Chapter Fifteen

Mistakes

The boys jump at the sound of my throat clearing. I step into the room and watch as Luka blushes and looks away and Jake coughs audibly. Luka stands up, turning to face me, and cautiously asks, "How much of that did you happen to hear?"

I shrug. "Huh?" My heart is beating fast and my mind is whirling with thoughts but it's best to play dumb in this situation.

Jake sighs in relief at the thought of me not hearing what they were talking about, and Luka grins. "Never mind. Come here, Meg," he says, patting the empty carpet next to him. I don't know how to react to him lying to me and keeping secrets. The thought hurts.

Shaking my head, I take a seat and sit cross-legged next to him so as not to appear strange. He rubs my knee gently and I take in a sharp breath as the heat rushes through my body. He slings my legs over his lap and leans over and kisses my hair. 

I feel guilty for lying about my eavesdropping, but he should be feeling guilty too. How dare he make a bet about some other girl when he claims that I'm his? I should confront him now but I don't know if I want to know what is going on. 

Deciding quickly, I shake it off. It's just a stupid bet; it's probably common among boys. And girls. And everyone else in this godforsaken world. Reassuring myself, I let out a sigh of pleasure and lean into him a little, in that little space between his neck and his shoulder. He starts to softly brush my hair with his calloused fingers and I swear, I feel chills run through my body. Jake glances over at us and then quickly turns away, as if he doesn't want to invade on this private moment. I blush a little but I like it and stay still, feeling calm and peaceful. Luka whispers something in my ear but I can't hear it. I don't ask for him to repeat it. I just want to sit here and not talk and just enjoy the moment.

After a couple of hours of watching the boys play games, I sit up, untangling my limbs from Luka's. It's time to leave. I stand up slowly, stretching and wincing at the cramps in my legs from sitting on the hard carpet for so long in such an awkward position in Luka's lap. Luka realizes that I have to leave and stands up with me and walks me to the door, Jake following close behind. I hug Luka goodbye and I wave to Jake and walk outside. I get into my car and I turn on my engine. It's sprinkling a little and I start the window wipers before I drive away. As I'm backing out of the driveway, I hear a shout and turn to see Jake running back outside, Luka closing his front door behind him. Jake signals for me to wait and, though I'm confused, I stop the car. He runs up and opens the passenger door. I look at him, waiting for some explanation.

"Can I have a ride?" he asks, rubbing his hands through his hair. As if I would say no.

"Uh, sure?" I say, though I don't really have a choice. He grins over at me and I smile back at the happiness on his face. He gets in and buckles his seatbelt, and I try not to think about how this is a moment I've always dreamed of.

Instead, I focus on the facts. I'm dating Luka. His best friend. I feel nothing for Jake. Nothing except friendship.

Then why am I sweating?

I turn on the air conditioner and Jake looks over at me quizzically. "Hot?" he asks.

"Kind of," I say. He laughs a little and then he leans over and touches my leg, just above my knee. I swerve and hit the brakes, causing the car to screech in protest. I wince and I turn to Jake, pulling over to the side.

"Jake! What the hell was that for?" I can't keep the anger out of my voice. I'm beyond confused and I'm also scared. We could have just gotten killed.

He shrugs, apologetic. "I don't know. I just... felt like it." His face is on fire and it's kind of amusing to see an embarrassed Jake. But what he just did...

Even though we almost died, I don't know why but for some reason, I want him to do it again.

I shake my head. Luka Laurence. I'm dating Luka Laurence.

I'm only feeling these things because I used to like this boy, right?

Right.

Jake sighs and turns to me. "Look, Megan, listen. I know you. I know almost everything about you. I've known you for a really long time. I know what you like to eat, I know that you like to wear jeans and a concert sweatshirt most of the time, and... I'm not sounding creepy, am I?" I shrug. "Only just a bit," I say, with a teasing look on my face. "But then again, I know these things about you too." 

He sighs. "And I know who you like."

My heart pounds. What is he talking about and why does he sound so weird?

"I mean, you and Luka... that's got to be... different from you and Carl. I mean, right? Carl was so exuberant and Luka is more of a kind, passionate, introverted guy."

"So?" I ask. "What are you trying to get at?" I feel a bit of resentment towards him. As if I need to be dating the same type of guy forever.

He holds his hands up in innocence. "And you, you're a smart, feisty girl."

I sigh, not wanting to talk about this right now. "Carl was more of a friend. I loved him at some points and at others, I was always so annoyed with him." I can't believe I'm spilling how I felt about my ex with Jake Lloyd. "You don't know what it was like. Carl... he was kind of a jerk sometimes. Like he cheated on me and blatantly lied about it," I say, laughing a little bitter sound that I wish I hadn't made.

He lets out a breath and looks pained as I talk. "I'm sorry, Meg."

I go on. "And Luka... he's like a solace for me. He's everything I wanted Carl to be: kind, smart, amazing, someone who's going to actually listen to the things I have to say. He's honest and he's loyal. And he's genuinely caring. And trustworthy." I hope. I am very aware of the fact that I'm complimenting Jake's best friend in front of him but I continue, needing to explain why I feel the way I do about Luka. "And I don't know, I feel as if he gets me. Like really understands me and who I am and why I do what I do."

Jake just stares at me piercingly. "Meg... what about me?"

"Huh?" I ask, my heart literally racing now. I feel like something is pounding against me in a repeating motion every five seconds. I can hardly breathe.

"How would you describe me?" he asks, his voice deep and low. His eyes seem to caress my entire body as he looks me up and down and chills overtake me. I can't help but shiver.

As I think up a response, I hesitate. How do I describe Jake Lloyd to his face? "Uhh... I mean, you're a great friend, you're funny and you know how to lighten the mood, you're really nice and friendly and you like to be... you're an optimist, I guess." I don't know what else to say and I am very aware of the fact that I just friend zoned him.

"You really think that? All of that?" His voice sounds incredulous.

"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I?" I pause, unsure of what to say now. "Jake..."

I can't believe I'm going to say this but I've been hiding this secret for far too long and since we're being honest, I might as well just tell him everything. He deserves to know, and it doesn't mean anything. 

"Jake... once upon a time, I think... I think I loved you." I don't dare look at him to see his reaction and instead I stare down at my ripped jeans, fingering the distressing and staring at the skin showing through.

I hear a sharp intake of breath next to me and I slightly turn. I see Jake and his emotions are all over the place, his face and eyes and mouth showing evidence of his confusion and surprise and maybe even a hint of happiness?

I'm about to say something more. I open my mouth to try to explain and then all at once, he's kissing me. Like full on kissing me on the mouth and with his tongue and everything. I don't even know how to react. I'm tempted to slap him but it feels amazing and I don't know what to do. At first, I'm reluctant and he pulls away. He runs his hand through his hair and looks down at his feet.

"Megan, I'm sorry, I—" 

I can't breathe suddenly and my lips are in sudden need of his. Luka leaves my mind as I take a deep breath and lean back towards him, my mind rebelling but my heart fluttering. My lips find his and are instantly taken to a different dimension and I'm trying desperately to stop but I can't because it's just so stupendously perfect.

Jake is kissing me back just as furiously, trying his best to convey his feelings in one single action that is so wrong, so very wrong, that I know I am abetting a horrible deed. I already know I'm going to regret it later. But I can't stop. I can't, no matter how hard I try to pull away.

Finally, oxygen becomes a priority and we pull back. "Megan," he whispers. I sigh and shake my head and pull him closer to me. All at once, we can't stand it anymore and we bolt out of the car into the back seat. There's more room there and we continue our wicked, horrid deed. We lay there, kissing until my lips are swollen as are his and my face is flushed and my breaths are dying. Then... his hands start roaming.

His hands are mussing my hair and I know that tonight, my hair will have to be brushed over a thousand times to get it straight again. His hands are climbing, tracing a pathway, making a map to follow until I can't stand it anymore. I start to trace his back and his chest through his thin T-shirt and the contour and plains of his face. Then he groans.

"Meg. We have to stop. If we don't, I won't be able to control myself later." From the wanting look on his face, I can see that what he's saying is true but I can't stop. Not now. Not when we've already gone so far.

"Then don't," I say, feeling dirty but also determined.

"Megan," he groans, pulling himself away as I continue to trace the outline of his skin.

"Jake. Please," I groan.

"Megan. No." His voice gets firm.

I sit up. "Then why did you start this in the first place? You know I'm dating Luka and yet you decided to make a move and now you're just gonna stop me? Like, who does that? All you've done is confused me again about..." I stop. I'm angry at him and at myself, for letting myself lose control and forgetting about Luka. "I can't do this anymore. You have to stop acting like this some days and then ignoring me the next! I can't hurt him like that anymore." I can't say his name, I can't stand it.

Luka. Even his name makes me wince. How will I ever face him again?

I get out of the car and clamber back into the driver's seat, trying to smooth down my hair and my rumpled clothes. He stays in the backseat after a warning glance from me. He doesn't say anything and instead sits in silence, and the awkward tension is palpable in the car. I want to turn back to him but I shake my head and continue driving. Finally, I clear my throat.

"Where do you live again?" I force myself to sound civil though I'm anything but.

"Oh. Take a left there," he says, looking surprised that I'm still on speaking terms with him. I take a left and stop at his house. I still remember the good old brownstone and red brick house, with the short chimney and the stout door. I've been to Jake's house so many times with more than a couple wishful thoughts about him when he invited me upstairs. He gets out of the car with a small wave that I don't bother to return. I drive away abruptly and I almost feel bad. Almost.

What am I supposed to say to Luka? And Clare? And myself?

what did you think? do you hate meg? do you hate jake?

poor luka :(

malaynaturally xx