"Slowly, words roll off my tongue
You're everything I need, and it's so dumb."
...

I hoped and hoped that things wouldn't get worse but they did in fact get worse.

I want to say that the fact that Star spoke to me was enough to make the day splendid but I can't because a lot of bad things are happening to her.

Firstly, her best friends are not speaking to her at the moment and the very brief moment that they do communicate, the interaction is cold and awkward. And of course, it's all my fault so I'm feeling terribly guilty.

Secondly, and more importantly to me, the entire school is starting to suspect that we're together. Rumours fly around at the speed of light so I'm not surprised at all when a random girl walks over to me sometime in the afternoon as I'm at my locker, peacefully worrying about Star, and tells me that I'll never be better than Kyle or something and skips off like she didn't just make me feel like shit.

Do all the girls in this school skip around or something?

Now speaking of Kyle, I've heard about this guy several times from different people and I've always been compared with him too. From what I can understand, he and Star used to date and he was also really popular around here.

I don't like the fact that I'm being compared to him, in any way. Why can't we all be great?

***
“I’m sorry,” I say for the millionth time.

“Shut up Jordan.”

“I'm sorry.”

She sighs and leans back on the shelf of supplies behind her. Yes, we're back in the janitor's closet and somehow I'm not complaining. I'd rather be surrounded by sexy cleaning supplies than be out in those hallways ignoring both the positive and negative stares of my fellow students as I just try to get through the day without breaking down. And let me not begin with my very loving and supportive teammates.

We're sitting opposite each other, giving ourselves as much distance as possible because that whole intense and vulnerable shit ain’t happening again, unfortunately.

In here is the best place we can talk and so we're here. I've been apologising for the past few minutes while she been deep in thought and she doesn't want to accept my apology.

But well…the fact that she agreed to talk to me after everything is really enough. I'm surprised she even wants to still talk to me.

I'm starting to think she actually likes me.

Yeah no shit dude, she tried to kiss you.

We're still beating around the bush about the topics of…well, everything. I don't pressure her though. She needs time.

Yet, I can't control myself when a thought pops into my head.

“What happened with Kyle?”

She looks up from the ring on her index finger that she's been twisting for a while and stares at me with wide eyes.
Behind her mask of slight shock, I can see hurt in her eyes.

“I'm sorry, you don't have to talk about that,” I add quickly, embarrassment consuming me immediately.

Why the fuck did I even bring it up?

“We used to be together…”

I stare up at her with my own wide eyes as she speaks. She's talking.

“He was…the first guy I loved. Well…only so far. When I first met him, I disliked him. A lot. Until, he changed and I started to see a different part of him, which made me end up liking him. He was a great guy…”

The look in her eyes as she talks about him sends a stab of pain to my chest. Oh, how I long for her to look that same while talking about me…or even thinking about me.

“So what happened?” I ask, terribly curious about how it ended.

“He had to move away,” she says in a voice as low as a whisper, as if uttering the words hurt her physically. They probably do. “And he said he knew long distance couldn't work. It was messed up but, yeah…”

She sounds so hurt by it all. I wonder why she told me this. I guess since I was vulnerable to her the other day on the roof, it's the fair thing to do. Or maybe she just wants to tell me.

The fact that we're now being vulnerable with each other this way even amidst all the drama that has been going on makes me wonder what we are. Maybe she won't leave. Maybe she wants me to be in her life as much as I want her to be in mine. The mere thought warms my heart.

“I'm sorry about that. I know it's not something easy for you to talk about but people have been really bugging me because of the guy. I'm practically being abused in those hallways with people making sure I know that Kyle is better than me.”

Annoyance flashes in her eyes as she stares at me with surprise.
“That's fucked. They should stop that.”

I shrug. “I don't mind being compared to an amazing guy.”

“Kyle is amazing but you are too.”

Yeah okay, but who's better?

I give her a warm smile and she gives me one back, her soft gaze piercing into my soul.

We sit there in silence, still obviously avoiding the main topics were supposed to discuss, when another thought pops up in my head.

“Hey, um, Star there's something I gotta tell you…” Her head snaps up from her ring again. Her eyes glow with curiosity. “About basketball.”

“Yeah, go on.” She stops fiddling with her ring in that motion that makes me feel a certain way I don't want to speak about and gives me her rapt attention.

“You remember when you said and everyone felt that it really wasn't my fault that Sam got kicked off the team?”

She nods, both in affirmation and for me to go on.

“It really was my fault. My parents…” I sigh before I go on. “They're crazy, like for real. They're obsessed with me being a basketball star and they would literally do anything to make me one. So…a few months ago, they discovered that the players in Madison high had higher chances of being scouted by recruiters, you know? So…they decided to transfer me here but they realised that I play centre forward and there was already someone else who plays centre forward of course–”

“Sam,” she says with a soft gasp.

I nod guilty as understanding begins to register on her face.

“Yeah, and the school is obviously looking for talent you know? And from my records, they concluded that I was better than him. So my parents said that the only way I'll play for the school was if they drop their center forward, who was obviously their best player. And so they did. But on a condition that I would always give an excellent performance in every match we play or they'll drop me. And…yeah…it was my fault Sam was dropped for no reason and I feel like shit every time I think about it because I don't even like basketball but I can tell he loves it so much.”

“What the fuck Jordan?!” Star cries in disbelief as she run her two hands through her hair. I flinch at her outburst. “This is crazy.”

“I know. I'm sorry…”

“Hey, it wasn't your fault. Kinda. But…I have to let Sam know this.”

“He deserves to know,” I say quietly.

“Wait why do you even play basketball when you know you don't like it?”

“Oh, well…um, after the accident with my sister, my parents hated me and I felt so unloved by them that I tried to do anything to win their love back. One day I was messing around with a basketball just to take my anger out when, long story short, I realised I was great at it. So…I started playing in school and my parents noticed. They began to take more interest in me and care…and ever since…it's been the one thing that has kept them from treating me like I wasn't their own child.”

“That's messed up,” she murmurs.

“I know…how are things with your best friends?”

“I think I might have lost them,” she says in a strangled voice and I have to hold myself back from reaching towards her and holding her in my arms.

“Hey don't say that. They're probably just mad and they'll get over it soon and forgive you.”

“You don't get it. I betrayed them…we take these things so seriously, I doubt they'll forgive me. I'm such a terrible friend. I can't believe I'm going to lose them.” She finally dissolves into tears and I can't help it anymore.

In a few seconds, she's sitting on my lap, her head buried in my chest as she sobs, her body trembling slighty. My arms are wrapped around her tightly and I don't know what else to do to make her stop.

It suddenly dawns on me that we might be the only people we have left. Just each other.