly.

"I won't."

Was all he said, pulling her along and making her sit on her seat. Taking out a first aid kit from his bag, he was busy while she stared at his hands.

Blood running down from his knuckles to fall on the floor.

He needed the first aid more than she did. But instead he was focussed on putting the cream on a dab of cotton and looking up at her lips again and again .

She didn't say or do anything....just stared. Trying to solve the mysteries associated with this man.

He hurts her....come backs after hurting himself more and then....tries to mend her wounds instead.

What's wrong with you Ethan

"It will just sting a bit. Okay?"

He says, gently holding her chin and applying the medicine on her lip.
She flinched again and his eyes show concern, blowing his breath on her lips.
He tries to sooth the pain.

It only he knew the pain inside hurted more.

Her heart was aching and the worst part being.

He was oblivious to it.

"It's....it's fine."

She says lowly. But he doesn't stop. Few minutes later he gets up , disposing the cotton and packing the first aid kit.

"You may leave now."

He says slowly. Seeing him not caring of the open wounds on his knuckles.
She wanted to leave...but she doesn't knows what stopper her.

Taking the kit from his hands. She asked him to show her his hand .

He looks up at her in surprise, not expecting it. When she begins cleaning the blood without asking his permission again.

"Vivian... you shouldn't..."

He says lowly. Ashamed.

"Just shut up."

She orders and he couldn't help smile. How much he liked it when the roles get switched and she orders him to do something.

He silently sits there.Letting her take care of him.

"How is she?"

Vivian asks finally. And Ethan nods sighing.

"She is fine now. I dropped her home."

There is silence for new minutes as Vivian completes the task in hand, staring at gauzed bandaged hand.

"Done."

"Vivian....I am really sorry. I don't know what happens to me when something happens to Soph."

"Hell I go crazy. I can't control myself. My anger....it clouds everything....my rationality...my logic."

"I makes me go blind in fury. "

They both stare at each other for next few seconds, to only make Vivian sigh and get up.

"You have to lean to control it then. Anger doesn't gets anyone anywhere."

"It just hurts Ethan."

He nods , clenching his fist. She was true ..it hurts just like it was hurting right now.

"But it still hurts less than love Vivian."

"Anger is better than love."

She furrows her eyebrows in confusion. Not able to understand him.

"What do you mean?"

He doesn't know how he was going to say it. Be he knows he has to .
Stepping closer to her, he looks at her innocent green eyes and begins.

Knowing the truth was going to tear her apart.

"Isn't hurt the only thing your love for me as has always given you?"

"Don't you break everyday expecting more from me other than just care and our nights together?"

She gulps the knot formed in her throat.
He knew it?
Was it that obvious for him?

"What are you saying Ethan? "

He exhales, focussing his eyes back at her.

"I am sorry Vivian. But I can't hurt you anymore."

"I want to break up with you."

She closes her eyes,not expecting this. She thought she will teach him to love her back....her love will melt his heart.
But him giving up on them? That was what she never expected.

"I am sorry for thinking there can be something real between us."

"I am sorry for giving you hope that there can be a future of us."

"I am sorry for being....your first in everything when I couldn't be your last......"

"I am sorry .....for making you my girlfriend....when I couldn't give you love."

She couldn't believe it....it has to be the worst day of her life.

Ethan was the first man she loved...the first person who made her feel that this world was not that bad after all.

The first person who truly cares for her to only say he loved someone else?

She couldn't stop herself... grabbing his collar she screamed at him with madness

"What do you mean Ethan!"

"What do you mean by you can't love me!"

"What didn't I give yo dammit! What! Tell me!'

He stands there still. Accepting her anger.
His sad eyes ashamed to meet her broken ones.

"You are perfect Vivian. But I am not the right guy for you."

"I don't deserve you."

"What the fuc* do you mean by that! Now! Fuc**** now you realise it! What were those sweet words...those kisses...those countless nights! Were you fuc***** playing with me you asshol**?"

He couldn't speak. Too lost.

"Answer me dammit!!!"

She nearly shakes his whole frame ,hitting him chest.

"I am sorry.....I am really sorry
... Vivian.... please...."

Was all he kept repeating . As she just stares at his blank emotionlessly face that she considered the most beautiful in the world.
The only man she opened up to....the only man she loved has rejected her.

"Sorry? Your sorry can't do sh** Ethan! You took my Virgin ity dammit! I trusted you......I thought we will get married one day...we will have a future together...sh** man! I was so stupid to trust you! I should have known it already!"

He looks at her this time. Her teary eyes pinching his heart but he knew he has to continue.

For their future...he has to do it.

"I know. But I can't keep you in dark your entire life Vivian."

"I never intended to deceive you I swear Vivian..."

"I really liked you..the first time I saw you.... I couldn't move my eyes away from you....ask Sophie....I hated your kind....but you proved me wrong Vivian......"

" You were so innocent and beautiful...I was attracted to you and it was the very reason I proposed you to be my girlfriend......I thought there can be something between us....maybe love and hell man...I even tried loving you......."

"But I couldn't.......no matter how much I tried....I just....couldn't love you Vivian."
.
.
Her sobs were the only thing that could be heard in the silence of the room.
How he wished to pull her in his arms and keep her safe...but sadly who was going to protect her from him?
He needed to do this.

"I am doing it for our good....trust me..."

"Right now it would be easy....but later. I will be deceiving you and even myself.... Vivian.. it's better if we end it here."

"What are you even saying Ethan?"

She says raising her hands in the air in frustration.

"You are beautiful from both inside and out Vivian....and trust me I may never find someone like you again.....but no matter what....."

"You shouldn't love a man who can't love you back Vivian."

"I am not worthy of your love."

Hitting his chest ,she makes his back lean against the wall.
Holding the collar of his shirt she lifts up her chin to stare back at him.

"Why can't you love me Ethan? Whyyyyyy!!!!!"

And that's when his next words made everything to go still for a second. Enough to bring her entire world to be crushed under this man's feet in an instant.

"Because I love someone else Vivian."

.
.
.
"Because I love Sophie."

Her grip drop on his collar loosens and she steps back from him. Staring at him in disbelief.

As the realisation hit her like a striking that the man she loved with her everything never loved her.

That her love for him was an unrequited love.

....................................................

Ethan remembers that day like yesterday.
Staring at his reflection in the mirror, with the wedding tuxedo fitting him perfectly.

He wanted to laugh at this twisted play of destiny.

He was marrying her, the very girl he rejected saying that he could never love in this lifetime.

The girl he has hurt more than anyone in this world.

He doesn't know who to trust anymore and who to blame more.

But when he closes his eyes, he gets his answers.

Sophie's smiling face comes in front of him and he clenches the crumbled piece of paper in his hands.

Lifting it up and opening it's folds. He stares at the scribbled handwriting of his best friend.
The words written on it, a puzzle describing his fuc*** up life perfectly.

She knew him more than anyone in this world, yet it's been so many years and he couldn't decipher her last words written in her diary.

The words being.

................................................

Old has to be forgotten to bring in new.
What you see may not always be true.

Love is not something you thought you knew.

As even blood needs to be spilt to prove an innocents virtue.
.
.
.

Let wheels of time, be the mastermind.

Let your destiny pave way for you to to unite.

Let your heart guide you to your only light..

.
.
.

Yet, if still the darkness of her eyes veils the truth of light.

Remember,

Scars will always get visible, when all lights are off.

Bringing in the moonlight.

................................................

Unable to understand her words yet again, Ethan just sighs.
Placing the crumbled paper back into his pockets.

Wheels of time she says?

And that's what he was going to do today.
He was moving one step forward in his life today.

One step away from the girl that has made a permanent place in his heart since forever.

One step away from Sophie.

He was finally letting all the pains and sorrows go.

I am sorry Soph. But I need to do this .

And with this, he walks down the stairs ,towards the wedding halls.

Ready to welcome his soon wife to be.

Ready to welcome Mrs Vivian Lockwood into his life.