Chapter Five

Lead Her On

     I search the hallways desperately for a glimpse of either Jake or Luka or Shaw after first period and finally spot Jake's dark blue backpack bobbing through the crowds and finally coming to a stop. I rush to catch up.

      "Jake?" I say from behind him. He's standing with Luka by a row of lockers and they're laughing about something. I almost hate to interrupt—they look so involved and happy with whatever it is they're talking about (girls, probably)—but I promised Clare that I would talk to them about lunch. As soon as Jake hears my voice, he whirls around and smiles. He breaks away from his friend and follows me down the hallways a little bit. I'm relieved: better to ask him by himself instead of in front of Luka, who's staring at us with narrowed eyes and a strange expression. I rationalize that Jake can tell him later. Preferably without me there. Somehow, I don't think Luka will be as accepting.

     I clear my throat. "Uh, I was just wondering. Do you mind if Clare sits with you guys or us or whatever at lunch today?" Probably not the best voiced question but he lets it slide.

    He looks at me, his eyes narrowing a little. "Umm, I'm sure the boys won't care," he says, not bothering to show any emotion. There's an awkward pause and I'm tempted to back out and leave and I'm just about to when: "Will you still be there?" He's looking at me and I can't help but grin at his almost-begging tone.

    "Yeah," I say. "Of course." I start to walk away, mulling it all over.

    "'Kay." I hear him say. I stop. Another pause. "But, Meg?"

    "Yeah?" I turn back to face him and he's looking at me with an expression of mockery and something else and I'm confused.

    "Seriously. Stop trying to set me up with Clare. I'm not that dumb, you know. I know what you're trying to do. You and Clare." I blush at being caught. He smiles at me, though.

    "Was it that obvious?" I ask. Then, thinking better about it: "Wait, don't answer that."

    He nods, grinning, and turns to walk away. I sigh loudly and walk to my next class, though my every nerve is tingling from... I don't know what. Anticipation? Nervousness? Excitement? Trepidation?

    Lunch with the boys has me wired and I don't like it. Not one bit. It's not me.

    By the time lunch rolls around, I'm bored to death and am thankful for the reprieve from my classes. I have French before lunch and Madame Chenot has the most monotone voice I've ever heard in my life. And hearing it in a different language? It's hard to listen to without feeling tired. After a long rant that I'm sure nobody understood, except for maybe Gerald Hart, the only one who actually cares about French, seeing as he wants to move to France after he graduates, I finally move my sluggish feet towards the cafeteria. I grab a tray and buy my lunch and carry my tray over to the normal table. Clare joins me along the way, looking nervous but I smile at her as genuinely as I can. Luka and Jake are sitting at the table already, talking quietly with each other, which is strangely jarring because these two are anything but quiet.

    I clear my throat loudly and Jake looks up at me, grinning and swiveling around as best as he can in the long benches. Luka keeps his head faced downwards and his eyes trained towards the table. "Hey, guys," I say. Looking around, I can't help but ask, "Where's Shaw?" His brown hair and happy smile is noticeably absent from the table.

    "Sick," Luka fills us in, looking up at me for just a second before breaking eye contact and clearing his throat, resuming his position of staring down at the table.

    "Oh. That's..." I don't really know where I was going with that so I clear my throat again in an attempt to change the subject. "Guys, this is Clare Riggins. I'm pretty sure you know her already..." I look at Luka and Jake expectantly, praying that they'll be nice. Or as nice as boys can be to an outsider.

I feel mean now.

    "Hey," a half-hearted Jake says. Maybe I shouldn't have invited Clare here.

    Luka only waves.

    Well, I guess that's good enough.

    I sigh loudly and sit next to Jake. "Guys, can you at least make Clare feel a little more welcome?" I ask. "Is it really that hard to make someone feel welcome? You guys are so rude," I say, smiling a little, attempting to lighten the mood.

Luka decides to speak up. "So look, that's the thing. You want us to make Clare feel welcome. But she's not. She's not welcome," Luka says. Jake shoves him. Luka turns to his friend angrily. "What the hell was that for?" I'm shocked at his tone: Luka is never like this. He's generally the nice one from what I've learned over the last couple of days. Then I realize: maybe I don't know these boys as well as I think.

"You're ruder than Meg," Jake says to Luka, who scowls and resumes his staring contest with the table. Jake smiles at me and then turning to Clare, introduces himself. "Hey. I'm Jake Lloyd," he says to Clare. He pretends to mock-bow and I laugh.

"I know," she half-giggles, half-whispers. I elbow her and she winces. She's being way too obvious.

"Umm, okay." He doesn't even look fazed. He really is good at this. The whole girl thing and making-people-feel-welcome. Clare sits down between me and Jake, wedged like the innards of a sandwich, visibly not talking and sweating. I sigh. This is going to be a long lunch.

The conversation is much blander than yesterday and I can only guess it's because Clare is there. The boys treat her like an absolute stranger, forgetting she's there at times and at others being all awkward and hostile. By the time lunch ends, I can tell Clare is feeling completely excluded and as I'm trying to help her out, I feel someone tug on my sleeve. I look up and see Luka, a serious expression masking his usually open and happy face. Luka pulls me to the side, tugging sharply, and I get up, hoping that Clare is going to be okay with just Jake. I can already picture all of the outcomes of that conversation, and almost none of them are good. I sigh loudly to let Luka know I'm not happy about this but follow him, pausing once to look back at Clare, who has turned to Jake and is fumbling to start a conversation. Jake is smiling nicely, though I can't be sure if he's actually entertained by her or if he's just trying to be nice.

I turn to Luka, who stares me down. Luka clears his throat as I stand impatiently, wanting to get back to Clare and Jake, and sighs. He starts, "Meg. Don't invite your friends to our table. Please." I must look outraged or confused or conflicted or something because he recoils visibly and says, "I mean, seriously, no offense, but—" He stops, unsure if he should go on because he doesn't know how I'm going to react to what he's trying to say. Luka is so kindhearted that he actually seems to care about my feelings. We need more boys like him at our school, not that I would ever tell him that and boost his already-inflated ego.

I personally agree with him but I'm loyal to my best friend. "What? Clare's nice. And she's... nice." I can't think of anything else to say about her. At that moment, I can definitely see where he's coming from.

    "So what? Mrs. Telka is nice but I'm not looking to invite her to eat lunch with us anytime soon." Luka shudders visibly at the thought and I grin, though I can imagine it and there's only one word to describe it: awkward.

    Mrs. Telka is the tenth grade English teacher and she was the best. She was definitely my favorite teacher at this school and my writing improved by more than a fraction after her class. I can't help but feel almost offended at hearing an insult from Luka Laurence towards her but I don't say anything about it. I'm not that weird as to defend a teacher.

    "Okay, okay. Sorry," I say, giving in. "But I mean, Jake said it would be okay." I'm groping for excuses now even though I secretly agree with Luka deep down inside. Why don't I just quit now?

    Luka scowls. "That's 'cause Jake is nice. He'll say anything for the sake of being polite." He scowls again. I'm guessing that's a sore subject with him. I can tell that they've fought about this very thing before.

"But you're nice." The words come out before I can stop them and I mentally slap myself while outwardly flushing wildly.

Luka smiles, finally breaking his angry facade, and I look away. I shouldn't have said that.

I try to change the subject. "Fine. I'm sorry." I shake my head, irritated. "God."

"Good." Luka gives me a crooked smile and leaves me alone, throwing his trash away on the way out. Before he's out the door, he turns and waves and I wave back confusedly. He's going through some serious mood swings right now.

    "Megan!" Clare says, running over to me. I look for Jake but he's nowhere to be seen. I mentally and physically brace myself for the tears that are sure to come in three... two... one...

But none come, much to my surprise. Instead, Clare is all smiles and bright eyes and I'm taken aback. Maybe I underestimated my best friend.

"What happened?" I ask nervously. There really aren't too many reasons that Clare could be this happy other than...

"Jake just asked me out!" she says.

"What?" I ask immediately. My mind reels and my heart pounds. He doesn't like her. He told me as much. What changed?

"Well, technically... I asked him out. But still. He said yes!" Clare says excitedly, happier than I've ever seen her, even when she found out that she was the lead in our school musical last month. I don't have the heart to tell her what he said yesterday.

"How?" I ask brokenly, trying to smile for Clare but feeling my heart break more than it already is and my stomach churn. Why does this have to happen now? Why does my best friend who hates boys have to get a boyfriend right when I become single? And why does it have to be Jake Lloyd, my middle-school crush, and school heartbreaker?

"Well, I told him about what you said he said about me and then I asked him if he wanted to go see a movie with me tomorrow and he said sure. And then he said that we could go to dinner after. And we exchanged numbers!" Clare smiles proudly like this was some remarkable feat that I'm supposed to be happy for her about and congratulate her with a huge smile. But I can't. Because nothing is farther from how I'm feeling right now than happiness.

I groan inwardly. Jake asked Clare out because of what I said? I helped this to happen? I was lying! I say nothing and instead spin around and leave Clare standing with a huge smile on her face. I'm going to cry, I'm going to cry, I'm going to cry... For the second time today, I can't hold back the tears.

"Megan? What's wrong?" I ignore her confused voice as I head outside. I can't deal with this right now. I can't. I'm going to explode or burst or hurt someone or cry or die or—

I'm outside. I start to run. I run and run and run, sprinting with no positive destination. I ignore the bells signaling the end of lunch as I reach the gym and I run around again and again in there, my breaths coming shorter and shorter as I race around the thick black lines of our gym floor. Nobody's in here right now because all of the gym classes are out on the field for our soccer unit. I finally run outside, sick of the colored lines on the floor and the empty bleachers, and I keep on running through the hallways of our school, trying to keep my footsteps light so I don't get caught until I slam into someone. I mumble a quick sorry without looking up at the person, my breaths labored and my legs itching to run some more. I try to sprint off but then I hear him.

"Meg! Hey! Breathe!" I hear Jake's worried voice from behind me. Why did it have to be him that I bump into out of all 1500 students in our school? And why does he sound so worried? He doesn't have that right anymore. He's going out with my best friend. He lied to either her or me.

    I turn around, take one look at him, and slap him straight across the face. I'm proud that I didn't miss and hit the air and I allow myself one second of victory. He shouts aloud and grabs at me, one hand going to his face where an angry red mark is already starting to appear. He's mad, I know he is.

    "What was that for?" he asks. He doesn't sound angry, but I can tell he is. He has to be. I just slapped him for no apparent reason. I would be angry if someone slapped me out of the blue.

    "I— how—I mean—What—How could you?" I ask finally, words struggling to get out, my lungs heaving and my heart shaking and my mind racing. I don't even know what I'm even trying to say at this point, only that I have to say something to help myself to understand everything that is going on. I try to pull away from him but he has a tight hold on me and frankly, the adrenaline rush is fading and I'm just so tired and I want to go home and curl up in bed and cry. Then I can eat pints and pints of ice cream while binge-watching Riverdale or The Vampire Diaries.

"What?" he asks, confused. "Meg, what are you talking about?" He looks genuinely perplexed so I take pity on him, much to my own astonishment, and explain as quickly as I can what my problem is.

"How could you say yes to Clare and lead her on like this? She thinks you like her and you told me you didn't! Just yesterday. And I can't even say anything to her about it because she'll know I lied to her and then we won't be friends anymore and everything will be ruined and it will be all your fault!" I shout. I don't even know where I'm getting at with any of this. If I'm being honest with myself, it isn't even Jake's fault. It's my stupid emotions and jacked up feelings that are causing me to unleash myself in this way.

Jake pauses, surprised at that. His eyes are searching, searching, searching... for what? He finally clears his throat to explain himself. "Well, that was before I actually met her. I mean, it was before I really got to know her. Meeting her today... I think I was wrong about her. She's actually really nice. And smart," he says, shrugging a little. "And I'm willing to give the poor soul a chance. I can't tell if she actually likes me or if it's just a crush and I felt bad for her. And maybe I do like her. I don't know." He shrugs. "Who knows? Maybe we'll be that one unexpected couple that nobody thought would get together."

My heart wrenches. Couple? He's already thinking about going exclusive with Clare? "What?" I ask quietly, my voice breaking. My heart is shattering still more. The residual shards of my heart from Carl's cheating are breaking furthermore into smaller pieces and my gut twists. I can't believe this.

"Yeah. So there's no need to yell at me." He looks at me. I mean, really looks at me. I shift under his gaze and force my eyes towards his. His face dawns with understanding that I don't like this at all and I cringe. He clears his throat. "Hey, Meg, are you okay?"

No, I'm not okay. You can't go out with my best friend. I like you. But of course, I can't say that. I am such a coward that I can't bring myself to say those three simple words that could change everything. It's three simple words, and I, Megan Peters, queen of vocabulary and words and smooth speaking, can't say them. Why can't I do it?

I wave him off. "Yeah. I'm fine," I say. "Just great. Tip-top." Did I actually just say 'tip-top' to Jake Lloyd?!

"Okay..." he says, unsure that I'm actually okay, but not knowing what else to say. He can't know how I feel and I won't let him ever know. Clare deserves him. Not me. We're only ever going to just be friends.

Friends.

Tears are building up and I need to leave and get out of here and away from him and his stares and his talk of going exclusive with my best friend before I break down in front of him. "Bye, Jake." I turn to leave.

I catch a glimpse of his face: he looks surprised like he wasn't expecting me to just leave like that. Well, Jake Lloyd, you don't get to have everything. I'm not going to stay here with you and cry on your shoulder, embarrassing myself until tomorrow.

"Bye?" he asks tentatively. I can feel his eyes on my back as I run outside, desperate to leave it all behind, wanting to go somewhere where nobody can ever find me and just cry.

    I leave him standing there, confused, and the reckless tears are falling before I'm even out of the hallway.

and that was the dramatic chapter five! hope you liked it!

malaynaturally xx