~ CHAPTER 06~

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IT'LL ALL BE FINE, all we have to do is walk in, wake up Jane, and then come back to the car," I say to Violet who is fast asleep "Yes I agree" I reply to her and nod, grabbing her seat out of the car, and marching to the front door. The door opens immediately and its Jane

"Why are you awake so early?" I say

"Oh my goodness, I am so sorry" she replies and pulls me into a tight hug

"Why," I say and I walk in and notice Chloe lurking in the corner

"Come see the baby Chloe" I reply and she comes over to Violet and takes the baby carriage

"Are you okay?" Jane says looking at me

"Yes I am fine!, why wouldn't I be," I reply, ignoring the pressing matter

"You don't have to pretend Tori"

"I'm fine Jane, Really. It's okay"

"Are you sure, I am so sorry, he had previously mentioned that he was coming and-"

"Jane! It's fine, I promise, now go get ready" I say and push her up the stairs until she is out of sight so I sit down, and wipe my eyes, taking a deep breath

I am not going to cry

I am not going to cry

Seeing Jax for the first time in a year has brought up so many fresh wounds. I never got to fully mourn the loss of my best friend and the love of my life, before I was pregnant and focused on bringing new life into this world.

Having Violet changed my perspective on life and the way that I live each day. But God if I could I would beg Jax not to leave me, and I would have him stay with me.

I head up to the office to start on my daily work, and I bring Violet up with me and place her in the baby bassinet

Julian comes in a little while later bored, and not wanting to do any of his work, so he takes Violet with him, so I get a little more of my work done so tonight won't have to do anything.

Jane eventually comes down ready for the day and ready for some baby snuggles and work, but like her husband, on the days that they are not in the office, they usually aren't too productive.

"I'm going to the store" she announces out of the blue

"When?"

"Now, can I take the baby with me?" she says and I check the time

"She has to be fed in 10 minutes but if wait until then yes you can," I say and my stomach turns slighting, of course, I 100% trust Jane, but I hate when I have to leave my baby

"Perfect," she says, taking Violet with her after she is done eating, which leaves me all alone again

Jane leaves 45 minutes later leaving me in the office alone. The next time I am interrupted it is by Jax.

"Hey Vic," Jax says to me coming into the office, scaring me

"Uh hello," I say back to him turning my chair to face him

"You remember how Grayson is always talking about his little sister," Jackson says to Ellie

"Oh yes, and how she is going to be a lawyer like your parents" she replies and I am shocked, that they talk about me, and that she remembers

"Yep, this is her," he says

"Oh your-" she goes to say and looks to Jax, I'm guessing she doesn't remember my name

"Vic," he says and her right hand comes out for me to shake, I shake her hand

"Victoria" I reply

"Hi Victoria, I'm Ellie, It is a pleasure to meet you, your brother and Sheppie here talk about you a lot"

"Sheppie?" I say confused

"Uh Shep" she replies and points to Jax who shrugs

"Oh right Jax," I say "Sheppie, it's cute I like it," I say and she smiles hugging Jax, and my chest pangs, I feel sick, like I want to throw up

"Anyways, what do you need," I say

"We just wanted to ask mum if it is okay if we head out for a bit and come back for dinner"

"Oh yes, she has just taken Violet to the shops, but I don't see why not" I reply "I can let her know"

"Yes please" he replies

"Bye," they say

"See ya" I reply, waving at them, turning back to the desk, putting my head in my hands, this really hurts. But I pick myself up, I have to be strong for Violet. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I had told Jax about Violet.

The first 2 weeks, when all she would do is cry and sleep, I regret not telling him. I was still in college, having to attend classes and do work, and I had a baby who I felt like I was failing.

 I regretted not giving myself the opportunity for Violet to know her dad and the support that I would have. Scarlett was amazing, but she had to go back to school and sleep. My parents had to go back to work, and everyone that I had helping me eventually returned back to their lives.

Luckily by the time she was a month old I finally got her on a working schedule, that balanced out my life and at 6 weeks postpartum, when I was cleared, had no pain after birth and was physically feeling well I returned back to work with Jane full-time, at this point I was on maternity leave, since trying to work from my house with a newborn was way too much for me and I was too overwhelmed.

For the past couple of weeks Violet has stayed with mum when I have to go to the office, but days like today when Jane works from home I bring her with me

I've finally gotten on track with my schedule with the baby, school and work and now Jax is here, which is crushing me every time I see him.

Which is why, what I have decided as of now, is that I am going to try and avoid him as much as possible, for my sake and Violets.

Jane makes it home only after an hour since Violet started to get a bit cranky, which makes me laugh she has the temperature of Scarlett

"Should we  have some mummy baby time?" I say and lift Violet so she is on my chest,

I only work a couple of days out the week, which Shepherds Law & Co is about to go on holidays and school is finishing for the year, so I will finally be able to spend and devote all my time to Violet, I don't want to miss any more of her baby moments since she is still so tiny

"She's cute so I forgive her," Jane says when Violet instantly falls asleep on my chest and is calm

"Say sorry glammy" I reply laughing

"She just wanted mama," Jane says and I smile kissing Violet's forehead

We don't end up doing work for the rest of that day, Jane and Julian decide that it is snuggles with their granddaughter and movie day, so I oblige before Jane gets up to cook, Chloe gets home from school, and Jax and Ellie make it back from wherever they were.

Jax walks into the living room, with Ellie in tow they are laughing and giggling which makes me smile down at Viole avoiding his pressing gaze. I ignore them again when they sit down, and I hand the baby to Chloe for snuggles.

"I have to go," I say breaking the silence checking my watch, it's just before 6 and mum will have dinner ready by 6:30

"Stay for dinner please," Chloe says to me

"I can't Chlo," I say

"But I want more baby time"

"You practically see her every day" I reply

"There is plenty of room," Julian says

"Yes you should stay for dinner" Ellie then says piping up

"No really, I have a bunch of school work to finish," I say embarrassed

"Oh please stay, Shep tell her to stay" She replies and Jax just looks up at me

"If she doesn't want to stay she doesn't have to"

"Thanks, Jax," I say and everyone looks up at me, and I cover my mouth with my hand, Jax looks at me again and I see Ellie snarl

"Anyways, thank you guys," I say and I hug Jane, I take the baby from Chloe, and place her in her car seat before I quickly leave and drive home

I silently walk up the stairs into my room where Scarlett is studying

"Hey, how was your day?" she asks me

"Terrible" I reply and break down

"Hey hey" what's wrong she says scooping me into a hug

"I can't Scar, It's been 1 day, but every time I see him with her, and I can only imagine what he is going to be like if someone mentions Violet," I say and she hugs me tighter

"We will cross that bridge when we get there," she says "you can always tell him about her"

"No I can't it's too late," I say

"You are going to be okay baby" she says 

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