~

The sound of my pen on the paper echoed throughout my lonely room. I had stacks over stacks of work to do like always, one of my least favourite things I had to do as a squad Captain. The cadets were training with Corporal Mike and if I remember correctly Hange was helping too. My signature stared at me as my thoughts took over me, I was worried.

We were going on an expedition in a week. I wasn't worried for myself, I know I can take care of myself perfectly well, but I'm worried for the new cadets. This would be their first expedition outside the walls, and the first time seeing titans face to face. I remember my first expedition, I wasn't too scared since I've been to missions when I was younger with my father, but when I saw my first titan I was shocked, it was terrifying but also existing. I love the adrenaline, the feeling of blood rushing through my veins, and the feeling after I've killed a titan is nothing like I've ever felt before. But at the same time I could die at any point. Which was the terrifying part.

Suddenly a loud ear piercing yell came from outside, I shot up and ran to my window. "Titans?" I whispered to no one, my eyes looked everywhere, the forest that was surrounding the HQ and the small town that was located at the bottom of the large hill where the HQ was. I looked frantically, examining every tree but no titans, just beautiful shades of green.

Then I heard that yell once more, it was coming from below my widow where I spotted a jumping and proud Hange. Amongst them were some of the cadets that were supposed to be training, the cadets both from my and Hange's squad were standing with amazement written all over their faces.

In the middle of them, on the grass was a small glass, with a puffy yellow and white paste like substance coming out of it. It's the elephant toothpaste experiment. Hange does this experiment with every new cadet that is added to their squad and since me and them are close they probably decided to let my squad join too. I remember the time they did this with me, it took hours to clean it after. Captain Levi is pissed every time they do this.

Wait Captain Levi.

He warned Hange last time they did this that if they do it again they won't live another day, but obviously Hange doesn't listen to anyone when it comes to this. I know they're  just trying to make the kids feel a little bit better specially with the expedition coming up, but I don't want to clean my best friends remains when the Captain finds out.

I ran out of my room and down the stairs, skipping a few of them as I did. Running out of the front doors and up to where Hange was, they were jumping up and down; their hands above their head, and a big grin on their face. The cadets where all standing there with their own grins, whispering and pointing at the mess.

Hange saw me and ran up to me grabbing a hold of both of my hands in theirs with a stupid smile, "DID YOU SEE THAT!" They said excitedly, "IT WAS BETTER THAN LAST TIME!" They jumped up and down once more still holding me.

"Hange, Hange" I say over and over trying to get their attention but they were too focused on the experiment, "Hange!" They turn their head to me finally acknowledging that I was talking to them.
"Yes it was impressive and I'm sure the cadets think so too, but have you forgotten what Captain said about you doing this again?" 

"Oh come on Y/n, do you really think he would try to harm me, his amazing and talented friend." They said with confidence.

"Yes Hange, yes I do." I could see that their ego dropped and they tilted their head down, "come on, I'll help you clean ok, just don't start being miserable, please." I said patting their back, but after I mentioned that I was going to help they straighten themselves and looked at me all happy.

"Yay! thank you Y/n." They said with a mischievous grin.

What did I get myself into...

We started to clean, the cadets help too by bringing the cleaning supplies without the shorty seeing them. We clean for what seemed like ages, and we were only barely halfway done.

"Corporal Y/n, what will Captain Levi say about this. I mean is he going to get mad..." one of my cadets said, her name was May Katz, she was a small girl; she had short wavy red hair that came up to her chin, her beautiful green eyes looked like emeralds, her face was covered with freckles and different shades of pink, and she wasn't that much shorter than me. She wasn't too bad at combat either, quite talented actually.

"Don't worry, that short ass won't find out. He's too busy with his paperwork to actually care. Plus he's too stupid." I say the last bit a bit too loud, and when I looked back at May, her and the others all looked like they've seen a ghost, even Hange looked scared.

"Tch, you say so brat." I felt a cold aura behind me, and I could feel his death glare piecing through the back of my head. I turned around slowly meeting his cold grey eyes. He was standing with his hands over his chest and his face was blank, he had no emotion on his face but his eyes told a different story. He's mad really mad.

I felt a shiver go down my spine but I remained calm and unfazed, well I was trying. Hange came from behind me, "Levi~" they sang trying to get his attention, but his eyes were glued on mine. "Look I'm sorry, I was the one that made this mess don't get mad at my beautiful Y/n." They continued, but Levi wasn't having it.

"I want the both of you in my office after you all clean this filthy mess." He didn't let us protest or even mutter a word and left with his hands still over his chest. He's so irritating.

"So.. does that mean the two of you are in trouble with the Captain..." I hear May say with guilt in her soft voice, I gave her a small smile before replying, "don't worry, short stack won't do anything to us he doesn't have the authority to do so." Her face showed a little relief at my words.

"Alright let's get back to cleaning!" Hange said loudly which was so strange since they never want to clean.

________________________________________

[time skip]

It's been an hour since we finished cleaning. Me and Hange had both headed to our rooms to freshen up, well I was going to do so, but I don't know about Hange. I walked out the bathroom that was attached to my room, small water droplets dropped from my h/l h/c hair onto my loose white top. I had washed my hair since some of the elephant toothpaste got into it. Rubbing the soft warm towel onto my hair to help it dry faster as I was supposed to be going to Captain Levi's office in a bit, well that was supposed to happen 30 minutes ago.

I walked up to the mirror, I could barely recognise the person that was staring back at me. Though the scars that were all over my body are the only trace of my past self, I still can't escape it. I've changed myself so I could be a different person to others, so no one could know who I really am, but no matter what I do I'm still her. I'm still a monster, though now I don't appear to others as one, I hate myself for what I did. I never want to go back to my old life, to my old self. I can't escape my past but I can pretend like I'm not her, I'm not the monster she is. I can pretend.

I sigh and make my way to the bed where my white jeans were, I slid them on and walked out into the hallway. My hair was still damped but I didn't care anymore. I made my way to his office slowly, I didn't want to go in the first place, so I took my time.

The dark wooden door stared back at me as I stood in front of it, the walk was quicker than I thought it would be. I was about to knock when I heard Hanges voice.

"Come on, why are you being like this!" They said frustrated.

"I've told you this last time shitty glasses, I don't want you to make that mess again." Levi's voice was as monotoned as ever.

"They're kids Levi, they deserve to have some fun!" Again Hange protested.

"They aren't here to have fun, they're here to fight, if they want to have fun they can all leave the filed."

"Shortyyyyyy" they cry out like a child but the Captain didn't care, "well at least tell me why you are getting Y/n stuck into this too, she didn't even do anything!"

"If she didn't why was she and her squad there with you then?"

"Because she's amazing and offered to help clean before you showed up, she's amazing and she doesn't deserve to get punished!" Hange continued to compliment me which brought a smile to my face. "She's an amazing solder and-"

"Tch shut it already, yes her instincts are better than yours, but she's not amazing now shut up before I kill you." My breath hitched at his words, did he just say something nice... well remotely nice. This was the first time I ever heard him say anything like that about anyone might as well that someone would be me. I stepped back slightly and the floor creaked loudly under my weight grabbing Hange's and Levi's attention.

Shit.

Footsteps came closer to the door and when it opened, a confused Hange was greeting me. "Y/n you're here.." they said looking at me with an eyebrow raised.

"yeah I am..." I say and walked in, Levi was staring at me but I couldn't look at him, I was still in shock. I walked slowly to the empty seat and sat down, my eyes looked all over his desk as it was a bit messy. My eyes landed on something. It was a small wooden box with small butterfly carvings on each side, I wander what's inside. My attention soon focused on Levi's cold emotionless voice that echoed throughout the room.

"Y/n you will be making dinner for the brats, that will be your punishment." He said which surprised me, I was expecting him to tell me to clean the stables or something like that but cooking. Though it wasn't what I expected, it wasn't easy either, they're over 300 cadets not including the higher-ups. I had to make food for a lot of people all by myself.

"What?!? That will take me the rest of the day to do!" I say loudly straightening myself in my chair, "I have as much paperwork to finish as you do!" I say once again but he didn't show me any mercy.

"Well, you should've thought before you opened that bullshit spitting mouth of yours." My blood boiled under my skin, this wasn't fair, he didn't have any power here, we are on the same level right? He can't punish me like he used to when I was a cadet. He can't. But even if I said that it wouldn't end well on my side, he would probably report it to Erwin which wouldn't have a good ending. I've had plenty verbal warnings from him, he won't look past this again.

I looked to the side in defeat, a small pout rested on my face and my arms where folded over my chest. "Now the both of you get out." I got up walked to the door and slammed it behind me. I headed to the kitchen to see if we have enough ingredients to make what I had in mind.

I had plan to make my mothers soup, and for that I need a lot of things. I walked into the big kitchen, the two stoves had pots already on them ready to be used. The kitchen had; a big oven where the bread was made, three sinks and over thirty cabinets. In the middle was a large stone island with cutting boards in the middle. Knifes and other big utensils where pressed against the wall above one of the sinks. I walked past the kitchen island up to the small door where the pantry was hoping to find the things I needed.

"And exactly as I thought, nothing." So that meant I had to go in town.

great.

________________________________________

[Authors note]

Helloooo, I hope u all had a good day or going to have one. I apologise for this chapter idk wot is going either, I hope it's ok. Thank for reading :)

Have a good day/night.

Vote pls:)