THE ANGERED

So forgive me, forgive me,
I've been going too hard in your city.
So forgive me 'cuz I'm not teary
Best believe I move onto better things.

***

CHAPTER XLV

*****

DANIEL WAS GONE. The month he had anticipated to take his trip had turned into two months, which in turn had turned into three but eventually, the day came when I finally got to see him off at the airport. I still wasn't sure where he was going and I didn't think he was either, but I figured he'd find a way to work it out. He always seemed to.

I also wasn't sure how long he would be gone and that too worried me. It had been a couple days and I was already beginning to miss him a lot. If he ended up gone for months at a time, I wasn't sure what I would do. My birthday was in two months and I had the assurance from him that he would definitely be back way before it though so I took his word for it.

Now I just focused on putting one foot in front of the other. I had been teaching myself to prioritise other things in life and not just him and while it had been a long journey, I found it was a successful one. I allowed myself to miss him, but I also lived with and without him. Life carried on whether he was here or not and I was starting to realise, life carried me along with it.

I walked down the solitary road leading to my house, two grocery bags in each hand with the hot summer air surrounding me. I was doing extremely well and that made me walk with an extra skip to my step that I felt no one could take away from me. It finally felt like everything was falling into place after so long of things just going wrong.

Unfortunately, I quickly realised that not everything had been resolved as soon as I rounded the corner and walked past the gates that had been left open for me. As soon as I stepped in, I immediately took notice of the unfamiliar black car that had been parked in the middle of my yard and very cautiously approached it. From where I was, there seemed to be very little guards in sight and despite Daniel's warning, I wasn't armed.

Once I had gotten closer to the car, one of the back doors swung open and much to my dismay, a very familiar face had stepped out to greet me with a sneer.

I made to walk past him and ignore him because despite me being in a good mood earlier, I knew I didn't have the patience to deal with Lucien's bullshit today. When he was tired, he'd take his stupid ass back home. Unfortunately, before I had fully walked past him, I felt his cold hands wrap around my arm and forcefully pull me into his chest, making me accidentally let go of my groceries. For his own good, my tomatoes better still be in good shape.

“Let go of me,” I said, keeping my voice even to mask the pain I felt from his hold of me.

Marks showed very easily on my skin so I didn't appreciate having to walk around with red handprints on my arm for the rest of the day. Especially since I detested long sleeved clothes.

Instead of letting go of me like I had so kindly requested, he instead pulled me closer to him and lowered his lips to my ear before speaking in a low tone. “I'm going to ask you this one time and one time only. Where is Daniel?”

“Leave me alone, Lucien,” I demanded again instead of answering him, trying to wriggle myself out of his tight grasp, but he only held me to him tighter and pulled me back against his chest.

“I said where the fuck is Daniel!” he yelled this time, immediately activating my fight or flight response but I wasn't going to run away from him in my own home. Not while he was on my property, so I chose to fight.

“And I said leave me the fuck alone!” I yelled right back at him as I shoved him away. “Are you dumb?”

Lucien lost hold of me for a second but immediately regained control of the situation again, grabbing me as I tried to fight against him. This time, he forced me to turn around and look at him as he pushed me roughly into the side of his car and held tightly onto my face, his thumb pressing into my cheek.

“I see you've grown wings now, huh?” he asked, grabbing the both of my hands and pinning them behind me so I couldn't hurt him. He then smiled, clearly satisfied with his work of detaining me. “Well it's only fitting that I'd be the one to trim them down to size.”

“I'm warning you, Lucien, get off my property,” I hissed, narrowing my eyes at the smirk on his lips. He thought this was so funny, didn't he? “I am not in the mood for you today.”

“What are you going to do?” he mocked before taking his hands off my face to gesture to my empty front yard. “Which one of your guards will have the guts to pull the trigger if Daniel isn't here to give the order?”

“The only reason I haven't killed you yet is because you're Daniel's sperm donor. He should have the honour,” I said, smiling at the scowl on his face to show how small of an effect he actually had on me, “but believe me, I'm not someone you want to test. I may be quiet now but don't think I don't know how to make you beg for me to end your life. Don't risk underestimating me, Lucien.”

He let out a loud, boisterous laugh, making me frown at his nonchalance because his lack of understanding worried me. Not enough for me to care, of course. It was typical behaviour from him; I really couldn't expect anything less. Especially since he had never experienced me actually go crazy on him so it was only expected that he would underestimate what I could and would actually do. I didn't mind that though. I loved when people underestimated me because it only made it all the more fun when I inevitably proved them wrong.

“What can you do?” he asked cockily. I only kept quiet because I didn't need to tell him what I could when I could just show him instead. “It's because you haven't had a real man put you in your place yet, that's why you feel you can still talk to me,” he said, making me roll my eyes.  “Just wait until Daniel eventually gets tired of you. I'll be ready and willing to have my turn with you too before tossing you out like the trash you are when I'm done.”

“You enjoy having your son's leftovers?” I asked as I tilted my head to the side in mock confusion, making him scowl at my words as if they weren't true.

He quickly recovered and gave me a fake smile. “Leftovers. It's good you know exactly what you are,” he said to which I just rolled my eyes. “A washed up single mother and you still think anyone is going to want your used body? You should be grateful to me for even taking an interest in you because you're useless.” I scrunched up my nose in disgust from his words. It was clear he saw women as nothing more than objects in his life and I was in no way grateful to him at all.

“I would be grateful if you stepped off my property,” I tried to say, but he only continued to try and insult me.

“No one will ever want you and you can wait for Daniel to come back to you as long as you want, but the only thing tying you together is my grandchild so don't be surprised when he eventually leaves you,” he said, making me narrow my eyes at him. Now why would he go and play on my worst fear like that? I couldn't help but think about how younger Araceli would've been so quick to believe him, but now I just wanted him gone. I already had enough demons whispering into my ear about how little I was worth and I put great effort into fighting them all away. I didn't need him adding to that burden.

“Get off my property,” I said again, noticing the way my hands twitched in his hold. “You don't want me to tell you this again.”

“So soon?” he asked, feigning sadness before letting his cocky smile return to his lips. “Let me leave you with this last warning before I go: if anything happens to Daniel, I will be the one to fire a bullet into your dense fucking skull, okay?” he said, smiling despite his threatening words as he patted my cheek. “When he finally decides to stop being a pussy, you tell him to come speak to me. And as for you,” he grabbed my face this time, his eyes clouded with lust as he drew me in closer than I wanted to be, “how about a parting kiss?”

He lowered his lips down to mine, forcing himself on me which only made my whole entire body burn up with rage. As if he hadn't pissed me off enough. Without an ounce of hesitation, I lifted my knee as hard as I could into his balls, making him pull away from me faster than the speed of light probably. I watched him writhe in pain in front of me for a second, basking in the joy and satisfaction that coursed through my body before realising that I could do so much worse and absolutely nothing was stopping me.

I grabbed a handful of his hair, ignoring the way some clumps had ripped out of his scalp before I channelled all of my anger into smashing his face into the window of his car until the glass had shattered. I really didn't care about preserving his life. I just wanted to inflict on him as much pain as I could get away with. Unable to control myself, I pushed him back onto the ground as hard as I could before raising my leg to stomp on his face when a voice broke me out of my violent daze.

“Boss!” Jorge quickly came running from the back of the house, grabbing my arm and pulling me away from Lucien who was now pathetically crawling away from me towards his car.

As I watched him, the adrenaline slowly leaving my system, I still couldn't find it within in me to feel any kind of empathy or remorse for him. If Jorge hadn't come at the time he did, I probably would've ended up killing him with my bare hands and then burying him in the backyard before continuing to live the rest of my life like nothing happened. I could not find it in me to give a single fuck about him. Or any of the other men that had died at my hands now that I thought about it.

As I watched him drive hastily out of the yard, I couldn't help but smile and wave him goodbye at the sight of his bloodied face before he had completely disappeared around the corner. If that didn't warn him of how problematic I was, I didn't know what would but I knew I had finally crossed the line with him. It was either he'd be too afraid of me to approach me again or he'd want my head served to him on a silver platter and knowing Lucien, fear was an uncommon word in his dictionary.

Jorge made to back away from me, but before he could, I grabbed his arms and pulled him back to me, not leaving any space between us. He placed his hands on my waist to push me away, but I only dug my fingers into his arms, making him wince and stare down at me with fear and worry in his eyes.

“You won't tell Pablo or Daniel about this, will you?” I asked, batting my eyes up at him as he gulped. Sensing his internal struggle, I delicately placed my hand on his cheek, letting him feel Lucien's blood on my fingertips as I smeared it on his face, warning him. “Will you?”

“A-About what?” he stuttered, making me tilt my head to the side. “I didn't see anything happen,” he said which had made a smile stretch across my lips as I nodded my head in agreement.

“I like you.” I patted his cheek and pushed him away as if suddenly repulsed by his touch before picking up my groceries and making my way into the house.

***

After a couple minutes of silent seething and furiously brushing my teeth, I had finally calmed down enough to follow through with the rest of my plans for the day. I had picked Teo up from daycare and left him with Abigail before heading off to meet Anna like I had planned at the restaurant near my house.

“There's the birthday girl,” I said as I took a seat opposite where she sat by the window. She only rolled her eyes at my enthusiasm but said nothing. “How does it feel like being twenty-four now?” I asked.

“Well,” she began, placing her intertwined hands on the table as if she was a food critic or something. “I'd have to give it a three out of ten because it was not as it was advertised,” she said, making me play along and raise my eyebrows in shock.

“No?”

“No. It did not meet my expectations,” she said, counting off one finger, “and generally, it just did not give what it was supposed to give so I am left extremely disappointed, unsatisfied and underwhelmed.”

“Will a small gift be able to increase the rating?” I asked as I shuffled the purple gift bag across the table as if trying to be discreet with it despite it being out in the open.

Anna pursed her lips, a small frown coming across her face before she rolled her eyes and gave me a toothy grin. “Of course you went ahead and got me something,” she muttered under her breath as she took the bag and opened it. “Even though I told you not to.”

As she tore through the wrapping paper, I took my time to read through the menu on the table as if I wasn't just going to order the only thing we ever ordered in here. Pasta bake with bacon bits. What else did a woman need in her life?

“You got me a globe?” she asked as if she couldn't quite see the small pink globe she was holding in her hands and needed me to confirm it to her.

“It was either that or a geography book, but I decided to be nice since it's your birthday,” I said, before reaching over to take out the custom pen with her name engraved on it. “You can mark off all the places you've travelled to once you finally start.”

“Why do you know me so well?”

“That's not all. Open the second box,” I ordered, practically vibrating in my seat for her to see the other present I had gotten her. Anna slowly brought out the long velvet box, her thumb brushing over the soft material until she finally put me out of my misery and pried the box open.

She sat still for a minute, her eyes scanning over the item in confusion until the suddenly widened to the size of golf balls and a soft gasp escaped her lips.

“Ara, what the fuck? I'm not taking that,” she said, snapping the box shut and glaring at me. “I already told you not to buy me anything. The absolute least you could've done if you weren't going to listen to me was buy me something cheap.”

“Our friendship isn't cheap though,” I said, pouting before coming around to sit beside her and opening the velvet box up again to reveal the pure silver bracelet I had custom ordered for her with bright yellow gemstone charms and her name as well as "sunshine" engraved on the silver charms. “I want you to understand that no matter how cheap the both of us are, I could never put a price on you or our friendship. I would spend ungodly amounts of money, do anything that was ever asked of me just to keep you in my life. Nothing is worth what we have.” I took the bracelet out of the box and gently took her hand in mine, noting the way she hesitated but let me clip the bracelet around her wrist anyway. “I know we've been through some rocky times lately, but I just want you to know how I see you. You're my sunshine.”

Finally looking up from the bracelet to meet Anna's gaze, I couldn't help the way my heart constricted in my chest at the sight of tears brimming her eyes. She looked so happy but so sad at the same time and it confused me.

“I literally adore you, girl,” she said, wrapping her arms around me for a tight hug as I did the same. “You're so sweet and kind and selfless and you only ever deserve the best of the best,” she said, her words coming out muffled against my neck. I opened my mouth to let her know that I probably learnt from her, but she had spoken before me and said something that stilled my heart in my chest for a while longer than what was probably healthy.

“I'm going to miss you so much.”

I froze against her, a frown settling on my lips at her words. Slowly, I pulled away to look her in the eyes and ask, “what do you mean?”

Anna bit her bottom lip, a guilty look fleeting across her features before she diverted her eyes. “I've been thinking about this for a while, but I think I want to go home now,” she confessed, making me furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

“Home as in...” I trailed off, letting her finish it for me because there were quite a few definitions of home but I wasn't sure what hers was in this context.

“My hometown, Ara,” she clarified, making me sit frozen in my seat for a minute, trying to process what the fuck this bitch was on about.

“You're from Sacramento.”

“I know. And I want to go back now.”

I sat, gaping at her like a fish out of water, searching desperately for something to say or the right question to ask so it would finally start making sense. Finally, I settled on:

“Why?”

“I feel unfulfilled,” she said calmly as if she had rehearsed for this very moment. “There's nothing for me here anymore.”

“But I'm here.”

“I know,” she said, laughing a little at my desperate attempt to make her see reason. “And I love you, Ara, I do, but you're not enough. Everyone is moving forward and it feels like I'm just staying in the same place. Like you're making a family as well as opening your first boutique in like the next four months. Celeste is getting married. Everyone around me is moving on except for me.”

“But you can't compare yourself to others,” I tried to say, but Anna had hit me with a glare that instantly told me that I needed to shut the fuck up.

“I'm not,” she said firmly, sounding more assertive than I had ever witnessed her be. “I'm not where I want to be. I'm not who I want to be. I don't want to work the rest of my life in that stupid house,” she said, sounding genuinely frustrated and fed up with her current position. “I'm so much fucking smarter than that. I have so much more potential. I don't deserve that bullshit.”

Despite my mind going a mile a minute trying to find any reason to make Anna stay, I found myself nodding my head in agreement. “You're right.”

“I want to do something for myself. I want to make something of myself.” The yearning in her voice had been so hard to miss, making me wonder if it had always been like this and I just never paid attention to it. Surely, I had known that Anna wouldn't stay with me forever. “And my mom...” she said, revealing the pain in her eyes at her next words, “she's getting worse and I'm not sure if she'll make it to next year. I know we have our differences, but I still love her and I want to spend as much time as I can with her.”

“I know,” I said, taking her hand to show her I understood her even though my vision blurred with tears. “You don't have to explain yourself to me. All I want is the best for you.” I quickly pulled her into a hug again so she wouldn't see the tears that had escaped my eyes and trailed down my cheeks but of course Anna knew me better than that. “I'll try my best to come visit as much as I can,” I promised, hating the way my voice came out wobbly, “and we'll go on so many trips together.”

“Hell yeah,” she agreed as she rubbed comforting circles onto my back. “I know you already talk to your boo thang multiple times every day, but expect to be receiving calls daily from me too to rant and rave to you about my latest crush, okay?” she said, making me chuckle and pull back as I wiped the tears away. She always had a way to lighten up the mood.

“Okay.”

“I can't believe we did this in public,” she chuckled as she too wiped away the her tears, making me smile, sniffle and shrug.

“In all fairness, the booth you chose seems quite private.”

“Ara,” she said, giving me a blank look, “we're right by the window. Anyone could've seen us.”

“No one's going to start peeping through the window to watch two women cry, Anna. That's weird,” I said, making her roll her eyes and shrug at my indifference.

“Believe what you want then,” she shrugged before a look of shock came across her face as she scanned over the table before giving me a nasty look. “Where's our food? I thought you ordered it while I took a long time to admire my presents so you could order it.”

“I was but then I got distracted.”

“Well now you need to go up and order so it'll at least come back to us at some time today.”

“Nuh-uh, why do I have to go order the food?”

“Because I'm the birthday girl,” Anna tried to argue with me but before I could tell her how senseless that argument was, she had quirked up again. “Oh my God, do you want to help me pack?”

“Oh my God, yes and then after we can go shopping, right?”

“Of course, do you think I'm going to travel without updating my wardrobe?”

***

“Bitch, that's my top,” I declared, tossing a pillow at Anna's head and snatching my top our of her hands. “I thought I lost it three years ago but you've had it this whole time, you thieving asshole?”

“You said I could borrow it,” Anna argued, sitting up from where the pillow had knocked her down but I only gave her a nasty look.

“The key word is borrow, idiot,” I said, pushing her away as she tried to take the top from me again. “I give you, you wear, you give back.”

“Okay, and what about my skirt?” she asked, making me go silent and turn away from her as if I didn't know what she was talking about. “Oh, so we're going to pretend we can't talk now? Give me back my skirt, bitch,” she said, tugging on the skirt I had on which was indeed the skirt I had "borrowed" from her three years ago.

“I'm sure we can work things out,” I said, suddenly finding my soft voice to speak to which she just laughed and pushed me onto her bed before going back to throwing clothes into her suitcase.

“At this point, we have half of each other's wardrobe,” she laughed, making me get onto my knees and pull her into a hug, squishing my cheek with hers.

“It's only because we're twins,” I said, before pulling away to look at her. “Except you're white. And blonde. And blue-eyed. Yikes.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“Dye your hair back black,” I said, making her roll her eyes and go back to packing. “It'll look good with your eyes.”

“What? You're tired of the blonde phase?” she asked, pulling her hair out of the bun she always had it in and letting her limp curls frame her face. “Yikes,” she muttered as she assessed the state of her hair before putting it back up in her bun. “That's why I don't grow my shit out.”

“Maybe if you stopped straightening and chemically processing it, it would be different,” I said, making her hold up a hand to stop me from talking.

“Please, stop yourself there, ma'am,” she said, making me giggle at her words. “Not everyone wants long, beautiful luscious, healthy hair like your own. If my hair doesn't fall out of my scalp by the time I'm done with it, it only means it's going to soon.”

“What's the next colour then?”

“Black,” she confessed, making me gasp and then lunge at her for a hug again. “But don't think I'm stopping there. I'm going to get red on the inside so you don't see the colour unless you move the hair.”

“But you're hair is curly,” I frowned to which she shrugged.

“I'll make it work.”

“Of course you will,” I said, rolling my eyes before making my way off her bed. “I'm just going to go check on Emma since I'm here,” I told her, making her nod at me yet I lingered at the door a little bit. “Are you sure Lucien isn't here?”

“Girl, I can't even lie to you. I think he's got a girlfriend now or something because he's always away at night and when he comes back, you know what he's been up to,” she said, making me scrunch my nose up in disgust.

“I did not need to know that,” I told her, making her roll my eyes at me before I made my way out of her room and down the hall.

It had been so long since I had last been here, yet it was clear to see that I still knew my way around just fine. When we first walked in, I couldn't help but check to see if my room had been cleared out yet everything still seemed to be the exact same way I had left it the last time I was here. It seemed like nobody wanted to touch it for whatever reason they had. Now they were probably telling the newer maids ghost stories about me.

I easily made my way to Emma's room, knocking on the door. I heard some shuffling in the background which I took as my cue to enter, but as I walked in, I realised that I probably should've waited.

Emma stood alone in the middle of her room staring at me like a deer caught in headlights. I hadn't realised what had left her so shocked until I noticed what she was holding in her hand.

A pregnancy test.

Or well multiple pregnancy tests.

I wasn't sure what I was expected to do either. Was I supposed to just leave without saying anything or should I ask or should I just pretend that I didn't notice and continue?

“Please don't say anything,” Emma said desperately as she pulled me into her room before closing the door behind her. Instead of locking it like I had intended she would, she placed a desk chair underneath the handle, making me realise that she couldn't lock her door. Lucien probably took away the lock. She turned to me, her eyes wide and scared as she spoke. “How did you know when you were pregnant?”

“I... um, I took a test,” I admitted, making her curse and place the three pregnancy tests she had in her hand on the desk. I couldn't help but take notice of how all three of them had two faint blue lines, indicating that they were all positive. “Congrats,” I tried to say to her, but she only gave me a nasty look.

Why am I getting so much nasty looks today? Am I really the problem?

“This isn't a good thing,” she said, burying her face in her hands before running them through her hair and letting out a groan of frustration. “Why me?”

I only stood off to the side, unable to offer any words of value despite the fact that I had been in her exact position two years ago.

“Do you know how far along you are?” I asked, making her shake her head before nodding it again and then shaking it.

“I'm very far,” she confessed, making me raise an eyebrow at that. If she was far into the pregnancy, why was she only taking a test now. Noticing my confusion, she explained. “I searched up some things because I noticed some changes and from what I read, I'm far into it but I don't know how far.”

“How did you not notice?” I asked as if I hadn't been the one also to miss the fact that my period hadn't shown up at all for a month going on two.

“My periods are very irregular,” she explained, making me nod my head in understanding. At least she had an excuse. “Please don't tell Pablo about this,” she said, making me realise that she knew that I knew about their affair. Pablo probably told her, the blab. And they said I ran my mouth.

“Is Pablo the father?” I asked, again confused because the last time I checked, Pablo couldn't father children.

“I don't know. I'm not sure,” she said, making me raise my eyebrow. “I only slept with Pierre only a couple times when he'd make me but with how irregular my period is, I don't think once is enough to...you know.”

“But Pablo can't get anyone pregnant,” I said, making her stare at me with wide eyes. “He didn't tell you he got a vasectomy when he was younger?”

“Can't those things reverse themselves sometimes?” she asked, making me shrug my shoulders. I knew next to nothing about vasectomies except for the fact that they were a good form of birth control and were reversible in most cases. “Please tell him to go check so I'd at least be sure of who the father is,” she begged me, making me fold my arms over my chest.

“How the hell am I supposed to not tell him you're pregnant but then also bring up his reproductive health in a conversation?” I asked, making her shrug her shoulders at me.

“I don't know, but you guys are close, Ara. Just please do it. It'll help me a lot,” she begged, making me roll my eyes and drop my arms to my side in defeat.

“Fine, but I'm not getting anymore involved in this than I already am,” I said, making her nod her head and wipe away the tears that had began to trail from her cheeks. “Are you going to keep it?” I asked, but she only shrugged and hovered her hand over her abdomen before dropping it back at her side almost as if she was disgusted with the thought of it.

“I don't know yet,” she answered as she wiped away her tears and recollected herself. I watched her as she hastily pulled out a plastic bag and put all the pregnancy tests inside it before wrapping it up and hiding it in a handbag. “I'll try and talk to Daniel for advice. If things get too bad, I'll ask him to hide me in his safe house for a while.”

“But, what about Pablo? Wouldn't he help you?” I asked, but she only gave me a weird look.

“He broke up with me,” she confessed, making my mouth hang open in shock. “You don't know?”

That was it. I was getting too involved in something that shouldn't concern me. I really needed to go.

“No, I don't, but you know what? I'm sure it will all work out for you, Emma,” I said as I placed a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. “If you decide to keep it and you need any help from me, I'm right here,” I offered, making her smile before handing me the handbag with her pregnancy tests.

“Thanks, Ara. You can help me by throwing these away so Lucien doesn't find them in my bin and suspect something.”

I laughed with her but deep down, I couldn't help the way my heart hurt for her at the obvious hell she was living in. The fact that she might have to go into hiding because of this. The fact that her so called fiance had forced her to sleep with him - had raped her - and the fact that she was still here laughing about it. Like it was normal. Daniel was truly the only one she had and he didn't even fully know all the things that went on. Especially now that he no longer lived with them.

I only kept my mouth quiet and walked out with the handbag in my arms.

***

my husband danny wasn't present in today's episode :( I miss him. If you miss him too, don't worry he'll make an appearance in the next chapter and when I tell you... hmm well next chapter is something to say the least but lemme not talk to much yall complain about how I always tease you in these notes.

Anyway, how are yall feeling about this chapter? Any thoughts on Emma's dilemma? Could my daddy Pablo be the father?

Guys please so much happened in this chapter I'm gonna need to hear all of your thoughts because I love reading your comments. How do yall feel about Araceli? Idk about you but this behaviour of hers seems like it could lead on to... some better things if you catch my drift.

Anyways I'm off to update my cv bevause being broke in this economy is a nono yall stay safe xx