~ CHAPTER 31~

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I feel the bright light shine over my face. It's persistent and I squeeze my eyes shut tight to try and block it out but I can't. So I give up and try to roll over so my back faces the window, but I am stuck in my place and cannot move. I open my eyes and Jax has his arm draped over me holding in place.

I try to roll again and he doesn't move. So I stop and just admire him. He is just as beautiful as the day I fell in love with him. I yawn and rub my eyes, deciding that I will just wait for him to wake up, but I have a pit in my stomach.

I cannot believe I slept with him last night. I lay in silence for 10 minutes before Jax's arm moves and I feel his body shift to face me. I roll over to face him, so we are face to face with each other and his eyes flutter open, and for a second I get a flashback of the old days.

The days that I didn't have Violet, I wasn't a broken single girl, relying on her best friend. I was Victoria Bell, the happiest girl alive. Don't get me wrong, I am so in love with my baby and my life, but oh times were good.

I stare at him, and the pit in my stomach gets worse. I am a slut, a skank. I cannot believe what I have done. I have taken advantage of him. He infects me with his poison and I cannot say no. But I can't be with him. This has to be a one time only thing. We are parents.

I will not be hurt by him again. It nearly killed me last time and I have someone to live for now.

He opens his eyes wider, and they are red and still puffy from all of the crying he did last night. He smiles slightly at me, and I manage a weak grin.

"Good morning," he says

"Hey," I say back to him

"How did you sleep?" he asks

"Good" I reply and I look down "How about you?"

"Best sleep I have had in a while," he says and I nod

"Look we need to talk about last night" I start and then I say 'do you want to talk about E-" I

"No," he says back instantly and I am taken aback "No, I can't"

"Jax, you can-"

"Vic" he forces

"Okay" I reply and I sit up and I flick my hair out of my face, it is a tangled mess.

I grab my phone and there are a bunch of notifications from Jane and Julian. I guess I forgot to message them last night after I found Jax. I pull the covers up to my chest and cover my body and I feel Jax snicker, so I stare at him.

I text them that I am with him and I respond to Grayson and Chloe

"Your mum and dad," I say and I hold up my phone and he nods, and he sits up next to me

"Here," Jax says and he hands me his shirt, I take it and slip it on. I message Scarlett to see how the baby is and she is fine.

"Thanks" I whisper to him and he nods and looks out of me, he gets out of the bed and walks to the shower, and I hear the water turn on. He comes back out and he has a towel around his waist.

"I'm going to shower," he says and I nod "Did you want to go first?" he asks and I shake my head, and I can feel the awkwardness between us.

I don't know why I allowed myself to sleep with him. He was hurt and wasn't thinking. Neither was I.

"Okay, I'll be out soon" he replies and I can watch him walk back into the bathroom, I stare at his back, images burning into my head.

I memorise the lines and muscles in his back and I sigh. I'm fucked and I know it. I get up and I pull my pants on and look around the room and pick up the mess.

I make the bed and walk into the bathroom, and Jax is standing under the shower the water still running. He looks at me and smiles

"Want to join?" he asks and I shake my head "Come on it will be fun," he says, I already made a mistake, I can't do it again

"I have to get back home Jax, I have to get Violet," I say and he nods

"5 minutes?" he says and he makes a puppy face, I giggle and nod and pull off his shirt and pants and I join him in the shower

Fuck it.

30 minutes later, I turn off the shower and I see him pout and I laugh and get out. I get dressed and dry my hair with a towel, whilst he gets out of the shower and gets dressed.

I then walk down the stairs and into the kitchen but there isn't any food in there since no one has been here during the winter. I shut the door and fill up a cup with water and wait for Jax. He walks down and he smiles at me. I half-smile and look down.

"We should get something to eat," I say

"Okay," he replies "Patsy's?"

"Yes," I say "then I need to get home to Violet"

"That's fine," he says and we lock up the house and get to the car, he takes my keys and he drives us to Patsy's. We get there in no time since it is around the corner. We used to eat there all of the time.

We sit at our old table and we are silent, and all I can think of this, us having sex and it is a mistake. I should never have gone there and I should never have slept with him. He just broke up with his ex and I am the mother of his baby and his ex-girlfriend.

"Jax," I say breaking the silence

"Mhm," he says

"Why did you leave," I ask "Everyone was so worried"

"I just want to leave it Vic" he snaps and I nod, I don't want to press him further "why do you keep asking"

We order our food and while we wait we talk about Violet. We decided that it would be best for her to stay with me for now, since she is only 5 months old.

I don't want her to be alone with him since she doesn't know him and I don't want her away from me. I am also still breastfeeding. I mean I could talk about Violet for days, her face, her smile, her little baby personality.

We eat in silence and he pays, I try to offer my card but he pushes it back and I leave it. I'm exhausted and I want to get back to see my baby. We load into my car and he drives us back to my house.

The only thing on my mind is us, I don't think I can go back to how it was, especially now with Violet.

The car ride is silent but it is okay, the radio is playing and it is somewhat peaceful, and before long we are back home and in my driveway. Jax turns the car off and turns to me and goes to say something but I cut him off

"We should forget this happened," I say to him and he looks at me shocked

"What," he says

"Last night, this morning, we should have never done this," I say and he looks at me

"Jax," I say waiting for an answer "I came to find you, and I did- that's all, We should never have had sex, you were hurt and I don't know I was..."

"Vic-," he says and I nod and walk into the house where Scarlett is waiting with Violet without another answer from him

"Mama," Scarlett says and Violet's little eyes widen and she smiles as much as a baby can smile

"Hey baby girl," I say and scoop up my baby, I can feel Jax behind me

"Shep, I am happy to see that you have been found," she says and he nods and I hug Scarlett

"Ah yes, Ellie she- well she's gone"

"Hmm," Scarlett says in a hypocritical tone and I stare up at her to stop and she throws her hands up

"How was she?" I ask her

"An angel," Scarlett says and Jax walks up to me and rubs Violet's cheek, I look up at him, and I want him. Last night was such a mistake, but I still love him and I don't know why.

"Perfect baby," I say and I hear Jax clear his throat. I see Scarlett look between us twice before she asks

"Did something happen between you two"

"No, nothing happened," I say and I glance at Jax and I see a look of hurt rush over his face, I'm confused, but I don't say anything

"Since nothing happened, I'm just going to go," he says and I lookup

"Okay," I say

"Can I come by and see her tomorrow?" he asks and I nod

"Of course, she is your daughter" he nods at me and then picks up his jacket and storms out of the house. I look at Scarlet and she shrugs as I do.

I don't tell Scarlett about Jax and I.

It was a mistake and I should never have done it.

I have come this far with being a single mother, I don't need him now. It will only get me more hurt.

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