Emily's POV

I sometimes dream of being trapped in the room with Jones. I feel the dirt on the floor, I feel the chains wrapped around my wrists and I smell the mildew clinging to the air. I hear his voice as he reveals he's my biological father. I hear my cries as I beg for him to release me and send me home to Jake. The dreams always end with me waking up in a sweat. My breathing turns frenzied and I scramble around in the dark to find Jake sleeping next to me. Sometimes I wake up and I'm back in the hospital. I hear the beeping of the machines, the hustle and bustle of the nurses and I smell the disinfect invading the air. I hear Jake talking to me while I sleep, begging for me to wake up and end his nightmare. The dream ends with me falling through a dark hole, a hole I'm unable to get out of. My hands scramble to hold onto the sides but I begin losing all control.

My eyes fling open and I gasp at the bright lights surrounding me. The dream of waking in a hospital is almost comforting. I've experienced it so many times, I know how it's going to end. Wires cover my body and the striped hospital gown feels cheap and scratchy against my skin. I swallow in an attempt to replace the moisture in my throat. When I turn my head, I find Jake sleeping in the chair next to me. This is usually when he begins begging for me to wake up. I study the lines on his handsome face and his parted lips as he sleeps. Wow, these dreams are becoming incredibly realistic. I lift my hand before examining it. The simple act of lifting my hand causes exhaustion to wash over me. My eyes flutter closed and I release a shallow breath.

"Emily?" Jake stirs beside me before calling out my name.

My lips settle in a thin smile and I slowly turn to look at him. When I move, he leans forward in his seat before grabbing hold of my hand. He lifts it and places a tender kiss on the back of it. His eyes are red, almost as if he's been crying for hours. This is usually how he looks in my dream... Exhausted. Lifeless. Defeated.

"Hey, you," Jake says softly.

He keeps his eyes pinned on our intertwined hands, almost as if he can't bear to make eye contact with me.

"I'm so tired, Jake," I whisper before closing my eyes.

He releases a trembling breath before nodding his head in understanding.

"I know, Muffin. I know you are."

A single tear rolls down his cheek. I want to reach out and wipe it away but my limbs feel like they're weighed down and pinned to the bed.

"Why are you crying?" I ask him.

He clings onto my hand tightly before resting it against his forehead. I can feel the weight of the world resting on his shoulders. When it comes to life, I've never met anyone more laid back than Jake. When it comes to me, he worries too much.

"We need to talk about the baby, Emily."

His words cause me to sit up straight despite the exhaustion I'm experiencing. I frown down at him because my recurring dreams don't usually go like this. In my dreams, Jake doesn't know about the baby. In my dreams, the pregnancy doesn't exist.

"W-what are you talking about?" I whisper the words before looking around the room.

My eyes frantically take in every little detail and a daunting emotion washes over me. I feel a lump lodge itself in the back of my throat.

"I'm not dreaming, am I?" I whisper while looking at him for an answer.

He doesn't look back at me.

"Jake? Why won't you look at me?" I say with panic lining my voice.

"No, you're not dreaming."

His eyes briefly flicker up and I feel the pain exuding from him like he's trapped in his own personal hell. My breathing hitches and I feel like I've been punched straight in the gut.

"What is it? I know the baby is alive. I can feel it," I whisper before placing a hand over my stomach.

Now I know I'm not dreaming, I can feel I'm not alone. Our baby is with me.

"You're right, Emily. The baby is alive... But I –"

He stops talking when it becomes too difficult for him. His brows knit together with frustration. His bottom lip wobbles unsteadily and he meets my gaze without looking away this time. His eyes soften when he looks at me like I'm his entire universe and more.

"You know if I could take this pain away from you, I would? I would do anything to make it okay for you, Wenworth."

My body knows something terrible is on the horizon. The emotion radiating from Jake causes my eyes to fill with tears. It's almost like my body knows the bad news before my brain has a chance to digest it. My head repeatedly shakes back and forth. I don't want to hear it... Whatever he has to say, I don't want to know.

"What are you trying to tell me?" I whisper with fear.

Nausea crawls its way up my throat. I barely have a second to gesture for Jake to pass me the vomit bowl. He places it in my lap and I begin throwing up. My throat burns with flames and tears stream down my cheeks. Jake grits his teeth before looking away from me. He blinks to fight off the tears. His hand rubs soothing motions up and down my back and I wheeze as I struggle to catch my breath. When I'm done, I sink into the pillows with complete exhaustion. My body screams for me to stop but I don't know how to help myself. Once I'm cleaned up, Jake takes a seat on the edge of the bed. I already know from the look in his eyes what he's going to tell me.

I felt it all along...

I knew something terrible would happen. I knew my body couldn't handle the pregnancy. I could physically feel it shutting down with every passing day. I knew Jones' wrath would follow me around for the rest of my life but I underestimated how much he would steal from me. I knew I wouldn't get my happily ever after.

"Don't say it, Jake." I whisper a warning to him.

He takes hold of my hand while silent tears stream down his cheeks. He takes his time to place a tender kiss on the end of every fingertip. It's almost as if he's trying to soften the blow. I can feel his heart crushing with every passing second. My emotions have always been interlinked with his. We share the same pain and right now, I feel it all. My vision blurs with tears and I turn to stare out of the window. It's just like I said earlier... Neither of us have to speak to know what we're thinking.

"I won't do it," I tell him quietly.

He inhales a sharp breath and I can feel him prepare to argue against me.

"The baby is killing you, Emily."

That's all I need to hear before I lose all sense of my sanity. I release an anguished cry before yanking my hand out of his hold.

"No! I won't do it, Jake! I won't believe it!" I scream at him.

Tears roll down my cheek on a never ending loop. My heart feels like it's being crushed under a thousand tons of weight. My hands tremble uncontrollably and gut-wrenching cries leave my lips. Jake watches me with tears in his eyes as I lose my shit in front of him. He crawls forward before wrapping his arms around me in a bear hug. I fight against him but he never loosens his grip.

"I won't do it, Jake! I won't! There has to be another way!"

I scream before sinking into his hold. I cling onto him with desperation as sobs ripple through my body. I scream and cry for everything I've been through. I scream and cry for everything Jones has taken from me. Even from the grave, he finds a way to ruin my life. I scream and cry as I mourn the baby growing inside me. I scream and cry because I feel Jake's heart breaking and I can't do anything about it. I scream until my voice turns shrill and I'm completely spent. The entire time, Jake holds me and doesn't attempt to stop me. He allows me to express my heartbreak in any way I need to.

"Please, Jake... There has to be another way," I whimper inside Jake's arms.

He buries his hand in my hair while holding me. His lips travel to find my ear.

"Let's talk to the doctor together... He'll tell us everything we need to know."

*

The doctor ultimately tells me it's my decision to make. Jake reassures me he'll support me either way. As soon as I hear the doctor's verdict, I make up my mind. Jake leaves me alone to give me time to think but I don't need it. I may be stupid and reckless for deciding to keep the baby, but it's my decision to make. It's my battle to fight. I know I can do this... I can feel it in my heart. Aborting the baby just isn't an option for me. The hospital door opens and Jake walks inside to hear my decision. His cheeks are pale and he looks like he's on the verge of throwing up. He slowly lowers himself down in the chair next to me. I turn and look at him while wondering how I'm going to break the news to him. I know it's going to hurt him, but what other choice do I have? I decide to blurt out my decision without overthinking it.

"I'm keeping the baby," I tell him.

He stares back at me in complete shock. He doesn't move an inch. He doesn't even look like he's breathing. I reach out with a shaky hand to touch his leg.

"Jake?" I whisper in an attempt to snap him out of it.

His throat rolls as he swallows and he turns to look at me like I've told him I received the death sentence. He looks at me like he's mourning my life and everything we could have been.

"Emily..." Jake says my name in a broken tone that physically causes my heart to clench with pain.

He doesn't have to say anything else. I can hear the desperation in his voice for me to reconsider.

"We have the rest of our life to try for a baby, Wentworth. We could adopt. We could rehome a million puppies. We could pay for the best treatment to help you heal your scar tissue. We could do —"

"I want this baby, Jake. I want to keep this baby," I interrupt him with my decision for a second time.

Jake winces before burying his face in his hands.

"I can't lose you," he whispers with a heavy heart.

I place a protective hand over my stomach.

"I can't say goodbye to this baby, Jake."

When he lifts his head, his eyes are more broken than I've ever seen him. He looks haunted for his future.

"What if I can't say goodbye to you?"

His question knocks the air out of my lungs. I try to cling to the Doctor's words of possibly surviving this pregnancy. I would never forgive myself if I aborted our baby. What if we're unable to have any children in the future? This could be our only chance. We've survived through worse and came out the other end.

"You've made up your decision, haven't you?" Jake asks me quietly.

I nod my head while tearing my gaze off him. It physically hurts me to see him drowning in pain that I've caused with my decision. Jake exhales a deep breath before taking a shaky stand to his feet.

"Where are you going?" I ask him quietly.

He grabs his jacket before turning around to walk away.

"I need air," he tells me in a shattered tone before walking away.

He doesn't stop to look back. After talking extensively to the Doctor, I walk away with a strict health plan for the future. I don't know if I'll be able to carry the baby full term which means preparations need to be made for an early delivery. I have a scan booked in every week to monitor mine and my baby's levels. I come away holding enough leaflets to give me all of the knowledge I need. Now I have to educate myself on raising a child and surviving a high risk pregnancy at the same time. I don't know if I'll experience a miscarriage over the next several months. The future is unknown and it's all incredibly overwhelming.

Once I'm discharged, I stand outside the hospital trying to reach Jake. The sky is darkening and the wind whips around me without mercy. Every time I call him, his phone goes to voicemail. I can't begin to imagine how he feels right now. Betrayed? Alone? Helpless? I picture myself in his position and I fight back tears at the thought of potentially losing him. This is how he feels... crushed.

When I don't get through to him, I call Tobias for a ride. He answers on the second ring.

"Hey, Em. What's up?"

I expect him to speak to me with caution, but he acts as if nothing has happened. He doesn't treat me like I've just been told the worst news of my life. The familiarity is comforting.

"Can you pick me up from the hospital? Jake is AWOL and I'm freezing," I whisper down the line.

I hear Tobias shuffling on the other end of the line before I hear the jangle of keys.

"Sure thing, I'll be right there."

My shoulders sink with relief.

"Thanks, Tobias."