Chapter 22

I woke up, feeling as if I wasn't alone. My assumption was correct because when I finally opened my eyes they lost themselves in a sea of perfect blue. I didn't realize they were Varian's eyes until he pulled away slightly, and a harsh wind was casted upon the sea of blue in his eyes.

"We need to leave," he started, digging through the bag before he tossed me something. I reflexively caught it, but frowned. Varian hadn't even glance at me when he'd tossed me the food.

"Hurry up and eat," he instructed, still avoiding eye contact with me. I didn't know whether to respond or not, so I chose to remain silent as I unwrapped my mysterious food.

As I tasted it, I decided it was better than the nutritional food the Lab had always provided me with. I ate while staring at Varian, waiting for him to feel my eyes on him. But he remained oblivious, not once glancing at me.

It was unusual for Varian to ignore me for so long. Even as he ignored me, he always glanced at me. But this time his eyes remained focused ahead of him, his body taut as if he was trying to keep himself from doing something. I crumpled the wrapper and just as I placed it on the floor, Varian stood up and walked off.

I frowned once again but followed behind him, running to catch up after his head start. I found myself confused again. Had I done something to Varian, something to cause him to ignore me profusely? I thought it was because I'd shared my hatred towards him, but he couldn't possibly still be mad about it. Could he?

If he saw everything from my perspective, he would realize how difficult he was being. I had told him I'd hated him, but it had worn away overnight. I no longer hated him, but felt hurt. I didn't like it when Varian ignored me. That left me alone with my thoughts which only entangled me further in my confusion.

Varian was used to the Outside, so he didn't realize how quickly things changed. In the Lab, things constantly changed. Trials were being redone, experiment were being remodeled and emotions towards things were changed from the original. My hatred towards him had changed, but he didn't know that. He must've thought I still hated him.

I wanted to speak, to ask if that was the problem, but I stopped myself. What if I was wrong? What if I had done something else? I would apologize and explain myself only to receive silence from Varian, leaving me confused and hurt once again. I would only end up where I had started. So I remained quiet.

"Where are we going?" I asked, trying another tactic. Varian had ignored me once before, only to finally give in when I asked an abundance of questions. Maybe if I continued with that tactic Varian would give in once again and glance to me.

Only Varian didn't answer. His striding didn't falter and his head didn't turn back to glance at me. I could feel my emotions stirring, disliking my current situation.

I couldn't explain why I cared so much. I only knew I hated not being able to have Varian's attention. I hated that it wasn't directed towards me, not even a mere speck of it. All of his attention was directed ahead, on an unclear destination. I found myself wanting some of his attention more and more with each passing second.

"Where are we-"

But I was unable to finish my question because Varian's lips were abruptly on mine. One second Varian had been in walking in front of me, the next he was right by me, his arms around me and his lips on my own. I wasn't able to process his movement, much less what was happening.

Varian's arms constricted around me, pulling me closer to his chest. The whole time his lips were still on mine, almost as soft as his hair. I hesitantly pressed my lips against his in response only his taste his laughter escaping from his mouth and into mine.

"Breathe angel. I won't enjoy kissing a corpse as much as I enjoy kissing you," he whispered into my ear, his lips grazing dangerously close to it.

I pulled away, avoiding his eyes. Once again, I couldn't meet his eyes. I was afraid of what I would find in them. I was afraid of what I would find out about myself when I looked at him. Would I feel pleasure or disgust? Would I feel absolutely nothing to prove I wasn't capable of feelings, just as Diana had predicted?

"I don't expect you to say anything angel, not right now. Just think about it, okay? You don't know how long I've been waiting to do that," he said softly, his voice light. It was as if he hadn't been ignoring me before the occurrence. It was as if he'd never been angry at me.

Was I supposed to cherish this moment of Varian's normal behavior, or was I supposed to be angry? How could I find a suitable emotion for this situation when I still wasn't sure what had happened?

I dazed out of the world, allowing myself to revisit the situation. Varian had kissed me. He had kissed me and held me. I had started to kiss Varian back. I had allowed the stupid, stupid feelings to resurface and act upon Varian's kiss. Did I regret it?

I couldn't find any regret in me. Then how had I felt about the kiss? I replayed the scene in my mind, remembering Varian's soft lips and the taste of his laughter. I had felt pleasure from the moment. I had allowed myself to enjoy the kiss unlike my emotions towards His kiss.

Why had His kiss scared me, even hurt me? Varian's kiss had felt pleasant which contrasted greatly with the rough feel of His. Varian's lips had been soft while His had been forceful upon mine. I had wanted to kiss Varian back while I had wanted to get away from Him. Why had the two felt different?

They had both been kisses, each from a person I deeply cared for. No matter how many times I hated Varian, I always found myself going back to wanting his attention. I cared for him much more than I wanted, too much. It scared me how much I cared for Varian.

Was it because He had wanted something? In trade for the kiss, He had tortured me to help others. Varian had kissed me, but hadn't asked for anything. Did that mean he was going to ask something of me later? Was he going to ask for something greater than He had? Was I allowed to say no?

All these questions ran through my mind as we continued walking. I found myself yearning for the normality of the Lab, of my consistent life there. Change had happened once again, leaving another mark in my life. I was beginning to resent change more than I had before Varian had arrived.

I stared at Varian's back, waiting for him to turn around again and request something from me. But he never did. He walked forward, looking back at me on occasion with a smile on his face each time. It seemed as if this wasn't troubling Varian near as much as it was troubling me.

We stopped, going into an alley. Since it was still day I assumed we'd stopped to eat. I was proven right as Varian, dropped the bag and unzipped it, leaning towards it.

"What do you want angel?" He asked, rummaging through the food. I stepped closer, leaning in as he was to look at the food. But I suddenly jerked away when Varian wrapped an arm around me in an attempt to pull me towards him.

I hear him sigh audibly as he stood up, looking straight at me. "Arcelia, don't you know by now that I'm not going to hurt you?" he tried, but got no response from me.

I wasn't to allow myself to be naïve, no matter how much I wanted to feel Varian hold me again. I had made the mistake of trusting Him once, placing my life in His hands, only to have Him physically hurt me and cause me intense pain. I wasn't going to be stupid enough to allow Varian to do the same. I wouldn't place my trust in Varian's hands as I had once placed it in His.

"It must be really hard not to trust a single person, to keep everything shut in a bottle," he said, his voice dripping with a bitter tone. I froze, meeting his eyes.

I was angry. I didn't like his immediate assumption about me. So I simply decided to anger Varian, even if the means of doing so was by lying.

"I trust people Varian. I don't trust you," I replied, my voice coming out calmer than I intended. I expected him to see right through the lie, to realize I didn't trust a single person, but he didn't.

"Fine!" he snapped loudly, enough to make me flinch. "I won't ever try comforting you again." Then he walked off, forgetting about the bag. I zipped it up and placed it over my shoulder before following him.

It was becoming a daily routine to be ignored by Varian. He seemed to prefer it that way as he never complained about it. Once again he kept forward, never looking at me. I felt sorrow, regretting my words. I had been angry, but it hadn't been right to invoke Varian's anger by lying. I rarely lied, but when I did I made sure to make myself believe in the lie so that it no longer became a lie.

But I couldn't bring myself to believe in this particular lie.

We walked a little further until we arrive at yet another abandoned building. I tensed, feeling a nearby presence. The building either wasn't empty or it hadn't been empty for very long. I found myself instinctively inching closer to Varian, but not close enough for him to notice.

Varian walked in with me reluctantly following. Varian didn't seem to mind walking into buildings without knowing what was in them. But I didn't want to walk in only to be surprised as I had been when we'd found Diana in the other abandoned building.

Fortunately, there was no one to be seen in the building. There was also no evidence anyone had been here recently, but I refused to ignore the presence I felt. I still firmly believed someone had been here.

Varian sighed, his eyes holding anger as he suddenly slammed his fist against the wall. I blinked in surprise, wanting to go over to him. But I didn't because I didn't want him to turn his anger on me.

"Damn it! They were supposed to be here," he muttered to himself, looking at the ground as if it would give him the answer he was searching for.

I still had no idea what this place was supposed to be, but it seemed important to Varian. I just stared, waiting for him to think of something so I could continue to follow him.

"We have to find somewhere else to go. Maybe there's another refugee place nearby," he murmured, finally looking at me. I blinked again, unsure of what to say.

He wanted to find somewhere to flee to while I wanted to go back to the Lab. We wanted two different things and eventually they would cause us to separate. Was it better to sever our connection now, while it was still budding and hesitant? It would be unbearable if it came to the point where I actually began trusting Varian.

"You should go," I whispered, hoping he would nod and walk away. But it wasn't as easy as I badly wanted it to be.

"Where are we going to go?" he asked, frustrated by my words. He seemed not to notice I had excluded myself from leaving.

"I believe we should part ways," I said, hoping I sounded more sure than I was. If we parted ways I would have to find my way back to the Lab alone. I wasn't sure if I was mentally prepared for venturing out alone.

"You know what, maybe I will!" he snapped, allowing more of his anger to flash out of him and into his words. I found myself looking down, his tone scaring me slightly. But while looking down I could still hear his footsteps, which were moving further and further away from me.

I glanced up, wanting to tell him to stop. I wanted to tell him I didn't mean the words and that I wanted to take them back. But I couldn't form any words. I could only look with widened eyes out the door at the white van.

The lab coats suddenly jumped at the van and ran towards a startled Varian. Varian could overpower them, but there were too many. I waited for him to run, to do something. But he only turned towards me, mouthing 'run', before they injected him with something. His body stilled as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and then he grew limp.

I was screaming, running towards Varian. But I never made it, the only sign I had been there was my echoing scream. Arms wrapped around me, pulling me back.

"Don't be stupid," a voice hissed and I stilled, watching the white van grow smaller and smaller. I didn't fight because I knew the owner of the voice.

He was the only experiment to ever escape Lab Arcelia.

THE END