THE RELEASED

If I'm gon' die for you
If I'm gon' kill for you
Then I'll spill this blood for you, hey

***

CHAPTER XXXVI

*****

BY THE TIME we had reached Daniel's office, a guard I didn't know had made me aware of the fact that he was in some sort of meeting and Pablo had gone off with Mateo to get some food. That left me waiting alone in Daniel's office, left solely to the thoughts in my head which by now was something I realised was never good.

The obvious thing to hyperfixate on was the box in my hands which now contained my mother's ashes. I wasn't sure what exactly to do with it. The obvious thing would've been to find a suitable place and release the ashes, but I couldn't help but cling to it. My whole life, I had my mother. Despite what she did to me, I still loved her and just when we were beginning to work things out, she had been ripped from me in such a cruel heartless way. I couldn't help the part of me that still wanted to keep her ashes close as if that could substitute for the relationship we weren't able to have together.

I knew though that it was rather morbid of me to try hold on to ashes in place of our relationship even though I had rejected the opportunityI had to mind things with her when she was still alive. Still there was nothing else I had of her. Unless I returned back to her house and took whatever that must have been left there. I doubted Derek would have cleared up the entire place when he was cleaning up but then again, what did I know? Even if I did want to go back to the place, I wasn't sure how I would feel or react stepping foot back in there. The best thing to do was to go see my father. I was sure he would love to have her ashes especially since I was back in New York and could afford to meet him in person.

Bringing my stream of thought to an abrupt halt was the sound of the door opening, making me look over only to see Daniel walk into the office. His hair was in his signature curls, but he seemed to have missed an appointment with his barber as now strands were threatening to fall into his eyes. I knew it didn't really matter what my opinion was about his appearance, but I really liked the look and didn't want him to get it cut just yet.

Adorning his body were black pants and a white dress shirt with the first few buttons were left undone, exposing his tan chest and the necklace I had given him years ago. He seemed to wear it religiously.

“I'm glad you're here,” he said even though his tone sounded stoic like he wasn't actually glad I was there at all. I didn't take it personally though because it was Daniel we were talking about. He looked at me briefly before making his way over to his desk and sitting opposite me.

“I'm glad I'm here too,” I said, pulling my chair in closer to the desk. “I missed you.”

Daniel physically relaxed at my words, a small smile stretching across his lips even as he rolled his eyes to feign annoyance. He wasn't that good of an actor.

“In two days, the Ivanovs are having a ball which is the opportunity I'll take to kill them.”

I furrowed my eyes at his words, a frown meeting my lips. “Wouldn't that be dangerous though?” I asked, leaning in closer. “I mean won't people know it's you? Or won't they have guards there?”

“They won't be prepared enough to notice I'm there,” he explained calmly, still typing rapidly into his computer before coming to a stop and meeting my gaze. “As much as this isn't my territory, it isn't their's either,” he explained. “The only thing is I'm working with Derek and this is his territory so that gives me the upper hand.”

My eyes lit up at the mention of Derek, a smile coming to my lips upon realising that they were willing to set aside their differences and work as a team.

“Really?”

He seemed annoyed at the thought of it, but nodded his head either way. “He's the first name on my list of people to kill for fun,” he said, his teeth gritted as he spoke but then he looked at me and his eyes softened. “But the one thing we share in common is you, so killing him would have to wait.”

I couldn't help how touched I felt for the sacrifice he had made to ensure my safety despite his words. I knew working with Derek wasn't easy for him. They shared a whole past that I knew nothing about and clearly it affected the both of them deeply, but the fact that they would work through that for me made me feel loved. It made me feel like I was worth something.

“The main thing is to have the entire Ivanovs wiped out by the end of the week,” he said, leaning against the desk to look at me. Despite the neutral look on his face, I knew him enough by now to still see the immense worry in his eyes, making me frown because he wasn't saying everything and I knew that.

“What is it?”

Daniel let out a huff and leaned back, briefly running his hand down his face and squeezing his eyes shut. “I want to send you out of the country.” I sat up in my seat, my eyes widening at his words and my lips trembling at even the prospect of being away from him again. What about Mateo? “I was talking about it with Pablo and it seems like a good thing to do, but...”

“But what?” I pushed, unable to hold my impatience to hear the rest of what he had to say. Not that I knew what to say even to the small bit he had already told me.

“But we don't know how safe it is.”

“I don't get it.”

He opened his eyes again and looked right at me, yet it was like he hadn't been seeing me at all. I could see the more prominent bags under his eyes now despite the fact that he never slept before. The last few nights must have been the worst for him. His dark brown eyes were reflective of the exhaustion I knew he felt inside.

“Come here,” he said, gesturing for me as I made my way out of my seat, around his desk and positioned myself on his lap. He wrapped his arms around me instinctively, one hand resting on my thigh and the other hand draped around my waist. “I could send you anywhere else. Anywhere you want to go,” he said, his voice coming out weaker as if he himself wasn't completely happy with the idea. Yet he wanted me to agree. “Canada, England, Japan and I'd know for a fact that you'd be safer there.”

“I don't want to go,” I said, a frown making its way onto my lips as I shook my head. I couldn't imagine sitting nice and safe in a different country while he remained here, risking his life for me. If Daniel died because of me and I didn't die along with him, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. If it wasn't for Teo, I probably would've already killed myself to end this whole ordeal.

“You would be safe, Araceli—”

“I don't want to go,” I repeated, just barely cutting him off.

“Are you sure?” Daniel asked, his voice coming out low and tired. He seemed relieved yet cautious at the same time, as if happy with the decision I made yet knowing in the back of his mind that it wasn't the best one.

“I can't run away and leave you here alone to solve my problems,” I said defiantly, but he only chuckled.

“You know that's not an issue for me,” he said, a small smile on his lips as he rubbed small circles on my skin. I've come to learn that he seemed to do it subconsciously but it calmed him down significantly and soothed him whenever he did. “I'd do anything for you. Anything you'd want me to do. In a heart beat.”

“Then I want you to let me stay here. With you.”

“Whatever you want, amor,” he said, making my heart leap in my chest. “But you know you'll need to limit your movement.” The smile fell from my face, but I nodded my head anyway because I did know. It was no longer like it used to be so I could no longer keep making unnecessary trips without telling anyone. For my own sake and for everybody else's too. “You'll need to stay in one single place. Always protected. Always watched.”

“I know,” I said softly.

“Do you have more errands you need to run?” he asked, making ms think to myself before nodding my head.

“I need to go to my mom's place and clear it out and then I need to visit my dad.” I knew they weren't the most important or vital things that needed to be done, but Daniel still seemed to understand why they were important to me and nodded his head.

“Once you do those things, go straight home. I've got some things to finish up here, but I'll be home by then so you won't be alone. Then in two days we'll go back to San Francisco.”

“What about the ball?” I asked.

“I'll take you with me. The whole night you'll be by my side and then as soon as the job is done, we'll get a flight home.”

“No returning to the safe house?”

“No.”

“Okay,” I said, letting out a deep breath to calm my nerves before giving him a smile. He seemed to have everything planned down out perfectly. I just hoped everything went as planned. “I love you.”

The ability he had to go from serious to happy and playful truly baffled me because at my words, the smile that had come across his face lit up the entire room. He smiled a lot more easy these days.

“I love you too.” He leaned up to place a small kiss on my lips, but that was when the office door swung open and in walked Pablo with Mateo sprinting in behind him.

“Mama!”

I was sure the child hadn't even seen me, yet somehow he knew I was here and came running around the desk exactly to where I was. It must've been my perfume.

“My love,” I cooed, picking him up and wrapping my arms around him. “I missed you so much.”

“I don't even want to know what I walked in on,” Pablo said, crinkling his nose in disgust at the sight of me on Daniel's lap. I rolled my eyes at him because I had never seen someone quite as overdramatic as he was, but got up from Daniel's lap anyway just because Daniel needed to get up and straighten himself out.

“Now that Pablo's here, I think it would be better to take him with you,” he said, ignoring the confused look Pablo cast him.

“What about Mateo?” I asked, also ignoring Pablo.

“I'll keep him with me,” Daniel said, gently taking Teo out of my arms which had him giggling and kicking his feet in excitement.

“You've had him all morning though,” I pouted, making him roll his eyes at me. He placed his hand on my forehead and pushed me further away from him to which again Teo laughed at. Sometimes I think he forgets he gave birth to him.

“Yes, but I'll be home within the hour so it's better.”

“I can't believe you're hogging our son,” I whined, folding my arms as I glared down at him but he only sat back down and balanced Teo on his lap, pretending to be engrossed with work. “Daniel!”

“Bye Araceli. Bye Pablo,” he said, making me roll my eyes despite the smile that came across my face.

Deciding that I wasn't going to win this argument, I leaned down and placed a kiss of the side of Teo's cheek. As always, he grabbed my face and kissed my cheek too before letting out a giggle and kicking his legs out. “I love you, baby.”

“I wuv you,” he struggled to say, making me laugh as I straightened myself up and walked towards the door. “Bye mama!”

I waved bye to him as I left the office, holding the door open for Pablo to walk out after me before making my way out the office building towards the car still parked outside.

“Ladies first,” I said, holding the door of the back seat open for Pablo to get in.

He glared at me, an unamused look on his face before placing his hand on the top of my head and forcefully pushing me into the car before him.

“You annoy me,” I heard him mutter as he got in the car after me, making me scooch over to the other side of the car hastily so he didn't end up sitting on me.

“You still love me though,” I grinned, pinching his cheek but he only slapped my hand away in annoyance.

“Barely.”

Ignoring his grumpy attitude, I turned to the driver to let him know where I wanted to go. “Could you take me Jameson Hill, please?” I asked, leaning closer to the front seat as if ge couldn't hear me from where I was. “I'm not sure of the exact address but I'll be able to guide you to where I need to go from there.”

“Sure thing,” the driver said, shifting the gear into drive before trailing down the road with ease.

“Thank you.” I relaxed back into my seat, but ended up furrowing my eyebrows at the look Pablo was giving me from my side. “What?”

“You know how dangerous that area is, right?” he asked, making me roll my eyes despite the slight concern in his voice.

“Of course I do. I'm a seasoned criminal.”

He remained silent at my words, his eyes narrowing as he analysed by unfazed demeanour before, suddenly a smile stretched across his lips and he rolled his eyes.

“How do you always find a way to say dumb shit that still makes sense?”

“I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult,” I began, a frown settling on my lips, “but for your own sake, I'll take it as a compliment and skllfulky refrain from answering whatever question you asked me.”

“More reasons why I think your 3.8 unweighted GPA was just a miscalculation.”

“Hey, I'll have you know I worked hard fucking all those teachers like a diligent student for my good grades, okay?” I joked, a smile rising to my lips as Pablo's shoulders shook with his laughter. “Don't discredit my hard work ever again.”

“You're right,” he said, hanging his head and feigning shame. “I apologise.”

The truth of the matter was that he and I both knew that my jokes were only jokes. Pablo would've never let any of that happen. It was hard for me to explain our relationship but he really was my overprotective older brother since the day I met him. Once he learned that I was constantly the target of unwanted sexual advances, especially from older men, he played an active role in keeping me away from them, either by intimidating the hell out of them or always having people watching me on the street so they could pull me away if someone started to bother me.

It had been difficult for me to get used to at first. At the time I had first met him, I was in a relationship with a man twice my age which was alarning considering the fact that I was only fifteen. The man was the reason why I had even been kicked out in the first place. Because he was such a prominent member in the church community with a wife and kids, that my mother was more concerned of how everyone would think she raised a home-wrecker rather than how her teenage daughter was being manipulated and groomed into an inappropriate relationship.

Pablo had been the one to put an end to the relationship. First verbally, but when that hadn't seemed to work, he resorted to more painful alternatives. At first I had thought he was a stranger that was making my life too much of his business, but the more time I spent with him, the more I realised just how flippant my mother was and how little she actually did to protect me from these things.

Once the male students a year above mine in high-school trapped me in a janitors closet and made me kiss all seven of them to let me out which they had recorded and tried to use against me in exchange for more sexual favours. Of course, I refused so they leaked it to the whole school and everyone decided it would be fitting to label me a slut. When I got home, my mom punished me for missing class and then punished me again when I got suspended for beating all the boys up one by one instead of... well instead of doing anything else that could've resolved the problem.

I was a victim of my own sexual maturity from a young age and instead of my mother to protect me from the cruel world that would surely take advantage of me, she secided to see shame in something I couldn't control. She decided to blame me for sonething that wasn't my fault and make me feel like the slut she tried so hard to stop the world from thinking I was.

I suppose it was routine if you're a black girl. The hypersexualisation is something you'd get used to.

As much as I teased and annoyed Pablo, he and I both knew I was extremely grateful for him because what he did for me, not even my own parents could do.

The roads outside soon became familiar again, making me tune back in to the present moment to give the guard directions. Soon, we stood in front of my mother's house, Pablo by my side while the driver and the guards who had followed us in a different car stayed back.

“Was this your house?” Pablo asked, his usual deep voice breaking the tense silence that seemed to exist between myself and the house; myself and this inanimate object.

“My mom's,” I answered plainly before finally taking a step towards the front door. ”She's dead now.“

Pablo followed me silently, aware of the seriousness of the situation and refraining from making any jokes. I appreciated it, but I honestly wouldn't have minded if he cracked a few.

”Was that the box you had?“ he asked quietly, reminding me of the box that had sat beside us in the cars.

I only nodded in response, finding myself more preoccupied with how I was going to get the door open without the key for the lock. Much to my surprise, the door had been left unlocked which had me believe that the place must've been completely raided by the time I got there yet everything looked completely intact.

As if it was second nature, I made my way through the hall into her bedroom like I had done the day I found her but instead of going into the tiny ensuite bathroom, I remained in her room instead.

”That was where I found her dead body,“ I said, pointing to the bathtub that was clearly visible past the slightly ajar bathroom door. It didn't look like anything more than showers happened in it. I must've done a good job cleaning it. ”She was cut up into pieces. In there.“

”You saw that?“ Pablo asked, making me turn to look into his eyes. It was clear as day what exactly he was feeling. Sorrow, pity. Guilt. Like he wished he had been there to protect me from such a horrific sight. He must've known the pain, but maybe he knew it worse than I did.

After all, I only stumbled upon my mother's dead body. He had to watch his father slowly beat the life out of his mother and do nothing to help her. I didn't know what affect that would have on such a young child, but clearly not a good one.

”They said I was lucky,“ I said, dodging his question because we both knew the answer. ”They said that it was so fresh, the murderer must've still been in the house even while I cleaned up the mess.“ I laughed and shook my head because I knew if I didn't, I would cry instead. ”They said he must've been there with me until I left so he had a clear pathway to leave.“

Pablo seemed like he was on the brink of exploding but if it was from anger or from sadness, I didn't know. I watched him as he collected himself, took a deep breath before approaching me slowly. He placed a delicate hand on my cheek and gave me a wobbly smile.

”I need to step out very quick and call Daniel okay?“ he said, not specifying what he was going to call Daniel about but it wasn't like he needed to. I knew why. ”Will you be okay here?“

I nodded my head, a smile stretching across my face as he leaned down and kissed the crown of my head before stepping out of the room. As soon as the front door slammed close, a cold chill swept over the room, making me shiver despite the fact it wasn't that cold.

Ignoring it, I made my way over to the table that had originally led me to my father and began packing everything into one neat pile. I wasn't planning on staying here long looking for important information. All I wanted was to take all of my mom's important documents and memorabilia and figure out which ones were worth keeping. I was pretty sure she still had my birth certificate here somewhere so it was a necessary step.

While searching for a place to store all of the pages for easier transport, I came across a box stuffed into the built in closet in her room. Upon opening it, I figured that there were a lot more documents in there. Documents that seemed to be more personal. For one, it seemed to have both our birth certificates as well as her passport and a diary she seemed to have kept in the eighties.

Before I was born.

Picking the diary up, a small picture slipped out onto my lap, revealing to me the image of my younger looking mother with a round, swollen stomach and my father standing beside her looking proud as hell. Behind them both was an older looking black man who somewhat resembled my mother.

My grandfather?

If he was supportive of my mother, then why had she never talked to me about him? She told me that he had kicked her out after she got pregnant for my father with me but this picture seemed like he was supportive during her pregnancy with me. Had she lied to me?

The sound of the door slamming closed had broken me out of my troubling thoughts, but even as Pablo walked back into the room, I knew exactly what it was I had to do. As a matter of fact, I was a huge idiot for not having done this sooner. All the signs were pointing towards it from the beginning yet I turned a blind eye.

I needed to go speak to my father.

***

“Where to now?” the driver asked once me and Pablo both filed into the backseat of the car.

“Rosemount prison please,” I answered, before turning to Pablo who was watching the homes rush by us with a look of concern on his face.

He had helped me pile the boxes in the back of the car while I explained to him why I was in a haste to speak to my father. I wasn't expecting the man to have all the answers, but I knew he would have a lot of them especially for the question of who these people that are after me are. It made complete sense because according to Isaac, my back stabbing uncle, the people who were after me were apparently the people my dad worked with but betrayed. He must know who the were.

Unfortunately, the drive to Rosemount was a lengthy one upward of thirty minutes not even factoring in NY traffic, so he and I had quite a journey ahead of us.

“Let's play a game,” I suggested.

“No.”

“Twenty questions is a great idea!”

“I said no.”

“You go first.” I stared at him, a patient but expectant look on my face as he tried his hardest to avoid my gaze as much as possible. Unlucky for him, I was as stubborn as they got so I was ready to sit there all day. Only seconds had passed before he finally cracked and let out a defeated sigh, making a victorious smile stretch across my face.

“Is it a person, place or thing?”

“Yes or no questions, Pablo,” I scowled, shaking my head at him. “You know this.”

He rolled his eyes at my dramatics but complied anyway. “Is it a person?”

“Yes.”

“Is it Daniel?”

“No.”

“Is it Mateo?” A frown fell on my lips at his words, reluctant to let him know that he was right even though he very well was right. “Well then?” he pushed, a smug look on his face. “Is it Mateo or not?”

“Whatever,” I huffed, turning away from him to stare out the window in annoyance. “I didn't even want to play this stupid game anyway.”

“I've never seen a loser quite as sour as you,” he laughed, making me roll my eyes harder as if that was going to hurt him like I wished something would.

***

We reached the prison in less time than expected, leaving me with a sense of deja vu as I walked through the familiar doors but this time with Pablo instead of Mateo.

I seemed to have exchanged one baby for another.

I made my way over to the front desk, meeting the same policemen who I had spoken to the day I first came in. He looked up and gave me a warm smile as soon as he recognised me, setting his work aside to give me his full attention.

“Um, hi...”

“Joe,” he filled in for me, making me return the smile.

“Hi Joe. I'm here to see my father again if that's possible?”

Joe furrowed his eyebrows, a frown coming across his face at my words. “You don't know?” he asked, making me shake me head despite not knowing what it was he was talking about. “Your father was released some weeks prior. He's no longer in here.”

It was like a bucket of cold water had been tipped all over me, stopping my heart beat and completely ruining my day entirely. What was that supposed to mean? That my father was no longer in prison and it hadn't even occurred to him to tell his own daughter?

“Excuse me,” I said politely to him before making my way away from the desk to the waiting area and pulling out my phone.

“What's wrong?” Pablo asked as I scrolled hastily through my call logs and then my contacts until I found his name.

Without answering his question, I immediately began to dial my father's number yet much to my disappointment, it only went straight to voicemail. I tried again two more times, both ending in the same result before giving up.

I hadn't even found the calm to bid Joe goodbye before I went storming out the front door in anger, Pablo following hot on my trail.

“Araceli,” he called out, grabbing my arm before I could reach the car. “Ara, what's wrong?”

“He's gone.”

“Who's gone?” he asked, his brows farrowing before it finally clicked. “Your dad?”

“Who else, Pablo? Yes, my dad.”

“And he didn't even tell you anything?” he asked again, making me shake my head and frown.

“No, nothing.”

The confusion in Pablo's eyes seemed to deepen despite the fact that I was providing answers to all of his questions. “But he talks to Daniel occasionally?”

“Yes,” I scowled, thinking about the times he'd completely shun me to talk to Daniel. “The fucking prick.”

I made to begin walking away again, but then Pablo grabbed my arm again to keep me in front of him. “Wait, Araceli,” he groaned, “let's not jump to conclusions just yet. Maybe he's hurt or something.”

“I'm not about to start worrying about him now,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“But—”

“Listen to me,” I demanded, yanking my arm out of his hold and turning around to glare at him. “I've worried for this man for twenty-three years of my life only to find out that he could've reached out to me at any time even though he was in jail, but he didn't,” I hissed, “I'm not about to do all of that again.”

Pablo watched me for a second, his eyes soft and his lips set in a frown before he wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me into him for a comforting hug. “You don't even need him anyway,” he said, his voice quiet with all the sadness he felt on my behalf. It always baffled me how much we felt each other's emotions as if we were actually siblings. Just goes to show how family isn't always just the people you're born with but also the ones you meet across the way. “You don't need him at all,” he repeated, “You have me. And Daniel now. Okay?”

I let out a sigh and returned the hug, basking in the platonic and innocent warmth I hadn't known I had been missing so much. Now that I had it, I didn't want to let him go.

“Okay.”

*****

I really don't think the same way as most, that's why my plot twists are so crazy half the time. Like I don't write these plot twists to write plot twists, it's just things I actually want to happen in the story.

Anyway, how have you guys been? I've been doing okay. I've been doing a lot of inner work and I'm beginning to realise a lot of things.

Anyways, this chapter was a bit wonky for me because after weeks away, it's hard getting the right voice but oh well. At least the boring part is over for now.

Like I said before, this is the part of the book where you need to start reading in between the lines and remembering every bit of information I give you. Something that you might think is irrelevant? Don't be surprised when I pull it out on you near the end because I WILL DO THAT.

Even if I didn't plan to, believe me when I tell you I can FIND A CONNECTION TO ANYTHING. Testing me is the last thing you want to do.

But this is getting long so see you guys.

Also rq whats your predictions for whats going to happen? I wanna see if someone guesses right.