"But zombies don't follow rules," I reply with a frown.

"The rules aren't for the zombies, they're for the humans, to maintain discipline," he counters.

"Discipline," I mumble, struggling to suppress a giggle. For once my mind goes to a silly place and I picture Woody Harrelson bent over a zombies knee getting spanked.

"Now that's a sound I'd like to hear more of," Jonathan muses, smiling at me. "I had no idea talking about discipline would make you so happy or I'd have done it a while ago."

My cheeks burn at his insinuation. As is there's still a dull ache across my backside from earlier. Jonathan warned me that he could be a hard man and after four punishment spanks I don't doubt that.

"Izzy, about earlier," he starts, guilt written across his face.

"It's ok. I understand why you punished me," I whisper, knowing where he is going. "I also know that if I said no you would have stopped..."

I was shocked when he took me over his knee but also relieved. I couldn't get out of my mind and by surrendering to his will my mind instantly stilled and focused only on him.

Gone was the nagging voice criticizing every thought and action leaving just him and I in that shared moment of trust. Never once was I scared, quite the opposite, I felt safe and protected, like he only wants the best for me.

Even when he switched over to a reward, he stayed professional. No matter what my body begged for he kept his hands contained. By the time he stopped my inner thighs and panties were soaked through and that long lost feeling in the pit of my stomach was building.

I didn't want him to stop, I wanted more.

The realization shocks me to my core. After I healed from my attack one of the men I had played with in the past approached me. Jeremy had been my first experience with a dominant, an older man who enjoyed guiding new submissives. He was very firm yet patient and never hesitated to answer my questions or punish me for them.

Quite innocently he offered to help me when I felt up to playing again and I remember fighting so hard to keep my face neutral and thank him as my mind recoiled. I cried for nearly two days straight once I got home. The thought of surrendering, even to someone I already knew terrified me. But I also wept for the loss of something I really enjoyed.

After the third day I brushed myself off and accepted that that part of my life was over. It hurt to accept it but the conflicting feeling of wanting something that terrified me was killing me.

Eventually I sent Jeremy a text, unable to address him in person thanking him for his offer but saying I couldn't accept. He understood and offered to be there if I ever changed my mind.

I've felt nothing, no desire or yearning until now. The only thing I can think of is it has to be Jonathan, something about him is helping me heal.

"Not tonight, but soon we should talk," he says, pulling a throw from the back of the couch and settling it on my lap. "I know you've been through a lot, and I'm sure you're feeling conflicted, but I want you to cut yourself some slack and accept it's normal to be unsure."

My chest tightens at his words, not because they are mean or inaccurate, but exactly the opposite. He reads me so easily, it's almost scary. I am conflicted and it leaves me uneasy and uncertain as to what to do, of what the right path is. All I can do is nod in response.

"Good," he replies with a smile. "Don't dwell on anything, that's not healthy, but think about what makes you happy and what upsets you. Figuring out that will help you decide what you want."

I consider his words and once again he makes perfect sense. I've been too focused on what I want and getting frustrated when I can't think of what the answer is and end up overwhelmed. His way sounds much more manageable and I feel a glimmer of hope bloom in me.

"I will," I promise, flashing him a small smile.

-----

Saturday afternoon I'm getting ready for my shift at the club when Jonathan knocks on my door. I've just finished slipping into my little black A line dress and have my hair pulled up in twin buns, showcasing my slender neck. Becca has been pushing me to wear a little heavier makeup to show off more in the dim lighting of the bar. The heavier black eyeliner makes my blue eyes look even brighter and the bold red on my lips leaves my skin so pale.

"Come in," I call, focusing on my reflection. I grab a makeup remover wipe but pause as I catch Jonathan in the mirror. His wide eyed gaze is locked on my reflection and otherwise unreadable.

"It's too much isn't it?" I ask as he walks over. Not waiting for his answer I decide to wipe it off and start again but he catches my wrist before I can bring the wipe to my skin.

"Wait," he says, putting his other hand on my shoulder to turn me around. The swivel chair turns easily, leaving him looking down at me. He lifts my chin slightly to give himself a better view as he sweeps his thumb across my chin, barely brushing my bottom lip. My heart beat spikes at his intensity as his darkening gaze practically devours me.

"It's perfect," he finally says after studying me for what feels like an eternity. "You have stunning eyes Izzy, this showcases them beautifully." A strange wall comes up in his eyes like he shuts down in front of me and he takes a step back, letting my chin go.

"Thank you," I say, feeling my cheeks heat.

"You're very welcome... I had just come to check when you'd be ready to go?" He asks, having recovered.

"Ready when you are Sir," I reply with a smile. He nods and picks up my coat off of my bed as I get up and smooth out my dress. It's nowhere near as provocative as Becca tends to dress but suits me just perfectly. Jonathan holds my jacket open and helps me slip in before holding the door open for me to head out.

"I'll drop you off, but I have something to deal with before I can unwind for the night. I'll be back around eight I think..." he says, locking the door before opening my car door for me. The drive over is in easy silence, but my mind is more active then I'd like. I keep thinking about the night before and curiosity gets the better of me about his mystery meeting. I have access to his schedule and nothing was on it... Questions without answers just feed that nagging side of my brain.

God I hope it's busy enough to keep me occupied tonight!