I remember the fear.

I remember being so afraid, not of dying itself, but of never having the chance to see his face again.

And, of course, I could never forget the pain.

I'd huddled in my blankets, fading in and out of sleep throughout the day, but despite the fact that I'd had a sandwich earlier that day, my stomach was protesting my hunger like never before. I dragged myself, an achy, coughing mess, to the nearest fast food joint and used the money I saved on coffee for a dollar cheeseburger, some water, and a few minutes out of the cold. I grabbed a handful of napkins for my dripping nose and headed back out into the snow.

Part of me wanted to go back to the coffee shop, but there was no way that Malory was still there. The sky was already draped with stars and there was no point in staying out in the harsh weather for just a cup of coffee.

It was my own fault, too lost in my thoughts of self destruction to realize I'd been followed. I should have paid attention, but I didn't and I paid the price.

There were two of them, both much larger than I, and much more pungent. I don't know why I tried to fight them, desperation perhaps, but even as I tried to wrestle my blanket away from the disgusting man, I knew it was hopeless.

I was thrown into a wall, head colliding with the unforgiving structure, before dropping to a useless heap on the floor. Then there was nothing but pain, heels against bone and fists against flesh. A sharp line of agony spread from my shoulder when my coat was wrenched away without care, but my heart didn't break until the gloves that he'd given me were pulled off of my hands, and my attempts to retrieve them were only met with another assault.

Everything hurt, but when I heard them joke about keeping me I knew I had to run.

My protection from the cold was gone, but even death would be a more welcome friend than what those two had in store for my broken body. I don't know how I found the strength, but adrenaline pushed me to my feet and I took off, running as fast and as far as I could until I collapsed in the snow. My lungs surged in protest, a coughing fit making my wounded ribs pulse, and I just knew I was going to die. I fought my way to my knees again... spotting the shelter of a bus stop only a few meters away. I made my way to the bench, pulling myself up to sit. I caught sight of the scattered red trail I'd left behind me in the snow and for some reason I laughed.

Well, I laughed before I coughed until I could barely breathe. I knew I would freeze to death there in some unknown place, but at least there I would be found. I wouldn't rot away in some abandoned building without anyone being the wiser.

The coppery taste of blood lingered on my tongue as I smiled and let the darkness take me.

~_~_~

My first thought when I opened my eyes was that I had to be dead, because his face was the first thing I saw. He wasn't looking at me, his focus was elsewhere, but he was just as perfect and beautiful as I remembered. The only thing missing was his smile.

I stared until my vision became blurry, taking in every detail I could of the man seated in a chair only a few feet away from me. He was talking, but I didn't pay attention to his words or where they were directed, just basked in the quiet timbre and let it drown out the annoying beeping that swam at the edge of awareness. I wondered if maybe this was my version of Heaven... maybe this was my forever.

But Heaven wouldn't hurt so bad.

It wasn't the sharp biting agony as it had been, but slowly the pain overwhelmed my peace. A sound must have escaped me because those blue eyes were suddenly directed at me and I wanted to crawl back into the darkness again.

"Sullivan?"

I didn't reply, just stared. He looked so hopeful.

There was another voice, had been the entire time, but I couldn't seem to focus on anything but Scott. I tried to say his name, but the sensation was akin to being under water and my thoughts were slow, my limbs weighted down.

"Mr. Hoying?"

The look on his face slid from hopeful to almost sheepish, but he never looked away.

"Mr. Hoying... "

Hoying. His name was Hoying. He...

The owner of the other voice wouldn't be ignored and as I turned away from Scott's face, my hazy dream state appeared to stay with him. Without the distraction, the pain and the bright lights of the room made me wince until I had to close my eyes again.

When I was able to open them again I finally realized where I was.

"What..." It sounded more like a croak than speech, but the gentleman who I assumed was a doctor seemed to understand.

I tried to follow along with conversation and answer the questions he sent my way, but it was all so confusing. He kept saying Hoying... Mr. Hoying... but he was definitely talking to me.

I endured the poking and prodding and the lights in my eyes that made my head pound... but I managed to keep calm until I was asked what happened.

"I... " I started, but the thought of reliving the attack with Scott in the room made me nauseous. I turned my head to look at him when fingers slid over mine with delicate care. The touch made my mind swim, but all I could think to say was "My gloves... they took..."

"It's ok. We'll get you new ones."

His expression was a bit of an anomaly. His smile didn't match the sadness in his eyes and I felt the guilt rise up.

He was sad because of me. Again.

"He was mugged. They took his wallet and his gloves and coat."

Well, it was almost the truth. If i'd had a wallet I'm sure it would have been taken.

It was all so disorienting. I just couldn't make sense of things. It was all wrong, the story, my body, Scott's presence... the way the doctor addressed me with his last name. I couldn't keep up. I wanted to bite my lip, but it was definitely busted and swollen, so it was an urge I was able to resist without difficulty.

Once again I  attempted to participate, to answer the barrage of questions, to give a response when he pressed gently at various points all over my battered body, but I still couldn't wrap my head around the situation.

Strangely enough, it all seemed easier after the doctor disappeared and it was just me and Scott.

"I'm so sorry. When they called me I had to come up with something so they'd let me even see you."

"How are you here?"

The smile crept up his cheeks. "They couldn't find ID on you, but they did find a napkin with my information on it."

Shít.

After all I'd tried to save him from.. If I'd thrown that napkin away then he wouldn't have been dragged into my darkness again... but I'd been too weak to do it. Now he was paying the price.

"I told them you were my cousin visiting for Christmas and that's why you had my address. It was all I could think of and I didn't know your last name so... I just gave them mine. I told them your parents were ... um..not an option to contact and kind of made up some of your information."

"Why did you come?" I didn't want to know the answer, but I also needed to.

"Because I was scared and worried. I know we only met once, but.." he pressed his lips together and ran his free hand over his jeans, vulnerability shining through my golden knight's armor. ".. the thought of you being hurt and alone... was awful. I don't think I even thought it all the way through before I ran out of my house." His laugh was nervous, but still beautiful.

"Thank you." For everything.

Damn you for ruining my indifference towards my situation and turning my world upside down.

Thank you for the reprieve from the darkness. Curse you for showing me the light in the first place.

"No need to thank me. It was for purely selfish reasons."

I raised an eyebrow, but winced when it stretched a cut on my head.

When he tightened his fingers around mine just a tiny amount, I wanted to cry at the intimacy of it. I wanted to break down and curl into him, to feel his arms wrapped around me. I wanted to hold tight and never let go. Why did he keep tempting me...

"I wanted to see you again."

"I-"

My response was interrupted by a couple of nurses appearing. I didn't want to go, but I was whisked away from Scott for tests and X-rays, and though I expected it, I was still disappointed that when I was taken to my room for the night, it was empty.

One of the nurses got me settled, giving me a little something to ease the pain and something else for my cold. She caught me staring at an empty chair against the opposite wall and gave me a knowing smile. 

"Your cousin... really wanted to stay, but he said he had to take care of something tonight.  He promised he would be here first thing tomorrow." There was an amusement to her expression and in the corners of her eyes & I wondered just what she thought of me and my... cousin.

I wanted to laugh at just the idea of it, Scott and I, total opposites, somehow being related, but the giggle that bubbled out of me created a coughing fit that felt like someone was crushing my chest and bruised ribs with a sledgehammer. 

I was officially a mess.

Once my breathing was under control, my nurse introduced herself as Gwen and informed me that we would be getting to know each other quite well as she would be waking me up every couple of hours to be on safe side. It was unfortunate news and would only make things that much more difficult. I knew I couldn't stay, but I had to wait until the time was right to make my escape. The thought of moving, even a little, made me want to cry, bruised ribs, a concussion and loads of stitches in various places had that effect. But I knew that I didn't have a choice. There was no way I could pay for any of this and surely once they realized that, I would be looking at prison.

I was surprised they hadn't tried to discuss payment with me at all as of yet, but maybe they were just waiting until the morning.

I tried to pay attention as she launched into an explanation of the buttons on the bed, the tv remote and the call button, but I could feel exhaustion and possibly pain medication weighing down my eyelids. I fought it, but I barely remember her leaving before sleep dragged me back into darkness.