Chapter Ten

Girl Talk

"Wanna come over for a sleepover tonight? Just the two of us, of course." Clare attacks me with this question in the school hallway suddenly and I have no idea what to say.

Lately, my friendship with Clare has been tense, to say the least. She's dating the guy I like and even though she doesn't know my true feelings about Jake, meaning that nothing is technically her fault, I'm angry with her. Pathetic and petty, I know. And I still haven't told her about Luka's confession to me or my response, something that I would have ordinarily come running to her about.

I groan. I can't even think about Luka without feeling a roiling stomach and a wave of nausea coming on.

He hasn't called me since yesterday or texted or anything but I know he's been active on social media after some... shall we say, extensive research.

After thinking this all over, I probably should have a sleepover with Clare. Maybe our friendship will magically heal after a night of talking and confessing, and maybe, just maybe, I'll tell her about my feelings for Jake and maybe even Luka. It'll be just like middle school all over again, when nothing was ever kept a secret between us.

"Sure," I hear myself saying. "Your house, right?"

"Duh." She grins at me and a flicker of the old Clare resurges. We've never had sleepovers anywhere else because Clare's house is so nice and expansive. Whenever I go there, I get the sensation that I'm trespassing in a really rich family's home, though Clare always laughs it off when I bring it up.

"Okay, after school? Or later on?" I ask. I always like to have all of the details so my mom won't question anything and make it a big ordeal when it shouldn't be.

Clare smiles. "Right after school. We can take my car or you can take the bus..."

"I'll take your car." No bus for me today. It's a personal living hell, considering the fact that there are crazy boys chucking chewed bits of gum at the girls' hair and flinging objects all over the place, occasionally hitting people in the head; other people will be screaming curse words at each other while playing Fortnite or whatever else boys spend their time doing. I still haven't gotten my car back from my mom and it's really starting to make me angry.

Clare nods in affirmation. "Cool. Okay." The bell rings and Clare and I go off to our respective classes, though I can't help but feel that maybe after tonight, everything will be better.

*****

The car ride was silent.

Awkward silence ensues while I stare at my phone, going through Instagram and Twitter and Snapchat and checking my updated grades and homework for the day. Clare drives silently, staring outside listlessly. We finally pull into her driveway and I get out of the car and wait for her to unlock her front door.

The house is even quieter.

"Do you want something to eat?" Clare asks me as we settle down in her house at her kitchen counter. Her mom and dad are at work and her older brother, Conrad Riggins, is at lacrosse practice. I know Clare's family's schedules by heart because of the amount of times that I have been here.

I nod gratefully. "What do you have?"

She opens her fridge and peeks her head in, wincing at the cold air hitting her face. "Umm, we have ice cream, popsicles, some fruit..." She checks the pantry.  "Chocolate, candy, some chips..."

"Some ice cream sounds good." Then I remember the ice cream debacle just yesterday with Luka and my stomach flops. Ice cream will never sound good again, at least not for a while. Not until I forget about everything that happened. "On second thought, I'll live with a bowl of fruit."

"You trying to diet or something?" Clare teases. I shake my head and she laughs. "Duh, of course not. You're, like, the skinniest person I know." I grin and she starts cutting up three peaches with a sharp knife.

After she makes me a bowl of assorted fruit and grabs a popsicle from the freezer for herself, we head upstairs to her room. Clare's room has been painted a bright teal-green color with white trim for years. We painted it ourselves a few years ago. That day was fun, with us carefree and happy and dabbing paint all over each other. I miss those days.

Her room is organized and clean, as usual, though she says she doesn't try to clean it or anything. She has a dark purple bedspread and five white embroidered pillows, all piled up at the head of the bed. She has a desk in the corner facing the window, with her homework and writing stuff on it, as well as a lamp and a MacBook that I've always been jealous of. I would never get to have my own laptop, especially one as expensive as an Apple one. I'm stuck with an ancient, slow desktop computer that I share with my mom, though she has her own laptop for her writing and excessive game-playing. Clare has a bookshelf in the corner that doesn't really have too many real books in it. There are mostly comics and some beauty hack guides that she insists are actually "books."

She flops down on a beanbag chair, popsicle in her hand. She takes a lick before starting. "So."

"So," I mimic.

She looks around her room, as if checking for something. "Umm, do you have any homework over the weekend?"

I check my phone. Turns out I do. "Yeah, sadly. I have an English project and a Science essay. It's ironic how I have an essay in Science but a project in English. Normally those are switched." I flop down on her floor.

She laughs. "True." There's an awkward silence, which is strange, because usually when I'm with Clare, conversation flows smoothly.

I break the silence. "So what about you? Do you have any homework?"

She checks her phone. "Nope. I finished that English project a while ago and Ms. Cortana doesn't give essays." She smiles smugly at me. I scowl. Of course, Clare gets the easy science teachers. "So I'll just be over here while you work. You can use my computer if you want." She gets out her nail polish. Seriously? She's going to paint her nails while I do homework?

I sigh and start with the Science essay. I like English better than Science so I decide to do the Science homework first to get it over with and then move on to English. Save the best for last. After about a half hour, I finish the essay. I move on to English.

Clare asks about halfway through, "Should I do pink swirls or purple swirls? My base is turquoise, by the way. If that helps with your decision." She's staring at her nails and flicker of annoyance comes over me.

I take a deep breath and force myself to respond genially. "Umm, pink. Unless it's a dark pink. Then do the purple."

"'K." She takes out a hot pink nail polish bottle and starts to paint slowly, her brows creasing together and her lip jutting out in concentration.

I resume my project and by the end of the next hour, I have a poster board filled with the different Latin phrases and roots that link to some vocabulary words that we're learning about.

"I'm finally done. Oh, that was horrible." I take a step back to admire my work. Clare looks up from her phone. I furrow my brow.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing." She turns off her phone, her newly-painted pink and turquoise nails flashing in the sunlight that is slowly fading away as the night envelopes the day.

"Clare. Tell me." We always tell each other everything. I'm surprised I even have to ask.

"Fine," she says, and to my surprise, she blushes. "I was stalking Jake Lloyd's social media platforms. I mean, we're dating but he hasn't even changed his Facebook relationship to 'Dating' or 'Taken' or whatever." She sighs, her mouth puttering in a weird movement. She's herself when she's with me but when she's with Jake, she completely changes.

I already know that he's almost never active from the numerous stalking occasions I've done but I don't say that. Maybe I should. It couldn't hurt to drop a few hints about my own feelings. Maybe she'll understand.

"Well, he probably doesn't check Instagram or Facebook that much." But I know he does at least go through his feeds because whenever I post anything, he likes it and reposts it almost immediately. Not that that means anything, but still... A girl can hope. And dream.

Friends, Megan. We're just friends.

"Eh. Whatever. I'll ask him to change it tomorrow," says Clare, as if that's not a big deal. And it shouldn't be, if they really are dating. I mean, Jake never talks about it and nobody really knows anything about it, but Clare insists that they are dating and that Jake is just too shy to go exclusive.

Personally, I think he's too embarrassed about the fact that he's not dating someone popular. Him, Jake Lloyd, popular dude, dating Clare Riggins, the... weird, artsy one? Then again, it would definitely be the same thing with me.

"What do you want to do?" I ask, eager to escape from my boredom. I follow Clare's earlier movement and scan around her room, taking in everything.

"I don't know. Netflix? We could binge watch something? Ooh, I heard there's a new drama out! Oh, and Season 3 of Riverdale just came out."

"Uhhh..." I wanted to talk. I'm saved from answering by a knock on the door. Clare groans and yells, "Conrad, please go away!"

"Can't, cause I'm already here," I hear Conrad's deep voice say from outside. "Can I come in?"

"UGHHHH," is Clare's only response. But she doesn't say no.

Conrad opens the door. "Hey, Clare, hey, Meg." I've been over at Clare's so many times that Conrad thinks of me as a little sister. He's used to seeing me around the house by now. Back in sixth grade, that used to make me depressed. I may have had a little crush on him... okay, fine, it was a major crush but I got over him by seventh grade, when he told me that I was just like a little sister to him after I admitted it to him in some stupid state of my life that I am not proud of in the slightest. He didn't laugh or anything but instead looked at me like I was amusing but also pathetic at the same time. That was one of the worst days of my life but it taught me to never go after the tall, muscular, athletic, older guys in my life.

But... That's when I met Carl.

Now, I treat Conrad as the older brother I've never had.

"Hey, Con," I say. He grins at me.

"What are you doing in my room?" asks Clare, annoyed.

"I'm saying hi. That's what good brothers do. Say hi to their baby sisters and her friends. And technically, I'm not in your room, I'm in the doorway of your room, so..." He grins at me, winking and I grin back. We both love to team up against Clare.

"Conrad, can you please shut up and leave us alone?" Clare groans.

"No. I want to say hi to Meg." He waves at me and I give a half-hearted wave back.

"You just did, so you can go now." Clare rolls her eyes and looks at her brother expectantly.

"Nah. Imma hang out for a little while longer," says Conrad, plopping down on the bed with his phone. He sits there for a while, going through his phone. Finally, Clare can't handle it anymore.

"Don't you need to shower or something?" Clare asks him, wrinkling her nose.

"I already did." He grins and lopes forward to sit on the ground next to me. His shaggy blonde hair is everywhere and it's still wet, which means little droplets of water are being flung around the room each time his head makes any sudden movement. I hate the feeling of being drenched by the water from his hair but I'm too polite to say anything.

"So. How was school?" he asks me.

"What do you think? Why do you always have to ask such dumb questions, Con?" Clare asks, rolling her eyes.

"I was asking Megan, Clare. And school can be fun." He laughs.

"Yeah, sure." She looks at me, sighing. Conrad waits for my answer.

"Um, school was okay, I guess. Nothing exciting." I sound stupid but no matter.

He nods. "Meg, you got a new boyfriend yet?" Ever since I confessed my feelings for him in sixth grade, he feels bad about rejecting me and has been trying to make sure I'm good with guys ever since. He's also there to punch the guys who ruin my life, just like a real older brother. He's very protective. He checks up on me by asking about my relationships and the last I talked to him, I told him Carl and I had broken up. He had threatened to beat him up before I told him that I was the one who had technically ended it and he high-fived me, saying that "he had never liked the guy anyway."

"Nope. And I really don't want one." Unless it's Jake. Or at this point, maybe Luka... I sigh.

"Megan, aren't all the boys fawning over you? You've really changed since sixth grade." What is that supposed to mean? And why does he care so much?

"No, no boys are fawning over me." Except Luka. The thought of Luka gives me a pang in my heart and I shake the thought away.

"Hey, what about my love life?" Clare asks. "You never ask me." She pouts in mock sadness.

"Um, Clare, what love life do you have? You legit have never had a boyfriend," Conrad points out. I smile at him and he laughs. Clare scowls.

"For your information, Conrad, I'm dating someone right now. He goes by the name of Jake Lloyd." She looks at him glaringly, as if she is daring him to argue. Then she looks for me to reaffirm her and I shrug.

Conrad stares at her for a second and then lets out a blaring laugh and I almost cringe to think of Clare's reaction. "Megan, isn't that that junior who hangs around Luka Laurence or something like that?" Conrad asks me. Hearing him say Luka's name makes me want to cry. Or scream. Or kick something.

"Yeah," I say, cringing. Clare gives me a weird look.

He looks around and then leans in close and cups a hand around his mouth. "Isn't he popular?"

"Yeah," I answer. I think I know where Conrad is headed with this.

He nods at me and grins, turning back to his sister. "So, Clare, you cannot think that you can tell me that you're dating a popular boy who hangs out with guys like Luka Laurence, and expect me to believe you!?"

"I am dating him, Conrad. Now that I think about it, it's really none of your business." Clare shakes her head at her brother.

"You're the one who brought it up!" Conrad argues.

"Megan, tell him that it's true."

I can't because that hurts too much and besides, they never really went exclusive. So I say nothing.

"Ha! See, you're lying!" Conrad yells. He pumps the air, actually proud for some absurd reason. Boys.

"Megan!" Clare gives me a death glare and moves to kick Conrad. He dodges out of the way and holds his hands up in the air.

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving." He shoots me a smile and leaves, but not before pausing to rumple Clare's hair.

"Wow, that took forever." Clare smiles. "Conrad is so annoying. Like, why can't he just leave me alone?"

"I wouldn't know. I'm the one without any siblings." I try not to sound envious but I always was jealous of my friends who all had siblings, no matter how much they complained.

"Do you want Conrad? I'd be perfectly happy to give him away," jokes Clare. I smile but don't respond. Clare sighs and picks up her phone again. "Do you want to do something?"

"Umm, I don't know." I've decided I'm going to save our personal conversations for tonight when we're in our sleeping bags and trying to decide what to talk about.

"Well, what time is it?" Clare checks her phone. "It's five thirty. Wow, the time really passed by quickly, didn't it? Do you want some food or something?"

"Sure," I answer. We walk downstairs, Clare still staring intently at her phone.

"Hey, girls," says Clare's mom when we get downstairs. I smile at her.

"Mom! I didn't know you were home already," says Clare.

"Work got off early today." Clare's mom works as a dentist at a family-owned business. Her dad was a dentist before her and her grandmother before him. "Are you girls hungry?"

"Yes," we chorus back. My stomach grumbles.

"Okay... the options are pasta, salad, or homemade sushi." Her mom smiles; she already knows our answer.

"Sushi!" we say at the same time. Clare and I look at each and laugh. Sushi has always been a favorite between both of us, especially Clare's mom's sushi, which was to say the least, amazing. It was much better than restaurant sushi, except maybe in Japan, which I've only been to once. Japan was beautiful and the sushi was amazing and I hope to go back one day.

Clare sighs. I look over at her. "Are you okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Clare glances pointedly at her mother, making it clear that something is very wrong but she can't say it in front of her mom. I nod.

"Do you want to go back upstairs until dinner is ready?" I ask.

"Yeah, sure." I lead the way upstairs to Clare's room, where I sit on the bed.

"So what's up?"

Clare sighs. "I don't know. Lately... Jake's just been acting weird. Not really paying attention to... me anymore. Like I've grown... boring or something. Like I'm just a toy for him to play with and now he's grown out of toys. And it hasn't even been that long. We've only been together for a short while."

I sigh, though my heart jumps a little. "Clare, Jake's a guy. Guys are bound to make mistakes and look like they don't care about their—" My heart clenches but I say it anyway. "—girlfriends. But that doesn't mean that they really don't care." I don't think any of that made sense but Clare nods anyway.

She groans. "He hasn't even changed his Facebook status to 'in a relationship!' It still says 'single' and I don't know why. Am I just a friend? Or are we not serious? Or what?" So we're back to this.

I want to punch her. "Clare, you've already told me that. Plus, I already gave you an answer. HE DOESN'T USE HIS SOCIAL MEDIA."

She looks at me. "Yeah? How do you know?"

I stalk him all the time, I want to say. But of course, I don't. "I know because we've been friends for a really long time." I stress this fact to remind her that I was friends with him before she was. "And he told me he doesn't really care about social media. A few times. Actually, a fair amount of times. He only uses it to talk to people if he needs to." And to like some people's' posts.

Clare sighs again. How many sighs will I have to endure about this boy? Now I feel like sighing too. I let out a deep breath and Clare notices immediately.

"What's wrong, Megan?" Clare asks.

Now is the time to tell her. Maybe not about Jake but about Luka.

So I take a deep breath. "You know that other day when I left school without telling you where I was going?"

She thinks about it for a second and then nods. "Yeah."

"Well that day..." I breathe out a rush of air and just say it, though my fists are clenched and my heart is beating wildly.

"Luka Laurence told me he liked me," I say in a quiet voice. Clare perks up and starts shouting.

"Oh my god! Really?! What did you say!? Please tell me you said that you liked him too! Are you guys dating now? Can we double date now? When did he tell you this? How did he say it? Was it, like, really romantic?" She pauses, out of breath and I shake my head.

I struggle to answer all of her questions."Clare, please calm down. All I said was that I didn't know how I felt about him... and no, we're not dating now and I don't like double dates as an idea anyways so you know... and he told me this yesterday. When I went out for ice cream with him."

She nods knowingly. "That's why you didn't want ice cream earlier." I nod.

"And yes, he was really romantic and everything was just too perfect and it hurt so bad to say no but I just had to because I honestly don't know how I feel about him." The words spill out of my mouth before I can stop them.

Claer looks appalled. "What? You said no!?" she sputters. "Megan! How could you? It's not like you're dating somebody else. No offense," Clare quickly adds at my pained look.

I throw up my hands, spreading my arms out in front of me. "Look, I don't know if I really like Luka that way. Sure, he's nice, and awesome, but right now I only know him as a friend. And I don't know if I'm willing to be anything more. Maybe sometime in the future but even then I don't know."

"But why? He's amazing! And you don't have to be in love, Megan. Dating is just someone that you can try new things with and if you don't like how your relationship goes, you break up!" Clare stares at me like I just asked her what two plus two was.

I sigh. "Clare. What do you know about any of this? You've only been in a relationship for like a week or something and now suddenly you're an expert? I don't want to ruin my friendship with Luka Laurence. Do you know how important he is to me?" I can't breathe.

Clare pauses and puts her hands on her hips, making her look like an angry mom. "Why. Why is he important to you?"

I wave my hands around. "I don't know! He's kind and funny and he makes me laugh when I'm sad. He's always there for me and he's smart and he's everything that I thought that I wanted in a guy when we were younger. He's willing to do anything for me even if he seems like he doesn't. He's romantic and sweet and terribly annoying but like in an adorable way. I thought that he was what I wanted." I pause, scared. "But what if I ruin it all?"

Clare shakes her head. "Megan. Everything you just said to me just proves my point. You do like him. And personally, I like Luka Laurence too. Not in that way," she adds hurriedly at my pointed look. We don't need her stealing another one of my guys. Not that Jake was ever mine. She goes on. "What I'm trying to say is that I approve and I think it would be a great match. And hey, if it doesn't work, who says you can't still be friends? Set some ground rules or something, I don't know. Honestly, just tell him how you feel. I'm sure he'll understand." Clare smiles at me. "Like you said, I don't really know too much about this stuff. But I know enough that you have to get the guy that you like." I blush, though I agree with her.

I nod my head slowly. "You know what? You're right. Who says I can't try things out?" I get out my phone and open my Messages app. I find Luka's number and stare at our last messages. We were talking about school. This was before everything happened. This was when everything was still normal. I've been too scared to text him since and he has been busy avoiding me, or so it seems. I take a deep breath and start typing.

We need to talk.

I hit send. A few minutes later, I get a response.

Tonight. Mario's. Eight?

"Clare, I have to cancel this sleepover," I grin.

oooo Luka Laurence!!!!!

malaynaturally xx