THE LITTLE WHITE BOX

Have no mercy for the wicked

***

CHAPTER XXXV

*****

LATER THAT DAY, I had settled on writing Travis an email to which he promptly replied to. Neither of us had made the effort to try call the other so I decided to leave it like that for the day. Instead, I focused on Teo knowing that I was probably going to have a busy day tomorrow with all the things I planned to do.

After feeding and bathing him, I set about the difficult task of calling him to sleep.

“Let's count sheep, okay?” I said, ignoring the fact that I wasn't going to get a reply from him. “Okay. One sheep. Two sheep. Three sheep— baby, no.”

I pulled him away from me as he tried to grap the loose hair at my ear and play with it, making his lips fall into a pout. “Mama,” he whined, making me roll my eyes and sit him down on my lap even as he struggled.

At some point, I had just given up, allowing him to get up onto his feet despite my best efforts to calm him to sleep. Victorious, he balanced himself on his feet, a smile stretching across his lips around his pacifier as his unruly curls fell messily around his face. Then he let his eyes fall on mine, the usual humour I had for his antics now replaced with complete exhaustion and as if understanding he concept, the smile fell from his face. His hands which had previously been on my shoulder to give him support, wrapped tightly around my neck as he pulled himself in and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

His hair tickled me skin and his scent filtered to into my nose, making me relax and pull him tight into my chest. No matter how annoying or bad mannered or naughty he was being, the child always found a way to make me forget everything and give him my unconditional love and affection. I was a sucker for this boy.

“You drive me fricking mad sometimes,” I muttered, before pressing multiple kisses to his cheek. He giggled, snuggling further into me as if I didn't already have a tight enough hold on him. “You don't understand how much I love you. You could literally get away with anything.”

I stood up from my chair, deciding to take advantage of this act of compliance and see if I could rock him to sleep disguised as me just walking around. I spoke as I paced the room because I knew he listened to me when I spoke. I kept my voice soft, staying away from any words he was familiar with that could spark excitement in him as he clung to me.

“It's a good thing we have your father now too. And Pablo,” I said, rubbing his back as I more rather spoke out loud than to him. “Since you're getting older, you would run my head in so I'm glad I'm not alone anymore. At least not like that.”

I spoke of many broad topics, from how my career was going to my plans for the next day and Mateo listened to it all, never minding the fact he had no clue what I was saying. It seemed to be another way he resembled his father. The both of them were very good listeners. Maybe not the best active listeners, but when you spoke they listened and not just heard. They took you serious and tried to the best of their ability to understand you even if you weren't making any sense.

“God, I love you so much,” I said before placing a kiss on his cheek, only to see that he was halfway to sleep. I was tempted to put him in his crib and call it a night but if there was only one thing I knew about my son, it was that he slept like a mouse. Especially in this stage, even the slightest sounds such as the wind blowing could possibly wake him up.

Thankfully, that was when the door creaked open and Daniel allowed himself into the room, his black shirt now unbuttoned to reveal a sliver of his toned chest. He let the door click close behind him, drawing me out of my staring and bringing my gaze back to Mateo to see if that had woken him up. His eye lids flew open for a second, before fluttering shut again and his body going limp in my arms.

“You can go take a shower,” he said, his voice deep and full of exhaustion as he approached us and took Mateo out of my arms. “I'll take care of him.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, unable to keep the worry out of my voice as I let him take him despite my words.

Daniel rolled his eyes, not giving me an answer before making his way over to the armchair I had previously been sat in and setting himself down. Mateo snuggled closer to into his body as if not noticing the change, making me narrow my eyes at him and then at Daniel.

Even though he had told me that I could go, I stood there for a while longer, watching the way they interacted with each other. Even asleep, it was clear that Teo was extremely comfortable with Daniel. He always had been. Their bond had been fast to develop as soon as they met and I couldn't help but wonder if it was because Daniel gave him something I couldn't.

I was his mother and I knew I would always be important in his life, but even then there were differences in the way he interacted with Daniel compared to how he interacted with me. Would that have affected his development? What if I wasn't enough for him? What if I never would've been enough for him?

It didn't matter. All I knew was that I was trying my best and that he was happy now. Even if I wasn't enough for him, he had his father now. He had Pablo. He had Emma and maybe Anna.

I wasn't sure why I was thinking this way. I had been happier earlier, but I guess a bad mood didn't necessarily care about what mood you had previously been in before it came knocking on your door.

“Can I ask you a question?” I found myself asking, deciding to fill the time with something productive once it became clear that I wasn't going to leave. Daniel only shrugged, making me scrutinise his body language before focusing my gaze down at my feet. “When you came to the hospital and you found out I was gone, what happened?”

The room had remained silent for a moment longer, but I knew he had heard my question by the way he clenched his jaw and trained his eyes at the carpet by my feet.

“Why are you asking?” he asked, his voice having a certain edge to it that made me rethink everything, yet I decided to stand my ground.

“I just want to know,” I shrugged, only half lying. The other reason was because I wanted to understand how badly they had treated him but also see my disappearance from his point of view. Maybe we could both find something that we may have been missing. At his silence, I narrowed my eyes feeling my frustration at him rise. I wasn't going to start arguing with him in front of Teo, asleep or not, but couldn't the man just open up when I ask him to for once? “You think you're the only one trying to solve the case of my disappearance?” I asked in a voice that sounded more taunting than I had actually meant it. “I want answers too, Daniel.”

“So what? You think I did it?”

“I never said that,” I hissed. “I just want to know what happened outside of the hospital room. See if there's any detail that we're missing.”

He narrowed his eyes at my form for some seconds, as if trying to intimidate me into backing down, but when I didn't, he let out a small breath and spoke.

“It was my fault they got away with it,” Daniel said, shaking his head as he watched Teo again. “I shouldn't have left you there alone.”

“Why did you leave?” I questioned, grateful that I was finally getting something out of him. It wasn't what I had initially asked, but at least it wasn't stone cold silence either.

“They lied to me,” he answered, his words low and cryptic as he stared away from me in... shame?

“What did they lie about?” I continued to ask. “What did they say?”

His fierce eyes met mine, his brown pupils burning with anger and rage, yet all of his animosity seemed to be directed at himself. Even despite his next words. “That you were careless and lost the baby.” Noticing he was staring at me, he shook his head and looked elsewhere. “I just needed to clear my head. I wasn't... angry at you. Just... they hurt you, and then Emma, and then the baby...” he muttered quietly, as if not realising that he was holding said baby in his arms as he spoke. “I shouldn't have left you,” he concluded, stopping whatever else he wanted tosay.

It seemed that there was a lot on his mind, but to him there was only one verdict for this situation and that verdict was that it was his fault. Even though it wasn't.

“It wasn't your fault.”

“It was,” he pressed, but I narrowed my eyes at him and snapped.

“It wasn't,” I hissed, “I'm not arguing with you on this. You can channel all the hate you have for yourself on the bastards that actually kidnapped.”

I knew I may have been a bit too harsh with him. I knew myself that it was incredibly difficult to stop believing something that you had spent so long convincing yourself was true, but I couldn't help it. Daniel played a part in why my life was so horrible two years ago, but if it was big enough for it to ultimately lead to something so traumatising happening to me, then I wouldn't be back with him. Not like this anyway.

There were real people out there that did horrible things. Not only to me but to other girls and I wanted to hurt them for it. I wanted to hurt them for ruining my life and believing they had the right to touch us the way they did and I wanted to make sure that they were begging for their lives, repentant before I killed them. I wanted to watch the life drain from their body so I could finally, finally after so long convince myself that I was safe. They weren't going to hurt me — hurt us — anymore.

Daniel was not among those men, so as selfish as it seemed, it was irritating that he blamed himself for this. A big reason why I was here in the first place was so I could find them and I wanted him to share that same energy.

But what did I expect from him when I had never explicitly told him how much this meant to me? Hell, I had never acted like it meant much to me so of course he wouldn't now. He didn't understand just how life or death this was.

It was either I took their lives or I took mine. There was no in between.

A couple moments of silence passed by us before he spoke again, a now distant look in his eyes as Teo continued sleeping, oblivious to our conversation.

“Back then... I thought it was me.” He clarified once he noticed me furrow my brows at him. “I mean, it was me but... I thought I chased you away. It's why I didn't try to get you back. Because you deserved to be free from me with the way I treated you.”

“Is that why you let everyone blame?” I asked, noticing the way I was being less emotionally available if that made sense. Before, I would've put my goals on the sideline to reassure him. Now I just wanted answers.

“Pablo told you,” he asked, but it didn't sound like a question. Even if it was, I had no intentions to answer it as I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Why are we talking about Pablo in a conversation about you and me?”

Despite the tense air in the room, Daniel could still find room to smirk at my tone, the slightest bit of humour fluttering across his face before he rolled his eyes and answered my previous question.

“Probably.”

After taking a moment of silence, racking my brain for anything else I wanted to ask, I let the walls around me down and relaxed my muscles, no longer looking for anything or on the offense.

“Well, it's not your fault,” I said, my voice coming out softer. “And it never was so stop blaming yourself.”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I'll add it to my to-do list. Now, can I ask you a question?” he asked sarcastically, mocking me. I shrugged in the same way he did, showing him that we could both mock each other if that's what he wanted. “What happened?”

I didn't need him to elaborate to understand what he was asking me and so began the rapid influx of memories I had struggled so hard to keep down flooding my brain like a burst dam.

I should've known the question was coming. There was no reason for it to take me by surprise the way it did, yet it still did. I didn't think I was ever going to be prepared to answer that question. Maybe I wouldn't ever answer it and maybe it made me selfish since I didn't want to, but why should I care? After what I had been through, I had the right to be selfish if not for a little longer.

I didn't want to  talk about it and that was that. It wasn't like there was a reason for people to know anyway. I had given everyone who needed it all the relevant information they needed, but anything more than that, I kept to myself. After all that I had done to force the memories out of my head, talking about it and willingly thinking about it would undo all of the pain I had put myself through and I didn't want that.

“A lot,” Daniel kept his eyes on me at my short, vague answers but I kept my gaze on Teo, watching the way he snuggled tighter into his father and curled closer into himself in his sleep, searching for any spare warmth he could find. “He's cold.”

Daniel got up, probably feeling the way the baby trembled slightly in his hold and made his way towards the crib. He gently placed Teo's small body into it and brought the blanket around him, tucking him in the way I had showed him.

“I can see why he adores you so much,” he said as he worked before leaning down to kiss his head. I furrowed my eyebrows at him, making my way over to the crib but then he walked away from me, to the thermostat to increase the temperature.

“Do you not adore me?” I asked in a snarky tone, making him turn to look at me with an intensity that almost knocked me off my feet.

“What I feel for you is beyond adoration.”

***

Early the next morning, I found myself walking past the sliding doors of the familiar office building and making my way towards the lift. My heels clicked against the marble floor, highlighting just how early it was and how empty the space was by the echo that bounced off the wall. Even the secretary looked half asleep. It may have been six in the morning, but it was clear to see that these people clearly weren't used to being up so early.

Yet, somehow I knew he would be there.

The lift pinged open on the 44th floor, granting me uncharted entrance to the place that had caused me so much anxiety the last time I had been there. Derek's floor. Although, this time Derek wasn't the one I was intending on seeing. Neither was it Morgan.

I stepped off the lift, rounded the corner where his little cosy office was always hidden and walked the short distance to the black door that sat at the end of the narrow hallway. The walls of this place had never felt so intimidating like they felt then. They were never so enclosing. Suffocating.

I knocked because it was only common courtesy and Travis' voice on the other side of the door, uncharacteristically gruff, mumbled for me to come in. He had never been in the habit to ask who it was. He trusted everyone. It's why he didn't like when people lied to him. That's just how he was like.

I slowly opened the door and let myself in, my eyes immediately meeting his muscly form as he kept his eyes focused on the sheets spread out in front of him. For a moment, I lingered, unsure of what to do and worried he might reject me until he looked up from his work and raised an eyebrow at me.

“Will you not sit?” he asked nonchalantly, making my face contort in confusion at his lack of care.

Despite my doubt, I made my way towards the chair opposite him and took a seat in it, allowing for the door to slam closed behind me. “Aren't you surprised I'm here?” I asked, placing the box I had with me on his desk.

He shook his head, a small humoured smile coming across his lips. “It's right up your alley so I was expecting it,” he shrugged before looking back down at his paper. “Albeit not so soon.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, taking in his messy, curly blonde hair and the way he already had his sleeves pulled back, exposing his large forearms even though it was only the start of the day. Knowing him, he had probably been working for a while now. He was an early bird.

“I guess I'm a basic bitch then.”

He snorted at my words and shook his head. “I didn't call you that.” Before I could saw anything else, he took the box on the table and lifted the lid. “This is the dress?”

I nodded instead of answering verbally, biting back the sarcastic retort I almost let out while he inspected the material before letting out a satisfied hum. “Beautifully done, as usual.”

“Thank you.”

I sat still in my chair, staring anxiously down at my thumb while he got up and started fixing the dates and requirements he needed to send it off. While he seemed completely calm and collected, I was nervous because I knew the conversation was about to take a turn. It had too.

“Did Derek tell you?”

“He did,” he answered, the same calmness in his voice despite the way his shoulders tensed. “He explained everything.”

“Oh.”

He turned around to look at me, the smile still on his face albeit a little sadder as he watched. “I assume you'd want to move back to California as well.” I didn't give him an answer and instead focused my eyes on my thumb. “I'm not angry at you, Araceli,” he reassured. “Afterall, it's your home. It's to be expected.”

He made his way over to me and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. “I think deep down we all knew that you'd have to go someday. We just didn't realise it would happen so soon.”

“I'm still going to be here for a little bit,” I said, a hopeful lilt in my voice that died as fast as it came at the look on Travis' face.

“It's alright,” he dismissed me calmly, “If you want, I know I guy over there thar can help you develop your career,” he said, but the look on my face must've given away my dislike of the idea. He chuckled and walked away. “It's only if you want to.”

“Maybe we can try a long distance work relationship,” I proposed, making him turn around to me with a humoured eyebrow raised.

“Long distance work relationship,” he laughed to himself, “and what does that entail?”

“Video calls, messages, emails. We're literally in the world of technology. I feel like we could make it work.” A thoughtful look came across his face, making me resort to other tactics to try convince him. “I'm just not ready to open up to someone. It'll be too hard.”

That softened him up and across his face came a caring look. “I guess we could give it a shot,” he said slowly before turning his back to me. “We could give it a two-week testing period. See how it goes.”

I nodded as calmly as I could, struggling to contain the smile that threatened to stretch across my lips as I watched him. “We could.”

He rolled his eyes and huffed before turning around to look at me. “Fine. As long as it makes you happy.”

“It makes me incredibly happy,” I said, getting up to pull him into a large hug. He hugged me back almost instantly, lifting me off my feet briefly before placing me back down.

“Before I forget,” he said, pulling away slightly, “Derek asked me to give you something. He's unable to come in but he still wants you to have it as soon as you can.”

He hadn't even waited for me to speak before he went bolting out of the office, leaving me to stand there in confusion and anticipation of what it was that was due to come. A large part of me believed that the object he was talking about must've been the same object Derek had been so cryptically talking about a couple days ago. It hadn't taken long before Travis returned, a small white box with golden marks engraved into it in his hands. Silently he handed me the object, making me look at him and then at the box in mild confusion.

From the looks of it, it seemed to be an expensive, hand-carved wooden box made with high-quality materials. It had been sanded and glazed so well that the normally rough material felt softer in my hands. There was a fixed lid and a hatch which kept the lid firmly closed, but it didn't look too complicated to open and also didn't need a key. Yet, I hesitated to open it and see what was inside.

Thankfully, Travis was there to put my heart at ease. He leaned across the table in front of me, his big arms crossed over his chest as he gave me a warm smile.

“I'd tell you to open it, but I feel your reaction to seeing your mother's ashes wouldn't be what I'd expect.” I wanted to pretend to be shocked and surprised, but I knew. In a weird way, I knew whatever was in the box would mean something significant to me.

In this case, it meant preserving the relationship I had with my mother.

“Derek figured you'd appreciate it,” he explained, never taking his eyes off me as I caressed the delicate material. “With the way she died, it might've been a good idea for you to find a peaceful place where she could finally rest. Or you could keep it close to you.”

He brought up good points, but I wasn't really listening to him. In that moment, I found it hard to remain present. Not when my head was flooded with different thoughts about what I was going to do.

In a way, I had my mother with me. I could finally preserve my relationship I had with her, but then I needed to ask what relationship? The one time I had spoken to her, it had ended up with us arguing and me blaming her for my life being the way it was.

In hindsight, I knew I shouldn't have done that, but it was true. As much as I knew my mother loved me, she had done me wrong in the course of my life and I didn't want to forgive her yet. I couldn't sit there and pretend that we shared the best mother-daughter relationship there ever was to exist so it was incredibly hard for me to keep her. But it was hard for me to let her go despite her decisions and I guess that was valid. She was my mother after all. Eight times out of ten, she was good to me. Amazing to me. But the one time she had messed up, she messed up bad. So bad it drove a permanent wedge into our relationship. One she had to die knowing she caused.

“I'm going to go now,” I said, my voice hoarse as I pushed myself out of my seat.

Travis watched me as I got onto shaky limbs, concern clear on his face. “Do you think you'll be able to drive?” he asked, doting over me like a concerned mother.

“I have a person,” I said blankly, not missing the absolute confusion on his face before I snapped out of it and spoke like a normal human being. “I mean, like a chauffeur but he protects me.”

“A bodyguard?” he asked, sounding mildly impressed. I nodded as he walked me to the elevator not missing the impressed look growing on his face. “No wonder you went back to Daniel. We never gave you a bodyguard.”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “He goes overboard with it sometimes. I'm lucky to only have one today, but he says it's only because he has more just randomly posted around town. Like, who does that?”

“Your complaints...” Travis said, making me turn to him to see the smallest of smiles on his face. “They're very first world.”

I rolled my eyes and ignored the way he laughed. Of course he didn't share my grievances with me. The elevator steadily continued to make its way up, making me turn to Travis and wrap my arms around him before it got here.

He immediately hugged me back, squeezing me tight into his broad chest and lifting me off my feet again. I let out a loud laugh, something that had seemed to bring a smile to his face once he had put me down.

“Thank for being so understanding with me,” I said, giving him the warmest smile I could muster, which I hoped showed him how appreciative I was.

“I'd have to,” he said, shrugging. “It's a must if I want to work with young people.”

I rolled my eyes and turned away just as the lift pinged open, not bothering to point out the fact that he was not much older than me.

“You take care of your beau, okay?” I said as I stepped onto the lift, making him huff.

“You already know Rhys is always taken care of. I make sure he's alright.”

“Good,” I smiled, “tell him I said hi. Tall to you later, long-distance business partner.”

Travis gave me a blank, unamused look as the doors rolled closed, before turning around and beginning to walk away so I could see him doing so before the door closed completely.  I couldn't help but laugh to myself because of him.

Once I had finally reached the ground floor, I made my way outside towards the car I came in and slid into the backseat, making my bodyguard look at me from the rear view mirror.

“Is Daniel at home?” I asked, trying to decide on the next place I should go to. The obvious answer was home — or the safe house we were staying at — but, for some reason, I didn't want to go there. Being out, away from the confining four walls of the safe house made me feel good. To my surprise, the bodyguard shook his head at my question. “Oh,” I said, furrowing my eyebrows. “Where is he?”

“He's at one of his offices,” the man answered, making me wonder how many offices Daniel had based in New York. If I had known he had any at all back when I still believed he was my enemy, I would of just given up and moved to Antarctica. I shook the thoughts out of my head and instead focused on the task at hand.

“Where's Mateo then?”

“With him,” the bodyguard answered curtly.

“And Pablo?”

“Also with him.”

“Oh,” I frowned again, looking down at my fingers on my lap. I didn't want to be left alone in the house again. This time not even having Teo with me. “Could you take me to them please?”

The bodyguard nodded curtly before starting the black car and rolling steadily down the road. At some point, he had briefly contacted one of his coworkers who was with Daniel to alert them of my coming, but I was too busy staring at the box in my hand to care.

*****

It's one in the morning so don't talk to me too much. Spent like half an hour trying to find a fitting song for this but gave up so gimme suggestions please.

Also don't ask where I've been or why it took me long to update, okay? Okay 😌
All you need to know is that I'm safe and I'm in a good place.

Please don't forget to drop song suggestions for this chap 🙏🙏 I need creative ideas to rip off since school ripped mine off. I'll give you a cookie 🍪