tw: dark thoughts(?)

The first time I saw it it was the hardest. Then I would get little glimpses here and there. Brown eyes. Light neck along with light hands. They seamed to be one within the other. Tyler was Blurryface and Blurry was Tyler. It's a scary concept but I believed it.

Debby often stayed with me now. After the second time she wanted me to be more safe so she made herself a little home. She would come over most days and sometimes spend the night. It depended on I was holding up.

Tonight was a night she would stay over. We usually watched movies and played cards, no matter what we did we always laughed. She made me genuinely happy.

We work better as friends than we did as lovers. I still love her. A lot.

"Your go." She nodded. We were playing poker with Oreos.

"We already know that you are going to win," I was trying my best to sound like I'd given up.

She smiled a little and then took her turn. "Well you guessed right my friend." She put her cards out in front of her and started to collect her cookies.

"Straight flush, not bad." I nodded along. "I, on the other hand, have a Royal flush and I suggest you take your dirty hands off my babies." Her jaw dropped as I laid my cards down.

It was my second time playing the game, Debby grew up playing wither her father. Beginners luck I guess.

"Where is the closest?" She asked standing up. Her face was completely emotionless.

"Umm in my room why?"

"I need a place to lay in and think about how you won when I've been playing MY ENTIRE LIFE!" All the cards were in a pile on the ground, so was I. I couldn't breathe because I was laughing so hard.

"It's a trick. A magic trick!" I screamed.

"Okay honestly you're emo ass needs to stop quoting Sherlock because it's not called for." She helped me off the ground and handed me her share of cookies.

We were happy in that moment. I hadn't been this happy in a long time. I missed it. Tyler would be so happy to see us like this. Jenna would be thankful. I miss her.

No matter how much the situation sucked I was happy to have Debby in my life. I was glad to have the most amazing people in my life. The three of them made life so much easier. With them everything was silent.

💕✨🌸🌙💖💫

I was never understood why humans were scared of the dark. It made no sense. It's more of a fear of the unknown than the dark. Darkness holds a power over everyone's heads. It tells them that things aren't what they seem. That the world is different than how we see it.

This thinking pattern only happened in the dark. Why is everything so easily affected by this thing that no one quite understands.

Why do I have to be able to see my feet when I watch something scary? Why do my feet have to be under covers when I sleep? It's uncomfortable but I can't sleep with my feet outside the blankets.

Debby does the same thing. So does Tyler and Jenna. We all do the same things and have the same thoughts and everything gets caught in a huge web that you can't get out of. Not without the help of someone you love and who loves you back.

I was having a good day. Then these thoughts kept inside my brain and they won't get out. When do they every actually go away? They don't, they spin and twist and change into something you don't even recognize.

I needed to get out, to go away for a bit.

I was thankful to be able to drive and that I was able to afford a car. It made nights like this better. I could just get in my car and drive. I could drive anywhere. Anyplace my brain desired.

When I went out side it was raining, not too harsh but not too gentle. The perfect drizzle. I played 'flume' by Bon Iver. One of my favorite songs to drive too.

⚪️⚫️⚪️⚫️⚪️

Hours came and went. It was just me and the sound. Do you know the feeling when your under eyes get heavy and it feels like they weigh a thousand pounds? That's how I felt.

Every song was different and they had their own meaning, but they blended together.

"Surprised to see you here!" The voice frightened me. I swerved but got control and straightened the car you again.

"Why now? I'm just driving! You don't need to come into my life when I'm having an okay time. This isn't how it's supposed to work!" I was screaming at him. Griping the steering wheel with everything in me.

He chuckled, "Oh hunny!" Then his voice got harsh. "You think I care?"

I didn't know if he cared or not. He's not human. He's not an angel. He's not a demon. He helps.

"Do I now?" He snickered, and stretched his arms out in the backseat.

"Do me a favor and die." I spat looking in the rearview mirror.

"Ooo Josh getting spicy over here. I love when you think you have power. You don't. I own you, I am you. All the times you thought you saw Tyler. That was me. I let that happen. I wanted you to have hope. It brings out the worst in you." Blurry went in and out of blurred edges and human resemblance.

My head hurt. My vision was getting blurry. "No. It can't be. Stop lying!"

I was screaming again. Tears were falling from my face. Nothing was going how I planned. How could this happen?

"No one cares josh." He whispered. Getting close to my ear. "No one cares about you. If you drove into that lake, everyone would be happy. Debby could move back into her own house. Jenna, she'd. Well I actually don't know what she'd do. I've never had an encounter with her."

He thought for a moment and then started talking again. "She's actually really pretty I can understand why Tyler fucked her. I can't understand why she married that pathetic mess."

Anger was rising in my throat, soon I'd be seeing red. "Josh do you know why my eyes are red?"

"Why do you have red eyes blurryface?" I let him continue.

"Because I help you see the world for how it really is."

a/n: who'd a thunk? I also listened to hopeless fountain kingdom by Halsey while writing this.