
[15] I Am Not Perfect... I Never Was
Sally tried, she rarely did. But now, she tried.
As the third day of training arrived, she's not sure if she did enough.
Layana and Mason were always fast learners, Andriette too. Whenever Cathy told them about a tale or a certain lesson, Layana had always been the one paying close attention.
Ian and Andriette pretended not to care, but it's evident by the way they scoot closer that they want to learn, too.
Mason was neutral. He did try to raise hands and ask questions but Cathy never paid as much attention to him.
But as for Sally, she always tried to be a good friend beside Layana. Despite never really caring much about the topic. She'll only repeat Layana's questions so she looks like she wants to learn too.
At times, it feels like a competition...of sorts. At least that's what Sally thought.
But now, she unknowingly pushed the competition with Layana to the back of her head. They get along that way. However, a new competition seemed to bloom.
There she was. Grinning, Nyla strode to the clearing with confidence and finesse like no other.
Sally frowned, but quickly covered it up with an energetic smile. She felt the urge to sigh, or curl into a ball and bury herself in the riverbanks. Nyla is a good person. There's nothing Sally should hate or dislike about her.
"Alright, everyone!" Nyla shouted, "why don't we test what we've learned on moving animals?"
Sally and the others looked at each other with tired eyes. In the past two days of training, they have earned nothing but sore wrists, forearms and a little more knowledge and training--with the exception of Sally, probably.
"Perfect, I'm starving," Sally heard Layana beam from beside. "I'll go first!"
With that, Layana walked up to the tent and took a sturdy spear. They have been training with their lousy crafted spears for the given moment. Most of the time Nyla covers food and essentials; nature gifts them the materials.
"Nope, not you. You already did amazing the last time, why don't we try..." Her silver eyes roamed the three remaining children and stopped at Andriette. "Andriette, it's your time to shine!"
Andriette sighed, trudging toward the spear on Layana's hands.
"Hold on, what? But I want to!" Layana shouted, moving the spear away from Andriette
Andriette glared at her wordlessly. At the end, Layana was sent back to the tent to gather firewood with Mason and Sally.
Sally watched the two go into the woods, their figures slowly shrinking like Alice in wonderland when she ate a cookie. Was it the cookie or the milk? Sally couldn't remember, after all she only learnt that from Layana's frequent questions.
Ears perking, an idea popped up in her mind. She silently neared the edge of the clearing, hoping the two wouldn't see her.
"Sally? Where are you going?" She should've crossed her fingers. She turned around to face curious Layana, who had two pieces of stick in each hand. Even Mason stopped and questioned her with a look.
"Gathering firewood." Lies.
"You're not coming with us?" Asked Mason, eyebrows cocked upward.
"I thought I saw good firewood in these parts, you go on ahead. We'll meet up back here in the clearing." When did she get so good at lying? Even her voice sounded assuring and sweet, not stuttering or trembling once.
Layana smiled. "Sure, stay safe. Okay?"
Mason only frowned, "Okay...meet us here when you're done."
"Sure!" Sally smiled, waving them to go on.
Layana happily followed while Mason only inched a few steps back.
"Go on," she whispered, waving him away again. This time, he reluctantly followed, traipsing behind Layana.
Once she's certain that they wouldn't look back, she followed the path Nyla and Andriette took. She might not be as skilled and stealthy as Layana, but she knew basic rules in staying silent. Leaves and dirt crunched beneath her makeshift slippers.
She could barely see the two girls' figures in the distance. Cringing at her stupidity, she half-jogged, half-ran towards the two figures in the distance.
A few minutes later, she came to a silent halt as she crept towards a thicket. Trying to be as motionless as possible, she peeked through the bushes, spotting Andriette and Nyla hiding as well.
That's when she saw why. A baby dear stood in the near distance, pawing at the dirt with its two front legs. Its beautiful brown coat speckled with white spots, its tail a sparkling white.
Sally's mouth hung open, she couldn't register such a beautiful sight quite yet. The sun spotlighted the young fawn, green grass tickling its strong hind legs. For a moment, terror seeped in her heart, could Andriette and Nyla really slaughter such a beautiful animal?
She scooted closer, desperate for a closer look.
A branch cracked beneath her.
Holding her breath, she watched as the young deer awoke from its trance, ears perking up to attention before scurrying away in a panic.
Sally exhaled, defeated. She looked at the cracked branch beneath her feet and kicked it away.
"Who's there?" Andriette called out, a slight tinge of fear tainting her tone as she rose from their thicket.
Sally reluctantly emerged from the other side, looking down at the ground. She fiddled with her fingers.
"Sally? Just what in the world are you doing here?" Nyla asked, worry lacing her voice.
"I just--"
"You just let our dinner escape!" Andriette boomed, eyebrows furrowed.
"I mean, I just..." Tears threatened to escape Sally's eyes. 'Why am I like this?' She nearly chuckled, 'why am I so sensitive?'
"Can't you get any more foolish?" Andriette reprimanded her once more.
Nyla fixed her with a motherly glare, "Andriette..."
"You know, there's this thing called thinking, you should try it sometime--"
"Andriette!" Nyla pulled her back. "Watch your words."
She looked at Sally, "Go back to the clearing Sally. You're not yet ready for this."
Sally's eyebrows furrowed for a while before exhaling and turning her back to where she came from. But she paused for a moment, turning back to Andriette, "I'm sorry."
Andriette scoffed but said nothing more. Sally plowed back to the clearing, half annoyed and half down downtrodden. Why can't she do anything right for once?
~~~
Layana skipped to the outskirts of the clearing, Mason walking along behind her and kicking rocks and dirt aimlessly.
"What do you think Sally's up to now?" Layana asked, looking over her shoulder at Sally who was now jogging to the other side of the clearing.
"How should I know? You're her friend," said Mason when he finally caught up beside her.
"Aren't we all friends? I know only the four of you. I consider everyone my friend," she beamed. "You?"
"What?"
"Who do you consider your friends?"
"I don't know," he answered without hesitation, bending over to collect a few more sticks for firewood.
Layana looked at him closely, something about him seemed off. Shaking it off, she crouched to pick up a few sticks and branches on the ground.
"I may consider you, though," her hand stopped midway from the branches but quickly smiled anyway.
Standing up, Layana smiled at Mason who had enough firewood on his arms, "I am honored."
"I have a question," Mason said, smiling timidly back at her. He gathered the firewood in his arms and turned back.
"Hey! Shouldn't I be the one asking the questions?" Layana chuckled. "What do you want to ask me?"
"I saw you and Cathy. What did she give you before she died?"
"What have I inherited from Cathy?"
Mason nodded.
"The Bible, a couple letters--why do you ask?"
"I just thought, what could have been the motives of keeping us in a cell? They didn't seem to have the intention of hurting us. Why lock us up?" Mason stopped, glancing over at Layana as she savored his words. She thought it over.
"It still doesn't add up, why do you ask for Cathy's inheritance?" She said, eyebrows furrowing.
"Don't you think Cathy knows more than us? She's been there longer than we have. Suppose she left you something to ponder on?" They looked at each other, both stopped in their tracks as they continued to consider the question in their heads.
'Suppose she left you something to ponder on?' She repeated his question in her mind. Then Layana's eyes bugged out in realization. How could she not have thought of this? The words that have been lingering at the back of her head were hidden and stashed away in darkness from the training and all that has been happening.
"Mason," she said, looking at him with urgency. Mason only raised his eyebrows. "Follow me."
In a couple minutes, they kindled the fire and retrieved the rescued letters between the inherited Bible pages.
Now, the two laid letters, poems and a time beaten Bible over a piece of fallen log as a makeshift table. Mason couldn't take his eyes off the ripped pieces of parchment.
"Here, see this," Layana took one of the letters she knew so well and placed it in front of Mason.
'To my dear Layana, I know you are reading this because I have given you the Holy Bible before I leave this world.
Another thing I want to remind you. Not everything in this world is true my curious freedom. Think wisely. I love you, my dearest angel. 'Cause of you, I was able to live my life despite everything. How are you? Ranting, probably, my old gears still remember how you used to rant about the ants. I know you, you won't be satisfied until you get what you want. See you soon, hopefully not so soon though. Till we meet again, my sunshine; just a reminder, everything you have red in this book, is real.'
Mason looked at her, puzzled, "This is a farewell letter. What does this have to do with anything?" He asked, shifting his fingers to caress the blotted ink on the bottom part of the parchment.
"I have a feeling you're only showing off how close you were to Cathy," Mason deadpanned, chuckling a little.
"What? No! Don't you think it is sort of..." She couldn't find the right words, "Oddly worded? Whatever she's trying to say here doesn't make sense.
"Look, I know Cathy..." Layana started. "And I know that's not how she writes. Cathy is a great poet and writer, why would she create incomprehensible sentences?"
Layana could see Mason's gears turning now, his eyebrows knitted over his bright blue eyes. But she didn't wait until he got his bearings before talking again.
"When Nyla and I rescued Sally at the headquarters--"
"You mean, when you acted rashly without thinking. Again," he reprimanded her, sounding a lot like Andriette.
"Yeah--but that's out of the point!" She looked closely into his eyes. "I saw someone."
"Who?"
"I don't know, but he told me something..." Layana gulped, "he told me that the building is all lies. And that I should be careful."
Her palms started to sweat as she reminisced that dreadful night, "he told me they're evil."
"What did you reply?"
"I told him that if they're evil, then why is he helping us? He said, 'to pay back a debt.' I didn't understand what he was saying but that's not the time for that right now." She started rambling incoherently.
"What are you trying to say, Layana?"
"What I'm trying to say is..." She brashly took the Bible, nearly knocking over a few poems as she recklessly leafed through its pages.
Layana stopped at a certain page, fingers dropping from the top, scanning each verse. Then she stopped. There it was.
1 John 4:3
"I still don't understand what you're trying to say," said Mason, eyebrows furrowing.
"You still don't get it? A guy--I think he might be the Samael person Nyla told us about--he whispered this verse to me before we got seperated. Do you know what this means?" Layana exhaled, exasperated.
Mason blinked.
Layana inhaled, keeping her annoyance at bay. "Read the verse."
"And every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and now is in the world already. "
"Do you get it now? Mason?" Layana asked as Mason's face contorted into a thoughtful manner. She could see the realization in his eyes.
"What about grandma's goodbye letter?"
"First letter of every sentence," Layana pointed at the second paragraph. "A, n, t, i..."
"... C, h, r, i, s, t," Mason recited along with her, realization clouding his eyes.
"Do you get it now?" She asked.
Before Mason could respond, the crunching of leaves lodged their breaths in their throats. A branch snapped. The ruffling of leaves. The silent, exasperated grumble.
"Hey everybody, I'm back," they nearly collapsed in relief when they heard Sally's greeting. "I'm hungry. Nyla and Andriette had to spend double time in the woods. For...reasons."
"What's up with you two?" Her nose scrunched in question at the two bug-eyed people, faces tight with tension.
"Uh, nothing! Why are Nyla and Andriette spending double time again?" Mason asked, diverting the attention to him and away from the tension.
Layana stared in silence, realization still coating her mind as the two talked casually behind her like nothing happened.
~~~
Antichrist...of course that was wrong.
The day before Cathy died. The very minute.
She was scribbling in a paper, left hand bruising with the pitifully small block of charcoal they call a pencil. Her aching back was hunched over, preparing the parchments she'll give her beloved favorite.
Cathy intended to have them have it all wrong. 'The antichrist? Of course that would be misleading,' she thought as she paused over two gawking dashes. 'I intended it to.' Cathy continued to slash dashes and dots on the paper at alarming speed, left hand quickly brushing over the dashes and smudging the dots.
The truth is, the Lord had talked to her in a dream. Warning her about a certain uncertainty in the children's path to freedom. This is something she'd have to do. A lie she'd have to partake in. Her last lie, she supposes.
-- --(m) °° (i) °°° (s) °--°° (l) ° (e) °-- (a) --°° (d) °° (i) --° (n) -- --° (g)
Misleading.
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