"Babe, my broken pieces, you pick them up
Don't leave me hangin', hangin', come give me some
When I'm without you, I'm so insecure
You are the one thing, one thing I'm livin' for"
....

“You could've just said excuse me.”

“You say it like you're the nicest person in the world,” I murmur.

“At least I don't push past people while I'm walking on the road…”

“I'm sorry,” I say after noticing the hard edge to her voice.

“I know you're not in the best mood, but others might not be either. Try to consider that.”

“I'm sorry,” I repeat, running my hands through my hair. “And you're right. I didn't mean to do that though…I'm not usually like that.”

“What’s up?”

“Coffee.”

“Coffee? What about it?”

We pause the conversation as we cross the slightly busy road quickly. I reach out to hold her hand as we cross and smile to myself when she doesn't take her hand away.

When we arrive at the other side we quickly walk to the abandoned building we climbed the day before. This time we agree not to spend too much time as she knows I don't like being up there.

Speaking of the topic of my sister, I never elaborate whenever I mention something about it. I just stall and stall until I find a way to change the subject and then she forgets about it. At least I hope she does.

“Okay so what about coffee?” she asks as we climb the perron staircase, quicker this time.

“I thought we agreed to not speak while we're on this thing?”

“No we agreed for me not to make jokes so your scared ass won't fall off.”

“Same thing…let's wait till we go up.”

“whatever, scaredy cat.”

***

“So what about coffee?” she asks. We've been sitting in silence close to the edge of the building for a while now. I've been lost in my thoughts.

I let out a loud groan to make it seem like I'm annoyed by her incessant questions but deep down I do love them. I like the sound of her voice.

“It's making my situation worse so I was advised to stop consuming it for some time…”

I pause expecting her to laugh but she's silent.

“How?”

“How it's making my situation worse? Well, insomnia, headaches, anxiety, etc. They've been so much worse these days so I have to stop before it kills me.”

“That sucks.”

“To put it simply.”

“How are you coping? You seem really attached to it.”

“Experiencing withdrawal as expected.”

She finally laughs after a while. Why do I like the sound of her laughter so bad?

“Are you for real?”

“Yeah…it's bad. I didn't think I could go but I'm trying. Some days I think of just giving up but then I think of my health…and then I just take it out of my mind.” I shake my head with a sigh. I'm grateful she's the one I'm telling this to because I can't even try to hide my exhaustion and I usually have to.

“Did they give you a timeline?”

“End of the month.”

“Tough.”

I blink back my incoming tears and lay down, looking up at the night sky. It's bare today. No stars, just the moon glowing down on the Earth, flooding us with its light.

I think she notices how low I sound because she goes quiet.

I take out my phone and take a pic of the sky, smiling to myself, satisfied that I got a good image of the moon because that bitch ain't photogenic.

“Does coffee flavoured ice cream count?” she asks out of the blue.

I chuckle. “I don't know. Haven't thought about that. I guess not?” I turn to look at her. She's still sitting, staring straight ahead.

“You wanna go get ice-cream with me?” she asks sweetly, finally turning to face me. Her eyes look prettier in the moonlight and my heart jumps as she makes eye contact with me.

I blink and look away. “Let's go.”

***

As we walk down to a particular fro yo shop that Star says she loves, I can't help but feel uncomfortable that there are many topics that we've both been evading for reasons and I feel like we should stop avoiding them. If we're going to be friends, we should learn to not keep secrets like that from each other and communicate properly.

“Why don't you talk to me at school?”

“Hmm?”

I know she heard me.

“You ignore me at school. Why?”

She sighs.

“It's…complicated.”

“I can try to understand…”

“Star!” A guy from the counter yells as we walk into the shop named Milo’s.

We all have our comfort shops, I guess.

“Hi Carl!”

She saunters over to the counter and strikes up a convo with Carl immediately.

I stroll over to her as I take in the colourful surroundings of the fro yo shop, which look very pretty probably because it's night. She is right. Everything is better at night.

“Hi,” I greet with a wave. Carl's attention is immediately on me.

“Hey, you must be Jordan.”

“Oh, Star you've already started telling everyone about me?” I ask with a grin.

“Yeah since like ten seconds ago,” she answers with an eye roll, gaining a chuckle from me.

“I like him already. Even more than Kyle.”

A very uncomfortable silence ensues and I have to refrain myself from asking who Kyle is.

“Kyle was awesome,” she mumbles defensively and I feel my heart shatter as I start to comprehend what they're talking about.

“Damn, was? You've already moved on so fast.”

Oh, they used to be together.

“Don't break her heart or you're never allowed in here ever again,” he adds menacingly and I'm just standing there, blushing furiously.

“Bold of you to assume we're dating,” Star answers with an eye roll. “Anyways, we came here for ice cream.”

“What flavours?”

“Coffee and mint choco.”

I catch both the smirk he throws at her and the faint blush creeping up her cheeks before he goes to get the ice creams.

There's a brief, awkward silence before she turns to me. After taking in my expression, she lets out a laugh.

“God, you look so flustered!”

I roll my eyes but I'm sure I'm still blushing.

“Don't worry I won't make you feel weird about liking me.”

“Like you don't like me too.”

“Oh so you're admitting it!” This makes her laugh even more. She looks so amused that I can't help but join in.

“Of course…as a friend.” I notice she doesn't deny that she likes me too.

“Your ice creams are ready friends,” Carl sings, grabbing our attention. He raises his brows at the two of us, his annoying smirk still on his face. We give each other a knowing look before turning around to grab our ice creams.

“Thanks Carl. See you around,” Star says before we leave.

***

“So how's your ice cream, friend?” Star asks as we walk along the sidewalk.

“Friends don't have to call their fellow friends ‘friends’,” I say irritatedly.

“Why are you so bothered about me calling you a friend, friend?”

“I'm not. It's just unnecessary.”

“Okay,” she says with a titter. “So how's the ice cream?”

“Reminds me of iced coffee.”

“That's good right?”

“It is. Thank you.”

“No need to thank me,” she says, bumping my shoulder playfully. The metal zip at the arm of her leather jacket digs into my skin as she does.

“No…I didn't think of this. I still get to taste coffee without actually having it. Like for someone who's obsessed with coffee, I should have thought of every possible way to figure out how to get the taste of coffee in my system.”

She laughs. “Well, you're welcome.”

“You're really kind.”

“I thought I was just a hypocrite.”

“That's not what I meant. And I'm sorry for being harsh then. I do mean it. You're very thoughtful.”

“The world is evil enough. I try to lessen it.”

A small smile plays on my lips as I take another scoop of my ice cream.

Everything about her draws me in. The boyish way she dresses, the cool, sarcastic yet gentle manner she speaks in, the way she always does whatever she wants without caring what people will think and how obvious it is.

She's different of course but it's not just that that makes me like her so much. With her around, it's like I get to take a break from my life…from the world. Whenever she's around or whenever I'm about to go and meet her, I always feel happy, hopeful.

And another thing, with her, I don't have to pretend and I can't explain how amazing it is to be able to be yourself in someone else's presence.

And I know that it's sort of my fault too because I never ever let anyone get close but her…there's something about her that makes me want to be vulnerable. And of course it's hard to just let someone get to close me but I feel that little by little, I'm slowly stripping off parts of myself to her and somehow it feels thrilling, it feels…freeing.

I usually have different coping mechanisms to feel less shitty most of the time but I feel like with her…I might not need them anymore. She's like an escape. A healthy escape.