It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.

Damien

Mae pushed me roughly against the wall, coming with me. It was a bold move that turned me on, it showed power. I looked in her eyes, wanting to know what she was thinking, wanting to know what her next move was going to be. I grew a strong desire to kiss her, but it was as if she read my mind and gripped the back of my neck, pulling me roughly to her. She smiled as our lips met, moving them lustfully with mine. I pulled away and moved to her neck, placing kisses down her neck, past her collarbone to the top of her breast.

The lower I went, the louder her breathing became. Sucking as the top of her breast, she kept taking deep breaths in and out. I started moving back up, and her hands moved up my back to the nape of my neck, pulling me to her. She played with the hair at my baseline, and I closed my eyes as the feeling erupted with pleasure. I kissed her jawline, biting softly at her earlobe, causing her to moan.

She pulled away, bringing the hem of my shirt up and bent down, placing kisses on my abdomen. I squeezed my eyes shut as the tickling tingles spread into pleasure. She started kissing lower and lower, past my navel, sucking as the lining right above my pants where my v-line met. I gulped, looking down at her and a small, smug smile crept across her beautiful set of lips. She looked up at me, confidently and unbutton my jeans.

I groaned as the imagines of Mae slowly started to disappear. I tried reaching out to them, but the sound of snoring filled my ears, and I couldn't ignore it. I opened my eyes, looking around, and the familiar room reminded me of a hospital. I looked to my right and saw a heart monitor. I looked at my heart rate slowly decreasing. The monitor wasn't beeping as the tv shows had always shown, this one was muted.

I heard snoring, so I looked to my left, and Ryder had his head back on the chair with his mouth wide open, sucking up my walls with his loud, stellar snores. It had amazed me how loud his snoring was. I pitied his throat for having to go through that every night. The door opened, and Bennett walked in. Once he saw me, a relieved expression set on his face.

"Finally, you're awake," he breathed, sounding relieved as well. He went to Ryder, putting his hand over Ryder's mouth, closing his nostrils and suffocating him. Ryder started choking and jumped up, gasping for air, and Bennett threw his head back laughing. I laughed too but stopped when my head started pounding.

"I could have died, Bennett!"

"We're in a hospital. You would've been fine," Bennett reasoned, waving off Ryder's concerns. They both looked at me, but I started looking around for water. I had a massive craving for some ice-cold water. "What are you looking for?"

"Water," I told them, looking around.

"Waterrr would be nice," Ryder croaked out, and I laughed because it reminded me of Spongebob. I felt like Spongebob at this moment, when he was being dehydrated from Sandy's house. "Pinky out." He stuck his pinky out.

"Do you want some water?" Bennett chuckled, and I nodded. He opened the plastic grocery bag he was holding and pulled out a cold water bottle. "It was Ryder's, he won't mind." Bennett laughed.

"That's okay," I said, shaking my head, not wanting to drink Ryder's water.

"I'm so sure, that's okay! Drink it," Ryder assured. Bennett opened the bottle, so I reached out for it but was restricted to the bed by handcuffs.

"Oh, yeah," Bennett said as if remembering and pulled the bottle to my lips. I sucked on the opening, gulping all of the water down and squeezing the bottle together. "Pretty good at that," Bennett joked, and I almost choked on the last gulp of water.

"I would punch you, but I'm kind of being held up," I threatened jokingly, tugging my arm, and staying restricted to the handcuffs. "Why am I here? What happened?"

"Well, at the party you were drinking and after the King left with Mae, you drank more and more and-"

"And a lot more," Ryder said, cutting off Bennett from speaking and motioning his hands as wide as he could, showing the amount of alcohol I had consumed. "You kept going. Bottle after bottle. I didn't think you were going to stop. I'm actually surprised you didn't die from alcohol pois-"

"Then you got into a fight," Bennett said, cutting off Ryder's rambling. "The cops showed up, and you tried fighting one of the officers, and Officer Manny stopped them from locking you up and had them bring you here, but you kept waking up yelling and trying to fight everyone, so they had to sedate you," Bennett recalled.

"Three times," Ryder specified, sitting back down, and putting his feet up on my bed. "Think of Thor when they had him in the hospital, and he went berserk, that was you."

"For real? Are you serious?" I asked, not believing them, and they nodded. "How long was I sedated? What day is it?"

"Tuesday. We've been with you the whole time because we're awesome friends," Ryder smiled proudly.

"You just didn't want to go to school, did you?" I asked, knowing the real reason why he had stayed.

"No," he laughed, putting his feet down and sitting up. He had hated hospitals, ever since freshman year.

"Well, I'm a good friend. Ryder would get bored and go hit on vulnerable girls."

"Hey! In my defense, they seemed happy after," Ryder argued. Bennett looked at me and smirked.

"What?" I asked, confused as to why he was looking smug.

"Yeah, they aren't the only ones who seem happy," Ryder looked confused until Bennett pointed to me. I was confused, so I look at my body and saw Damien jr awake and happy. I groaned and grabbed the pillow that was in the back of me, putting it on my lap.

"Damn, what's got you so happy?" Ryder joked.

"Do you really have to ask?" Bennett laughed.

"Shut up, both of you." This was embarrassing. It sucked that I couldn't control it. I tried thinking about anything that turned me off, and it started to settle down. The door opened, and Max walked in. He looked relieved to see me awake too.

"Damn, Mano, I thought you were gonna die from alcohol poisoning," Max said, walking to my bed. He looked at my wrists and laughed. "Take them off." He turned to Ryder, but Ryder looked confused.

"They're the cops, not mine," Ryder said, but the way he said it made it sound like he was acting. Anytime Ryder had lied, he would always oversell it, always tried so hard to convince the person he was lying to, that he was telling the truth, but he did it more with his expressions and his tone of voice than with words.

"You're playing!" I said as I had realized what Max was saying. Ryder and Bennett burst out laughing, and I tugged on the cuffs.

"The cops did handcuff you!" Ryder reasoned, laughing.

"But they took them off this morning," Max laughed, shaking his head.

"It was Bennett's idea," Ryder snitched, and Bennett punched his shoulder.

"I suggested it, but you were the ones who got them from your house," Bennett said, and I cringed as I tried to pull my hands free but failed.

"They're your handcuffs?!" I asked, pulling harder to get away from the disgusting handcuffs. I knew what he had used them for. Ryder laughed and pulled the key out of his pocket and unlocked the handcuffs, setting my hands free from the std infested cuffs. "I'm getting you back for that."

"Me too, snitch," Bennett sneered toward Ryder. Ryder shoved Bennett, hating to be called snitch, and Bennett shoved him back. "Getting real tired of you touching me."

"Then do something about it," Ryder snapped, shoving Bennett.

"Shut up," Bennett told him.

"Shut up," Ryder mimicked him, lowering his voice several octaves, so it could match Bennett's deep voice. "Why it sound like you hit puberty twice?"

Max started laughing, but Bennett glared at him, and Max tried covering it up by coughing. "Why you hatin'? Why it sound like you never gone through puberty? What's wrong, your balls ain't drop yet?"

Max and I started laughing, but their bickering was getting more heated. Ryder was getting angrier, and I didn't want him to say something to Bennett that would hurt him. That was a toxic trait we both had and hated.

"Stop, both of you," I told them, seeing that their play fighting was taking a turn, but they didn't listen.

"Whatcha gonna do, hit me?" Ryder asked, provoking Bennett.

"I would but don't really wanna break your nose again," Bennett sneered, standing taller than Ryder. Despite Bennett being the youngest, he was taller, buffer, and had the deepest voice in our group.

I had a feeling that was partially the reason why Ryder often picked fights with him. Bennett was the only one Ryder didn't have to worry about physically hurting, the kid was mostly made of muscle. Bennett had hated violence but with Ryder, Bennett saw it almost like a release. The anger he wanted to unleash at home but didn't, he unleashed on Ryder, and Ryder was okay with it.

The door opened and a nurse walked in. The guys stopped their fighting and walked next to Max. "Hello, I'm your nurse Kat," she introduced as she walked in.

"Like kitty cat?" Bennett asked, and Ryder laughed.

"No, as in Kat with a K," she smiled as her cheeks heated up in embarrassment. "How are you feeling?" She asked me, checking all my vitals.

"I'm fine, but I'm not the one laying in a hospital bed," Bennett said, and Max turned away cringing.

"Oh, I was actually asking Damien, but I'm glad to hear you're doing well," the nurse smiled gently, her cheeks still a shade of pink. The nurse looked at her clipboard writing my vitals down, and Bennett cringed his face, turning away.

"It's okay, kitty cat," Ryder whispered to Bennett, and we all laughed. The nurse stifled a laugh and looked back to me with a beaming smile, still not recovered from Ryder's joke.

"How are you feeling, Damien?" She asked, and I nodded.

"I'm good, feel fine," I told her. She spoke to me before leaving, telling me why they had kept me here and that I would be free to go once the doctor had signed off on a few papers. She nodded with her final words and started walking out.

"Wait," Ryder called out to her, and she stopped, smiling as she turned to Ryder and Bennett. "Who would you choose out of me and Bennett?"

"Don't you think you're a little young for me?" She asked, raising her right brow, and the boys shook their heads simultaneously. She laughed and smiled at them.

"The younger, the wilder," Ryder said, giving her his cockiest smile.

"And all the harder to tame," Kat said, and the boys smiled. They loved the fact that she didn't shy away from their game, she played just as they had wanted her to.

"Just choose," Bennett told her calmly with a smile. His smile was gentle and mature, and it had looked like he was crushing on the nurse. Kat's eyes wavered between Bennett and Ryder but stayed on Bennett before she smiled and walked out, leaving the boys without an answer.

"She would have chosen me," Ryder smirked. Bennett and Max laughed.

"No, she wouldn't have. Her eyes were totally on me before she left," Bennett said, and Max agreed with him.

"Shut up, no one asked you," Ryder told Max, and Max laughed.

"You ready to go?" Max asked me. I thought about leaving the hospital but that meant facing my reality; that was something I didn't want to do. My reality was having to face what I had done at the party. Or more specifically, who I had done them to. I groaned as I remembered what I had told Mae.

"I'll stay here forever," I told them, covering my face with my hands out of embarrassment. Maybe if I couldn't see my reality, I wouldn't feel embarrassed by it.

"What is it?" Bennett asked, and I shook my head, not wanting to relive my worst hour.

"Are you remembering the party?" Max asked, and I nodded, still with my hands on my face. "At the party, you said you talked to Mae?" I groaned louder, not wanting it to be real. I just wanted it to be a dream.

"Do you remember what you and Mae talked about?" Bennett asked. How could I not remember, now that it had kept replaying over and over again in my head? The memory kept changing and getting cringer the more I analyzed it. Why would I say those things?

"Tell us," Ryder said, and I groaned again, shaking my head. "Honesty." I knew I needed to tell them, I needed to release this horrible feeling in my body that kept building every time I relived the memory again.

"I told her the truth, but she didn't believe me," I told them and shook my head. I removed my hands from my face and looked at them. They looked disappointed, and I nodded, understanding. "I'm disappointed, too."

"We're disappointed at you, stupid," Max said, and they nodded.

"For what? I told her everything, and she chose not to believe me. I'm done. I tried and that's what's important," I told them, and Ryder smacked the side of my head. I got up to hit him, but I stood too fast and got light-headed, so I sat back down as my head began to feel tight.

"You good?" Bennett asked, and I nodded.

"Just stood up too fast," I told them.

"She doesn't want to hear your truth when you're drunk," Max told me, so I looked at him. "Things someone does drunk, can't be trusted."

"I almost told her I loved her," I told them. I needed to vent, and I needed to hear what they had to say. I wanted them to tell me what to do to fix this. Grim expressions crossed their face, and they shook their head.

"Almost? What happened?" They asked at once.

"A drunk couple walked in just as I was about to say it," I told them, and they signed in relief.

"Don't tell her," Bennett said. "Are you trying to scare her off?"

"If a girl you weren't dating blurted out she loved you while she was drunk, would you believe her?" Ryder asked, and I grimaced as I saw their point.

"Unfortunately for you, Mano, you're gonna have to wait until you guys are both dating until you tell her those three words," Max told me, and I laid back in bed. I was doing everything wrong, and I didn't know how to make it right.

"Just tell her, man. Tell her everything, except the I love you part. But do it when you're sober," Ryder told me, but he didn't understand.

"It's not that easy. Rejection's not easy. It's scary, man," I told them. That was easier for Ryder to say. Every girl he had gone after, never rejected him. I was confident that he had never felt rejection before, but I wasn't too sure. He could have and just not have told me.

"Stop thinking she'll never like you," Bennett told me, and I shook my head. She never would. "When you were telling her yesterday, what did she do?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. I was confused as to what he had meant.

"Like, what were her actions?" Max clarified, holding out his hands as he spoke.

"Well, I hugged her," I told them, and they seemed surprised.

"And...?" Bennett trailed off, spinning his hand toward himself and them toward me and back to himself, wanting me to give him the rest of the details. "What happened after you hugged her?"

"She hugged me back," I stated. They groaned, and they each took a turn in smacking the back of my neck. "What?!"

"Give us everything that happened in order," Ryder told us.

"Give us the chisme," Bennett told him, and Max laughed. I sighed and went into full detail about everything that had happened, telling them the entire story.

"But she didn't want to hear it. She left with James. I shouldn't even be trying to talk to her still," I shook my head at the thought that I was voluntarily trying ruining a relationship. "That's not someone I want to be."

"Talk to her," Bennett said. "But do it while you're sober. Trust me, Damien. Talk to her." There was a look in his eyes, and I wasn't sure why he wanted me to try again when it was wrong.

"She doesn't want to hear it. She has a boyfriend," I tried, but they shook their heads, not wanting to hear my reasoning which was a completely understandable reason for not wanting to try again.

"It doesn't mean she doesn't want to be friends," Ryder said. I sighed again because they were missing the point.

"I can't be friends with someone I'm in love with while she's in a relationship," I told them.

"Talk to her," they said.

"She doesn't want to hear it."

"Talk to her," they repeated again, and I sighed. They were completely misunderstanding the point I was trying to make.

"She doesn't want to hear-"

"TALK TO HER!" They yelled in unison. I couldn't tell if they were right or not, but I couldn't live with myself if she had truly thought I had hated her.

"Fine, but can we go now?" I asked, giving them what they wanted. I wasn't sure I would actually talk to her, but I wasn't going to tell them that; they wouldn't have let me leave. The guys handed me my clothes, but they were different from the ones I was wearing at the party. "Where are my other clothes?"

"You threw up, and it got all over them," Bennett grimaced. I cringed and took off the hospital gown I was in, staying in my boxers and changed into the extra pair of clothes they had brought me. Bennett drove us to my house, and we all walked in. When I walked inside, I was immediately trampled by my brothers. I laughed and hugged them back.

"Ryder said something about you being in the hospital, dying from alcohol poisoning?" Deacon asked, and I shook my head. Ryder was unbelievable. I looked at Ryder, and he was smiling, innocently.

"No, he was lying," I told them. "But if you thought I was dying, why didn't you visit me?" They grew quiet, and I nodded.

"We missed you!" Declan told me, breaking the silence.

"This isn't the longest we've been away from each other," I had to pull away because they wouldn't let go.

Dylan pouted and looked away. "We didn't wanna hug you anyway," he grumbled with a pout, and I laugh because I knew he was joking. We needed each other; we would never admit that, but we knew.

"I'm gonna take a shower," I told them, heading for the stairs.

"A warm or cold shower?" Ryder teased. I flipped him off and headed upstairs while hearing them laugh. It's not like I could have controlled my dreams. If I could, that dream wouldn't have ended so soon.

Once I finished showering, I got dressed in a black t-shirt and grey sweatpants. I walked back to my room and laid on my bed, but I couldn't fall asleep. I looked at the computer and got up, walking toward my desk. I grabbed my earphones out of the drawer and plugged them in and started to record a message.

I saved it with the other files and downloaded them all onto an empty flash drive. Once I was finished, I grabbed my keys and put my tennis shoes on before rushing downstairs. I reached the bottom but bumped into Ryder.

"Sorry," I told him but stopped to make sure he was okay.

"Where's the fire?" Ryder chuckled.

"I'm gonna go see Mae," he looked at my hand and saw the flash drive.

"What is that?" He asked, nodding toward the flash drive.

"It has a couple of messages from me to Mae. I saved them from a long time ago, and I plan on giving them to her now," I explained.

"Dear Mae, I love you," He laughed, mimicking what he thought was on it, and I playfully punched his shoulder. He wasn't entirely wrong.

"Where are you going?" Bennett asked when he came downstairs.

"Mae," I said, and he nodded.

"I wanna go," he said, and Ryder agreed. That would be a terrible idea.

"And do what? I just plan on dropping this off to her. That's it," I told them and started making my way toward the door, but Bennett snatched my keys out of my hands.

"I'll drive," Bennett said. " Max!"

"What?" He asked and came out from the living room, looking at his phone, typing.

"We're going to Mae's," Ryder said, and Max took his eyes off his phone, putting it into his front pocket.

"For what?" He asked, grabbing his shoes by the entrance and putting them on.

"Not 'we're' just me," I clarified, pointing to myself with my index finger. I turned to Bennett, so he could hand me my keys, but he tossed them upstairs. "Bennett!"

"We're not gonna do anything dumb. We're just gonna make sure you don't mess this up," he said and walked out. "I'll be in the car."

The guys followed him, and I groaned as I walked out. This had bad idea written all over it. I got into the back seat, and Bennett started backing out and driving toward Mae's house. They tried giving me advice, but I chose to groan loudly every time they wanted to speak, even if the conversation wasn't relevant to my situation. I was determined to make the entire drive there and back very annoying.

"Stop before we get there, so they don't see our lights or hear us," I told Bennett. He stopped at the beginning of the dirt road that led to her house, and we got off.

"You're walking?" Ryder groaned and dragged himself out of the car.

"No one invited you," I told him, and he brushed me off. The guys followed me, and Ryder kept trying to persuade Bennett to carry him on his back.

"Come on, Sasquatch, give me a lift," Ryder joked toward Bennett, and Max laughed. I tried not to smile but failed and ended up chuckling.

"Don't encourage him," Bennett told me because I was laughing. Every time Ryder would make jokes toward Bennett and people laughed, Ryder would keep making jokes, insulting Bennett in the process. We kept walking toward her house, and Ryder and Bennett kept giving each other snide comments.

We arrived at her house, but it was dark. I saw a light on in a room, so I went to it, and it belonged to Mae's room. I peeked in, ready to knock, so she knew I was there, but she was asleep. She was sleeping in a sitting position with a book on her lap. I checked to see if her window was open, and it was.

For someone who answered the door with a gun, would think to lock the window. "Are you gonna go in?" Max whispered, and I shrugged.

"Toss it in," Bennett suggested quietly.

"And what if it gets lost?" Ryder asked, shaking his head at Bennett, disappointed with his idea.

"It was just a suggestion," Bennett snapped, hating to see Ryder's disappointed look.

"A very bad one," Ryder snapped back. "Just go in." I slid the window up, and Ryder held it up because it had wanted to keep falling back down. I put my right leg through then the upper half of my body, but I had got stuck.

"I'm stuck," I hissed, and Ryder started laughing quietly. He let go of the window, and it hit my head. I forced myself inside, and the window fell on my foot before I pulled my foot in, and the window shut closed. I lied on the floor and saw the guys duck. I flipped onto my stomach and moved closer to Mae's bed when I heard her move.

I tried moving under her bed, but I was too big, I didn't fit. I heard her walking, and my body became still and filled with dread. She would catch me, I was sure of it. It was as if my body could sense her, and I could feel her getting closer and closer. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand as I felt her presence inches away from me.

I looked up but saw nothing. The feeling I had felt was from my own paranoia. I released a breath and looked at the window, hoping the guys would show up and do something, anything. I saw Max's head peek in then out. He peeked again and stayed at the window.

"She's asleep," he mouthed, putting his palms together and putting them on the side of his face, mimicking a sleeping position. I nodded but hesitated. I was scared to move because I wasn't sure I would wake her. This was by far the stupidest idea I had thought of. I looked back at the window and saw Ryder's big head peeking through. I glared at him, angry that he would let the window go.

"Hurry up," Ryder mouthed impatiently, motioning his hand for me to move along. That was easy for him to say, he wasn't the one in a horror scene. I slowly lifted up and saw her asleep in the same position I had seen her in. It was as if she had never gotten up in the first place.

I looked at her door and a light came under. The footsteps must have been Zach's. I looked at the book that was on her lap, and it was titled 'Journal'. I set my flash drive on the right side of her bed, on her nightstand and debated whether or not I should pick her journal up.

I looked at the guys and then her journal, silently asking what I should do. Max shook his head as did Bennett. I looked at Ryder, and he was nodding excitedly, wanting me to read her journal. I looked back at Max, and he was still shaking his head. "No," he mouthed.

"Yes," Ryder mouthed, nodding. I listened to the devil and pick up her journal. It opened to where her pen was, and it was dated for the day's date.

Dear journal,

I put my trust in Damien, and he broke it. I don't know if I could trust him again. Apart of me wants to just give it my all and trust him and tell him everything and whatever happens, happens, but another part doesn't. I was starting to like him. I wanted him to be the guy at the beginning of the school year and the one that he was freshman year, but thinking back to freshman year, he was probably playing me then too.

During the party, he had said his feelings for me had grown stronger the more he tried to push them away. I understood what he meant because it was the same thing that was happening to me. I can't forget something I constantly tell myself to forget. Constantly trying to forget, was only reminding me, only making the memory all the more stronger. Am I stupid to want to trust him again? To give him another chance?

He had said I was worthless but when he was drunk, he told me that I could never be worthless. Why was he so conflicting? I know he's going to find out my secret. I know it's only a matter of time and when he does, he'll hate me. Especially when he finds out

It stopped. There was no more writing, and I figured it was because she had fallen asleep. Find out what? I heard a door open, and my heart dropped, thinking it was Mae's door. I look at her door, but it was still closed.

Zach.

I put her journal down where I had picked it up and walked to the window. I took one last look at Mae to make sure she was still sleeping. She looked peaceful. I got out the window, making sure to close it, and we took off running to Bennett's car. I stopped once we were halfway there and looked back at Mae's room. I saw Mae's light turn off, and I turned around, continuing to run. I caught up to Ryder and push him a little, but he was got off guard and took Bennett down with him when he fell.

"Ow!" They groaned together.

"That was for letting go of the window," I told Ryder.

"What about me?!" Bennett asked, getting up and dusting the dirt off his clothes.

"That's for being the reason you guys are here," I told him and finished walking back to the car. Bennett drove us home in his Jeep, and Ryder kept making fun of him for having a Jeep, so Bennett dropped him off first then Max. I had offered him to stay over, knowing he didn't want to go home, but his parents were waiting for him to get home as they did every night. I walked into my house and went to my room. My phone pinged, so I looked, and it was a message from Ryder in our group chat.

What did her journal say? -R

You shouldn't have even read it! -Max

I know! I feel guilty. -D

What did it say? -R

It's a secret. -D

I didn't want to tell them because I wasn't sure what it had meant. I thought back to what it had said, and the last part had kept lingering in my mind, repeating over and over again. Her journal had said I was going to find out her secret soon, but when? I couldn't figure out what secret was so bad I would hate her for it.

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A/N: I hope you're enjoying the story. Hopefully, it's a page-turner.

Thank you to everyone who votes and comments. I genuinely appreciate it. ❤️Updating is starting to make me feel like I had in 2018, and it feels so nice to see all your interactions. ❣️

I also changed the cover photo so let me know what you think. It's going to take some time getting used to.

Quote or no quote?

Do you like the old cover better or this one?