Sorry it's ... a bit of a mess.

___________

I should have left him in my dreams.

I should have walked away dozens of times.

I should have let him find a man worthy of his heart, his beauty, and his kindness.

I should have... but I've never really had the power to resist him.

So much has changed, and on reflection it seems a bit like an unbelievable fairy tale. I mean, a man like Scott taking a second glance at a homeless, nothing of a man like me.

I'll never be able to repay him for all that he's given me, for the opportunities I've been given... for a life I'm proud and happy to be living.

The journey wasn't easy, but I vowed to work as hard as I could to show him that I could be that man he always seemed to believe I could be. 

The first couple of months were a bit intense. Scott hired a tutor to help me prepare for the GED test, and while I studied and took practice tests for hours on end, Scott worked on getting me the proper identification and paperwork to rejoin society. We didn't see each other as much as I would have liked, but there seemed to be an unspoken rule that we always had at least one meal a day together if Scott wasn't out of town on business for something or other.

I took the first part of the test about a month and a half in, and was completely astounded when the results showed that I had passed. The accomplishment felt monumental. It overwhelmed me with relief and happiness and imbued me with a bright spark of hope. Maybe I could actually do it. Maybe I really could be more.

Scott was beyond proud and I know I could never have done it without him and his constant support and encouragement.

It was soon after that I finally felt ready to say yes to that date he kept asking me on.

He kept it low key, knowing I wasn't always comfortable with his expensive gestures, but it was absolutely perfect. I know it was a bit cheesy, but the goodnight kiss, he gave me at my bedroom door felt like the last thread being tied off after he'd sewn my heart back together. I barely slept that night, holding tight to Arty and daydreaming of what the future could bring.

I finally began to accept the idea and the possibility of 'us'. I still didn't understand why he'd ever choose to be with me, especially after I'd experienced the types of beauty, wealth and success that came onto him on a regular basis. Every time it happened the doubt would creep in again, but instead of letting it consume me, I let it push me instead. I used it for motivation... to be better not only for Scott but for myself.

I took all of the other tests about a month after the first and, to my surprise, I passed. I'd done it.

Scott wanted to take me out to celebrate, but while he was getting ready, I slipped into his room to initiate a different kind of celebration. I wasn't sure he'd want to, but once his surprised waned, he wasted no time in taking me apart and putting me back together again.

It was wonderful and terrifying and I couldn't have asked for anything more.

'His' room slowly morphed into 'our' room and introductions went from 'my friend, Mitch' to 'my boyfriend, Mitch.'

Boyfriend. The label took some time to get used to, but as he had been with everything else, Scott was patient and understanding.

With Malory's help, I got my very first job at the cafe. Scott tried to assure me that I didn't need to get a job right away, but I didn't want to prove Kirstin right. His best friend was an obstacle I wasn't sure I'd ever figure out how to get through. She'd made her feelings about me being with Scott very clear, though she usually tolerated me well me enough. Well, she did until she had a few drinks during a game night and made one too many biting comments about me being a leech before it resulted in an all out argument.

Scott refused to talk to her for about two weeks after that, but I tried not to let it get to me. It was one more goal to move towards, one more wall to break through. I kept pushing forward.

I enrolled in a community college, and though I was terrified, I made it through okay. It was hard on us as a couple, me constantly busy with work and school and Scott in and out of the office and jetting around the world for meetings and what not. The time apart was hell, but we always came back together and everything was ok again.

I definitely wasn't expecting Kirstin to extend an olive branch, but one night she showed up while Scott was away on a business trip, armed with bags of Thai food and a lengthy apology. We talked for a while, the awkwardness slowly fading until we were laughing and talking as if there had never been any conflict between us. It was nice.

I didn't have many friends, just Malory, a few of Scott's good friends and a handful from school, but no one I felt really comfortable talking to. I don't know why I decided to open up to Kirstie after barely an hour of talking, but I found myself confessing all of my fears and doubts, and for some unknown reason, she listened. She listened to my story from beginning to end, parts of me that had only previously made it to Scott's ears, but she didn't interrupt or make faces. When she offered me the number of a therapist, I honestly thought she was joking, but it turned out that she was very serious and thought it might help with all of the fear and self-esteem issues that I had never been able to fully shake.

She kept the judgment away as she assured me that talking to someone didn't mean I was weak and that if it helped me, then Scott would want me to try it. I wasn't on board at first, I mean I have trouble communicating with those I care about, let alone a complete stranger, but it turned out it was exactly what I needed.

It was slow progress, but eventually I began to understand myself and my thoughts. I was able to let go of the shadow, the no one, and embrace the man I'd become... the someone. I was able to stop pushing and doubting and fighting my own heart and mind and I began to trust in both myself and Scott. It wasn't easy, the important struggles never are, but one day I was able to look in the mirror and accept the reflection I saw.

Kirstie and I became pretty inseparable after that and her friendship and advise means the world to me.

After that, everything seemed to fall into place. I began to settle comfortably into my new life. I made a list of goals I'd set for myself, and as the weeks went by I began to check them off one by one, my confidence growing with every accomplishment.  

Still, none of it would matter without him. 

It's been almost 6 years since our eyes first met, and every time I look at him it still takes my breath away. So much has changed in what seems like barely any time at all. 

I'm now a certified veterinary technician and I absolutely love my job. It's not always kisses and cuddles, and sometimes there are major heartbreaks, but the good outweighs the bad and I do what I can when I can. Of course, Arty is still my favorite patient.

Scott is still everything I could have ever dreamed of having. We still spend hours bickering over video games or arguing about vacation homes and destinations. We're both still terrible in a kitchen and would have probably lived off of various menus if Berlin wasn't around. We still can spend hours curled up as close to each other as we can get, quietly taking bets on how long it will be before Arty tries to fit himself between us.  

Christmas is approaching again. The trademarks of the holiday season always bring a bit nostalgia, both good and bad. I've adopted most of Scott's traditions, but we've made a few of our own along the way. It's all terribly domestic, but I look forward to each and every cheesy moment.

There's something about this time of year that always seems to bring about change, so I probably shouldn't have been surprised when another change came along with the first snowfall of winter.

It was the last moderately sunny day before a string of winter storms would cover the area in snow and ice. It was cold, the air crisp and the wind biting, but I still decided to take Arty to the park after work before the impending snow closed it down. We ran around and played for a while before heading back to the walking trail for a little respite from the wind. The entire area was nearly deserted, the lower temperatures keeping people and their pets indoors, but that just meant that no one was around to shoot me any crazy looks as I talked to Arty as if we were holding a conversation. 

 Everything was normal until suddenly it wasn't.

Arty began to slow his happy pace until he had stopped completely, his nose in the air. 

"Smells like snow, right?" I tried to move on, expecting him to follow, but he didn't move. "What's wrong?" I wasn't expecting my perfectly trained and well-behaved dog to take off without warning, so my grip on his leash was barely there and it slid through my fingers before I even realized what was happening.

I immediately gave chase, yelling his name as I attempted to keep up. I nearly lost him as he moved between the trees, but he let out a bark every now and again that helped me keep track. I knew there was a road nearby, and though it wasn't usually very busy, I still felt a shock of dread when I realized we were headed straight for it.

I yelled for him to stop again, knowing there was no way I'd reach him or the leash in time to catch him before his paws met the asphalt.

Thankfully he slowed to a stop just on the shoulder and I wanted to collapse to my knees in relief when I finally caught up. I was just about to grab his leash and scream and yell until the fear and adrenaline had subsided, but then I realized what he was nosing at ... and my heart broke.

It looked like it had been a golden retriever, more than likely hit by a car. It couldn't have been there more than day or two at the most. I checked for a collar but there wasn't one.

"I'm so sorry, bud." I rubbed at Arty's head a bit, giving him a moment before trying to pull him back by his collar, but he wouldn't budge. "Moriarty, come."

Still, he didn't move and I wasn't sure what to do as he'd never disobeyed me before. Then again, he'd never ran away before either.

 "Arty!?" He looked up at me for just a moment before shoving his nose into fur again, pushing at it until there was a tiny squeak of a sound.

I quickly dropped to my knees and adjusted the stiff body until I realized there was a puppy burrowed into the fur between the dog's front legs.

"Oh, you brilliant boy. Look what you found." It wasn't brand new, my best guess was two weeks old or so, but it definitely wouldn't survive on its own. I carefully lifted the animal, inspecting for any damage or injury, but I didn't see anything obvious. I needed to get him to the clinic.

I unzipped my coat a little, sliding the puppy into the neckline of my sweatshirt and zipping it back up again. I nuzzled my chin down into the tiny head sticking out. I used the hand that wasn't supporting the pup to get a hold of Arty's leash again, and after a quick sweep of the area to check for any other puppies, we quickly made our way back to the car. 

 We cleared the tree line just as the first few snowflakes began to fall.

~~

"Scott???" I called out as I hung up Arty's leash and took off my coat.

"Be down in a sec!"

I headed to the kitchen and deposited the bags of supplies on the counter and the carrier I had the puppy tucked away in was placed on the floor. Of course, Arty was nosing at it the second it was within reach.

"So what was with the cryptic text!?"

I looked up to see a shirtless Scott strolling into the kitchen, his hair a mess and his too long sweats pooling around his bare feet. The text he was referring to was a generic 'sry going to be a bit late. Go ahd & eat w/o me' text.

I don't know why I didn't tell him I was bringing the puppy home, I guess I just didn't want to risk him saying no.

"And what is all this stuff!?" He pulled one bag over to his side of the counter and raised an eyebrow as he pulled out a bottle. "Is there something you wanna tell me?"

I moved to wrap my arms around his waist and tilt my head up for a kiss. He smiled against my lips and pulled me close.

"Missed you." He mumbled with his lips still mostly pressed to mine.

I laughed a little and pulled back to look at him. It was best to pull off the bandaid.

"So, don't be mad but..." I hurried back around to the carrier and pulled the sleepy pup from it's blanket nest. "Surprise!?" I stood up, hoping against hope that the sight of the adorable, and now clean, puppy would immediately convince him that this was the best idea ever.

"Is that what I think it is!?" He seemed surprised but not upset.

"It's Arty's fault."

"How is you bringing a puppy home Arty's fault?"

I recounted the events at the park while Scott moved around the counter to inspect the little furbaby.

"He's going to need to be fed every 3 hours or so. There was no one else to foster him on such short notice."

"Mitchy... I know you and you are not going to be able to foster this puppy and then give him up. Are you sure we have the time to dedicate to a puppy?"

I stared at the little ball of fur curled up in my arms. He was so small and helpless... "I couldn't just leave him there to die."

"Babe-"

"Please? He doesn't have anyone else." He let out a long exhale and reached out to slide a thumb across my cheek.

"Are you sure? It's going to be a LOT of work and this little one is going to chew up EVERYTHING."

"Arty didn't."

"Arty is different. Arty was bred and trained by a professional. He's almost self sufficient."

"Then I'll pay for him to be trained."

"Mitch, that's not what-"

"-I need to know he'll be ok! I won't abandon him to the cold!!!" 

 I didn't realize I was crying until Scott's expression became one of concern.

"Heyyy. What's this really about?" He wiped at a tear and pulled me close, careful not to disturb the puppy.

"That was me, Scott. He would have died if it wasn't for Arty. He would have just... starved or froze to death... all alone and no one would have known or care or missed him. I know what that's like to be orphaned and left behind. I know what that's like! No one cared, Scott. No one cared about me. I need to take care of him. I need to. Please."

He pulled my head over to him so he could press a long kiss to my temple, "Ok. Alright.  We'll take care of him."

I had to fight to keep from breaking down at the memories and the sudden rush of emotions. Scott gave me a little bit of time to compose myself, and I closed my eyes as I realized just how foolish I'd sounded. "I'm sorry."

"Shhh. Don't apologize. If this is something you want to do, then we'll do it. Besides... maybe it'll be good practice."

"Practice?" I looked up at him, but he'd flushed a deep red and locked his gaze on the sleeping fluff in my arms.

"I mean, we've talked about it, right? Maybe this can be like ...a test run?" He was still quiet and shy, and as he ran his fingers over the fragile pup's head, I knew that there was no way anyone could ever love anyone or anything more than I loved him.

"I love you so much."

He finally met my eyes and the smile crept up his lips. "I love you too, baby."

"Do you want to hold him while I get his bed together?"

"Oh, um yeah."

"Hand sanitizer by the sink"

He followed instructions and then carefully took the little guy, laughing as the small thing wiggled around trying to get settled. He held it up to his chest and it moved it higher until it had snuggled in at the base of his clavicle and stilled.

"Did you already name him?" His voice was soft with affection, and I knew he was already in love with the newest addition to our family.

"No. I didn't want to get anymore attached in case you said no."

"We could call him Sullivan?"

I huffed out a little laugh. I hadn't thought about that name in a very long time. It was sweet that Scott had considered it. "That's a little on the nose don't you think? Besides...he deserves a name associated with better memories than Sullivan."

Scott gave a little nod. "I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget that my memories of Sullivan and yours are much different."

He knows I don't usually like to talk about my past, but it's him and everything is different when it's him. "It's ok. They weren't all bad y'know. Sullivan did meet his prince charming."

He snorted and looked over at me for barely a moment before he was nuzzling into soft fur again. "I don't know about charming."

"We'll come up with a good name... together.. Just be careful with him, ok?"

"Yeah, yeah..."

When he started whispering something quietly to our yet to be named pup about him having to learn not to hog the bed like his big brother, I took that as my cue to leave them alone. It didn't take too long to put together a bed nest for the little guy, but Arty was constantly underfoot, supervising every step as if he knew exactly what it was and who it was for.

In that short time, Scott had relocated to lay on the couch, the puppy curled up on his bare stomach. I watched as he carefully tucked the light throw blanket over them, careful not to cover the baby's head. Arty trotted over to sniff at him again, but I knew I had to call him away.

"You're going to be a problem aren't you. You've gotta be careful with him. We'll go over the rules soon, alright." He stopped poking at the pup, but he laid down on the floor against the couch, guarding his family as always.

His family. My family.

All of the things I cared about most were all right there... my teddy bear of a guard dog, my perfect, gorgeous boyfriend, and the tiny little life that we were now both responsible for.

My family. Home.

I wiped away tears before I perched on the arm of the couch behind Scott's head and raked my fingers through his hair. He smiled up at me and I melted with happiness.

"I love that you're mine." He had that look of adoration that still had the power to leave me breathless. It's still a bit surreal that it's reserved only for me.

"I love being yours." I replied, fingernails scratching gently at his scalp just the way he likes it.

I sometimes think about where he would be if I had just thrown away that napkin so many years ago. Then I see his smile, the light in his eyes... the way the stress around his mouth and forehead melts away when he sees me... and I know that he's happy.

So perhaps I should have left him alone, left him to my dreams. Thankfully, I didn't. I may not have had much to give, but I gave it all to him. I still give it all to him.

"I love you." It was awkward to bend myself down to kiss his lips, but it was worth it.

He chuckled a bit. "You said that already."

"I know. Just wanted to say it again."

His stomach let out a grumble and I laughed. "Let me guess, you didn't eat without me."

"Wanted to wait for you..." he mumbled.

"I'll get the takeout menus."

I barely made it a step before fingers closed around my wrist. "Mitchy?"

I tried to keep from smiling like a lovesick fool as I looked down into blue eyes.

"Marry me."

I blinked twice, replaying the words in my head as if I'd misunderstood or imagined them. "You... you want to marry me?"

"More than anything..."

Scott... Me... Us.

I probably looked like a fish out of water, but a light pressure on the inside of my wrist brought me back down to earth in a way only Scott could manage.  My anchor.

"Marry me." He said it again, his smile and his gaze never wavering.

"Alright. I mean... yes. Yes! I mean I want to." I stuttered like a crazy person, the words still a bit surreal.

His smile grew just before his nose wrinkled and he cursed. "Shít. I should have done this... differently. I should have done a thing... and there's a ring upstairs... I just haven't been able to think of the perfect way to ask and you were just there being beautiful and perfect ... and the puppy... and us... and-"

I got to my knees next to the couch, silencing his rambling by pressing my lips to his, fingers sliding into his hair as I tried to express every bit of love and appreciation and happiness in one kiss.

Arty barked when Scott shifted a little, effectively ruining the moment.

"Careful of our little guy, babe."

He chuckled and shifted again, a hand supporting the blanket lump.

"You know... I think Sullivan is a good name." 

"What made you change your mind?" 

"Without Sullivan... I wouldn't have you." 

He beamed.  "It's a good name." 

"I think it's the perfect name." 

"I love you."

It was my turn to laugh. "You already said that."

"And I'll keep saying it every day until the day I die."

I pouted. "You're not allowed to die. Ever." 

"You sure you want to be stuck with me forever?" 

"There's nothing I could ever want more."

Forever...  with him. 

Yes.