"But I fear that they already got all the best parts of me
And I'm sorry that I couldn't always be your teenage dream."
....

It breaks my heart a little when Star begins to act like she doesn't know who I am at school.

It's officially my first day at Madison high and I'm nervous as fuck. In my old school, from my freshman year, I was really popular mostly because of my skill in basketball.

I was really good…like eyes-were- on-me kind of really good. Teachers and my coach always told me that if I kept up with the way I was playing I would get a scholarship to some prestigious university.

I was already a bit popular on social media. I had about 20,000 followers on insta and 100,000 on tik tok. I played in a few state and local tournaments throughout freshman and junior year and whenever I was on the court, the commentators would always talk about me specially. Whenever I got the ball, the cheering would increase noticeably from the stands no matter what school I played at. It took me a whole year to realise and to accept the fact that I was a bit popular.

It was also a reason girls were all over me. Like I said, I was really good looking so coupled with the popularity, I always had like at least ten girls each day asking for my number. It was tough.

I was friends with the jocks from the football, volleyball and swimming teams so yeah you could deduce that I was pretty social.

But nobody knew that I absolutely despised that life. I did such a good job pretending like I didn't though, so yeah. If I had the kind of life I wanted…I wouldn't have the things I had anyway. And I had things that a lot of people were wishing for. So I should be grateful right?

Yet I knew that trying to keep up with that mini superstar life that everyone wished they had was one reason I was deeply unhappy. That's why although I was supposed to be bummed out about leaving my old school, I was really happy. I get to start over, become someone different. Would that be possible? Yeah…I shouldn't even dare to think of that.

Anyway, I didn't understand why Star didn't want to talk to me in school today. I waved at her the few times I saw her in the hallway but she just ignored me which really sucked because she was the only person I knew at school. And plus, all the stares I was getting from students in the hallways made it worse. Like why are they looking at me like that? Why are they whispering to themselves?

Oh right. I'm guessing they already knew me before today. I guess I should finally accept the fact that I'm kinda a celebrity when it comes to schools around this state.

I hated it. I'm not shy just really introverted, that means my social battery has a terrible quality. I haven't gone half the day but I'm already completely drained. My head is spinning and I'm zoning out even worse than usual.

And then the whole pressure of making new friends, the whole overwhelming feeling of having to accept the change and adjust, having to join a new basketball team and win their love just like I did in the last one…

I sigh as I stop at my locker after school. I'm so mad at Star. How could she just ditch me at a very confusing time? And she acts like she cares. I wonder if she'll even speak to me again. She's probably lost patience and is finally irritated by me. I try so hard to ignore the heart wrenching feeling in my chest that gets worse each time I think about it as I sling my backpack off my shoulder.

“Hey!” someone chirps and I turn slowly to my right in order not to get a headache as my head is spinning in an abnormal way. This is the 16th girl today.

“Hi.”

“I'm Emily. I’ve heard about you. You're the new guy who's in the school's basketball team right? And you're like so good! Everyone's talking about you.”

How the fuck do they even know that?

I swear girls are creepy.

“Damn, first day and I'm already popular. Lucky me,” I joke with my signature lazy smile. Her chuckle doesn't surprise me.

“So it's true?” the pretty, blonde girl asks me as she readjusts her backpack on her shoulders.

I nod as I turn around to drop a few books in my locker. “I'm Jordan by the way.”

“Cute name,” she purrs as I turn to her after shutting my locker softly.

“Cuter than Emily?” I ask, feigning surprise and gaining a giggle from her.

“I'll see you around Emily,” I say with my salute and a soft smile. “I have to go now, I apologise.”

“No, it's alright. You must be busy.” She gives me a wave before skipping off.

I sigh and try not to pass out. I lean on my locker and shut my eyes tight for a few moments. I'm so exhausted.

I make my way down to the auditorium where a bunch of guys my age are either sitting or strolling around aimlessly. I could hear the sound of their chatter long before I even got into the room. Ah yeah…these are standard jocks.

I receive a really warm and aggressive welcome when I walk into the room. My fellow basketball players all know about me already, as expected, and they seem really happy to have me in their team.

After I get to know all of them a bit, I'm called by the coach for a brief talk. We talk about our practice days, the games were going to play for the rest of the year and most importantly, in a very low and a bit threatening voice he talks to me about the contract. The whole reason why I'm in this school in the first place.

“Don't mess up.”

“I won't coach.”

“All eyes are on you.”

They always have been.

“I know. I won't do anything stupid.”

“Jordan, you have to listen to me. You being here is both very important to you, your parents and this school. If you do anything, anything stupid or just slip up a bit, everything is going down the drain, everything you've worked for, everything this school has worked for.”

“I know–”

“We had to drop our best player because of you. His career is over because of you. You better not mess this opportunity up.”

With that, he storms off, leaving me standing there speechless. I leave the auditorium, my mind set on going somewhere peaceful and beautiful to spend time alone. I just need to get away from the world.

***

“Why are we climbing a building?” I ask, my voice shaking slightly.

“Chill, we're using the stairs. It's not like we're scaling the wall like some super ninjas or something.”

My laugh causes me to stumble on the stairs and almost fall down the side. I grip the railing with all my strength while she grabs on to the back of my shirt.

“Don't say anything funny until I'm off this death trap,” I say with a pout as we continue on our way up.

It gets colder as we go up and I swear that some winds that blew our way were sent to push me off the stairs.

“God, you are so dramatic,” she says with a dramatic sigh.

“We’re climbing a 20 feet tall building and we’re basically hanging off the side of the building. And I don't trust these stairs. What if they just give out or something?”

“And what if the entire building collapses?” Her voice drips in sarcasm.

“Fuck…even worse. We should get down.”

She laughs at my cowardice and I try my best not to look down.

“Fun to know you're scared of heights.”

“I have anxiety.”

“So that means I have so many things to laugh about. Yay!”

I roll my eyes which was a huge mistake because I have to pause on the stairs to get my head back in order.
“You good?” she asks,sounding genuinely concerned.

“Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Like you care anyway…” I push her hands off mine and resume my climbing.

“Of course I care,” she whispers, her voice laced with hurt.

“You just ignored me for the entire day at school. And then suddenly once we're out of school you invite me to climb up a rooftop with you. Are you planning to push me off?”

She has the nerve to laugh.

“I was busy…”

“Too busy to give me a two second wave. Okay, got it.”

“I'm sorry Jordan. I didn't mean to ignore you. It's just…”

“What?”

The view around us is unarguably more interesting than our conversation so we forget what we're arguing about immediately. Personally, I'm just glad we're finally off that stairs. Although, the happiness quickly fades away to immense anxiety.

“It's beautiful…” I try but I can't hide the tremble in my voice.

She walks towards the edge of the roof and looks down. I'm just standing there, unsure of what to do. A shiver runs down my spine as memories flood into my head. After a series of gasps and sighs she turns around, noticing that I'm not by her side.

“What's up? You don't want to see this beautiful view? I swear to God everything's better at night…”

“Um…I really don't.”

“Why not? Don't want to stand next to me?” she asks with a teasing smile that drops when she notices I'm not smiling. “Jordan what's up?”

“Nothing. I'm just fine here.”

“I understand that you're scared of heights but-”

“It's not that.”

“It's what then?”

“It was here it happened…”

“That what happened?”

As I remember the incident, I finally begin to appreciate the view of the city from the rooftop. I walk towards Star and stand beside her without a word. I look down.

I gasp as I take in the twinkling lights from the houses and skyscrapers, the streetlights, the tiny cars driving to and fro around the city, neon tubes from the stores and best of all the dark night sky dotted with stars which is always the prettiest sight.

I think I'm meant to hate this sight but I don't and I don't know if I should feel guilty about it.

“Jordan, can you just be less vague for once?” she pleads as she gives me a hard stare that I don't return because I'm afraid of looking at her.

“My sister. She died from falling…off a rooftop.”