Here's the thing: I have never really been good at apologizing.

But that's only becuase I'm right most of the time. Remember what I said about those fights that I always get into with Sana's quarterback friends? Anyway, that's a whole other thing.

This time, though, well...

"Holy shit," I hear Sana say after a few seconds, effectively breaking the silence that I didn't even realize was now starting to consume Sana, Jihyo, and I alive. "That was... damn. I don't even know, Mo, but that chick was definitely not having it."

She chuckled at the end of her sentence, obviously amused, so I shot her a glare.

"Shut up," I say, attempting to walk past them and straight after Nayeon if it wasn't for Jihyo grabbing me by the arm.

"Wait, Momo," she made sure to look me in the eyes the moment she stopped me in my tracks. "Are you and Nayeon..."

"No," I sigh, shrugging her hand off my arm almost abruptly and ignoring the way she looked hurt by my reaction to her touch. "No, we're not."

On normal occasions, I'd even have the guts to scoff and fake a gag at the question because what the fuck? Nayeon? Are you kidding? Theater nerd Im Nayeon and me?

DEFINITELY NOT.

But for some reasons, I'm out of sorts, hence, another tired sigh. Besides, it's not like I can tell Jihyo the real reason why I had to kiss Nayeon when she attempted to turn towards our direction, so I decided to just leave that part out. Maybe it's for the best.

"Oh," Jihyo breathes out, nodding to herself. I was quite thankful Sana seemed to sense the obvious tension between the two of us and decided to just stay silent in her spot. Maybe it's good that she's hanging out with Jihyo now. I'm sure Jihyo's having the time of her life knocking so much sense into her dumbass.

"Yeah, I'm gonna..." I swallowed the lump in my throat when I couldn't find the right words to say, looking down when I felt Jihyo's stare starting to suffocate me. "I'll go after her," in the end, I managed to let out in a mumble, my thumb pointing at the direction Nayeon disappeared into.

I saw Jihyo open her mouth to say something again, but not before closing it and then opening it again, letting out in stutters.

"Okay," she smiled, but I noticed it didn't really reach her eyes. "I-is it okay if I call you tonight?"

No. It's definitely not okay, especially for me. Bad idea. Say no.

No, you can't, I'm sorry. I don't think it's a good idea, especially now that I feel like absolute shit because of you. Because I'd just seen you making out with my sister and I'm in love with you and—

Fuck, okay. Stop. Just say it. Say no.

Saynosaynosaynosaynosaynosayn—

"Yeah," FUCK. "Sure, why not?"

WHY NOT? Here's a 200-slide powerpoint presentation as to WHY THE FUCK NOT—

I didn't even realize I was holding my breath until I felt my chest starting to burn. When Jihyo smiled again, I noticed that it somehow reached her eyes this time. And then, she was nodding.

This time, more enthusiastically.

"Okay," she breathes out. It seems like she couldn't help but glance at Sana with hopeful eyes after that, who only smiled at her proudly and gave her hand a little squeeze.

"Okay," I decided to parrot her statement before walking past the two of them entirely, not even bothering to acknowledge Sana's presence, anymore.

Before I managed to turn to the corner, however, I thought I heard Jihyo breathe out a chuckle in relief, as if she's achieved something so big out of having a normal (kind of) conversation with me again. It made me turn back around to face them again, but the only thing I saw last was an ecstatic Jihyo tiptoeing in order to wrap her arms fully around Sana's neck, and Sana with the same expression, mumbling into Jihyo's ear, "That was great, Hyo."

"It is, yeah," I watched Jihyo shut her eyes dreamily and nod eagerly against Sana's shoulder before I continued walking away from them completely. "I really missed her."

I failed to hear that last part, though.

/

It didn't really take me long enough to find Nayeon sitting on one of the chairs inside the study room of Dahyun's house, and I didn't really know how to announce my presence the second that I did. At first, I thought she wouldn't be happy to see me, based on the frown etched on her face (and the fact that she just slapped me right across mine not too long ago), but then, I realized she was just deep in her thoughts instead of actually upset.

Which is a relief, I think. It gave me the courage to clear my throat and use my right hand to knock on the door frame, just to make sure my presence was announced on the clear.

However, it was only when Nayeon finally shot her head up did I realize how nervous I actually was. "Uh, hey," I said, tugging the corner of my lips into a half, obviously hesitating smile.

Nayeon's eyes widened a little, obviously not expecting for me to come after her after... that. "Hey," she whispers, the word barely escaping her trembling lips.

She didn't need to say anything more before I let my feet drag my body towards her spot by the velvet couch next to the framed wall where the Kims' huge family portrait hung. "Is it just me or does Tzuyu somehow not look like Dahyun and their parents?"

It was a good thing that I noticed that, I think, because if not, then I wouldn't really have a good enough reason to sit next to Nayeon on the cushoined couch and stare at the giant portrait on the wall before us.

I thought I felt Nayeon shift gently on her spot before muttering out, "I'on know. I guess."

And that's only when I realized how messed up this is, because seriously? 'I'on know'?— Since when exactly has Im Nayeon ever gained an accent?

"Oh," There wasn't much left for me to say, is there? "Yeah, okay."

The silence was too loud after that. Fuck it! Maybe I shouldn't have just followed her here after all. I'm a fucking idiot.

Why did I even bother running after her, anyway? It's not like I care that she might be upset about the certainly unexpected kiss, (which I know Nayeon knows the whole reason of, too, by the way. I figured she wasn't that stupid not to realize sooner). And most importantly, it's not like I care about Im Nayeon and whatever the fuck she thinks or feels at all, right?

Okay, maybe that (inevitable) checking out bit back at the car says otherwise. Or that (almost) drunken one-on-one brawl with fucking Bang Chan (again) in Dahyun's living room.

Or that trying-to-prove-Jihyo-something kiss out in the hall. Shit. "Okay, look—"

"I lied," I just realized Nayeon and I spoke at the same time, making me turn towards her right after I got cut off. I only found her already looking back at me, although this time, she looked a whole lot more embarrassd rather than upset like she kind of did a few seconds back. "Tzuyu does look different from Dahyun and their parents, I knew that. And I knew why. It's 'cause Tzuyu's adopted and everything, she's originally from Taiwan. Her parents died in a car crash when she was a baby. At least, that's what I remember Dahyun told me one time before."

"Oh." That wasn't exactly a very ideal response, and I was aware there was a little deja vu right there from a few minutes back, but what other choice do I have? "Yeah, okay."

We were engulfed by silence again after that. Screw this. I'm usually okay with people shutting the fuck up around me, but why does it not feel okay when it's with this girl?

It's just so strange.

"So... Tzuyu's Chinese, then?" I ask akwardly again, looking away from Nayeon and back at the Kim family portrait in front of us.

Nayeon shrugs. "Apparently."

"Cool," I nod, sighing when I finally saw from my peripheral vision the way Nayeon's shoulders slowly eased. I thought that was the perfect time to say, "Hey, I'm sorry about earlier."

There, I said it. That was scary as hell. I HATE apologizing!

I thought I saw Nayeon's gaze snap towards me after that. She opened her mouth but nothing came out so she just closed it again and kept on staring at me like some weirdo. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

Why is she making this even harder for me than it already is?!

I debated on whether to stare back at her or just keep my gaze straight ahead and pretend I hadn't noticed her blinking repeatedly at me, but who are we kidding?

I slowly faced Nayeon, who's still frozen next to me on the couch, and furrowed my eyebrows at her. She still wasn't responding, so (unfortunately) nothing really had stopped me from (unintentionally) noticing her features and every little detail in it. Who would've known Im Nayeon's eyes actually have crescents in them when you look closely at it? That's only when I realized how close we were, making me blink like she was doing just a few seconds ago and lean slightly back.

The action seemed to have snapped Nayeon out of her daze as well, because she finally replied, "I... It's fine," in a really odd tone, (I chose not to point it out anymore, though). "I'm sorry I kinda slapped you."

I scoffed. "Kinda? You'd slapped my brains out so bad my vision spun, Im Nayeon."

This time, it's Nayeon's turn to scoff and roll her eyes.

"Don't be so dramatic. I barely even touched you!"

"You're such a liar. Literally your impossibly gigantic hand left an equally gigantic mark on my face! See? My pretty face!" I exclaimed, a little playfully this time, while I leaned my cheek closer towards a now chuckling Nayeon next to me.

"Seriously though, I'm really sorry about that. I didn't mean to use my hands on you," Nayeon mumbles a little bashfully this time, her cheeks turning light pink while she looked down and fiddled with her fingers. "I was just... shocked, mostly. No one has ever done that to me before."

I breathe out a chuckle, "Wait, done what? Kissed you?"

I only said it as a joke, with the intentions of fueling Nayeon's embarrassment further from more harmless teasing. However, when I saw Nayeon's face turn a full on tomato color this time, my teasing grin slowly faded and my eyes went wide.

"Wait, are you— I mean, am I your— Uhh," I stammered, blinking several times while Nayeon just groaned next to me and buried her face in her palms. "Am I— Am I your first kiss?"

Oh, shit.

I was ultimately confused when Nayeon abruptly shoots her gaze up to meet mine, hands frantic as they gestured everywhere in front of us.

"What?! No, no! I've kissed. I have before, yeah, I swear. There's that one time at that party, and then at the freshman formal with— someone, uh... I just mean! A stolen one second peck can be counted as a kiss, right?"

That didn't really come out as convincing as Nayeon thought it would be. I kept staring at her, my rapid blinking showed how utterly confused I still was. 

"I mean, sure?" I asked more than answered.

I guessed it's what made Nayeon sigh in defeat.

"Fuck, okay. You weren't my first kiss, technically, since I remember Jackson Wang stole a kiss from me during the freshman formal three years ago when I told him he can't grab my butt while dancing to the  stupid slow song. But, you know,  making out with someone is a whole other story and that kind of kiss with an attempt at like... tongue... or something," I furrowed my eyebrows, making Nayeon almost choke on her own saliva as she forcefully went on, "I don't know, Momo. I just... haven't really kissed-kissed a girl before."

"Uhh," I blinked, pressing my lips in a thin line. So what the hell am I supposed to say to that? It wasn't a fucking shocker to me, since it's fucking Im Nayeon we're talking about here. But, still, that doesn't take away the fact that—

"I know, I know," Nayeon cuts my thoughts off, forcing out a chuckle while she looked down at her feet. "I'm a virgin even at kissing and it's stupid..."

I didn't know what took over me all of a sudden. But the last thing I remember is Nayeon's voice slowly fading whilst my brain flew off to a whole other dimension. And I just kept staring at her. Maybe I don't really need to say something to her. I've always been pretty shit with words anyway, so I decided,

"Here," I mumble subconsciously as I slowly went back to my senses. My hand reached up to cup one side of Nayeon's face, which I'm pretty sure what's caused her to turn beet red, effectively stopping her from her rambling. "Let me, uh... let me try something."

I waited a few seconds for her to stop me, but it felt like hours and she was still just staring at me, eyes wide, cheeks so red it almost seemed unhealthy;

And then I leaned in.

Okay, seems like my mind got a world of its own (and my hand, too, which had reached further up until my fingers were tangled with Nayeon's hair), it's cool. It's cool. You're kissing Im Nayeon and it's....

It's actually not so bad this time.

I'm not entirely sure if it was because Nayeon had already anticipated the kiss unlike before, where she was totally taken aback. Or was it because it's just the two of us this time, unlike back there, where Jihyo and Sana were obviously watching? I don't know, whatever.

But what I do know is that man, this girl CAN kiss.

When I slowly pulled away, I shot my eyes open only to see Nayeon's were still closed, her chest heaving slowly up and down while her hands were kept balled into solid fists on her lap. I untangled my hand from her hair and used it to lightly scratch the back of my head.

"So, uhm," This is very awkward, to say the least. "Was that somehow— you know, kind of weird to you or—"

This time, it was my turn, apparently, to be taken aback because I certainly wasn't able to get my head out of my ass on time before I realized how Nayeon suddenly grabbed my face and leaned closer towards me on the couch, almost leaning her body entirely against mine to the point where my lower back is pressed firmly against the couch's armrest. So that kinda hurts.

But it must've been an instinct to just kiss Nayeon back, because suddenly I was. And holy shit!

How on earth is she suddenly so, so good at this?

And that, my friends, is how we ended up here: me, Hirai Momo, making out with Im Nayeon— theater-nerd-Im-fucking-Nayeon— with hands on waists and limbs tangled and backs pressed against hard-ass couch armrests—

And holy mother of god, this is probably the most terrifying shit that's ever happened to me in my entire fucking life.

"I don't know, Momo. I just... haven't really kissed-kissed a girl before."

When Nayeon pulls back a few more minutes after (scratch that, it felt like hours on end), we were both gasping for air, chests heaving as we tried to catch our breaths at the same time and fucking register what the fuck just happened.

"Uhh, not-not weird, no," Nayeon chokes out, gulping as she (forced-distractedly) played with the hem of her shirt. "Just... new."

"Oh," I nod, looking away before licking my lips awkwardly. "Cool."

So I am Im Nayeon's first kiss, apparently.

(You know, with an attempt at... tongue... or something).

/

jihyo: Hey :)

Hirai Momo: sup?

jihyo: Nothing. Just thought you'd like to chat or something.
jihyo: Is this a bad time?

Hirai Momo: nope, its cool

jihyo: Great!
jihyo: So, can I call?

I should've just said that this was a bad time.

Hirai Momo: yea sure

It didn't take Jihyo any more minutes to ring me up, the sound of my phone blasting from my hands startling me a little bit. When I slid my finger through the green button, I mumbled indifferently, "Sup?"

"Hi," I hear Jihyo's nervous voice from the other line. "Sooo..."

"Sooo...?" I parrot her words, making Jihyo giggle.

"Did you enjoy the party?"

No, it was shit. "Yeah, it was cool."

"Yeah?" Jihyo's smile was so evident in her voice, I didn't even need to see it, anymore, just to know that it was plastered there. "That's great."

"Yeah," I just sighed, voice barely audible. "What about you? D'you have a good time?"

I kind of worried that my tone would sell me out for being a little bit (a lot) insincere, but if Jihyo happened to notice, she decided not to comment on it, anymore.

"It was fine. I met a lot of people," (Sana's friends) "danced a lot," (with Sana) "it was actually a lot of fun, Mo."

I'm not gonna lie, that kind of sucks, (for me, mostly). And even though it's obvious Jihyo isn't mentioning any part of Sana back at the party for my sake, despite them being inseparable the entire night, it still kind of stings.

"Cool, cool." I don't even know why I'm still nodding my head convincingly when I was a hundred percent aware that Jihyo couldn't even see me.

Remember what I said about my tone being sorta (way too) insincere about the bullshit I'm forcing myself to spit out? Well, if Jihyo didn't take notice of it earlier, this time, she did, because her next response was—

"But I think it'd be, like, a thousand times better if we went together, you know?"

What a load of crap.

"Yeah, sure," I didn't know what suddenly took over me, but that response just came out sharply on fucking impulse. And even though I'd realized it sooner, I just couldn't stop even if I tried. "I mean, if you're only too insistent of ruining this friendship by third-wheeling and humiliating me by dragging my ass in public with you and your girlfriend, then sure. Maybe we could go together next time— me, you, and Sana." I let out a dry laugh. "How does that sound to you, Jihyo?"

I don't know, I wasn't really thinking with my fucking head. So in the end, here I am, regretting all of that crap I just spat but not really being able to admit it, especially when Jihyo suddenly went silent on the other line.

And, yeah, maybe Sana was right. That's very immature of me. Very — with Jihyo exerting an effort to try to talk to me and everything while I'm just being totally indifferent about it (and borderline mean, too). It was not fair.

"That is not fair, Momo," Jihyo's voice turned a whole lot smaller this time, as if she was about to cry. My heart sank terribly slowly to my stomach, I actually had to shift uncomfortably in my seat. "I'm trying here, you know I am. And I know how me, being with Sana, complicates our friendship but—"

"Oh, do you, Jihyo? Do you actually?" I cut her off. For some reason I can't stand listening to her talk and I had to stand up and pace back and forth because it was kind of getting a little hard to breathe. (Also, my head was still not out of my ass). "You know what? Whatever, okay? It doesn't matter — if you really wanna choose Sana – my fucking sister – over me, your best friend for almost half of your fucking life – It doesn't fucking matter to me, anymore, okay? And it wouldn't matter later on when Sana finally dumps you for someone hotter or some shit, I don't give a fuck. I will never give a fuck anymore, Jihyo. We're done."

It wasn't fair, trust me, I know that.

But that still didn't stop me from dropping the call and ignoring the excruciating pain in my chest when Jihyo never called or texted again.

/

"Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer."

"Oh, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair."

"Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake."

"Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take."

I watched the way some guy that's supposed to be 'Romeo' pull Nayeon awkwardly by the waist and smash their lips together — but not before knocking both of their brains out because, of course, this fucking idiot just had to bump his forehead against Nayeon's amidst his poor attempt of a kiss.

I couldn't help but chuckle against my knuckles as I adjusted my elbow on the armrest of my seat. Fucking moron.

"Okay, first of all, that is crap." Tzuyu's voice echoed the entire theater room, making the guy — that pathetic, poor excuse of a Romeo — flinch and squirm helplessly in his spot. "Woojin, what the hell's wrong with you? Have you really not been getting any pussy lately that you've completely forgotten how to kiss? Get ahold of yourself."

Damn. I had to breathe out another amused chuckle because, wow—

"I know right?" I was a little startled when Nayeon's voice suddenly echoed my side, making me turn towards her direction where I saw her casually approaching my seat. "Tzuyu and Dahyun may be raised in one household but they certainly have different approaches when it comes to their own plays. Obviously Tzuyu's more on the rougher side of things," she giggles as she sat down next to me, as if she read what was exactly running through my head. "Can you imagine what would become of her when it's officially the rehearsals for Winter Musicale?"

At this, I snorted. "I mean, if she decides to choose the same casts for that one, then she'd surely be losing her mind."

My comment effectively caused Nayeon to frown, reaching over to hit me on the shoulder while I continued to laugh. "Yah, that's so mean. Are you saying that I'm a bad actor?"

"Oh, no. I mean, you were okay," I shrugged, although my shoulders were still shaking a bit from the bits of amused chuckles I let out. "But Mr. Romeo, right there? Yikes."

I even faked a shiver to make Nayeon laugh even more, (it was a successful attempt, by the way). "Oh come on, give him a break. He's only doing this for extra credit like you, you know?"

I scoffed. "Are you serious? I can't do that. He stinks at his role."

"Well, I mean, the scene is a bit complicated—"

"Nayeon, it was a kissing scene," I rolled my eyes before turning to face her properly. "Anyone with a five percent IQ from the football team could've nailed that shit, even."

Nayeon scoffs too, responding just for the sake of keeping the argument going. "Well, maybe he's just not used to doing it in front of an audience or something."

"Why are you defending him?" I laughed as I wiggled my eyebrows at her teasingly. "You've got a crush on that limpdick, don't you?"

That effectively earned me a little shriek and another push on the shoulder.

"Ew, shut up! I do not!" Nayeon rolls her eyes at me, making me laugh harder. "Why are you being so harsh on him, anyway? Like you're so good at kissing, yourself."

"Whaa– I," Certainly hasn't expected that to come out of Nayeon's mouth, who's, by the way, now smirking smugly at me. "Are you seriously telling me right now that I suck at kissing?"

"Hey, your words. Not mine."

"You're an ass," I say, this time, it's my turn to shove her by the shoulder. "I do not suck at kissing. I've got a whole list of people to prove that."

"Oh, yeah?" Nayeon raises an eyebrow at me, although I didn't miss the way she bit her lip in order to stop herself from smiling so wide. "So you know that much, Hirai Momo?"

"Maybe a thing or two. But certainly more than your leading man does," I shrugged, not being able to stop myself from smirking back. I watched the way Nayeon laughed before biting a little harder on her lip and letting her eyes subtly wander towards mine.

"You should teach him, then."

I'd usually either snort or puke my guts out at the mere thought of me, kissing guys. But the way Nayeon let that sentence out has a little bit of hint in it, with her sultry voice lowering and suggestive tone dropping, I almost failed recognize it.

"Well, I'm not really into kissing guys," I mumbled in the same tone, watching the way Nayeon's eyes travelled back and forth from my eyes to my lips.

"That's too bad," she whispers back, her face leaning closer and closer towards mine as she continued to let out in breathy phrases. "Maybe I could teach him for you." She bit her lip, chest visibly heaving as her lips hovered mine. "Just... show me."

There was no need for me to hear further, anymore. Without hesitations, I grabbed the back of Nayeon's neck with one hand while hers pulled on my collars at the same time. Our lips crashed together, the familiar taste of hers lingering on mine. I didn't understand why my head was suddenly spinning as Nayeon opened her mouth to let my tongue wander inside, emitting a rather addictive sound of pleasure from her. My thoughts were cloudy. I was drowning and I couldn't breathe.

When we pulled away this time, neither of us didn't need to forcefully divert our attentions to something else, anymore. It wasn't awkward. At least to me.

It was so easy that I even managed to crack a grin while watching Nayeon with her eyes still closed and mumble playfully under my breath,

"Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged."

I guessed, maybe it was just as easy for Nayeon, too, because she only chuckled breathlessly at my statement before pushing me by the shoulder for the third time around.

/