~ CHAPTER 15 ~

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"It's okay baby," I say quietly rocking my almost 3-month-old baby, we have had a tough night tonight she's unsettled and is cluster feeding again.

The first 3 weeks of her life were hell, she cried non stop and I couldn't figure what to do and how to help her, I felt helpless and I felt like a failure.

My mum and Jane were the only ones that could console her, even Scarlett did better than I did. But then one afternoon, I was lying in bed with Violet on my chest and she started crying. I didn't have my mum or Jane to help me since they were at work and I didn't have Scarlett since she was at school. Most important of all I didn't have Jax.

As she started to cry I began to panic, I didn't know what to do for her, or how to help her. But then I did, I knew she was hungry and I fed her, and she stopped crying, I calmed her down. Everything has been good and better since then. We got on a good schedule and I felt our connection grow even stronger.

But tonight she is tired and needs her mama. So we are dealing with the night and dealing with my baby. Scarlett is doing her final exams right now and so is Chloe, so I don't want to disrupt or wake them and my mum and Jane have to go to work, and they need their sleep, so it is just us tonight.

She is my baby, and I am alone so I need to be able to help her and take care of her in the times that I don't have anyone around me. I finally get her settled and put her down in her little bassinet, I know she will be up soon anyway.

We make it through the night barely, and I decide to go downstairs just before 6 since no one will be up. I make myself some coffee and wait with Violet for my family to come down one by one. All of my brothers are here because it is Grayson's 19th Birthday. Alex and Finn are throwing a surprise birthday party for him, but I don't know how secret it is, they haven't been too subtle about it.

My parents, Scarlett and my brothers make it down not much later and we are put to work cooking.

Finally at 10 am Grayson trudges down the stairs unaware of us

"SURPRISE!" we yell and he looks up in shock and he has a massive smile on his face

"Happy Birthday" we then shout

"Oh my god," he says "Thank you guys' ' he says and we move to the dining table and begin to eat, mum has made a feast and dad is home for the first time ever. Violet is sitting content in Grayson's arms and she is grinning at him, well as much as a newborn can.

Once we eat we move onto presents and he opens them one by one, until he gets to the one from Scarlett, Violet and myself.

I hand him the first wrapped present and it is a waterproof speaker and the family looks at us confused but I know Grayson understands

"Vi spit up all over his speaker and ruined it!" I reply and they giggle, Grayson had Violet one time and she not only spit up and drooled over his speaker she vomited everywhere completely destroying it, he then opens the next one and it is a new watch since his old one broke

"Practicality," Scarlett says and he smiles and thanks her.

Last is a framed photo of Violet and Grayson. It was the first time he met her. He drove all night to see me in the hospital the day she was born and he was so in awe of her and would not put her down.

"Aww sis," he says and I smile

"Do you like it?" I ask awkwardly

"This is my favourite gift" he replies and I have tears in my eyes, he shows it up to everyone and they swoon too.

The day moves by fast, Grayson wants to hang out with Violet so we spend the day watching movies and chilling before we have to get ready for the party. Scarlett dresses me in a short blue mini dress and some black heels. If I am being honest I do not remember the last time I have worn a mini dress and heels.

I apply some makeup but if I am honest I am not good at it, so I have Scarlett fix it before Jane comes and collects Violet. I look at myself in the full-length mirror and decide I am not going. My body has changed significantly since having a baby and I am not as confident but I usually just suck it up and go with it, I look at Scarlett

"I'm not coming Scar, I'm just going to get Vi and stay home," I say

"No you are not, you are coming" she replies

"I am, I look" I begin to say

"Beautiful, how do I look?" she asks and does a twirl, she has a short top and mini skirt on and a pair of 9-inch stiletto heels

"Like a hooker," I say and she throws her mascara at me "Amazing, sexy, hot" I reply

"Thank you bestie," she says and we make our way downstairs

When we get to the venue I can hear the music blurring from the car. I wince and Scarlett drags me in, people are already spilling in and out of the place and I start to feel anxious. She walks in and already is excited. She has always fit in. Scarlett gets us drinks before she slips away to talk to some people.

I take a sip of the drink in front of me, it's beer and it's gross, I scull the cup and place it down beside me. I actually miss my baby.

You would think that I need a break from her but I don't all I want is to be in bed watching her cutest little nose screw up when she yawns, watch her little face snore when she sleeps and the little giggle sound and smile she has when she is milk drunk and is happy.

Everyone is having the time of their life, and not to my surprise, I am not. I never liked parties but I only came to them for Jax- it was only then I actually enjoyed them. But times have changed and I am a mum now.

I watch as people walk in and out. Some say hello to me, some don't. I just sit on the stairs and I have my eyes on Scarlett. I wait on the steps for a good hour, I have a few people come over and gush with me about Violet, and a few of my old friends talk to me about high school, but I can guarantee none of them will remember these conversations tomorrow.

"Violet has the cutest green eyes," Scarlett says drunk, as she swaggers over to me almost tripping over her feet, she falls into my lap on the stairs

"Yes she does" I reply and she laughs out about drinking out of her cup

"How about no more for you," I say and I grab the cup out of her hands and she groans

"Stop being a mum," she says

"I can't, I am one remember"

"Oh yes you are, you and Shep have a baby together- although he doesn't know"

"Shh, be quiet Scar," I say placing a finger over Scarlett's mouth to quiet her

"Why, is it not the truth my best friend, are we not best friends, why can't we talk about the truth?"

"Because the truth is not always the right thing to hear," I say to her and I mean it. It is too late now to tell Jax about Violet, it will cause too much damage

"Well Shep is-" she continues before I can stop her

"Shep is the what?" I hear and whip around to see Jax turning around the corner with a beer in his hand

"Nothing, Jax is nothing," I say and I pull Scarlett up beside me going to walk away, but I feel Jax grabs my arm tightly so I cannot move

"Vic, tell me" he demands and tightens his grip

"Jax you have been ignoring me for weeks I do not need to explain myself to you," I say firmly trying to pull my arm away but he has me in my place

"It's about me, so you need to tell me what you were to say" he replies

"No Shep, I don't," I say and he releases my arm and I stalk away, I walk away but not before I notice the look of hurt on his face. 

I called him 'Shep' I don't remember the last time I did this. He has always been Jax to me. When we were younger I called him Shep, but I stopped doing when I was 16 and he was 17- before we were dating. I never understood why they called him that, so I didn't.  Thats when he started calling me Vic, all my life I have been 'Tori' even though I didn't like it, and he knew that. 

"I'm sorry," Scarlett says as we walk away

"It's okay" I mutter

Scarlett is drunk and doesn't remember anything so she follows me along and protests when I force her into the car. Violet is with Jane tonight, so I don't have my baby.

I drive us home and drag Scarlett up the stairs and I put her to bed messaging Jane who said the baby is fine before I lay in bed. My heart is still racing and I can't get it to stop, we almost got exposed.

He almost found out. I don't know what would happen if he found out. I eventually fall asleep, but I don't sleep well at all. This was a mistake and I want my baby.

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