Chapter 13

I woke up first, before Varian did. I looked around noticing we were in another hallway with gritty walls and a hard, gray floor. This one looked slightly dirtier than the other one, but overall it looked the same. I wondered how many of these there were in the world. Were there a lot?

I wanted to go out and explore the rest of the Outside, but I was afraid of getting lost and not being able to find my way back to Experiment Varian. He knew the Outside much better than me, and I realized I needed him right now. Without him, I would find myself dead within days.

I glanced at Experiment Varian, watching him sleep. He looked so peaceful while he was sleeping - I could almost forget that he was the reason I was being thrown out into the unknown.

His face was clean of emotions, his mouth open slightly. His chest expanded and deflated with each breath he took, going up and down. I found myself crawling over to him, wanting to feel his feathery hair.

I reached out, running my hand through his hair. I paused when his head moved as he leaned into my touch. His breathing didn’t change indicating that he was still asleep, so I kept running my hand through his hair over and over. I was waiting for it to become less soft, but it never did.

I didn’t notice he was awake until he sighed, leaning fully into my hand. Startled, I yanked my hand back, flinching when his head banged against the hard, gray floor.

“Damn it.” He muttered, sitting up and rubbing the back of his head, wincing. “What was that for?” He demanded, annoyance laced into his voice.

“You scared me.” I said, looking down and rubbing my hand against my leg.

“The maybe you shouldn’t have been touching me while I was asleep.” He retorted and I moved my head down more, recognizing his tone. It was a tone I was familiar with because of Him. It was a tone He constantly used to show me I hadn’t done something right.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized quietly, keeping my head lower. I could hear that Experiment Varian had stopped moving around and I waited for him to punish me or tell me how I could improve further to prevent myself from making the same mistake again.

He moved forward and my whole body tensed as I realized he was going to punish me. I was right. He was just like Him. I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the blow. Instead his hand gently cupped my chin, lifting my head.

“Open your eyes and look at me angel.” He instructed softly and I hesitated, but listened to him. His expression wasn’t one of anger, but of something completely opposite.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? I’m perfectly fine. I was just surprised.” He explained and I just stared back.

“You’re lying. I did something wrong.” I said quietly and his lips lifted into a smile as he shook his head.

“No you didn’t. It’s just I don’t get the pleasure of waking up to a beautiful girl stroking my hair every day.” He said, his voice light and teasing. I considered his wording, taking stroking to be what I was doing when I was feeling his hair.

“We should leave or they’re going to find us.” I said, ignoring his previous statement. He sighed, nodding and pulling his hand away with great reluctance.

“We’ll get clothes first to blend in better. People are going to notice us if we walk around in broad daylight wearing these.” He said, pointing to his sterile white gown and I looked down at my own, again not understanding what was wrong with it.

“What about your shocker?” I questioned, tilting my head. From what I understood when Varian and the strange man talked, not everyone wore shockers in the Outside.

Varian cursed under his breath, trying to look down at his shocker. “We need to get it removed first.”

“No.”                                                            

He turned towards me, seemingly shocked by my response, but I just sat there and stared at him disapprovingly, determined to keep Varian from removing his shocker.

“Arcelia, I can’t just walk around here with this on. It isn’t normal.” He said, the word normal stinging a little, but I tried ignoring it as I stood up so it didn’t seem like he was superior to me.

“You can’t take it off or it’ll hurt you. Even if you don’t care about that we don’t have time for you to lie around passed out.” I said firmly and he frowned, running a hand through his hair.

“I have to get this removed, but you’re right - we need to get clothes first.” He relented and I stood there, wanting to protest – I didn’t want him to take it off at all. I let it go, as experience from being with the lab coats had taught me better.

“Okay.” I said and he stared at me, sighing.

“I keep forgetting you were in there for longer than I was. I forget how much they fucked you up.” He muttered, seeming to want a reply from me but he didn’t get one.

I wasn’t used to his ‘swearing’. At the Lab, swearing was foreign. I didn’t know if they weren’t allow to swear in front of us or not, but I assumed so after an incident.

It had been Testing Day. A lab coat had gone to grab something from the cabinets. But he was clumsy and it spilled all over him. I could hear the acid like substance sear through his hand as he screamed, throwing in ‘swear words’. The other two lab coats looked at each other before they helped him out. After that, I never saw that lab coat again. Not on Testing Days or even out in the halls. I assumed he got punished his actions that day.

 “We’re near my area. I can get us clothes easily and I know someone who’s experienced with tools. I’ll get her to take this damn thing off and we’ll spend the night at her place. Is that a deal?” He reasoned.

“Yes.” I replied like I was supposed to. He stared at me, probably wondering whether I was using an answer I was trained to give or whether I was giving him my own answer. But he wouldn’t find anything because I’d been taught to keep my face blank.

“Let’s go. Maybe we’ll find someone who’s willing to feed us for free on the way.” He said, laughing humorlessly at the end as I followed him out the alley.

The Outside was different from the Lab. Much different in fact, in a bad way it seemed.

The Outside was bigger, but it looked faded and used. There were no sterile white walls or any white at all. There was gray, too much gray. The floor was gray, some of the buildings were gray and even the sky was gray, a dark polluted gray.

He had told me about the sky and I’d spent hours fantasizing about it only to find myself disappointed. He’d told me that once the sky had been blue out of all colors. Once it had been the bluest of all blue colors, but pure white fluffs called clouds would block some of the blue.

I’d stare at pictures, wishing I could actually see the sky. He’d promised me one day He’d find a part of the sky that was still blue and take me to see it but He got busy and it never happened. I was content with pictures and wishing, though.

However, He hadn’t told me that the sky was no longer blue. It was ugly now, and was no longer something to dream about. The people belonging to the Outside had destroyed it. They had killed the sky, polluting it with their ugly buildings and ugly floors.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you crying?”

I looked down, meeting Experiment Varian’s blue eyes. I found myself wondering if that was what the sky looked like. If it had looked like that I wouldn’t mind the ugly buildings. I would spend hours in the Outside just to see the beautiful blue sky.

“I’m fine.” I whispered, rubbing my eyes clean on my arm.

He stared, reaching out before dropping his hand. ‘Are you sure?” He asked, still looking concerned. I wondered whether it was true concern or if, like me, he’d been taught to fake emotions too.

“I’m sure. We should get going.” I replied and he stared again before sighing and turning around.

“One day you’re going to explode from keeping everything pent up angel. I promise you I’ll be there that day for you to cry on.” He murmured before he continued walking with me trailing behind, confused and frustrated.