Get me out, I'm under water, I'm all alone cold

-underwater

Choi Minjae

Water splashed hard against my eyes, I could not see anything for a second there. When I felt that my upper half was on the surface I immediately clasped my whole face with both my hands. Rubbing my eyes, I opened them again.

My vision was still blurry but I could see a vague image of Kihyun standing in front me.

Looking closer, he had his eyebrows scrunched up, his face was giving this look like he was in complete lose of words. He parted his mouth and said something which I couldn't hear.

"What?" I yelled. A sudden anger started boiling beneath my skin, seeing the person's face I clearly didn't want to see, not right now.

"W-why are you crying?"

"I wasn't!" I yelled throwing my hands up in the air. "Water went inside my eyes!"

"But you... You were trembling and crying!"

"I was shivering cause I was in the cold water for so long!" Saying that, I gave him an annoyed glare and then I started to swim my way to reach the sides.

When I tried pulling myself up from the water my hand slipped a bit and I was going to fall again but, another hand caught me from the back.

"Careful." His voice hit my ear, disturbingly close from behind. "The sides are slippery."

"Don't touch me!" I slapped his hand away then pulled myself up. He got up from the water too.

I then sat on the side with my whole body drenched, not bothering to see what he was doing.

"What now? Let's go inside!" He must had thought I was stupid so he groaned frustrated. But I just wanted to stay alone, and a hundred miles away from this guy.

My silence made him more frustrated. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Don't talk to me!" I glared at him. He was standing in front of me, scowling.

"For the past freaking days." Je took in a deep breath before continuing. "All I've been seeing is you being weird, and now you're throwing a tantrum, like, HOW can I know what I've done wrong if you don't tell me! How would I know what I did to get on your freaking nerves!"

His loud words made me flinch and draw back a little, but my mouth was still sewn shut. I looked away but could feel him taking a seat on the sides close to me.

"I'm all ears so care to spill your beans?"

I turned my face further away so he would not see how water was starting to form in my eyes. I bit my trembling lip breathing in and out. This was so frustrating, how this guy would always find me when I was the most vulnerable.

I was sad, I'd been sad. For the past few days. I could just not get over it, even though I didn't show any emotion, even though I tried so hard to suppress it. When I couldn't take the devastation growing inside me anymore, I threw myself in the swimming pool, only to calm down my head.

When Kihyun pulled me up, the welling sadness turned into anger. Now it was turning into sadness again.

So embarrassing, to be crying in front of him.

"Tell me." I heard his voice, demanding.

"You, you told me that I liked Shownu hyung. Why did you never," I couldn't keep my voice calm anymore, sounds of crying, breaking down from the inside came out. "Tell me that he has a girlfriend?"

I constantly wiped my cheeks but they just kept getting wet with fresh tears. My body was shaking, all my hard work trying not to cry for the past few days had just gone to vein.

When I thought he went away since it was too silent I turned my face to the other side. But I found his face dangerously close to mine. He sat right in front me scanning my face with wide eyes.

"You are crying?"

All I could give was a look of disgust before turning away and pushing my body farther away from his. "Yes I'm crying. For fuck's sake! Happy now?" My voice cracked as I shrieked loudly.

"Minjae," he called my name in a calm manner before bursting up. "You just did not swear in front of me! I'm going to give you more chores and your pay is gonna get cut for two days!"

"Do whatever you want fuckterd!" I screamed back at him, bringing my knees closer and hugging them since it was getting colder each second.

He got up, sounds of his footsteps dwindling as he walked away. I breathed out and looked at the glowing water of the swimming pool. Dipping my feet in it, I tried clearing my thoughts. Finally, I was alone.

Few droplets of warm water fell in my lap, indicating that I was crying again. I laughed in the midst of crying, reminding myself something.

That it hurt.

It didn't even hurt this much when I got turned down by my high school crush and he turned out to be a shitty person. Cause soon he made me a laughing stock in my school.

Yeah, he never considered me as a girl when he knew I was one and then I confessed to him trying to wear girly cloths and makeups, making a complete fool out of myself. That was the reason why people laughed at me.

And the reason why I never wore the cloths Byul gave me.

Back then, I laughed at myself with everyone, laughed at my own stupidity, and that's why it didn't get big. Everyone took it as a good joke.

And this time, it wasn't anything major, I'd developed a crush on someone who didn't even know I was a girl. No one properly knew my feelings for him so it should've ended smoothly when I came to know he had a girlfriend.

Then why was it hurting so much? So much that for the first time in my life, I felt like I was in despair.

I clutched my heart, it was hurting. I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. Just then I felt something warm in my back. Someone had just wrapped a blanket around me.

Kihyun reappeared. Coming from my back then taking a turn he sat on the same place with another blanket wrapped around his own body.

I pulled the warm blanket closer to me, staring at the water. I could feel him doing the same thing. We were both silent, just the sound of night flowing around us.

"So you're gay?"

He spoke first. I turned to him and opened my mouth to sprout some more curse words but then he spoke again.

"I'm sorry. I should've understood." He stared ahead while talking, not looking my way.

"What I did was just to make you angry, tease you, make fun of you. If I knew that you had sincere feelings for him I would've never done that. I'm really sorry. I should've realized sooner." He apologized and I could feel the sincerity in his voice.

His soft voice somehow made me calm. I wasn't angry anymore but could not forgive him.

"Does it hurt?" He spoke my mind, this time looking at me straight in the eyes.

"It does," I muttered under my breath.

He grew closer to me. Sat right beside me then heaved a long sigh. "I'm really sorry."

There I went, crying again, somehow his apologies soothed my heart a little but in a pained way. He started patting on my back lightly and I couldn't help but put my head over his shoulder while crying hard. Tears just wouldn't stop.

"It's okay. It's alright," his soft voice said.

I tried to laugh, picturing how the two of us were looking like. Two idiots wrapped in blankets, sitting near the swimming pool as one kept crying, the other one giving her or 'him', a shoulder to cry on.

But even the hilarious imagery wouldn't let me stop my tears.

Next day at school, at the cafeteria, Kihyun was stuck by me.

''Hey, how does that guy look to you?" Kihyun whispered close to my ear so others wouldn't be able to listen. His eyes pointing at a random guy having lunch at another table than us.

"What?" I questioned furrowing my eyebrows.

"That guy?" He eagerly pointed with his eyes again. "Or that one? The one beside him?"

"For what?" I put some rice inside my mouth while talking. "I didn't know you're interested in dudes."

"Tsk." He clicked his tongue in annoyance then put down his chopsticks. "I'm asking your opinion for yourself."

I nearly started chocking on my food. "What? No, why!"

"Come on! The best thing to do after getting a heartbreak is to find a new love interest." He showed his fist. "And don't you worry, I'm gonna find some gay men for you."

"Is that what you're seeing what I am seeing?" Wonho spoke, nudging Hyungwon with his elbow, making us look his way.

"Dude I told you." Hyungwon started blowing up in laughter. "I told you the other day momma Kihyun found a new baby!"

"What are you guys whispering about?" Jooheon's eyes became smaller, giving us a sceptical look.

"Yeah. Tell us too!" Minhyuk demanded.

I started choking up for real this time as I tried to speak. Thankfully Shownu handed me a glass of water which I gulped down in a second.

They were going on and on with their random conversation but I had to concentrate on my phone since it suddenly vibrated for an incoming text.

"Oh my god, I totally forgot about the cafe," I mumbled under my breath, seeing that the text was from Sehun.

"What happened?" Kihyun asked but I filtered his voice out.

"I'm dead! He wants me to go to work tomorrow, he's angry!" I yelled after taking a loud gasp, making everyone look my way.

____________________________________
A/n: since I have exams going on I thought of making this chapter short but it turned out a LONG ASS RIDE anyway.

Nct anyone? No? Okay.