And so, we don't talk about the book. And I don't ask questions or pretend to be anything other than a teenage girl caught up in the fairy-tale fantasy of it all. Austin said he wanted to get to know the real me, but it's almost as if I put her away the moment he picked me out of high school obscurity. 

Harlow Riley's life didn't match up with Austin's Loew's. And so, I cast it aside. The worst part of it is that I don't even feel guilty about it... I make sure I'm out when my mom is home, and I push my dad to the back of my mind. The uploaded home movies stay untouched on my laptop and all my ideas seem to fizzle out before I've even fully thought them through. When Grandma Martha texts me, telling me they're coming to town I say something vague about exams and Prom: excusing myself out of seeing them.

The note I had surreptitiously shoved into Alex's locker goes unanswered so I guess he decided that he either 'doesn't give a damn' or simply 'wants to be alone'... Alone of course nowadays includes a lot of time with Macie Myers. They can be found most days sucking each other's faces off in almost the exact center of the quad. Which is weird because I never thought of Alex as being the kind of guy that would go in for PDA. But I'm beginning to wonder if we really know each other all that well anyway. That's another thing I push to the back of my mind. Why should I obsess over the people who clearly don't want me around anyway?

I try to adopt Austin's brilliant, lazy ease with which he wades through life. He hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend or anything, but we're going to Prom together and every time he sees me, he drapes his arm around my shoulders and pulls me in to his side. His chest is warm, and he looks down at me with his eyes hooded and that deliciously maddening half-smile. If he can forget all the panic attacks and pain and smile at me like that, then surely I can forget my problems, lean into his side and be the girl who got the guy? 

What after all is so wrong with being happy?

The sort of exciting but kind of irritating thing about Austin is that he really doesn't seem to care about normal things. I guess it adds to the bubble of being around him. I never see him study and he will just show up at my house and expect me to drop everything and come with him to the cinema or just drive. The first few times it was exhilarating, I've never been the kind of girl to sneak out of the house or even lie to my mom, so it's all new... Until it isn't. 

The third or fourth time he shows up and just wants to go to the movies I really have to push the old Harlow Riley down hard. Harlow Riley would've said no and lectured him about the importance of studying, the stupidity of staying out late on school nights, the need to keep up one's GPA and ultimately was it really worth seeing Rebel Wilson get hit by something and fall over in every film she's in?

But the cool Harlow Riley, the junior going to Senior Prom with the hottest guy in school grabs her jacket and slips into the passenger seat of his Mercedes, because... Why not? He leans over me, centimeters away from my lips, his hazel-green eyes looking so deep into mine that I catch my breath and start to feel lightheaded. He reaches over me, grabs the seat belt and fastens it, as if that was all he had meant to do. I take deep breaths as quietly as possible so as not to show him how affected I am but honestly, I know he sees it. 

Boys like him always know exactly what they're doing. 

He parks by the curb outside the movie theatre and drapes himself around me, directing me over to the entrance. The place has floors even stickier than Carlo's and reeks of stale popcorn but it's the only cinema in town and kind of charming in its own run-down, gloomy way.

Austin gets us tickets and I'm in line for the concession stand when I hear an awkward cough behind me.

"Hey... Harlow, how's it going?"

I turn around to see Alex and the piercing feline gaze of Macie Myers. Crap... Of course they'd be here. It's a Friday night in Stanhope, there are a finite amount of teen-appropriate activities to do. That and fate is just never on my side...

"Hi, Alex... Macie... Good to see you both." I say in about as unconvincing a voice as possible.

Macie takes Alex's arm and wraps it around her shoulders, holding his hand and petting it, looking at me the whole time, staking her claim. She's wearing skin-tight jeans that show off her curves, a low-cut top that leaves very little to the imagination and what I'm 100% sure is Alex's favorite black jacket.

"You can move on." Macie says with a little smile that could be a smirk, but it seems too indifferent for that.

"Excuse me?" I stare at her with pure incredulity.

"The line, you can get your snacks or whatever."

I spin back around, furious and march up to the stand, buying enough candy to hopefully chew all at once and lock my jaw shut for good. Austin's already gone in to get our seats, so I thankfully speed off as quickly as possible and practically melt into my seat. They come in a few minutes later and sit four rows behind us. I sneak a look at Austin, but he doesn't seem to notice, he's distractedly playing with a strand of my hair.

The movie turns out to be pretty good and after the lights go down my embarrassment ebbs away. I'm laughing at the film when Austin whispers something to me about going to the bathroom and slinks out of his seat. He's gone for the rest of the film and I have to pick up our candy wrappers and head for the lobby confused and alone. I try not to be too annoyed, I mean, he might be sick after all. I throw away the wrappers then hang around, facing away from everyone else slowly leaving, hoping that Macie and Alex will have the decency to just leave without saying goodbye.

"I got your note..."

Alex taps me on the shoulder, I really don't want to do this again but mercifully he's alone.

"You did?"

"Yeah..."

It's so awkward, why is it so awkward? He pushes his messy hair back in that Alex-way and just looks at me as if he's thinking hard about what to say next.

"Because I just figured you didn't get it..." the lameness of my words is unbearable.

"No, I did, it was cute, perfect even. It's just that..."

The fresh silence stretches on.

"I shouldn't have slapped you. It was incredibly messed up and wrong of me and I am so sorry, Alex."

"I know..."

It didn't change things like I thought it would.

"Are you waiting for Macie?" I try to sound normal, upbeat, like everything is fine.

He nods, "did you like the movie?"

"Yeah it was good... No Some Like It Hot, but pretty funny."

"Well, yeah, but it's a well-established fact that you can't achieve true comedy genius unless your movie stars Jack Lemmon," he grins, a wide, goofy, un-lazy Alex grin.

God, I missed that smile.

I laugh, "does that mean we're living in a post-comedy era?"

"Oh yes... There are riots in Washington, didn't you hear? They want to clone Jack Lemmon and bring back the laughter."

"Make America Grin Again." I try.

"Erggggh that was rough, Harlow, even for you!"

I'm about to defend myself when I see that Macie is powering across the lobby towards us. She grabs Alex's arm forcefully and pretty much drags him over to the door without even looking at me.

"I guess I'll see you around, Harlow!" he calls over his shoulder before lowering his voice and saying something I can't hear to Macie as she hurries him out.

"Hey, wanna get out of here?"

I look back and see Austin. He's standing there with his hands in his pockets as if nothing at all out of the ordinary has happened.

I stare at him steadily, "okay then."

I'm proud of just how icy I manage to make my voice sound.

In dead silence we get into his car and he drives me home. I'm going to get out of the car without saying a single thing to him but he snatches my hand as I reach for the seat belt.

"Nothing happened."

"Oh yeah?" I try and fail to sound not-bothered.

"We just talked... Argued actually." His lips are pulled tight, turned pale and bloodless.

"It's fine I mean... It's not like we're boyfriend and girlfriend."

"But what if I wanted us to be?" he responds smoothly.

I sit back in my seat and sigh, "I don't want to get involved with a guy who's still hung up on someone else."

He reaches out and gently turns my face towards him. His eyes look soft and hazy in the dim light of the street lamps.

"Hey, I'm over her, okay? That's what we were fighting about, I guess she isn't so over me."

"Really? Maybe I should tell Alex that..."

"Let them figure out their own thing. We have something good here, don't we?"

I bite my lip, "yeah..."

"Okay then."

And with his hand still caressing my cheek he leans in and kisses me. His kiss deepens and his hand drifts downwards, resting on my knee then inching up my thigh, slowly but firmly.

I break away with a little gasp and quickly unbuckle my belt, exiting the car and almost falling out onto the sidewalk. 

I'm not ready, not for that.

"See you tomorrow?" he says, rolling down the window.

"Uhmmm," I nod, almost running to my house and letting myself in without saying goodbye.

I lean back against the front door and breathe in and out, my eyes closed, heart pounding like a whole marching band. Why does Austin Loew have this effect on me? It's like my body is betraying my brain.

"Where the hell have you been?"

My eyelids fly open.

"Mom..."

She's standing in the doorway of the kitchen in her dressing gown and her face looks disappointed, furious and accusatory all at once.

This is going to be bad.