The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.

Damien

I got into my car and pulled away from the King and Zach. The conditions I gave the King were from my own personal selfishness. I couldn't stand thinking Mae was in love with someone else. Someone that wasn't me. It hurt. It hurt knowing she didn't have feelings for me the same way I did for her.

How could she have done the things she did with me? The holding hands, the almost kiss, the cuddling, the blushes when I complimented her. She said she wanted to be friends but that's not what her actions showed. Or had it? When we were playing around with water balloons and we almost kiss, she splashed a water balloon so the kiss never happened. When we were cuddling, it was because she fell asleep.

Was I interpreting everything the wrong way because I wanted to see that she could feel something for me the same way I felt for her? How could I have been such an idiot?! Everything that happened didn't happen because of the reasons I wanted them to. Had I been imagining everything? I had been making such a fool of myself thinking she liked me. Why would someone like her like someone like me?

I was damaged. I was no good. A waste of space, ruining everything.

I came back to Green Hills for her, and I just expected her to come to me with open arms? How could I have told the King to break up with her? It was going to hurt her. I knew she was worried about me hurting her and look at what I had done. I was going to hurt her.

I knew the King wouldn't keep the conditions I gave him a secret. He wasn't going to say he had to break up with her because he didn't love her. He was going to tell her that I made him do it, and she was going to hate me. Maybe she should hate me.

Maybe I was a monster who didn't deserve Mae. Maybe that's why this all happened. To show me and wake me up from a fantasy I longed for for so long. Maybe I held onto the girl I loved for too long. It was time to let her go. I loved her for such a long time, I never got to experience other things, other crushes.

If she was going to like me, she would have by now. If she cared for me, she would have shown that with her actions. Instead, all that her actions showed was our friendship. I didn't want to let her go despite knowing that it was the best thing for me. But I needed to let her go and set her free. To let go of the fantasy and the love I had for her. It was time. Happy endings were just a fairytale. Those didn't exist in my world.

I was too hopeful of a person. I always hoped that the best things would come, and I hoped that maybe a happy ending could exist in my world. If I held on, it could. I was angry that I couldn't decide whether to let go or to hold on. I hit the steering wheel as my decisions came to an impasse. I couldn't decide what I wanted. What I wanted was different from what was good for me. I was selfish, and I wanted her. Despite her being with the King, I still wanted her.

Mae deserved someone better than me but that wasn't the King. I knew that. I promised her I wouldn't leave again but maybe I needed to break that promise. Maybe it would have set us both free. Start a new life, meet new people and have a better life than we did now.

But Mae was too important to me now. Having a new life would have been good, but it wouldn't have been enough for me. I would have always wondered about her and what she was doing. It was a habit I set, and it would be a hard habit to break. I would rather have her as a friend than nothing. She was the oxygen my lungs craved; a necessity for my survival. Or maybe she was just a drug to my addiction. What a beautiful addiction.

She was the reason behind my heartbeats. The reason I got nervous and anxious, only she could break the confident exterior I put on. She was the light that lit up my darkness. I didn't need Mae because she was a part of my life. I needed her because she was my life. I loved Mae but if she told me she was in love with him, then I would have to settle with loving her from afar.

A part of me hoped she didn't know the extent to which I cared for her because being just her friend was going to be harder if she knew. Another part of me also wished she did know the full extent of how much she meant to me because maybe there could be hope that she could feel the same for me. I had seen first hand at someone loving two people at once, but I also saw the damage it caused those involved.

I turned the corner, near my house and my stomach felt ugly from what I left behind. I made a deal with the King. He had never lost a fight nor a race. I had. I had lost several times, but a winning streak never meant anything to me as it had for the King. For me, it was about having fun and making money. For the King, it looked like it was about survival.

I had watched him fight several times, and he always fought with ease when the challenge was easy but there were many where the challenges weren't easy. When he fought the harder challenges, he fought with everything he had and then some. He fought until his opponent would fall to the floor, and the King would fall to his knees, lifting his own arm in victory.

I wasn't sure if I could or would win, but I knew I had to. I would fight like him. With everything and then some. For my own personal reasons, I needed to win and put an end to the King's streak.

I pulled into my driveway and saw the guys' cars here. I didn't have them come with me because I wanted to meet the King alone. None of this would have been happening if it was for him. He ruined everything in my life. I thought I hated the King before? Well, I just hoped I wouldn't kill him in the ring. I walked inside my house, slamming the door shut. A framed painting fell and the glass shattered.

"Woah, what happened? Are you on your meriod too?" I glared at Ryder. Now was not the time for his jokes.

I clenched my fist along with my jaw, but it wasn't enough to tame the anger. The anger was winning. I couldn't bottle my emotions anymore. Like Gunner had told me countless times before, if I kept holding it in, I was going to explode. He was right. That's what was happening at the moment. And I didn't care to contain it any longer.

I was tired of always hiding how I felt because I didn't want to burden others, but what about me? What about how I felt?! Storming off toward the gym that was inside my house, I pushed a vase that on a side table on the left side of the hall. I watched it slam against the right side of the wall, shattering shards of white glass everywhere.

The shattering glass reminded me of my world, breaking and falling apart no matter how well I thought I was held together. It was a reminder that no matter what, I wasn't invincible, that I, too, could break.

I walked past the shards of glass, walking over them with my shoes and not caring that they could have stuck to the bottom of my shoes and went where I went. There was a painting on the wall and when I was walking past it, I hit the side of the frame, pushing it off the wall. It landing in front of me and that angered me. I didn't want anything in my path. I kicked it, and it flew into a fake plant that was at the end of the hall.

Letting my anger out felt invigorating. For the first time, I wasn't holding back or concealing my emotions. I wasn't reserved and it finally felt like I was alive. Feelings were something I had grown accustomed to living without. It was why I always felt numb and dead but for the first time in years, I felt alive.

I heard footsteps following behind me and I just wanted them to stop, to stop caring. I could hear their concerned voices trying to reach out to me, but I didn't care. I wanted them to be quiet.

"Damien, what's wrong?" I heard Bennett ask. He sounded worried, but I didn't care. I didn't care that it was me who was worrying him. I had felt so cold and distant. I didn't care if he had choked on his worries, I could have cared less. I remembered feeling like a monster at that moment, but I had come to the conclusion that feeling like a monster was better than feeling like a broken child.

I walked into the gym and put on my boxing gloves. I turned around and my friends and brothers were looking at me with stressed and worried expressions. I had only broken down like this one other time and that was when I had finally found the monster who had killed my parents.

I didn't end his life and that had angered me. I had reacted badly at that time as well. There was only one person who was able to help me.

Max walked to grab his gloves and the guys kept telling him to let me fight the punching bag, but Max knew that's not what I wanted. I wanted to fight someone. I wanted to fight the King, but that was going to have to wait two weeks, so Max would suffice for now.

"Let it out," Max said, putting on his left glove. "Don't hold back." He put his mouthpiece in and then put his right glove on.

"Then you better defend yourself with everything you have," I growled through the mouthpiece and his smile was smug. It angered me further. He hit his gloves together, pumping himself up. I tuned out every sound and word the guys were trying to tell me.

I hit my gloves together and bounced on the balls of my feet. Max stretched the muscles in his neck, side to side, and I did the same. I bit down on my mouthpiece out of anger.

Max was a great fighter but every time we fought, we would have to call a tie because we both wouldn't stop. I came after him, but he moved in the last second. My anger flared, and I came after him again, swinging with my left hand and my right, trying to trick him and get a punch in, but he swung with his right hand in between my arms and landed a punch straight up my jaw.

My head went back and I felt a pop in the back of my neck. If this was a normal fight, he would have continued to fight me, but he moved away and gave me time readjust. I popped my neck side to side and went after Max. He faked a couple of moves, and I slowed down. I stopped thinking with my anger and started using my head. He wasn't as seriously guarded as I had been because he was the only one sending all the hits.

I jabbed him in his ribs, and he started attacking me with jabs to mine. He blocked the left side of his face while he was jabbing me in the ribs, but it left the right side of his face unprotected. I swung with my left arm as hard as I could and hit him square in the face.

He stumbled, shaking off his daze and came after me. I went after him, swinging but missed. I got a couple of hits to his shoulders, and he got some more to my ribs. He was trying to wear me out by getting body shot in, but I had too much energy. He was the only one getting worn out.

If I couldn't win against him, then I wasn't going to win against the King, and I needed to win. Max's breaths became heavy, sniffling every so often. He was tired, but I didn't feel tired at all. I knew I was going to feel it all at once when I stopped fighting, but I was glad I had the upper hand this time.

His steps became tired and sloppy, I bounced on my feet and went after him. He fought me but not with the same energy I fought him with. I kept punching until I couldn't. I felt arms around me as I struggled to get them off. I came back to my senses and focused on everything around me.

I was punching air because Max had fallen to the floor. He was lying on the floor, and Deacon helped him to a sitting position. Blood started running down his lips from his nose; the skin over his cheekbone was split. His whole body was covered with sweat and there were a couple of cuts on his torso. Everywhere he moved on the mat, sweat puddles stayed behind.

Declan handed him his shirt, and Max brought it up to his face with his head down. "I'm alright," Max said and he sounded tired. He looked up at me and smiled but winced when the cut on his cheekbone opened. He winced again causing blood to leak from his cheekbone, and he stopped moving altogether. I was frozen in my spot as Bennett and Ryder held on my arms. I tried moving but every part on my body ached.

My arms were aching, and I had no idea how long we were fighting for. I thought back to why I was fighting and who I thought I was fighting but that reminded me of the reasons. I lost her. The one person I thought I would have forever, I lost. I fell to the ground, not able to breathe. I was gasping for air while my eyes burned. The sweat on my face made the burning worse.

I brought my knees to my chest, hiding my face and let it out. I had let out my anger on Max but that wasn't the only thing I was holding back. The sound of sobbing broke my train of thought. It was me. I was crying. I had never cried because guys were often made fun of for crying.

People thought men shouldn't cry. That us crying would make us look weak, but our emotions were not any different from women. Why were women able and free to cry and everyone felt bad for them but when men cried, it made us look weak? Were men not human? Did we not have feelings? I couldn't understand the double standard.

I tried catching my breath but couldn't. I was breathing, I knew I was, but I couldn't get a hold of that one breath that would relax me. I felt panicked because it felt like no oxygen was coming in.

This was the first time I was aware that I was crying. When I was little I never cried. My father used to say I was a blessing because I was good. After my dad had remarried when I was three, I never cried again. I hadn't cried in fifteen years, not even when my stepmom and dad had died. I thought something was broken inside of me because I had never cried. People had said it was normal; that it was just the way I coped with things. But at the moment, it felt like something was definitely broken inside of me. I didn't know what was happening to me. I didn't know what to do to stop it.

My chest felt heavy and there was a terrible feeling that was stirring in my stomach. It hurt to breathe, and I couldn't tell if it was from fighting or because something was broken. Was this the result of keeping everything inside for so long? Was this the exploding gunner spoke of? Was I finally falling apart?

"Damien? Are you okay?" I wanted to answer. I wanted to tell them what was happening but just the thought of why I was like this triggered more tears.

"I've never seen him cry before," Dylan said. It sounded like he was crying too. He was like that. When someone he loved cried, he would cry too. He felt pain when someone felt pain.

"What do we do?" Deacon said. He sounded worried too and despite his cold exterior at times, he was worried for me. I felt bad for them, but I could stop what was happening to me no matter how bad I had wanted to.

"Damien!" I felt someone shaking my shoulders. The voices started to sound muffled. I couldn't hear anything from anyone, just my crying and a scream here and there. I needed to let it out. I wanted it to stop. I just wanted everything to stop. I wanted to stop hurting, to stop feeling, to stop breathing, to stop living. I just wanted it to end.

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Mae

Mae, this is Bennett. There's something wrong with Damien. I don't know what happened, but I think he needs you. -D

Bennett was wrong. He didn't need me, he needed someone better. There wouldn't have been much that I could have helped with anyway. Why would Bennett think Damien needed my help? Had Damien not told the guys yet? If Bennett thought Damien needed my help, then that meant Damien couldn't have told the guys yet. They wouldn't like me enough to ask for my help.

This could have been my chance of explaining it differently to him. Maybe if Damien knew about the King and I from me, our friendship would last. Was it too much to ask for to have a simple life? Looking at my phone, the reality set in. I couldn't have a simple life. Life wasn't that good.

It's my fault he's sad. I don't think he wants to see me. -M

How could I have been so selfish? I had hurt Damien because I wanted to keep my identity a secret, but he was going to find out anyway. There was no way I would fight Damien. I wouldn't put him through more pain then I had had already.

Well, if you did this, then you need to fix it. -D (B)

Bennett was right. I did need to fix this. I needed to make it right, but I couldn't tell him the entire truth. At least not right now. No matter how much I wanted to.

You're right. I'll be there in two. -M

I had already showered and changed, so I ran out the door after sending the text and rushed to his house. I rang the doorbell impatiently, and Bennett opened the door and pulled me inside. He looked worried and stressed. He pulled me angrily towards the hallway, and I heard crying and deep shouting.

The screams sounded like Damien's voice; there was a similarity in the tone. Bennett pulled me into what looked liked their gym, and I saw Damien with his knees to his chest. He was crying and it broke my heart. Damien didn't seem like the type to cry or to let others see him this vulnerable. It hurt me to know that I did this, I made him hurt. I hadn't considered this was how he would have turned out. I didn't know this would have happened.

"Mae," the voice brought me out of my daze and I focused. "Can you help him? He hasn't cried in over fifteen years. Not even when our parents died." Deacon's voice was laced with concern for his brother. I had heard about his parents' passing at school.

The news was everywhere when it happened, all over the papers about a home intrusion went wrong and turned into a double homicide. I found out after Zach told me he left town, and I had felt bad for Damien.

"Can you help him?" Declan asked. I shook my head and shrugged a little. I wasn't sure if I could have helped his brother.

"Try, please," Dylan begged. His eyes were red and desperate, pleading me to help his brother, and I felt compelled to help, so I nodded. I went to Damien, bending down on my knees to his level. I rubbed his arm, and his crying grew silent. Was I helping or was he going to get angry?

I tried pulling his arm away from his face but it was hard. On the second try, I managed to pull his arm away from his face and he looked at me. It was a look I didn't recognize. A look I wouldn't wish to be bestowed upon even on my worst enemy. He said three words I never wanted to hear him say.

"You broke me," his voice broke as the desperation to understand why I broke him poured out. My eyes burned with tears. I didn't know how, but I fought them. I needed to be strong for him. I cupped his face and made him look at me. I could see the pain in his eyes. I almost broke down, but I didn't have the courtesy to. I had caused him this pain and now, I had to be strong. I shook my head, wanting him to stop crying and wiped his tears with my thumbs. More tears poured and my efforts were useless. Maybe if I spoke to him, maybe he would forgive me. "Why?" His voice begged for an understanding, cracking as the pain broke free. "Why are you hurting me?"

It was like a stab to the chest. I wanted his pain to stop. I handed my phone to Bennett, and he saw what was on it. He looked shocked but held a look in his eyes I couldn't quite read.

"Are you sure you want me to read this?" I had to come up with a lie that Damien could believe for two weeks and then he would see the truth. I just hoped a lot wouldn't change within those two weeks. I nodded, so he had begun to read out loud. "I'm sorry Zach told you that. That's not how I wanted to tell you. Yes, the King and I are together. We've been together for a while now. He was going through a hard time and so was I. We helped each other and that led to other things. I'm sorry that's how you found out."

If Damien was in pain like this because of me, did that mean Damien liked me enough to be hurt by what he thought was the truth? Did he care? It had begun to hurt that I was hurting someone who cared for me. Damien was still silent. He wiped his eyes and started standing, so I did the same thing.

"Mae? I thought you were my ex," I flinched at how cold his voice sounded. That hurt. His ex? It felt like a pang to my chest. "What are you doing here?" He looked at me with coldness and hurt. He looked at me like he didn't know who I was. Like I was some stranger.

"Damien, don't," Bennett warned him, shaking his head. Max walked in with a busted cheek and I looked down at the mat and saw gloves next to Damien's feet. Did Damien do that to Max? Why would he hurt his friend?

"Are you the reason he's like that?" Max asked, pulling the ice pack away from his face.

"I don't want you here. Out of all people, why would I want you here?" Damien spat.

"Damien!" Bennett growled.

"She deserves to know! I don't know what you thought you felt, Mae. Or if you thought I felt anything for you, but you were nothing more than a challenge. One I couldn't win. I tried getting you to talk, but you wouldn't, so I'm done pretending that I liked you because I don't. I'm done giving you the attention you don't deserve," He held his glare on me and said the next words I hated most, and it was like my heart shattered. So that's what it took to break my heart into nothing. I thought I had hurt him past the limits but he pushed it too far. Those words were the last my heart could take. "You're worthless."

"Damien!" Ryder growled. "You're going too far! What the hell?!"

"What?!" Damien snapped, glaring at Ryder. "You like her so much, you date her! She is your cupcake, right?! Or maybe she wants Axel, not to forget the King. You know what, Mae, go screw the whole town for all I care!"

I hadn't realized I was crying. Fine. He wanted to play the hurt game. Two could play at that game. I wanted to physically hurt him. I raised my hand to slap him but a slap wouldn't have been enough to wake him up and break the ice in his heart. It wouldn't have been good enough. I made a fist with my hand and swung my arm back before pushing my arm forward, punching him as hard as I could.

I turned my back on him without seeing the damage I had caused and pushed past the guys and walked out. This was the reason. The reason I couldn't trust anyone. I had my range of people I could trust, and Damien and his people weren't in that range. I had a feeling at that moment that they never were going to be.

Silly me... thinking he cared.