This chapter is dedicated to my mom, Tess(who basically suggested most of the plot) and my best friend soulpersona / cheonsa0613 (who helped me build my mom's story from outline to the characters' names) and my 19-year-old brother, Aris, who suggested some stuff.

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Hansel, my boyfriend of 3 years. They diagnosed him a year ago, the silent killer sickness, Prostate Cancer, and was already on Stage 3. A hard time for his family and I because it's surprising since it slowly invaded both sides of his prostate. We thought everything was fine until he collapsed on the floor. He then had to stop working to focus on his health, check-ups, and medication.

I'd drop by his house every day to spend time with him because the doctors said, it was a matter of time. The routine lasted a year until last week. He died due to complications of medicines given to him. I assumed he's getting better, doctors told him that his body continued getting better but there's still huge unstoppable chances too. 

It has been a week of Hans' death. His parents dropped this envelope they found on Hansel's nightstand when they went inside his room. They said it must've been sitting there for a while since they've packed enough for a week's stay at the hospital. Hansel passed away on his 3rd day. Eventually, they were too busy organizing the burial that they barely were home anymore.

I grabbed the brown envelope that had my name penned on it and went to my desk to examine it properly. It looked like the same envelope he told me to mail the first day they admitted him in the hospital, but had an address only. The envelope appeared like it had tucked papers inside that made it bulkier. I opened it to see another 2 smaller envelopes. The first one had the label "Open me first". 

I cut it open and revealed a bunch of papers which looked like it aged already. What caught my eye was the one and only fresh paper neatly folded.

Hansel never fails to amaze me with his sweetness.

It was a letter addressed to me.

......

April 28, 2020 

Dearest Bree, 

My ultimate love and Mon amour,

If you are reading this, I'm already gone.  But even if I am, know that I am watching you and is currently smiling at you. Please be happy for me because I'm not hurting anymore. I'm at peace now. 

I'm started to write this after you just got out of our front door for work. You kissed me goodbye which I'll surely miss. Including the habits and little things that you do, you smile at me when you give me that last glance before stepping inside your car,  you bite your nails when you're nervous, you play with your necklace when you're too excited, you laugh too much when your walls inside are breaking, you drink too much coffee engrossed on the books you wanna read, and you wanna forget things when you start to binge watch shows on Netflix. 

You never have failed me--as my girlfriend, as a best friend, as whoever I needed you to be. Before and after work, you always checked up on me and took care of me. You read me my favorite books, baked me the red velvet crinkles I love, you made me my favorite tea every night, tucked me to bed and you watched me fall asleep. I hear you sob as you held my hand on some nights. My eyes were closed but my heart was breaking. I had to accept that I wouldn't be your happy ever after. I didn't show you my weakness because I had to be strong somehow and we both cannot fall apart, just yet. Have you felt my hand squeeze back when you sob? It was because I heard you, my love. You weren't hurting alone. 

I'm thankful that I chose you as my girlfriend all those years because you were my sun during my darkest days. You were the one that kept me going. You were the one who gave me hope-- that I'd survive this. Even if my condition was critical, your hope became my strength in this destiny that I cannot run away from. Know that all those before and after work visits that you do are appreciated. Work has been tiring but you always greet me with your beautiful smile. And with that, my heart skips a beat and I fall in love with you all over again. 

You've been with me for 3 years but I'm sorry love. I know it has been cut short but life happens. I would've wanted to marry you, have a family with you, own a farm with you because you love farm animals, own dogs with you together with our kids, and do all our plans. 

One thing I didn't do was marry you. I didn't want you to be married to me who was on the verge of dying. I did not want to leave you hanging and just be a widow. You deserve better than that. You always have. 

Sometimes things just never go the way we planned it. This is my fate and I want you to be happy with yours no matter where it leads you, or who it leads you to. I want you to smile for me, Bree. I want you to live life without a doubt, reservations, or hesitations. 

There are 6 things I want you to do. There are 6 papers that came with this which shows the activity of each day. Those are the things I wanted when I was young. I want you to accomplish them for me and also for yourself but mainly, for you. I want you to take a one week break from work to go there and experience all this. I know you barely have fears so this would be a great adventure for you after my death--to let loose, to forget, to enjoy, to live. This is to remind you that you have a life to live after me. 

Sorry for the ugly handwritten notes and random scribbles, I was 12 when I planned all this but wasn't started because I was too young to do all this. I forgot about this until I was opening my memory box. Also, I researched that it's all these activities are catered in Oahu, Hawaii. I wrote down the link on one of the papers of where you can book it including the cabin type place you can stay in.. 6 activities, 7 days in Hawaii. It is also the best time to visit Hawaii. Go there in the first week of May. Have a good time, Love. 

I hope this adventure would be eye-opening. Consider this as soul searching, reflecting, moving on whatsoever. I want you to enjoy what you have missed in the years that you've been with me. I'm sorry that I couldn't be with you physically but I'd be happy to see you try all them from above.

I'll forever be watching you every step of the way and every milestone you achieve. I'll be that sunshine every morning you see as you walk going to work, and I'll be the stars at night as you drink your coffee on your porch. And you'll forever be in my heart. Always.

Be happy, Bree. Even if it doesn't include me anymore. Enjoy Hawaii, for me, and for your enjoyment. You need it after all the tears you've shed because of me.

I love you that it hurts to see you sad. Cheer up and now book that flight. No doubts. File a week of absence from work. This all will be worth it. Make your present be filled with happiness and love. Your future is bright, I know it. 

 Again, I love you so much, Bree.

See you in another life.

P.s that other letter shall be opened once you've done all 6 activities and the other after opening the other letter. Just check the labels. 

Your past, 

-Hansel