i'm sorry

You wished you could let the memory of his being fade into oblivion, you'd do anything you could to forget him.

When you wished for his death, you didn't think about what you'd do afterward.

Because you thought it was right to punish him for his betrayal. You had no idea what would happen next; all you wanted was for him to vanish.

Though the more you thought about it, he may have died, but he never truly vanished.

He was still there in some way.

After the execution, you were taking a stroll to take your mind off what had just occurred, but you could never take your mind off the pitiful look on his face before having his warm body become lifeless and cold.

Your footsteps had the same sound it had just a few weeks ago, but now it walked with agony, rather than happiness.

There was only happiness when it walked with Mitsuya Takashi.

Why did you still care? Have you forgotten that he had an affair with another woman? The reason why he was dead in the first place was for revenge.

Revenge, you thought it would make you happy and let you rest easy, but the vengeance didn't make you feel any sort of joy; you were just empty.

If you'd like to express your feelings through a metaphor, you wouldn't be able to, there was no way you could be able to replicate your feelings in any shape or form.

"Your highness!" a yell could be heard from behind, you turned around to see a knight hastily sprinting towards you. "I thought I'd give this to you after the execution of M-"

He cut his sentence short, he was about to apologize until you gave him a nod saying 'it's fine'.

"S-So.. before he was um- yeah, he asked for a piece of paper and a pen. It seems he wrote a letter dedicated to you."

Your pupils dilated when you heard this, but you couldn't let your heartbeat quicken for the man anymore. "..And?"

"I figured you'd want it.." he inched the folded paper towards you, but you weren't moving at all to take it.

Staring at his hand for a brief moment, you sighed, "I don't."

"Please, at least keep it." he whispered shakily, it was almost as if he was desperate.

And maybe he was, why else would he be so persistent if a princess said she didn't wanna do something? Was he trying to be next to the lilac haired male?

"Ah, fine." clicking your tongue, you took the paper from him as you marched away.

You figured he wasn't worth dwelling about, but you were definitely gonna get him into some trouble for annoying you.

Walking back to your room, your steps stopped when you reached your dad's office. You could hear their muffled voices talking, and normally you wouldn't mind, but they sounded odd.

Coming across a conversation, you couldn't help but become curious.

'It wouldn't hurt to take a peek.' you thought, slightly opening the door to hear whatever they were talking about.

"Huh, hahaha..haha..ha.." the king laughed as his hand covered his lips, "Wow, isn't this amazing, Misa?"

Never have you seen your dad so happy about something before.

But never have you seen your mom look so miserable.

"..Tell me, Akito," the queen stood up, coldly staring at the floor, "what is it that is so amazing?"

Your mom's voice was filled with hatred, you almost didn't recognize her anymore. The more they spoke, the more you got confused.

"Misa, dear." he smiled, as if he won, "That peasant is dead!"

"To think our princess went as far as killing him.. I thought she'd just send him far away! I underestimated her, didn't I? Although I can't believe she fell for some stupid photograph."

Oh.

That was it.

You realized how only the 'beautiful' flowers are taken, so they die faster and wish they were the 'ugly' ones; the 'ugly' flowers are never picked, so they feel unwanted and wish they were the 'pretty' ones. They both envied each other as they believed that they were given the wrong life.

The way birds that can't fly get more discrimination than kindness even if they're already struggling enough.

The way society despised people who were nasty and disrespectful while labelling the ones who were lovely 'fake'.

You realized how truly unfair the world was.

Many people wish to be a princess, one that came from fairytales. One that was born with a golden spoon in their mouth, one that was set for life.

But right in this instance, you wished that you were a commoner.

Maybe then-  you would've been able to marry Takashi. That was all you ever wanted, nothing more.

"Nothing more.."

Frozen in your place, tears started streaming down your face. You couldn't calm down, you just wanted to see Takashi, he would've been able to calm you down.

That's right, he was always so tranquil, and so radiant at the same time.

He radiated that damned tranquility as if he was some superhero spreading light into your dark world.

Unappeasable, that was what you were. But then some annoyingly rapturous lower rank barged into your life, as if he was made to be there, and had you feel contentment for the first time.

Now, he was gone.

You were no longer content, you wished a forest fire started that night when you shared your first kiss.

That way, you could've died happily on Takashi's lips.

Harshly opening the door, the two royals shot their attention to you. You were used to seeing their features because they were your parents, yet their sheer existence made you nauseous.

"If only I wasn't born into this family!"

It was their first time seeing you so somber, in a pool of tears.

And it was the first time Akito felt so much guilt.

You ran, but this time, Takashi wasn't pulling you. Polite princess walk? Useless. Kind princess talk? Useless. Good manners? Useless.

Without Takashi, everything was useless.

Being a princess never brought joy to your life. But if there was a reason why you'd be grateful, it would be because you got to meet Mitsuya Takashi.

It's like you were born to meet him.

But you'd rather have had your love story written with you as a lower rank.

Not some prissy princess in a tale.

Happily ended stories end in the happiest point of the story, so maybe the end of you and Takashi's tale was when you got engaged.

It was such a wonderful moment, the happiest moment of your life.

Though it wasn't the happiest day.

When you finally stopped running, you dropped to your knees, sobbing as you cursed the world for letting you be born into such a terrible family.

Was there anything Takashi left for you to remember him by?

Realization hit you, there was the letter the knight gave to you. You were holding onto it the whole time.

You hurriedly opened the folded paper, wanting to read it as soon as you could.

To the only woman I'll ever love, y/n,

If you were gullible enough to believe that photograph was real, then you'd be gullible enough to believe my last words.

Bitterly laughing, a void started to form within you, swallowing any sort of emotion you were feeling.

Hey, your highness. Isn't it funny? You trusted your entire life with me that day when you jumped out of your balcony, despite the fact there was a big chance I wouldn't catch you and you'd die.

But you didn't trust me when I told you that the photograph was fake.

"I'm so sorry."

Am I angry?

How could I be? I'm deceased, I can't have emotions anymore, and that's because of you.

Jokes aside, I'm not mad, I love you.

The amount of rain that bathed the earth was nothing in comparison to the acid leaking from your eyes as you read those words.

"I love you too, even if I don't deserve to."

I'd only be mad if you genuinely believed I would've much rather died as duchess Yuzuha's lover.

"You'd be furious."

Y/n, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I didn't grant your wishes enough to the point you believed the photograph rather than my words, the only thing that keeps me calm before my execution is the excuse that I deserve this death since I have wronged you at some point.

"You never once wronged me." the paper slowly started to crumple as your grip tightened, "I was just too damn selfish to realize."

If anything, I don't regret anything I did. I don't regret being your servant. I don't regret introducing you to my hometown. I don't regret loving you.

So if you blame yourself now, please don't. It was probably my time to die.

"I don't deserve you."

You were sure that his spirit was haunting you, you felt him all around you as your read through all the words.

"It wasn't your time to die, sweetheart."

And to mom, Luna and Mana, if you can, please give them my goodbyes. Tell them to not blame you, and it's my words.

"I'll beg them not to," you whispered, leaning on the wall tiredly as you kept reading, "if that's what you want, anything for you."

I admired you in secret when you laid on my shoulder that night we went stargazing, I had to wake you up so you can go to your room.

Maybe after death, if I'll have a choice to relive a memory again, then I'd choose that night to relive.

You breathed shakily as you smiled, recalling that one beautiful night, "Can I relive it with you?"

This is the end of my letter, I don't have time anymore.

Now that I've died, you're a princess again.

"I'd rather not be, if it means to have you back."

And will you

Your teardrops carelessly ran down the paper, "Will I what? What do you want me to do? Why didn't you continue?"

"Whatever it is, it's a yes. I'll do anything for you."

'I'd even give what I don't have, as long as you come back. I'll tear the world apart as long as you promise you'll be here right beside me.'

"Excuse me," a voice from behind said, it was the knight from earlier. "if the letter was cut off, then I believe he didn't have enough time since you followed up his execution."

As if the wound wasn't painful enough. You earned it, though, for hurting him, not trusting him, and destroying all of his chances to do what he wanted.

Then, you recalled a memory you had with Takashi. There was a time he mentioned something about death.

"y/n, if I died today, the only person I'd wish to see before fading would be you. Just you."

It seems he granted his own wish.

"Oh.. what the hell.." chuckling scathingly, you stared at the godforsaken sky, "..maybe he died because the world knew I didn't deserve any part of him."

Dull e/c eyes looked at the knight, who looked at you as if you were some pitiful creature. "Hey."

"Why were you so insistent that I keep this letter?"

The knight gulped, turning away to face the sky. "Because he told me to."

He said it so calmly, as if it were nothing. Of course he did; he wasn't suffering the same misery you were. You didn't express your feelings with the knight, therefore it wasn't heartbreaking for him. "And.. he moved me.."

"He said words that made me pity him, it was so pathetic, yet every word held all his feelings for you."

Your eyes closed, and you started to feel yourself losing consciousness from exhaustion, but you needed to hear anything related to Takashi, "What did he say?"

As the knight watched you lose consciousness, he had a bitter look on his face.

Even if you wouldn't be able to hear whatever he was about to say, something had the urge to reply.

So he repeated what Takashi had said just a few minutes before his execution.

"She needs to forgive me."

- ღ -

Seeds grew, trees have been cut, forest fires spread, floods rose, people died, people left, and a lot more has changed in five years.

Taking a stroll around the kingdom, you watched as the happy citizens partied their hearts out. It made you glad that the kingdom was still as lively as ever.

If they were happy, you were happy too. But to say that you didn't have any regrets would be a big fat lie.

Everything's changed for better and for worse, especially when you were leading the kingdom.

Oh yeah, you were a queen now.

You were in a loveless marriage with a former prince from who knows where, the entire marriage was for convenience with no strings connected, and the reason for that is because of someone whose soul is locked in the past.

Oh yeah, you were still pining over Mitsuya Takashi.

As previously stated, everything has changed and everyone has grown their character in some manner, but your heart was still set on the lilac haired male.

The saying went that there were plenty of fish in the sea, and there were probably many proper suitors out there for you.

Despite that, you still held the deepest feelings for your first love, a portion of sorrow and regret, as well as love and yearning.

"What do you think, Takashi?" you whispered under your breath.

A sight of his face flashed before you, even if it was your mere imagination, you could picture him clearly.

You've memorized his expression, how he smirked when he won an argument with you, how he chuckled when you had meaningless chats, and how his face was in the red flush when you tried to kiss him.

And how he looked when he saw you walk down the aisle. Something that didn't happen, and something you wouldn't have to picture so much if you believed him that day.

"Why don't you tell me if anything's wrong? You're my servant, after all." you sighed, smiling as you stared at the ground.

Throughout your life as a queen, you never remembered even half of your kingdom's faces.

But if there was a face you'd never forget, it would be his, and you ought to never forget, it was the least you could do.

To do that, you had to make sure to have him in front of you. But he wasn't, so you had to find another way to have him be right there.

Now that you were a queen, you were able to do as you pleased. You had the highest authority, so you could order people around.

So the first thing you did was to hire the painter that painted the 'photograph' that destroyed everything you had.

You had the painter paint a huge painting of Mitsuya Takashi, one that could be seen even if you were quite far away. It was another form of punishment, and something you would've done even if he didn't die.

Then, when your parents were stripped off of their throne, you planned on making the former king suffer. You wanted to make him pay for everything he did.

But when he got on his knees, with a mouth filled with apologies and desperation, you couldn't.

He was never seen in such a state before, so the best you did was ban him from the kingdom and made sure he lived like how he made commoners live.

He'd taught you everything you knew, the attachment you felt for your parent was undeniable. So you couldn't kill him like you killed your partner.

Misa lived with you in your palace, she did absolutely nothing wrong, it was all on Akito.

You might've lied to yourself deep down by thinking this, and it was just because you still wanted to have a parent with you.

And that you couldn't afford being evil anymore.

"I've avenged you, Takashi." you said, staring at his portrait with empty eyes, "I miss you."

You did, you missed him so, so bad.

You believe that you should've just tolerated the burns from his meteors until you realized that he wasn't the cause of your burns, it was your own blaze burning itself.

Now you wished the show was still here, but you will never have it back once again.

A meteor shower is an extremely rare sight to see, it would be too beautiful to be seen by just anyone. Takashi was one in a million, and a once in a lifetime show.

Once he's gone, he's gone.

Eyes never leaving his portrait, you then remembered the words he said to you back when he was still standing in front of you.

"y/n, if I died today, the only person I'd wish to see before fading would be you. Just you."

When he actually died, the more you thought about it, the more it pained you. The way you didn't deserve him, the way you failed him too much.

"Was that the reason you looked at me that instant?"

"Was that why you were smiling?"

Lamenting couldn't do anything anymore, crying wouldn't change anything either. So you couldn't do either of those, you've wasted all your tears on the past years of mourning for him.

Everyone who witnessed your suffering felt sorry for you, but as time went on, they became annoyed.

They told you to move on, what's done has been done.

But they've never touched a fraction of the magic you and Takashi had, so who were they to judge your sorrow when you fell apart?

You could never escape the way you loved him.

"Hey, I heard that the guy in the big painting was a lower rank. I wonder why he got such a huge portrait." a kid whispered to her friend.

"Really? I thought he was a prince!" the other kid whispered back.

The two kids were in front of you, and you couldn't help but join in their conversation. "Do you know the full story behind that painting?"

"What?" their heads turned to you, you gave them a kind smile as you laughed at their reaction.

"Oh! No, miss, I just heard it from somewhere. I'm sorry if I was mistaken!" the kid bowed apologetically.

You immediately told the kid to raise her head, "Ah no need to apologize."

"Besides you're right, the gentleman in the painting is a lower rank." gasps could be heard from the duo as they looked at each other.

Crouching down, you stared at the kids who were curiously waiting for you to continue your story.

'It's not that I deserved any fragment of your love,'

Lightly laughing, you stared at the big painting as the kids did the same, "However, he was special."

'it's just that.. I want to relive being loved by you again.'

The wind danced as the area became quiet, it seems people left the place, and now it was just you and the kids. "Miss, how was he special?"

He was there, listening to you.

You were sure of it, he was standing with you like he always did.

There was no way he wasn't, you could feel him. You could hear the same silence you shared, a silence only the two of you could hear.

"Well, the man in the portrait was the queen's former servant." the two kids gasped once more, never had they heard that from any of the rumors, legends, and theories.

'Since I can't..'

"The queen was never satisfied when she was younger," your eyes twinkled as you reminisced, "she was a brat."

'..I'll repay you..'

Your eyes closed as you remembered everything you went through with Mitsuya Takashi, the happiness you felt five years ago entered you once more. "Then the commoner entered her life, and she finally felt satisfaction for the first time."

'..by making sure that others know of your existence..'

The kids paid close attention to your story, they admired how sincere you sounded as if you were the one who experienced everything.

You then turned to them with a grin on your face, patting both of their heads as you felt determination fuel within you.

'..and I'll make sure, that our tale will never be forgotten.'

"Would you like to learn more about the unappeasable princess and her lovely servant?"

End of His Highness.

༉ a/n: to everyone who stuck to the end, ilysm i seriously appreciate u guys<3