CATRINA

I stare at the message on my screen for the 10th time, trying to understand the motive behind it. Here, I am sitting in my kitchen, mulling over the message from my long-lost friend.

Oh, no, she didn't disappear. I did.

Hey Catrina. Hope you are well. Our high school group of girl friends have decided to meet up for a reunion on the coming Saturday at 365 bar (18:00 hrs). I would be delighted if you join us too.

Yes, short and simple yet a very vague message if we consider how an invitation should be. But that's how Annika has always been. Less talk, more action. By action, I mean she was the social butterfly of our group, always attracted to guys and the one who had different boyfriends, every week so it's natural that she received the most action.

What to do? Should I go? It's been 6 and a half years since I last met them or even saw them. I didn't even graduate with my high school diploma with them because of.... Don't go there, Catrina!

If they have invited me, it means they want to know about what's going on in my life, right? It's to rebuild our bond, yes? It wouldn't harm anyone if I go and I no longer have my parents to hover above me so it's not like I have to stay home. The bar she mentioned in the message is surely far from my new home. I purposely chose a house close to this hospital where I'll be working which means that it's far from the city.

Am I overthinking? Fuck yes, I am. I am insecure about how people will react to my present life. I have so many broken dreams and those are the people who had warned me off with this possibility but I had stubbornly waved them off and continued to follow my fairy tale.

Result? I failed and with that all my other dreams, collapsed too.

Urgh! Stop with this pity party, Catrina. You will go to the party on Saturday, have fun, get drunk then hail a cab home and for once sleep without any dreams.

Yes. That's what I am going to do. Decision made, I toss my phone in my purse and drain the glass of milk before getting up from the table.

Today I start with my new job as a nurse in the local hospital of Blue Moon town. Strange name, I know but it's a small town and I had to move all my stuff from my family home to this apartment, not that I had a lot of stuff, just my personal belongings, some photo albums and my favourite coffee mug along with some furniture. The rest was all taken by Fiona, my parent's only biological and favoured daughter, who is now happily settled in living with her boyfriend in the city.

My parents said that they adopted me when they had lost all hopes of ever having their own child and then miraculously, my mother got pregnant when I was two years old. From that moment, I was looked upon as a mistake. My parents loved me but they loved their own daughter more and when little Fiona realised that she was more favoured, she didn't leave any chance to rub that in my face.

Not allowing myself to dwell on those depressing thoughts, I quickly pack my bag and walk out of my home. I hope I made the right decision by taking up this job. They needed a maternity nurse but didn't find anyone qualified enough with the experience and that's where I come into picture. They hired me, a freshly graduated registered nurse but I am supposed to start as a trainee so that I get a hang of it.

Sending a quick prayer to heaven, I start walking in the direction of my work place.

~~~~~~~

"Thank you," I mutter to the taxi driver while taking back my change and get out of the cab. Last week of May and it's still a little cold. Pulling my coat tighter around my body, I look around myself and feel relieved that the bar is surrounded by restaurants. Straightening the non-existent crease from my silver black sequin mini dress, the only dress fit for this reunion that I owned, I make my way to the 365 bar hoping that the evening goes as smoothly as my day went today. Sleeping in, cleaning my home and having a peaceful afternoon.

Oh, sweet Lord, give me the courage to face them!

Entering the bar, I am met with very loud thumping music and dim lights all over the place. Oh shit! I hate loud music and the dim greenish lights make me remember some very delicious memories with a certain green-eyed guy who still haunts me.

Fuck!!! Get over it, Catrina.

I swear I don't talk to myself so much. Maybe it's my anxiety speaking.

"HEY! Catrina! In here." I turn towards the shrill voice immediately capturing the gaze of Annika. Wow! She looks good. Better and more matured than she was in high school.

"Hi. How are you?" I ask but am engulfed in an embrace before finishing my question. Not at all deterred by it, as it is Annika's way of greeting anyone, I hug her back before releasing her.

"Wow. Your hair's cut short to your breasts. What happened to having long hair till your butt?" she asks and I draw back a little. Did she just mock me? I push away my so called breast length red hair back and try not to show my emotions on my face.

God! I'm having second thoughts now.

"Oops. Come on. I'll take you to our seats." She pulls me by the elbow and I follow her dumbly without uttering a word. I am still processing her earlier question or statement. Whatever!

Soon, I find myself settled in my seat with Victoria on my left and Adeline to my right. Natasha is sitting across me, I assume, already on her 3rd drink from her plastered face. Annika joins in at Natasha's left beside Denise who is pregnant, woah, and there's a person missing.

Where's Amy?

I ask my question out loud but no one answers, strange. Victoria nudges me from my left.

"She's married and settled in the USA with her husband."

"Oh. That's great."

"So, how have you been?" she asks taking a sip of her drink.

"Oh, I am fine. Thanks for asking. I've recently started working as a nurse at the Seven Hills hospital in Blue Moon town." I finish my sentence and realise that the entire table is focused on what I am saying. I look around and offer a small smile before taking a sip of my bubbly drink.

"But you wanted to become a doctor, yes?" asks Annika with an ill-concealed smirk and it's the second time that I'm feeling as if I am under scrutiny tonight.

"Yes, I wanted to but then somethings happened and I couldn't get admission in the medical school. But I love my work as a nurse," I defend myself.

"I bet Connor Lupe happened," laughs Annika and I freeze. The hell with this woman. She's baiting me. Taking a deep breath and counting from ten to zero, I put on my fake smile look at Annika dead in her eyes.

"Yes, he did happen. What's going on in your life?" I ask directly evading her question and refusing to indulge into how and what went wrong with Connor. I won't recall that year where I temporarily lost my common sense. No point in reopening old wounds.

She takes a long sip of her drink and then smiles sweetly at me. I don't even for a second think that it's sincere.

"Oh, you know, I am a Fashion Designer. I own my own boutique," she says proudly and somewhat smugly.

"Wow, that's good. You always wanted to be a fashion designer. Congratulations," I raise my glass as a toast and smile genuinely at this mean woman. Whatever be her agenda for tonight, I am really happy that she's living her dream. Only a few lucky ones get to live like that.

She seems shocked at first but then immediately recovers and turns to order our food.

I look around the table and see that these girls are still the same. Same as they were 6 and a half years ago. Chit chatting amongst themselves and forgetting that they are here in a group.

I ignore them and turn to Victoria since, she's the only one whom I considered my close friend.

"So, tell me about your life, Tori," I ask deliberately using her nickname so that she doesn't feel interrogated.

"Oh, I am doing well as a Computer Analyst. I am engaged to Vicky and we have set a date for our wedding this fall," she says quite proudly and I can't help but feel proud of her. Out of all these girls, Tori has had the hardest life. Her parents didn't approve of her boyfriend Vicky but looks like things are noticeably smooth now. I don't let the fact that she didn't invite me for her upcoming wedding, deter me. After all, I am the one who pushed her away. She was the only one who had supported me in my affair with Connor.

"Oh, my god!! Tori! That's great."

"Yes, it is. We will be moving to the USA after our wedding as Vicky's got a job there," she adds and that explains her use of American English.

"Good. That's great, Tori."

A throat clearing startles me and I turn towards the owner of that sound. Adeline is sitting in her chair, more drunk than I have ever seen her till date and she looks like she's on the verge of crying.

"What's wrong, Adeline?" I ask, lifting my hand and resting it on Adeline's shoulder in comforting gesture. Her lower lip trembles and her already glassy eyes fill with tears before she lets a few of them fall. Her make-up miraculously stays put.

"Everyone here is happy. Victoria's getting married. You look happy. Annika's a fashion designer. Amy is all settled. Natasha is a Professor and is living with her long-time boyfriend. Denise is married and has a babe on the way. I am the only one who's not happy," she cries out the last sentence and I get myself ready for another tantrum by Miss Adeline Drama Queen Mason. Before I go to soothe her fears, I am rudely and quite abruptly interrupted.

"Oh, come on, Adel. You are not the only one unhappy here. Catrina here is also unhappy. She's settled for a job she never really dreamed of and she clearly doesn't have a man in her life. See girly. You are doing better than her," laughs Annika from the other side of the table and I lose my composure.

Fuck this woman!

I should have listened to my gut. I knew something was up when she invited me. No way did she invite me here for a reunion. This is more of a rub-salt-in-Catrina's-wounds party.

Before I open my mouth to respond, I hear my name being called. I turn around to see Dr. Beaupre standing a few feet behind me. I don't know if he heard Annika's talk or not. Even if he did, he's doing a pretty good job of ignoring it.

"Excuse me girls," I say and get up from my chair. I don't want to anger my boss by just waving him off. It surely wouldn't look good, yes?

I walk towards Dr. Beaupre realising the fact that this man is checking me out. I don't understand why, I guess it is God's way of showing me some mercy after being so blatantly insulted by one of my friends, well, make that ex-friends. What are the chances that my boss doesn't go to the bar in the blue moon town ands end up walking into this bar which is like a couple of hours from his home?

"Hey, Catrina. I never thought that I would see you here," he says as a form of greeting. I ignore his question, settling on a simple greeting. Why did this person think of bothering me on a weekend? That too when he doesn't even talk properly to me during my work hours. And why did he think that I wouldn't be here? Is it written on my forehead that I am a lonely bitch with no friends? Is it that obvious that I am loser in personal relationships?

"So, are you here on a girl's night out? Introduce me?" he asks and I freeze. Who is he to ask me that? My boyfriend? My friend? An acquaintance? Why should I introduce him to those women? Even if it'll help me bust Annika's bubble of insult-Catrina-tonight, it'll be highly inappropriate to lead Dr. Beaupre on, especially when I am not in any hurry to let a man into my life. Not after how disastrous the last one's presence was.

"I apologise, Mr. Beaupre but all of those ladies there are either engaged or married and one has a baby on the way. They wouldn't appreciate my boss who's looking out for a date being introduced like that." There I said it out loud. Am I rude? Yes, I am but do I regret it? No. Men need to be put in their place before they sweep in and take control over your life. May it be personal or professional.

He immediately raises his hands up in surrender and offers a small smile which seems to be forced.

"I guess I deserved that. By the way you look beautiful. Enjoy your night," he chuckles and I like him for taking a reprimand in stride without letting his pride be hurt. I smile and bid him good night before returning to my table.

"Sorry ladies. Just a colleague," I say not at all feeling guilty for saying that Dr. Beaupre is my colleague and not my reporting doctor.

"He sure was good looking. Why don't you introduce him and Adeline? At least she'll be a happy lady. After all you clearly don't look happy, girly," Annika says before waving her well-manicured fingers in front of her face.

Adeline now looks guilty probably realising that her immature stunt played right into Annika's devious plan of throwing my sad story of a fairy tale in my face. Ignoring her and completely focusing on Annika, I choose my words carefully before opening my mouth.

"Oh no, Annika. You are sadly mistaken. I never said that I've settled for a job that I didn't love. I might have wanted to be a doctor but I love the job of being a nurse more than I ever liked the idea of being a doctor. And as far as having a man in my life, let's just face it. Connor Lupe dumped me. Am I still heartbroken over it? Definitely not." I don't raise my voice but just speak in my no-nonsense tone making sure that she understands it. Sure enough, her mouth is hanging open and she's wondering how timid little Catrina got the guts to speak for herself.

Well, life is a bitch. You need to grow claws to fight in order to survive.

"Let's just forget about it, girls. It's all in the past," says Victoria from my side but I ignore her. Looking at the way Annika so daringly insulted me, I am sure that this was planned and if it was then my once best friend is also a culprit. No way would I let such immature people still be a part of my life. I am better off alone instead of being friends with such plastic people.

"Excuse me, girls. I'll have to leave the party. Have fun and get laid Annika. It'll help you loosen up a bit. Perhaps help you shift your focus from my life to straightening out yours?" I say before slipping a few bills under my plate, not wanting them to pay for those couple of drinks that I had.

Meeting each and every one of their eyes, I flash my most confident smiles and turn to walk out of the bar with my head held high even when on the inside I feel like being slapped. I only let out the breath that I hadn't realised I have been holding after exiting the bar.

God! What a disaster!

They actually invited me to laugh on my face. All because I had once claimed that Connor Lupe, the newest boy in high school, our senior who probably thought of me as his sex toy, was my happily ever after. How stupid was I!

No wonder I have always been alone. Maybe my stupidity is why Connor didn't want me, why my adoptive parents only felt obliged to look after me.

Shaking my head at the direction of my thoughts and blinking back tears, I start walking away from the bar, waiting for the booked cab to arrive and hoping desperately that my boss doesn't see me leaving when all my so-called friends are still enjoying their reunion.

~~~

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