THE LETTERS

Come on, let it go,
Just let it be.
Why don't you be you,
And I'll be me?

***

CHAPTER XIV

*****

WHEN DANIEL HAD flung me the keys and told me to drive, I was ecstatic.

“Finally!” I had exclaimed, pumping my fist into the air as Daniel got into the backseat to watch that Jacob didn't pull anything. I had thrown myself into the drivers side and drooled all over the setup for a minute or so before Daniel had grunted for me to get going.

Now, looking out the rear view mirror at the two black cars that had been trailing us for over twenty minutes, I wished I had declined.

“Drive faster,” Daniel ordered from the backseat, not giving me the chance to point it out.

“I can't,” I said, pressing my foot on the gas pedal. “The road is too slippery and there are too many turns.”

“Fuck sakes,” Daniel muttered, glancing back at the only two other cars apart from ours that were on the road. It didn't take a genius to know that they were gaining on us.

Without a word of warning, Daniel leaned over from the backseat and pressed down on my leg which was on the gas pedal. The realisation had only come after we had reached a speed that was way too high, but I still slapped his hand away and glared at him through the rearview mirror.

“Fuck you,” I muttered under my breath, not bothering to slow the car down since the others were right behind us at this point.

“You already have.”

I gritted my teeth together, rolling my eyes at his immaturity as I stepped on the gas pedal again. There was a reason why I had crashed those two cars and it wasn't due to bad driving.

I took a sharp turn, the wheels on the car skidding against the wet tar road. The car circled once, twice and half the third time before I could finally gain control again. It had given the cars behind us time to turn gently and then speed up, almost catching up to us by the time I had began driving down the road again.

I let a low curse slip past my lips as I pressed down on the gas pedal again, briefly glancing through the rear view to see that they were also accelerating with us, quickly reaching our speed.

“Put on your seat belt,” I told Daniel from over my shoulder.

He frowned at me, but did as I had said. As soon as the click from his seat belt had sounded in the car, I stepped down on the break pedal, bringing the car to an immediate halt and reversing.

It was too late for the car closest to us - it had collided with our bumper, but the second car had been back far enough to stop before it could cause any damage. I stepped down on the gas pedal again, not wasting any time to begin speeding down the road.

I took another sharp turn, this time anticipating the slip of the road and getting the car in control after it glided. The people that were chasing us were miles behind now, but I knew it wouldn't stay like that for long.

I noted how what I was about to do was absolutely crazy and I acknowledged the fact that my plan would only work if the people chasing us weren't as suicidal as I was about to become. Either way, it was the only other thing I could think of.

The road was mainly straight with only a few turns and thick dense trees lining it. There was no other way I could lose them.

“Give me the gun,” Daniel said from the back, distracting me from my troubling thoughts.

I bit my bottom lip and glanced at him before reaching over to the glove box, opening it and taking out the gun he had given me before we stepped into the hospital. I casually threw it back at him before closing the glove box and glancing up at the rear view mirror again.

The cars were closer than I last remembered seeing them and I couldn't help but wonder when that had happened. It didn't matter.

It was now or never.

Easing up on the speed a little, I turned, leaning my body in the direction we were turning to as if that would help.

“What are you doing?” I heard Daniel ask from the backseat. I was too high on the adrenaline to even detect if he was angry or confused or anything.

I couldn't focus on anything except for my own suicide plan. I pressed down on the breaks before the car could circle again and after taking a second to recompose myself, I stepped on the gas and start driving towards the two cars that were tailing us.

Head on.

I accelerated by the second, hearing my heart beat in my ears as the headlights of the first car almost blinded me. It was no secret that if we met, it would be fatal for me and who was behind the wheel in the other car.

We inched closer, the opponent coming at us in full speed with no indication of slowing and turning and that was the moment that fear had trickled down my spine. He wasn't going to move.

“Turn, Araceli. Turn,” Daniel hissed at me from the backseat, but I couldn't. Turning now wouldn't give me enough time to break before we would hit a tree head on and even if that wouldn't kill us, the men who were clearly after us would.

I pressed down on the gas again, shaking my head because there was no way they wouldn't break. There was no way they would just let me hit them and kill them.

The headlights were blinding at this stage, and I heard Daniel mutter something from behind me before suddenly, the sound of gunshots filled my ears. Before my eyes, multiple bullet wholes had appeared in the windshield, creating large cracks that only got bigger the more the mystery gun had been fired.

I shut my eyes in an attempt to protect myself from the glass, but instantly realised that I wasn't being shot at.

We were the ones doing the shooting.

As soon as the bullet hit the other car, they skidded to the left, right into the grey wall that had lined the road and crashed. The second car had taken the safer alternative and turned right, meeting a large tree trunk with its side.

Daniel had leaned over, not bothering to roll down the window and continued shooting at them until he had ran out of bullets in both guns and everything was still.

I could barely see out of the almost shattered windshield but the only thing I had done to combat that was slow down. The rain continued to beat down on the roof of the car, some of it dripping in through the holes in the windshield and onto my hand but I couldn't find it in me to care.

The adrenaline levels in my blood was only beginning to drop when it spiked again suddenly at the feel of someone's hand around my neck. I felt Daniel's breath against my cheek, his rough hands gripping my neck but not tight enough to restrict my airways.

“Never,” he whispered into my ear, his voice coming out low in the silence of the car. “Never do that again without warning me.”

I bit down on my bottom lip, squeezing my thighs together as I glanced at the rear view mirrow. His gaze was trained solely on me before he suddenly snapped his eyes towards the mirror and met my own.

His lips raised into a smirk, his eyes holding humour in them as my centre throbbed.

He knew exactly what he was doing.

“No promises.” With that, I sped up.

***

By the time we had reached his house, I didn't expect Mateo to still be awake. It was early the next day with only a couple hours until the sun would rise again and I stood off to the side, watching as some of Daniel's men hoisted Jacob out of the car and towards the basement in the garage.

I didn't say anything. Not even a goodnight to Daniel as I walked into the house towards my room; granted, it would've had to be a good morning anyway.

I walked down the empty halls, brushing my fingers tips against the walls as the days events finally took its toll on my tired body.

I was spent.

I peeled the door of my room open, switching on the lights and scanning the surroundings. Mateo was fast asleep on my bed, his eyes screwed shut and his face scrunched up as if he was in the middle of a bad dream.

I closed the door behind me softly before walking over to him first. I smoothed his hair out of his face and brought the duvet up to cover him properly before leaning down and placing a small kiss on his forehead.

His face immediately relaxed and he reached his hand out to grab me, but I only took it in my palm and placed it back beside him.

“Araceli?”

I stood up straight, turning around to look at the second person in the room.

Anna-Maria rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she sat up on my desk chair. I felt bad for making her have to sleep there. It must've been so uncomfortable.

“Thank you for watching him, Anna,” I said, smiling at her as she looked at me in confusion - probably still trying to remember who she was after being asleep. “I'm sorry for coming back so late.”

“It's fine, it's fine,” she muttered. She stood up from her seat and made to walk towards the door, but I grabbed a hold of her hand, making her whip around to look at me.

“I know things have been—”

Now isn't the time. I let go of her hand and took a step back, feeling ashamed for something I hadn't even done. Letting out a long, tired sigh, I shook my head and gave up.

“Can I talk to you tomorrow?” I asked, catching the way her left eyebrow raised up slightly. “I think we have some things to talk about.”

“I'm really busy tomorrow,” she said, making me frown and look to the ground. “So... You know what? Okay. We'll talk during my break.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

She turned away after muttering the single word, not casting me another glance.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to take in a deep breath before open my eyes again. Something on my desk grabbed my attention and I walked towards it, picking up the envelopes that I never remembered leaving there.

I sighed and carried them over to the bed, ready to start reading them. All of them were still there including the one that I had supposedly written to Daniel.

I placed that one off to the side, deciding there was no point in rereading. Remembering that horrible time was not going to do anything for me now.

I flipped the second envelope over, letting my eyes glance of what I assumed was Daniel's handwriting. The letters were all joined, even the capital A in my name. It seemed neater than I had expected it to be in cursive and I couldn't help but feel a little envious of it.

After a couple moments, I ripped it up and pulled out the content to read.

I don't know if you know, but you're anemic. I'm not supposed to care, but I can't have you running around without knowing that you're at risk of fainting at any point. What if something happens?

The doctors says that you should eat a lot of food that's high in iron. She also said that you should book another appointment so they can monitor your condition and see if you need any supplements.

I don't really expect you to care. I'm just worried about your health. That's all.

Daniel.

Something in my heart fluttered as I read over the letter a second time. At first, there seemed to be nothing particularly romantic about the letter but after being through all I had been through, I could almost feel how much it meant for him to write this.

At this stage, two years ago, Daniel was made to believe that I hated him. He was made to believe that I had ran away from him because I didn't want him anymore. Yet he still wanted to make sure I was okay.

I opened the second one, I guess not feeling like I was experiencing enough pain.

I was too chicken to send that first one. I can't write. I don't like anything about it and I can't spell either so I don't want to send any of these. But I wish you would still see them.

I know you're with my worst enemy but I hope you're okay. No matter how much I lie to myself, I can't hate you.

Daniel.

At this stage, the tears were brimming at my eyes and my heart was heavy in my chest as I struggled to breathe right. I readjusted myself on the bed and with shaky hands picked up the forth letter.

Dear Araceli,

I only realised that I'm supposed to start all of my letters of with that today. Pablo told me.

Pablo's really upset. He's drank almost every day now and talks about losing you and Emma. I haven't seen your friend since you left. I'm not sure if she still works here.

I think everyone feels your disappearance. Nobody's happy anymore. Or maybe it's just because I surround myself with people who were close to you.

I don't really know what to tell you. I just felt like you were the only one I could open up to. I don't know why you made me feel like that. I didn't mean to put so much pressure on you. I didn't think it would chase you away from me.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

The tears were trailing down my cheeks like rivers, but nothing stopped me from picking up the last letter. I let my eyes run over the content and felt my heart break when I realised that this was basically just Daniel finally letting go of me for good.

Dear Araceli,

I know I hurt you a lot. And I know nothing I say will ever take back all the times that I fucked you over, but I'm sorry. I wish it didn't take me this long to realise that I needed you.

Daniel.

Needed.

Past tense.

A sob had escaped my lips and Mateo had sat up, his eyes narrowed as he looked around the room. It didn't take him long to find me and as soon as he did, a smile had graced his lips.

“Mama!”

“Shh, baby. Go back to sleep,” I muttered quietly, placing my hand on his back as he frowned at me. “I'm fine. I promise. Just sleep.”

He frowned, reluctance obvious on his face, but within seconds, the sleep quickly overcame him and he was out faster than a light. I let out a breath, leaning against the backboard of my bed before sitting up again and looking at all the letters. I sifted through them, finding that there were a few that I still hadn't read but I was only looking for one.

The one I had written.

I stuffed the rest under my pillow before getting off the bed and heading straight for the door. I turned back to Teo one last time, checking he was okay before switching off the light and making my way out of the room.

There was only one destination I had in mind and it was the parlour. The only room in the Reyes estate that had a real fire place. It didn't take me long to reach there, since it too was on the first floor. What surprised me was how the fire burnt with life even though it felt like nobody had been there before me.

The lights were out and the place was empty, but the fire was roaring, illuminating the dark room with a mellow orange and yellow.

I stepped closer to the fire, letting the heat from it warm me as I finally realised that I was still soaked. I made note of the fact that I would have to redo my protective style for my hair or else it would get tangled and frizzy.

If I had braids in, this wouldn't be much of an issue but my length was way past the one for braids and I was too impatient to sit that long in one place.

I took another step closer to the fire, opening up the letter that seemed to have caused all this trouble and letting my eyes skim over it again. If I had  the one that Daniel had supposedly written for me in the hospital, it would've had the same fate as this one too.

With my heart beating hard in my chest, I chucked the paper into the fire, watching it burn and disintegrate into nothing.

Like whatever Daniel and I shared.

Even if the thing that had made me initially begin to hate him wasn't true, there were still a lot of things that kept me away from him. One of those things being myself.

There was no way I was going to put my mental health at stake again. No man deserved that and as I was now, I was still damaged. I couldn't throw myself into another relationship when I was still healing from the last one. Even if the last one was with the same person.

The truth is I was broken even before I got with Daniel. That hurt was what I healed in the two years away from him and it did me good. I was still on my journey to becoming a better version of myself. I was afraid that getting back with Daniel would only set my progress back.

And even if I did want to get back with him, it was clear as daylight that he didn't want to get back with me.

So it was set. My relationship with Daniel was officially over. After getting closure and years of asking 'what-if', I could say that I didn't hate him, but I had finally let go of him.

That being said, there was no reason to keep him away from his son. From what I could see, Daniel liked Teo. And Teo liked Daniel. I didn't want to get in between something that could grow into a wonderful relationship. I wanted my son to have the one thing that I never got to enjoy during my childhood.

A father.

“Did you read the letters?” a voice broke me out of my reverie, making me whip around to see Daniel standing by the entrance watching me.

I could've sworn that I had been alone the whole time. When did he even get here?

I wrapped one arm around my torso and ran my free hand through my wet locks, cringing at the two single strands that I seemed to have shed through the day. I knew there were probably a lot more were they came from.

“Most of them,” I shrugged after violently flinging the hairs off my fingers.

He nodded, not saying anything else as he let his eyes scan up and down my attire. He cleared his throat and met my gaze again before breaking the tense silence in the room.

“Come with me. I'll give you some clothes.”