CATRINA

(A few months later)

"Here, Mrs. Ivanov, I'll put baby Aiden in his crib," I say taking the baby from the new obviously tired but joyous mother. She smiles at me before landing a soft kiss on the baby's head and handing him over to me.

"Thank you, you have been very helpful in handling my son when I've been resting," she whispers as I cuddle the baby close to my chest. One of the perks of being a maternity nurse is that you get to be around lots of babies. However, it is very sad to watch those babies go home with their parents after a few days but I don't let it get in my way of bonding with the newborn.

There's just something irresistible in the scent of a newborn that I can't keep from cuddling them.

"So how many years have you been working here?" she asks me.

"Oh no, I completed six months just a few days ago. I am a trainee nurse only," I explain.

"Oh, really? But you handle the baby so well. Also, during my labour you were so calm and quick. I thought you have been working here for a long time," she compliments and I can't help but feel good. I have loved babies and working to bring a baby into this world is like my dream job.

However, I don't think of it like that. Having past experiences of all good things turning into a disaster, I refrain from acknowledging the good things in my life. I just let it happen and cross my fingers so that I don't jinx it.

"Thank you, ma'am. I just love my job," I explain. She laughs.

"I just bet that you are going be the best mother whenever you have your own kids," she says and I can't stop my heart from skipping a beat. How I long to be a mother but I know after that after Connor so carelessly dumped me, I will never experience that happiness.

A very sharp pain in my chest makes my eyes water but I blink back my tears not wanting a new mother to see my distress. It's better to keep all those emotions buried.

We talk for a few more minutes when baby Aiden wakes up and Mrs. Ivanov raises her arms to feed the baby.

"Baby Aiden seems to have a healthy appetite," I say and Mrs. Ivanov chuckles as her son, eagerly latches on to suck his food.

The new mother seems to be very tired and it's obvious after going through labour for 10 hours but still delivering the baby in a C-section. She's bound to be tired and that's why I am here, as a maternity nurse to help the mother in taking care of the baby and assist in her health care.

After burping the baby, she hands him over to me and I look at the baby who is sleeping in my arms. The sight of the sleeping baby only makes me realise what I don't have, what I could have had but lost it. Again, tears threaten to roll down my cheeks but I somehow manage to control my urge.

Mr. Ivanov enters the medical room, distracting me from my thoughts and makes a beeline to his wife, his love and adoration clearly shining in his gaze. I look away feeling like an intruder in their private moment.

"How's Mommy?" he asks and I watch Mrs. Ivanov blush at her husband's words. He only chuckles and plants a kiss on his wife's lips before turning to look at me. I look at them like a deer caught in front of headlights and vaguely realise that he's actually looking for his son and not at all focused on me.

Sighing in relief, I show the couple that their baby is sleeping and he tells me that he'll hold their son later so I quickly walk out of the room after putting the baby in his crib and give the couple some privacy. I do not even for a moment let my envious thoughts burst my bubble. No, I can't let any thoughts of what ifs ruin my day.

~~~

"Your work here at the hospital is really impressive, Catrina. I've seen you working in the delivery room and am very proud to say that you are really good at it," praises Dr. Beaupre and I can't help but blush at his obviously over-rated praise. I know that Dr. Beaupre has had a special interest in me since that night at the bar a few months ago when I discovered that my high school besties were actually bitches.

He hasn't asked me out or anything but neither has he stopped complimenting me which can be a little awkward considering he is the doctor whom I report to and basically my boss. I want my job as well as a fairly professional relationship with my boss. Perhaps, the goddess of Luck is not by my side today because the good doctor doesn't want to end our conversation.

"Thank you, Dr. Beaupre."

"How many times have I told you, Catrina? Call me Roman," he offers and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. How do I convince him that I am not interested?

"Okay, Roman."

"Tell me, Catrina. What are you doing tonight?" he asks. It is a Friday so I am sure that his question has some other objective.

Now is the time where I use my skills of evasion.

"Oh, my sister is coming over to my house with her boyfriend. She wants to introduce him to her family and since our parents passed away a few years ago, I am her only family. We look out for each other," I ramble, knowing that I probably went overboard with my lie.

A simple no would have sufficed, maybe. I don't want to take chances.

"Oh, that's sad. I hoped if we could go out for dinner?" he asks. Oh! The nerve of this man. He knows I am not interested.

"Oh, I am sorry, Dr. Beaupre," I say and think of something fast before he asks for some other time.

"Uh! Excuse me, doctor. I think Mrs. Ivanov wants my help to help feed her baby," I say and quickly without waiting for a reply, scurry out of his office.

Phew! That was close.

Not wanting to be caught lying, I make my way towards Mrs. Ivanov's room, desperately hoping that she needs me.

Ah! So, lady luck is on my side. Mrs. Ivanov is having a tough time handling a phone call and her crying baby. Well, Nurse Catrina to the rescue!

"Hey, Mrs. Ivanov. Why don't I handle the baby while you speak on the phone?" I ask walking towards her, holding my arms out for the baby. She smiles in relief and then hands me the baby, all the while talking to someone who appears to be her boss.

Are all bosses so irritating?

I coo at the little baby who is awake and crying. For a little baby he sure has a healthy set of lungs. His cries fill the whole room and I quickly walk towards the table which has a bottle of his mother's milk pumped into it.

"Here, baby. Drink your milk. Aren't you hungry?" I coo at the baby and feel a pang in my chest. How I wished for my own baby! I had a chance too but me being the unlucky person that I am, lost that chance.

The baby quietly slurps at his food and my mind races as I think of all those possibilities of my own husband and baby.

The door opens abruptly and I turn to look as Mr. Ivanov walks in talking to someone behind him. The voice of this person sounds very familiar.

I watch in a daze as they enter the room and my heart literally stops when I see him walking in.

Oh, my God!

I stare at him as he stops on the threshold of the room and then looks around with a frown on his face. He looks at the new mother who is listening to her husband speak, making introductions. I am completely clueless to what he is telling his wife, my focus completely on the new person who entered the room as his gaze settles on me.

I take in the details of the one person I promised myself that I would try to forget. He's grown larger, more muscular and probably a few inches taller than he was seven years ago. His green eyes have become darker, more like the forest's green shade. His face has taken on a more rugged edge, making him look manlier with those high cheek bones and a sharp jaw, covered with a slight beard, with his slightly crooked nose and if possible, he looks more handsome. Gone is the boy with the baby face and boyish features and replaced by this mature hunk of Godliness.

That's when I shake myself out of my stupor. No, Catrina. You can't go on for even a second with these thoughts in your mind. He's not a God. No, he's the devil's son.

I realise that he's also staring at me and that Mr. Ivanov is now calling him so I quickly put an end to our staring contest making him startle out of it too.

"Look who's here, honey. When I told him that we just welcomed our son in the world, the guy laughed on me. See, smartass. She's mine," boasts Mr. Ivanov while laying an arm around his wife and pecking her on the lips.

His wife shyly responds to him and then leans in to him while looking at their friend. Listening to Mrs. Ivanov call Connor, startles us both and I quickly look down at the baby in my arms, distracting myself from their conversation.

"It is so nice to meet you. Although I don't understand why you married him in the first place," says Connor and his voice affects me, more than it did seven years ago. The highly masculine timbre sends tingles running through my spine. I barely resist the urge to shiver.

"Oh, please, Connor. You always knew that I had eyes only for Maxim," Mrs. Ivanov says referring to her husband. At this point my focus is solely on the baby but I feel his stare on my bent head. I studiously ignore him.

"Oh, do you know her? She's a fantastic nurse. Her name is Catrina," Mrs. Ivanov speaks and I will the earth to swallow me up. Like NOW! Why did she have to bring me in the conversation?

"Oh no. I am just looking at the baby. Would you mind if I hold him?" he says and I feel like the whole world has stopped around me. He said that he doesn't know me. How could he ignore me like this? I was his girlfriend for a year. I gave my virginity to this guy. He was my first love, probably still is and he ignored me.

I feel my heart stop at his sentence and my eyes burn with tears as my heart starts beating wildly in my chest aching with the feel of loss but I quickly blink them back, not wanting these people to know how badly his words affect me. Taking a deep breath, I look up at Mrs. Ivanov pointedly ignoring Connor's gaze on me and walk towards the mother.

"Here. Baby Aiden is all fed and burped up. I'll be in the nurses' station if you need me," I tell Mrs. Ivanov, managing my voice so it doesn't tremble while handing over the baby to her and give the couple a smile without making eye contact with my ex.

"Oh, sure," Mrs. Ivanov replies smiling widely at their guest as she calls him closer to look at their baby.

I quickly move out of the way, as far as possible and walk briskly towards the door, wiping my eyes as a tear betrayingly rolls down my cheek. As soon as I am out of the room, I breathe in a sigh of relief and look around to see if anyone witnessed my near-breakdown before walking towards the nurses' station to hide till he leaves the hospital.

~~~~~

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