There are a total of 3 things that annoy me the most:

1. Locked doors when I get home;
2. Forced conversations with my mom;
3. Sana

For example— I go home from a very exhausting day of a three-hour trigonometry tutorial session with Jinyoung the old hag who hates my guts for some reasons; The door of my house is locked; (And apparently there is a reason why.)

"Dude, what the fuck—" Sana literally jumps off of Jihyo the second I walked in on them almost (thank god, just almost) having sex on my mother's couch in the living room. "Can't you like, fucking ring the doorbell or something? Christ..."

I tried my best not to glance at an almost half-naked Jihyo's way and ignore her furiously blushing face, instead, turning to narrow my eyes at Sana, who's now buttoning her shirt back up.

"Can't you go off and be gross somewhere else and not on my mom's couch? She or your dad could've literally walked in on you instead of me, you fucking bonehead." I say before heading straight for the stairs. "And quit locking my fucking doors!"

I made sure to slam the door of my bedroom shut with a loud bang! just so Sana is left with no room for any more dumb response. The second I walked into the familiar space (god, I love my room, my bed... take all of me), I instantly threw my backpack and shoes to the side somewhere near the dirty pile of clothes dumped on a chair and prepared myself for the bed-landing of a lifetime.... when suddenly, my phone chimed.

Great.

I groaned, getting back up and throwing my shirt off my head before reaching over to see who on god's good graces could've possibly sent me a text just when I'm about to consume my long-awaited after school nap.

And here she is....

nayeon: *sent a photo

I didn't mean to let a grin slowly from on my lips as I scanned the photo Nayeon just sent me. It wasn't anything intriguing, really. Just a snap of herself with an arm around dumbface Romeo, a playfully sour expression etched softly on her features, and a caption saying 'rehearsals almost over. u shoulda swung by, this dude is on fire today!'.

Nothing that special about it honestly but, hey— I'd never seen anything like it, so I had to type back a quick response and PS: I was still grinning like a fucking idiot.

momo: *sent a photo

It wasn't anything special either— just a snap of myself with the same funny face and a little caption of my own, 'drained all my damn energy from math, cant see any more of ur gross heterosexual kissing scenes. maybe next time tho'

Nayeon doesn't respond with another snap, which was sort of a bummer. (I kind of hoped getting another dumb selfie from her.)

nayeon: rude! and will you put a shirt on?!
nayeon: btw lets hang out tomorrow at mine, say after school?

I was pretty sure the stupid grin on my face could tear it in half at this point, so I forced to clear my throat before typing down my last response and diving completely into my precious bed, the same smile involuntarily gracing my lips as I fell into a deep slumber.

momo: why do i hardly see that as a question?

nayeon: it absolutely isn't, hirai :)

/

I woke up hours later only to see the red blinking numbers on my alarm clock spelling out 11:28 pm. I tried going back to sleep, since I barely felt hungry to eat dinner anymore, (and I'm too utterly lazy to get up and raid the kitchen at this hour of the night), but it's been a solid half an hour of tossing and turning and my mind still won't doze off.

"Amazing," I exhale sharply, rolling my eyes and deciding to make use of my sudden burst of energy while it's there.

I went to my closet and put on the first pair of socks I'd seen, picking my running shoes up and tiptoeing out in order to avoid waking anyone up. It wasn't necessery anymore, I find out, because as I stood on the last two steps of the stairs, I heard two familiar voices (or giggles) from the barely-lit kitchen next to the living room, soft, slow song playing in the background. The sound blended with the harmonious laughter of both Sana and Jihyo, who I find dancing playfully around the room in their (or Sana's) pjs.

I blinked, not realizing I was just standing there and staring at them while they goof around the kitchen like little kids. My heart was beating so fast inside my chest, but there's a difference at how it made me feel, this time.

I just wasn't sure how that is.

Deciding to announce my presence by clearing my throat, I stepped further into the room on my way to the back door. But when both Sana and Jihyo turned towards me, I was instantly frozen.

"Hey," Sana mumbles, softly letting go of Jihyo's waist where her hand once rested. "Why are you up so late?"

I looked down just before I managed to meet Jihyo's searching gaze.

"Yeah, I was," Throwing my thumb over my shoulder to gesture towards the back door, I mumbled under the same tone. "Just sneaking out for a night jog. Couldn't sleep."

Usually, Sana and I wouldn't make it out alive in an actually normal conversation without cursing and pissing each other off eventually. I'm honestly not so sure what the hell happened now.

Jihyo was still silent in her spot. I could see that she isn't daring to speak at all, but her eyes were curious as they watched me closely, almost in caution. I couldn't keep myself from looking up, this time, and meeting her gaze. I don't know why I kind of expected her to smile at me like she always does despite us, still not being on speaking terms.

But she didn't. She just looked down, avoiding my gaze, and I couldn't even describe how shit that just felt on my insides.

"Yeah, well," Sana's voice pulled me out of my trance. I turned to look at her this time, and when we met gazes, she nods at me. "Take care, sis."

I gave her a half smile in return before walking out the door completely. Putting my shoes on, I jogged off with only one destination in mind.

/

"Oh, wow. You actually came." I watched Nayeon cross her arms over her chest as she leans her side against their kitchen doorframe, yawning. "Though it's a little bit earlier than what was planned, don't you think?"

I sent her a grin.

"I fear you'd miss me if I waited..." I glanced at the wallclock behind her, 12:45 am. "....15 more hours before swinging by, you know? Given you're kinda obssessed with me and everything."

Nayeon laughs at my statement before reaching over to shove me by the arm.

"Ass. And for someone who hates algebra so much, that was a pretty quick math. Come in," she says mid-yawn, stepping out of the way so I could enter her house. "My mom and my sister are asleep, so try not to make a lot of noise."

I sent her two thumbs up, taking my shoes off and leaving it by the kitchen backdoor. "Are you wearing mismatched socks right now?" I hear Nayeon ask behind me, so I turned my head and shrugged at her direction.

"I'm sorry I just threw on the first pair I saw, Ms. Perfectionist."

That only earned me a playful eyeroll from Nayeon. After successfully getting rid of my shoes, I scrambled after her when she went for the stairs as quietly as possible.

Nayeon shut the door of her room soundlessly the second I managed to step in, rubbing her eyes awake when she faced me again.

"You're aware that it's a school night, right?" I smile, nodding once. Nayeon smiled at me lazily too. "Wanna stay up all night?"

"I mean, I could sleep in detention anytime tomorrow."

Nayeon lets out a laugh at my statement before walking past me and shoving me playfully. She sat on her bed, and I took the liberty of sitting down next to her, legs propped up.

I watched the way Nayeon's grin grow wider as she watched me, her eyes fixed on how I folded my legs and hugged them against my chest with my back on her headboard. "What?" I ask, but Nayeon just shrugged.

"Nothing. Just never imagined I'd see you in my house, my room, sitting like that on my bed." She laughs, the sound effectively bringing the familiar happy twist back to my stomach. "I mean, Hirai Momo and Im Nayeon? Friends? Who would've thought?"

"It's not so bad to think of it that way, is it?" I laugh too. Nayeon smiles. This time, her bunny teeth show. I was a bit caught up by it.

"No, it's not so bad," she says, somewhat a bit shyly, as she mirrored my position on her bed, hugging her legs up her chest and resting her chin softly on her knees. "But don't you think it's weird? We became friends because we snogged. Twice."

I didn't mean for my heart to race inside my chest at the thought of it. "It only is if you think it is." I really didn't.

At that, Nayeon groans. "Ugh, now I think it is!"

"Then stop, you big baby," I chuckle, easily catching the pillow she aimlessly threw at me. "Come on. That's no big deal, right?"

Is it?

"I mean, it is if you have feelings for me." Nayeon replies, tone obviously joking, but that didn't stop the bile rising up my throat, causing my voice to crack.

"That's... absurd," I clear my throat, glancing down and playing with the loose thread of Nayeon's blanket. "Do you? Think it's a big deal?"

Do you have feelings for me?

"No, don't worry." Nayeon laughs too, so I sent her a smile as convincingly genuine as I could. (I didn't think there's a need for me to mention the sudden uncomfortable twisting in my stomach, anymore).

Shrugging it off, I rolled my eyes at Nayeon who was still watching me with playful eyes. "We're good, then."

We sat in silence for a few seconds after that, playing with loosened threads and blankets distractedly before meeting gazes occassionally and smiling. (Although I wasn't really sure if I was only imagining the way Nayeon's smile faded a little as seconds went by.)

"So, what are you doing here?" She asks after a few more moments. "You had to runaway from something and I'm the safest place?"

I didn't necessarily think I should still acknowledge the way butterflies suddenly errupted inside my stomach at the unintentionally (?) flirty line. "You're funny," I say to a now laughing Nayeon while rolling my eyes.

"No, but seriously, Momo." Nayeon clears her throat, eyes softening whilst they watched me this time. "I mean, something has to be up?"

I can't believe she's actually asking me this. Im Nayeon, asking me what is going on. I don't think anyone has ever done that after Jihyo. Letting out a short sigh, I lifted my gaze back up to meet Nayeon's, who still had hers glued to me firmly.

"You could guess?" I smile, wider when Nayeon rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Hirai."

"No, a better idea, actually." I shifted on my spot to sit across from Nayeon cross-legged, even though she just stayed still in her position before me, watching me curiously. "21 questions."

Nayeon's eyebrows raised at my suggestion, her smile visibly widening on her face. "Are you serious?"

I simply nod. I think that's what sends Nayeon to another burst of amused giggles.

"You're like a twelve-year-old boy trying to get to know his crush. 'Subtly'."

"I didn't like the way you put air quotes on that," I return, making Nayeon laugh even more. I decided to keep the warm smile to myself this time. "I am serious, though. I'm up for getting to know you even more."

I don't think it's possible to wipe the smile off of Nayeon's face at this point. "Really?"

"Yeah," I shrug nonchalantly. "I mean, besides the fact that you're totally bizarre— loud and annoying like Son Chaeyoung sometimes; but glares so intimidatingly like Tzuyu does, I could actually piss my pants; Close friends with people like Myoui Mina, but is also a total dork like Dahyun—" I took the second pillow thrown at me with a chuckle while Nayeon narrowed her eyes at me. "I mean, what else is there, Im Nayeon?"

"Let's see." This time, she copies my position, sitting across from me cross-legged and somewhat a little bit closer. "Oh! I kiss like Minatozaki Sana?"

Nayeon laughed when the pillow that was once thrown at me was sent flying back towards her, hitting her square on the face. I rolled my eyes. "Hilarious."

"Why do you even hate your sister so much?" Nayeon asks. I didn't think she realized she was stepping on private territory until three seconds later, when the curiousity in her eyes forcedly faded looking down. "I mean, nevermind. You don't have to tell me about that—"

"No," I cut her off, making her look back up to meet my gaze. I sent her a reassuring smile. "That's question 1."

Nayeon nods, smiling back at me softly as I gathered my thoughts in silence. It probably took me more than it should have before I started speaking quietly again.

"She hooked up with my best friend." I thought I let the words out impossibly quickly. "But that's not— I know I already couldn't stand her before that, but that's one of the reasons. With an s."

Nayeon breathes out a chuckle, and the weight on my chest wasn't as heavy anymore.

"Now, let's see, Im Nayeon..." I pretended to think hard, with my hand even resting on my chin for the dramatics. It made Nayeon laugh. "How old are you?"

If I ever said anything about Nayeon bursting in laughter before this— scratch that. Now, she's in hysterics, I almost feared she'd wake her mom and her sister up instead of me.

"You had to tap a finger on your chin to come up with that?"

"Hey, it's not your turn to ask!"

Shaking her head as she came down from her high, Nayeon bit her lip to stop herself from smiling so wide. (I had to do the same.) "I've been 18 for some time now, actually," she says, causing me to blink.

"Wait seriously? You're Jeongyeon and I's age."

At that, her eyebrow raised. "Apparently," she mostly asks, "So you're supposed to be in college, too?"

I nod, a little too thrilled at the thought. "And you as well. How come you're still in high school?"

Nayeon laughs, looking down to avoid my gaze when she prepares herself to speak.

"I didn't want to leave." She pauses for a second, so I sat there still, waiting for her to go on. "I applied for Juilliard last year but I didn't get in. I literally cried for days. I guess I loved theater that much. I didn't want to do anything else in my life if it didn't involve it."

I watched the way Nayeon's cheeks flush when she clears her throat, fiddling with her fingers as she kept avoiding my gaze.

"So I... did the craziest thing. I failed a few of my major classes on purpose so I'd get held back another year— get another chance at applying for Juilliard —and totally ignored my mom's suggestion of doing the interview at Yale, instead. I got a call from them, but I was only half-hearted about creative writing and I didn't want to do it in fear of... regretting it for the rest of my life. I thought theater was my future. I want it to be, you know?"

Looking back up, Nayeon finally met my gaze, and her smile was visibly hesitant on her lips. "It's embarrassing. I mean, turning down an Ivy League University to get held back in high school another year? I understand if you think it's pathetic because it is, anyway—"

"It's not, actually," I cut her off. Nayeon's once forced smile slowly faded before it grows back to a more genuine one. I mirrored it easily. "I think it's pretty brave. Chasing for what you actually want and not just settling for what is there. Not giving a shit about what others would think of it. That's kind of awesome, Nayeon."

Nayeon's smile was so wide, I thought her cheeks might hurt at this point. We both needed a few more moments before Nayeon sighs out contentedly and shakes her head.

"What about you? You're still here because...?"

I almost laughed out loud at the thought in my head. "Nothing too grand. Just genuinely failed maths. And not on purpose, unfortunately."

Nayeon erupted in laughter once again before she crawls towards my side of the bed. She sat next to me, back against the headboard, and casually leaned her head on my shoulder, yawning. I glanced at the clock in her room, 1:03 am. "You still wanna go on?"

She nods, albeit tiredly, but I could see she was trying her best not to fall asleep. "Your turn."

I nod, sighing contentedly at the feeling of Nayeon's warmth against my side. I ignored the way my heart skipped a beat everytime I felt hers, proving just how close she is to me at that second. "Who's your best friend?"

Nayeon smiles, realizing I took the rather easier side of the question. "There's several. My little sister; my dog, Kookeu; Jennie Kim from Westland Elementary four years ago. We met at 6th grade summer camp— Now, she's a freshman at some university in Seoul, though we still talk regularly on Facetime Fridays. I miss her like crazy, you have no idea."

I smiled, softly, warmly. I didn't even realize I was just staring at Nayeon the whole time as she spoke; Not until she lifts her gaze up to meet mine.

"Who's yours, Momo?"

I had to bite my lip, my heart beating out of control inside my chest I almost believed it overpowered my voice when I mumbled hesitantly,

"Park Jihyo." Nayeon only blinks at me, as if asking me to go on. I turned my head to meet her gaze, smiling down at her when she did so up at me. "My dad, too."

I guessed Nayeon felt the same weight of the words I just let out, because she looked down all of a sudden, breaking eye contact to use it on watching both of our hands, which she easily intertwined.

Instant comfort engulfed my system at one simple touch. It almost felt familiar, despite not having been held Nayeon's hand like that before. I gulped, watching the way Nayeon fiddled with my fingers this time in a quite reassuring manner.

"He was my favorite person. I thought it was because I was his. Mom liked him, too. A lot more than she ever liked me, or I ever liked her." I paused for a while, watching Nayeon's fingers stop from fiddling with mine, so I did it this time, and Nayeon just silently let me. "Mom and I were never really close to begin with. It's weird, usually it's the mother who the child warms up to more; her arms, the safer place. In my case, dad was safer. We played and laughed a lot when I was a kid. He took me out to feed ducks every weekend. Mom never liked the sun, so she usually just stayed home."

In the middle of my narrative, I hesitated for a bit, suddenly feeling awfully exposed. But then the feeling of Nayeon's steady breathing hits my skin, and her heartbeat was loud enough for me to count the rhythm inside my head.

It felt safe, and it calmed me.

"When he died, I was angry. He left when he knew that mom and I didn't know how to speak to each other, or be with each other. I felt betrayed, but mostly abandoned." Nayeon turns her head so she could plant a gentle kiss on my shoulder. I ignored the way my chest burned at the action. "It became quite hard to trust people after that. To find someone who wouldn't betray you. Or abandon you. Someone who just wouldn't leave."

When I said that, my mind suddenly flew to the thought of only one person— Jihyo.

I didn't even realize a tear started rolling down my cheek until Nayeon reaches up to wipe it away.

/

I got home at exactly— 2:49 am, the clock reads. I took my shoes off to avoid waking anyone up, since I noticed the kitchen lights were off now, so Sana and Jihyo most probably called it a night.

As I walked past the kitchen and into the living room, I realized that the TV was on, its sound barely audible in the background. And then my eyes travelled to the tiny body curled up on the living room sofa, eyes fluttered closed and hands tucked gently under her cheek.

Jihyo stirred a little in her sleep, perhaps sensing that someone was watching her. She didn't wake up completely, though, so I let out a sigh of relief. I didn't even know what came into me, but suddenly I was stepping closer to her, not too close— a very safe distance was still kept between us, from where she laid peacefully on the couch and where I stood next to the wooden coat rack.

And then I had to sigh. What is wrong with me? I swallowed a lump in my throat before walking towards my room upstairs, grabbing a blanket and walking right out with the intentions of placing it around Jihyo on the couch—

But I stopped when I almost bumped into someone on the way out. Sana came from her room, which was next to mine, and I noticed her hands were full, as well, with several pillows and a blanket of her own— a lot cozy-looking than mine, and somehow, in some way, makes more sense wrapped around Jihyo than the one in my hold.

"You're back? I didn't hear you coming in," Sana mostly whispered, obviously to keep from waking Jihyo up. I glanced over down the living room where Jihyo kept still before turning back to Sana across from me.

"Yeah, I just got in," I return, simply nodding at her in farewell before retreating back to my room. I used the blanket to wrap myself up for the night, instead.

/

The next morning was pretty intense for me. I woke up late, believe it or not, but Sana and Jihyo didn't. (I mean, Jihyo had probably set an alarm like the responsible student that she is so, good on them.)

But now, I'm the only one running late. I'm still kind of pissed at myself for thinking I set an alarm when it turns out I just typed the fucking numbers down on the calculator app on my phone. Fucking idiot.

So here I am, scrambling down the stairs with rollers still messily placed on my hair and into the kitchen to grab the quickest meal I could stuff myself with on the way to school. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I mumble repeatedly as I kept on raiding the refrigerator in search for an apple or something, when a voice suddenly came ringing against my ear from behind.

"Language, Momo. And what are you doing, running around the house like that?" I turned around, only to see my mom glancing down at her watch. "It's 8:30. Don't you have class today? Sana left with Jihyo an hour ago, why are you still here?"

I tried my best not to roll my eyes. I swear, I did. "Good morning to you too, mom."

What did I expect? Of course she wouldn't acknowledge that, sarcastic or otherwise. Nothing new. But that doesn't chancge the fact that disappointment settled at the pit of my stomach, still, especially when my mom just turned her back on me.

"Hurry up. I could drop you off at school on my way to the airport. I mentioned I'd be gone a week for a business deal in Tokyo, right?"

She didn't even wait for my response anymore, just kept walking out of the kitchen until she's at the front yard, unlocking her car. "Do you want breakfast to go?" I yell after her, anyway, despite knowing she'd pay no mind to it.

As I expected she just called out firmly, "Quickly, please, dear," before she gets in her car and slams it behind her. I decided it wouldn't hurt to maybe just skip breakfast today. I mean, it's not like I have a choice.

When I settled on the passenger's seat, it didn't take mom another second to drive off. We only sat there in silence, which was fine with me. I've grown used to it by now.

Well, not until she decides to break the ice for the first time in her life.

"You never mentioned Jihyo got together with Sana."

Great. A nice topic with the nicest person who I adore the most on this fucking planet.

"I didn't think it would be necessary." I rested my chin on my hand with my elbow propped up on the glass. I ignored it when I saw from my peripheral vision, the way mom glanced my way for a slipt second.

"I'm just saying," she shrugs before returning her gaze to the road ahead. "It would've been a lot nicer if it came from you instead of your sister. Jihyo's your best friend after all."

At that, I couldn't help but scoff. "Since when did you ever take notice of who I'm best friends with?"

However, mom stopped at the red light, so she had the opportunity to glance at me once again. This time, she spoke without breaking eye contact.

"Since your dad held you in his arms 18 years ago at the hospital, Momo."

I felt my heart drop at the response, my jaw stiffly clenching. I tried my best to look away, but mom beat me to it, driving off the second the traffic light switched back to green.

Eventually, I managed to loosen the tightness of my clenched fist on my lap. "Yeah, well. You and Sana are way closer than we are, so.... just makes sense it came from her, instead."

The second I finished speaking was the same second mom pulled up in front of my school. I was internally grateful for the timing, because now I have the reason to get off her stupid car and walk as far away as possible from her without having to hear any more of her bullshit response.

/

"Hirai!" Ms. Bae, the sexy intern, yelled the same exact second the lunch bell rang, which effectivly startled me awake on my seat. "Good morning to you. Here." She held out a pink detention slip for me, which I just took wordlessly. "When will you ever stay out of trouble?"

I didn't really think I had the energy for a playful comeback like I usually do, so I just sent her a lazy grin before walking out of the room with the rest of my classmates.

As usual, detention was boring. We can't use our phones, so the only thing left to do besides homework was to sleep, which I was completely fine with.

And I was just about to drop my head to my desk when I hear the door open, a familiar voice following suit.

"Hi, Ms. Bae," Jihyo walked towards her table at the front, surrendering her own pink slip. I had to blink, just to make sure I was seeing things right.

"There's a face I never thought I'd see around here," Ms. Bae replies, which Jihyo only returns with a rather embarrassed smile.

"Vice principal Kang was quite strict for latecomers, apparently," Jihyo replies with a little laugh before walking towards the only seat available, which was next to me.

What a shocker. Of course the universe plays me this way.

"Hi,"

I turned to watch the way Jihyo sits next to me, head held down as if she's scared what will happen if she turns to look at me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, but I responded anyway. "Hey... I thought you and Sana left the house early?"

The casuality of my tone is what must've surprised Jihyo completely, because she turns to face me with her eyes wide as saucers, stuttering out her poor excuse of a reply.

"Uhm, I... We drove by a crying kid in the streets on the way to school, said she was lost, so we had to take her to the station and wait there until her parents pick her up." Jihyo looks down again, clearing her throat so she could gain the confidence back in her voice. "Sana's in Mr. Park's class, so I guess she got away with being late pretty easily."

It must've surprised Jihyo, too, the way a small laugh escaped my lips in response to her statement. "Yeah, well, what do you expect? Minatozaki Sana gets away with everything."

Jihyo looks up to face me again, confusion evident in her features. She almost looked frightened at how easily I was conversing with her—no grudge, no pent up aggression—like we're back to how we were.

Weren't you mad at me? Didn't you say, the last time we spoke, that we were done? Why is everything suddenly okay? I didn't have to ask anymore to know how badly Jihyo wanted to ask me that— I know her that much.

After all, she's my best friend.

I understood why Jihyo wasn't able to find the right response to that, mainly because she was still trying her hardest to recover from shock and sink in the fact that we are back on speaking terms after our terrible, terrible fight. So I took the liberty to break the silence once again.

"What you and Sana did—taking that kid to the station and waiting up with her together— that was pretty cool. Something I might've imagined you and I would do," I took notice of how Jihyo's confusion took over her expression completely, so I smiled. "And the pillows and blankets, dancing around the kitchen at midnight, that kind of stuff... Could've been us, I mean—it's a pity. I really did love you at some point, after all."

It was inevitable, how my chest suddely tightened around my heart at the way realization downed upon Jihyo at my confession. "You... love me?" she asks, almost inaudible, as she blinks away what now looks like an evidence of tears at the verge of falling from her eyes.

It took me another second to focus on my breathing, wrapping my mind around safer thoughts: Nayeon, Nayeon, Nayeon.

Eventually, the tightness in my chest loosened, and I could breathe again.

"I did. But I don't think I do, anymore," I say, sending Jihyo a much lighter smile, this time—no grudge, no pent-up aggression, the same smile I know she's always been used to. "Is that a good thing?"

I didn't need to hear the answer from her anymore.

It is a good thing, not having to love Jihyo and hurt myself at the same time, anymore, especially now that I found a safer place; a safer someone who, instead, keeps it all from hurting way more than it should:

Nayeon.

Question 21: What's your biggest secret?

I think I like Im Nayeon.

/