My heart pours out to you
I'm sorry I did not recognize it

-I've got a feeling
(Suspicious partner,
Kihyun)

Choi Minjae

"You changed your hair color!" I couldn't help but gasp seeing that Kihyun had changed his hair color into black. The brown locks over his forehead was gone and instead it was black with slightly shorter slicks of hair.

But he still looked good. Really good.

Maybe even better.

"Yeah." He replied in short then bit the corner of his lower lip. "Does it look bad?"

"No!" I shook my head vigorously. "Any special occasion? Oh wait, you're gonna confess to Soyou noona today! Is that what it's for?"

I screamed happily almost forgetting that it was awkward yesterday, even today I only met him in college, since he left earlier than everyone.

Maybe he was avoiding me, but I was trying to do the same honestly.

"No, I just needed a change." He shrugged not looking in my eyes.

"Do you have any plans? Maybe I could help..." I trailed off, not sure if what I just said would be right. He wouldn't need my help anymore. He didn't even discuss with me when he made up his mind to confess, perhaps it's all for the best.

"Do you think flowers would work?" He said hesitating a bit and I almost jumped in excitement.

"Of course! Now we're back to business. Let's go pick some flowers!" As I tried dragging him, he didn't look sure about going somewhere with me.

He was still stiff. That comfortable aura around us wasn't there anymore.

And I didn't want that. I didn't want us to be awkward. It was nice having a friend like him. What happened yesterday was definitely a mistake.

I wanted to forget about it.

But I couldn't.

"Do you know her favorite color hyung?" I tried speaking first as we both walked towards the flower shop. He wouldn't speak unless I asked some question, this was so unlike him.

"No." He scrunched his eyebrows thinking hard. "I don't know really."

"What are you saying! How could you not know such an important thing." I kept on talking, for some reasons sounding nervous. I hoped he wouldn't notice that. It's just that his new hairdo kept making me almost forget he was Kihyun.

He was so handsome at times like this, it felt unrealistic.

"Like my favorite colors are-"

"Grey and black," He finished my sentence then looked at me startled. I thought he wasn't listening but it seemed like he was.

"It's just that I've noticed most of your shirts and outfits are grey or black."

I was still watching him with awe. That's so smart of him.

"It doesn't match with your personality though. Anyone would think you like bright colors such as red, orange or yellow.." He pursed his lips looking ahead.

"Oh. Maybe my mind is dark." I joked in a straight face and immediately regretted.

But I was surprised hearing his laughter. "Black is my favorite color too. Surprising right?" He looked at me, our eyes met and we instantly looked away.

Even though, we were talking normally he felt distanced. Almost as if we were strangers.

It hurt.

"Oh look! There's the flower shop!" I pointed at a shop with glass walls, flowers and plants could be seen from outside.

"Maybe you should buy roses," I suggested while we walked into the shop and the owner greeted us with a polite smile.

"But that's cliché." He tilted his head to the side. I giggled a little nervously.

"Giving flowers while confessing is cliche too."

He snapped his head towards me as if he just realised that's true. "Maybe we shouldn't buy flowers then!"

"Nope, she's the type to like flowers." I pushed him towards the pots of tulip flowers. "How about these dark purple ones?"

He went there and started observing the flowers with a frowned face.

"What about the place? Where are you going to confess?"

"I don't know, a cafe or..." He looked at my face as if he was looking for a suggestion.

"How about a park? Too much people in cafe."

He nodded slowly touching the flower petals with his fingertips.

"H-hyung?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind if I stayed with you when you confess?"

***

What I meant by staying with him was to look from afar, so I could see if everything was going alright.

I'd been rooting for Kihyun's one sided love since months, so who would be happier than me if they started dating, right?

I took a look back at where he was standing near a bench, waiting for Soyou. It was good that the park is quite empty now. Soyou walked up to him and Kihyun greeted her with a smile. I couldn't hear what they were saying since they were quite far from where I was standing.

Turning away, I faced the other side. Kihyun was obviously not sure about bringing me with him yet I kept on begging. Then he made me promise not to look their way and, only by that deal he took me with him. He said he would feel embarrassed if I watched.

Since it was his first time confessing to someone.

He acts like a teenager in love.

That's why I was definitely happy that he found the courage to confess, I was happy for him.

Then why does it hurt somewhere.

Maybe I feel that way because the weather was so cold, it was making me think weird thoughts. I hugged myself and looked up to the sky. It looked dark and cloudy.

So cold! Cossing my arms over my chest I leaned forward a little. Good thing was I brought my jacket but I was still shivering.

I've always wondered how a first kiss would taste like.

Since I liked reading books, romance novels, and they would alwayd write it in such a way it would give you a thrill, make you wonder how a touch of another person, a person you like would feel like.

I definitely never thought a guy's lips would be this soft. I always thought they would be harsh and cold.

Until I felt someone's.

The cold wind was making my senses numb; I didn't actually know what I was thinking of. In a reverie, I touched my lips. I still couldn't forget that tingling sensation.

Maybe I never will.

But it was all a mistake, on my part too. Perhaps somewhere in my mind I wanted to kiss him too. Now I hoped he wouldn't feel any guilt towards it.

And that it wouldn't come between his and Soyou's relationship.

My first kiss, if you could even call that one was an accident. I kept my mind off it. But the second one was different.

It was like a rollercoaster. You're afraid, you don't know what's going on but you're heart is beating loudly and you want to have a taste of that thrill.

As the ride goes on your heart only accelerates beating faster. You become more afraid but you can't help enjoying it.

Nonetheless the ride lasts for only a while and what comes after that is either you're more terrified or you're happy and would like to experience it again.

I wanted to stop thinking these pointless things. That kiss was never meant to be anyway.

Suddenly I saw a snowflake, dropping on my nose. Wait, snowflake?

I looked up and snow was falling. White sprinkles of snow falling everywhere, the sky was still dark and gloomy. Heaving a small sigh I held out my hands to catch them. But they kept melting in my palms.

"It's so cold!" A voice spoke beside me making me startle. I looked to the side and it was Kihyun.

He was smiling looking up at the sky. His smile was really warm, unlike the weather.

Surprising cause he looked cold since morning. But now he seemed happy. He probably got accepted.

"How did it go?" I asked and he looked at me.

His eyebrows got scrunched, he quickly put off the muffler he had wrapped around his neck. Then he took steps forward and gently put it on me, tying a knot on the front.

"You look cold! We should go home."

"Eh!" I flinched moving away in denial. "It's the first snow fall! Let's watch for a while."

"Yeah, but you'll get a fever, stupid."

I didn't take his word to my head and kept staring at the sky as the cold snow hit my face. Closing my eyes shut, I was enjoying it.

"Isn't it nice? Your first confession and the first snow? I think you guys are meant to be together."

A smile slowly showed up in my face as I stated that. He kept silent for a while.

"I didn't confess though."

I turned my face to his side. "What!?"

"I couldn't." He bit the corner of his lower lip looking ahead. "I just gave her the flower and the birthday gift I bought with you for her. Then I apologized for leaving her birthday party early the other day. I couldn't give her the gift that day too."

Taking in a breath I tried clearing my mind. Of course, confessing to your one sided love wouldn't be easy. He must be feel disappointed now as he couldn't accomplish that.

Then why was he smiling?

"Did she like that gift?" I asked and he nodded looking at me.

"There's one for you too."

He opened his bagpack and took out a box. I remembered the day he bought two snowglobes and one of them was the one that's in front of me now. But I thought he bought it for himself?

"For me?" I managed to ask in a breathy voice. The cold was getting to me, also this uncertain feeling I had.

"Yeah. You really liked them the other day so I bought one for you too. I thought I would give it to you as a surprise gift or reward someday."

I took the box in my hand and took out the snowglobe. I couldn't help but laugh remembering how he said it was stupid but here, he had bought one for me.

"Then why are you giving it to me now?" I asked, still laughing.

"I don't know. Let's go home now."

Again he was ordering, I rolled my eyes putting it in my bag. "Thank-"

"Give me your hand." He cut me off and held out his hand asking for mine.

"Why?" I asked being curious but still held out my hand towards him, he grabbed it.

He intertwined our fingers together then put it in a pocket of his long coat. "Knew your hands were cold. That's why I was scolding you stupid!"

He snapped at me and I watched with awe. I had to stand really close to him since my hand, our hands were in his pocket. Next moment I felt this heat rush to my cheeks.

"I-I'm fine!" I stuttered trying to pull away my hand but he wouldn't let go. Only his grip got tighter as he started walking like that, with me by his side.

"How come your hands are so small." He murmured then laughed by himself. "It feels like I'm holding a girl's hand."

I rolled my lips inside my mouth walking beside him. His hand was really warm and my hand was small enough to perfectly fit in his.

This actually felt like a dream.

"Why are you doing this?" I murmured. Didn't know why I suddenly felt like crying. The feeling I had in my chest was too overwhelming. I was afraid it was unreal and would vanish soon.

"I don't know, I felt like it." He said in an unsure tone then continued after letting out a small sigh.

"You know, I feel so weird these days. I've never felt like this before. I'm really afraid of these feelings."

"W-what feelings?" I stuttered again, trying to have a glimpse of his face but he wouldn't look my way.

I kind of knew what he was trying to talk about and didn't know at the same time.

"I don't know. But I want to try."