~ CHAPTER 10~

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ONCE I finally calm down Jax, pulls away slightly, and wipes my tears

"It's all okay Vic," he says

"Thank you," I say quietly and I look down

"No worries," he says and I clear my throat

"Are you ready to go" he replies and I look at Violet

"Yes"

We walk to the front desk and I hand over the required my cards and information and I talk to the doctor and she gives me a pamphlet to read and lets me know of any side effects and if I need to come back in.

I book Violet in for another appointment before we head to the car and head off

"Did you want to stop for lunch?" I ask Jax

"Yes I am starving" he replies and it goes silent, awkwardness stunting the conversation.

I feel extremely embarrassed that I broke down in front of him and I think he knows it too.

I turn back and Violet is still quiet, and I can't help but wonder what our life would have been like if Jax had never broken up with me, or if I had told him about her.

It is too late now though.

"Is this place okay?" he asks motioning to a little diner amongst the shopping strip

"Ah yes," I say awkwardly, and I look behind me where Violet is asleep "oh shit," I say

"Is everything okay?" he asks

"Yeah, she's fallen asleep, so she will be cranky when she wakes up and most likely not sleep properly tonight"

"I'm sorry" he replies

"It's not your fault," I say

"You know you're a good mum Vic," he says and I look down blushing

"Thanks, Jax," I say just as he pulls up perfectly in a car spot

"Perfect parking," he says flashing me one of his signature smiles

"Perfect as always," I say giggling, which reminds me of high school

"God, I haven't heard that giggle for a year," he says

"I haven't had much reason to smile, other than this love," I say and I open the backseat and grab Violet out of the car, Jax holds the door open for me, when walking into the diner, and we are given a booth straight away

The waitress comes and brings us a couple of menus, and we pick them up to read

My phone rings beside me and it's Scarlett, I sheepishly smile at Jax and he nods so I pick up the phone, and place it to my ear

"Hello," I say into the phone

"Hey baby," she says and I smile "Are you smiling"

"Yes," I say, Scarlett loves to use pet names

"Good, now how was my baby's appointment?" she asks me

"It was okay, she was brilliant," I say

"Yay, my perfect god baby" she replies "what did Julian say"

"Uh he didn't take me," I say and I notice Jax lower his menu

"Oh, now I am suspicious, who did then?"

"Jax," I say and I brace myself to here her scream

"WHAT," she says

"Calm down, it's okay" I reply

"You need to tell me everything"

"I will, but I can't," I say "We're at lunch"

"Okay then... Chloe said that we are required at their house for dinner"

"'kay ... did you want a ride home"

"No no," she says "I finish at 12 today anyways"

"Okay, I will talk to you after"

"Bye babe"

"Bye," I say and I put my phone down, and look up to the wondering eyes of Jax

"I'm guessing Scarlett"

"Yes"

"How is she?"

"Good, you can talk to her at dinner" I reply

"Oh, are you coming over for dinner"

"Mhm," I say and the waitress comes over and we order

I can still see his brain ticking over the fact that we are coming over for dinner

"I got close with your family during my pregnancy" I reply and he nods "Your sister and your mum especially were a great help to me"

"That's nice," he said "They never mentioned anything about you though, neither did Grayson" he replies

"I know, I ask them not to"

"Oh" he replies "I didn't know you had a baby until I saw you" he adds and I look at him again

"You broke it off in the summer and I was hurt," I start

"I know" he replies "You moved on though" he remarks and my mouth drops open, but we are saved by Violet again, well my phone. I have my alarms set for the times that Violet needs to be fed and this is one of them. I turn the alarm off and look at him

"That is my alarm to feed her," I say

"Yeah that's okay" he replies

"I am breastfeeding," I say again and I grab Violet out of her seat

"Oh, did you want me to turn around or"

"No no it's fine I am not embarrassed, but sometimes people are nosy and are rude"

"Well fuck them Vic," he says "You can do what you want, especially since it is for your baby"

I smile at him and I get Violet situated, I can feel Jax's eyes on me whilst I feed her, so I look up to him and he goes red

"So tell me about college," I ask him awkwardly and he clears his throat beginning to tell me about his college adventures, I listen to him and I realise how much his life has changed after leaving me.

I know that I can never tell him about Violet.

He tells me how he and Grayson wore the same socks and ate noodles for a week straight because they couldn't figure out how to use the washing machine and they didn't want to go grocery shopping.

He tells me how his first test was, and how he loves it, how he loves his life.

He says that he missed me, but I know it's not true, whilst he was having the time of his life I was growing our baby.

God, I really wish I told him.

Hearing him talk about how happy he is, is slowly breaking my already fragile heart.

I know I can't talk to him anymore.

For the sake of myself and my baby.

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