Me and Debby don't really talk, but we get coffee every Wednesday, and Sunday. We just sit and watch people. I observe the way she breathes, they way her perfect eyelashes flutter when she blinks. It's hard to talk now. It's hard to do a lot of things.

2 months 3 days. That's how longs it's been since he left. He's the reason I have coffee with Debby. I need to make sure she's okay.

Then there's jenna, god that was hard. She's talking with me about the future. We all had plans. Debby was going to be an actress, Jenna a model, then me and him planned on being in a band, changing people's lives, making a difference.

Everyone we knew was big dreamers. All of us wanted to make it big. We had a friend Mark who wanted to be a Filmmaker and he was amazing at it. Jenna had friends that wanted to be a pyrotechnic and help people like Adele and Beyoncé with live shows. Debby had friends that wanted to work at Naughty Dog Games. He had friends who were phenomenal at photography. I had friends that had dreams. I had dreams.

All of us would sit and, listen and, talk about our endless dreams. Times like that when I wish he would have stayed even if it was just for 3 years. Even 2 days. If I knew what would happen I would talk him out of it. I would never leave his side. It all happened so fast.

And if he was here I would ask him one question.

Why?

And it's stupid because I know why, but why now? Why at this time? Everything seemed to be going good. I was getting better and he was writing more. When he wrote he would get everything out and leave it in the paper.

It was all so normal like the day before he left we had a conversation about his eyelashes. How normal does that get?

"My eyelashes are shedding should I be worried?" He was holding his eye open with one finger and the other was holding my elbow. It made me laugh then and it makes me laugh now.

"No," I said "it happens to me all the time. Plus you just get more wishes."

He loved to make wishes on eyelashes or dandelions and shooting stars. He told me once that he wished the same thing every time but he would never tell me what it was.

"That's the beauty in it. My wish could be that I would wake up next to a chessboard or that I want to die before I'm old. You don't know."

a/n: I procrastinate so much oh my god