By The Force Of Karma's Hand

With the way I had been cheeky during that phone call Kayden and I had, you wouldn't believe how nervous I was right now that I was on the way to his house, a day later. It was everything I could look forward to. It was everything I could think about ever since the call.

You didn't text me the entire weekend. Was he serious? Because it felt really good to know that the same things that were bothering him were the same things that were bothering me.

As Killian drove, I couldn't help but notice the way his fingers kept tapping the wheel restlessly. I wasn't used to seeing a nervous or restless Killian, and for as long as I could remember, he'd always been the calmest person I'd ever seen. Way more than Andre was, so this was quite unusual.

"Is everything alright?" I asked him and immediately, his jaw clenched, eyes never leaving the road.

"Everything's fine," he replied, then cleared his throat.

Strange.

Killian's fingers stopped tapping restlessly for a little over three minutes—probably because I'd pointed it out, and then he was back at it again. This time I just let it go.

Let's just say that I let it go physically but inside I was still worrying about it. Think of the calmest person you know, who never breaks a sweat even under a lot of pressure, and now imagine that person agitated. Trust me, it would worry you to some extent. I'd probably think it was to do with his wife or children, but for as far as I know, he does not have any children, nor does he have a wife. Girlfriend maybe?

Kayden's house got bigger as we got closer to it and soon we were there. It looked very quiet, almost like there was no one around, but I knew that Kayden was obviously. Because we couldn't stop texting each other of course.

A part of me understands that things like this are bound to get out of hand, but in what way, I wouldn't know. I just didn't want us to stop being friends no matter what the circumstance was. I don't think anyone would want to let go of that one friend who just made them happy no matter what. I know I didn't. And even worse is the fact that even after finding out about me in detail, he still wasn't fazed by the over protection or money if it ever came to that. I'd like to keep someone like that for as long as I could. They didn't just walk by everyday.

Killian got out of the car and I quickly opened my door and got out before he could come around and open it for me. It's something I'll never get comfortable about. But then there is Andre, who will deliberately make it his life mission to do everything in the book that made me uncomfortable, and that evil man would do it with a smile.

The first thing I noticed when I walked out is that Killian has become worse, more restless even. I pretended that I didn't notice a thing. I wasn't going to prod him, and everyone always had something going on in their minds so I thought it would be better to give him breathing space.

Kayden's face lit up when he saw me after opening the door, and he smiled like he always does, widely. It felt like my chest was constricting and expanding at the same time. I couldn't help but smile back.

We didn't say anything for what should have been an awkward and awfully long one minute, but it wasn't. It wasn't awkward at all, and it didn't feel like it had stretched to the point where it was uncomfortable.

The last time I left Kayden's house, I had to ask him to stop staring at me, and now, I was staring back like it was the most natural thing to occur to me.

The only thing that made us stop was the clearing of a throat. It was Killian. I felt a little embarrassed and didn't dare look in his direction, my eyes sort of fell to the floor, somewhere between outside and inside the house.

"Hi Kay," I said more quietly than I'd intended, then went ahead to also clear my own throat. I thought my skin would leave my body when Kayden ran a finger tracing the shell of my ear.

"What?" I looked up quickly and asked, trying not to sound like I was about to break a sweat.

"Your ears got pink," he replied. "Hi Juju." There was the use of his custom made nickname again, and there was that churning again, somewhere deep down in my gut.

I stood up straighter. "For someone who failed the handsome test, you really flash your smile around a lot."

A laugh burst out of Kayden. "Fuck off," he said as his eyes found Killian. "Sup' MIB," he said to my bodyguard.

"His name is Killian you know," I told him matter of factly.

"You don't say," he replied like he was trying to hold back a cheeky smile.

Killian made a disapproving sound and stood by the side of the door. I knew he'd never get in. Not unless Kay's mom was going to perform miracles again. "Youre not going to just stand there this time are you?" Asked Kay.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do," he replied.

Kayden took a moment before shrugging, then spoke. "Well, Ma's still at the hospital so you might get away with it. But just so you know, you're putting both our asses on the line when you-"

"Is she alright?" Killian cut him off to ask.

"She's a nurse."

"Oh, so...okay." Killian replied.

Both Kayden and I cocked our heads at that—his recation—and in my case, I was just very intrigued because Killian has never sounded so curious about anything like he was now if it didn't concern my safety, in all the time that I have known him.

"Okay..." replied Kay. "So you're really just going to stand there and not come in MIB?" Like I hadn't just told him his name.

"I'm good where I am," he replied.

Kayden sighed, then moved out of the way and opened the door wider for me to get in. I spared one last glance at Killian who did not even bother to look back and I know he wouldn't budge. Whatever magic had happened the last time probably already wore off. I got in.

I barely registered that the door had fully shut when Kayden's arms were suddenly wrapped around me, squeezing tighter by the seconds in a moment that swore to get my soul to leave my body.

I loved the way Kayden smelled. It was like the promise of a summer I was yet to have. And at that moment, I could smell his hair, I could smell his skin but what made goose bumps break out all over my skin was the low sound he made as he seemed to squeeze harder, like he's been waiting all his life to hug me like this.

When I finally remembered to hug him back, I felt him nod, or I could have imagined it. "Mhmm," he said. "That's more like it Ju."

Honestly, how was I supposed to survive this? I broke the hug for the purely selfish reasons of my own wellbeing. "Breathe Kay," I teased. "I know I'm awesome but-"

"You, awesome?" Kay said. "I don't know what you talkin' bout, bro."

It really felt like a light bulb was shot inside me, the light going out faster than the blink of an eye. Fucking bro? Because bros just casually hugged and squeezed the life out of each other and smelled each other like those fucking wolves in all the stories?!

I know my face definitely didn't hide it because of Kayden's next reaction. "Hey, hey," he said while his hands found their way to my cheeks—I don't know if you see what I mean—his thumb slowly stroked my left cheek and when I looked in his eyes, he genuinely seemed a little worried. "I know you don't like it when I say that..."

"Then why'd you say it?"

"I don't know...but I'm not going to lie to you. Truth is, I guess, a part of me really wanted you to react the way you did."

"Really?" I asked, feeling a little disappointed in his answer.

"Not make you mad...I mean, I like that you don't like it. I'm sorry. It's starting to look like I do the dumbest shit when I'm around you."

"Yeah," I replied a little bitterly. "Like make weird bird faces."

Kayden didn't smile, his eyes roamed around my face and around me, and more than twice lingered on my lips, all the while, his thumb still stroking my cheek until it got too much.

My hand closed around his wrist in a silent plea to get him to stop. The effect was an averse one; the look in his eyes intensified and I became this helpless thing just standing there, waiting for what was next. For the first time I'll admit. I really thought Kayden was going to kiss me. I know I shouldn't even come close to expecting that but in that situation, that's what anyone would think.

With my last shred of self control, I squeezed his wrist and looked him in the eye, my throat going dry, I shook my head slowly and as if snapping back to himself, he let me go.

"Not calling you 'bro' again," said Kayden. "Come on," he added while leading me to his room.

•••

If there's one thing I've noticed from the time that I've met Kayden and started hanging out with him, its that he is a very tidy person. I've never really found or noticed much of any clutter in his room.

It's neat as always except for a stray shirt this time, thrown casually onto his bed. It was the first thing he picked up when he got in and I followed behind him. Then he plopped onto his bed, where I sat next to him. "So what's this thing that I needed to know?" He suddenly asked me.

I tried not to crack my knuckles because of how his question completely caught me off guard. "About that," I replied. "Yeah...I've changed my mind."

"You serious right now, Juju?" He asked me, perfect eyebrows cocking upwards.

"I'm completely serious. Serves you right though."

Kay looked at me for a beat longer, then slowly nodded his head.

•••

By the time I'd spent about an hour, Kayden had already defeated me in several video game sessions that it was getting harder to count.

That's when I decided to take a break and lie back down onto the bed. "This isn't fair."

"Never seen anyone so horrible at video games," Kayden replied. "Imagine sucking that bad."

"Shut up," I smiled. "At least I'm handsome."

"Are you though?" Kayden asked and lay down next to me. He had that cheeky smile of his that always triggered one of my own.

"Let me quote..." I replied. "I'm–"

"Okay okay, I get it," Kayden quickly said. "Tell me about the night I called you."

"Oh," I laughed. "Well my parents decided to take me out, but the night turned out not to be about me Kay you should have seen those two."

He chuckled. "Your parents?"

"Yeah. We went for the Berliner Philharmoniker–"

"Not gonna lie. Got no idea what that is."

"The orchestra. Then we went to have dinner and my parents' attention was only for each other. Seriously, they were basically in their own world and I could have been kidnapped right there and they wouldn't notice. I even tried to get my dad's attention but he brushed me off without taking his eyes off of my mom...and they were supposed to be making it up to me!"

"Making it up to you for what?"

I hesitated at the question, but if Kay was being honest with me, then it was only fair I be honest with him. "Well...uh...my dad and I had a fight," I laughed a little. "Because well remember when you took me out to the Mad Egg?"

"Yeah?"

"My dad had us followed, MI- Killian didn't know about it either. Listen, I'm sorry Kay, to invade your privacy like that. And when I saw the pictures with us in the restaurant...I just lost it...I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for that Juju. But why the fuck–" Kayden shook his head. "Sorry, that's just not right. Does he always do that to you?"

Kayden was angry but my heart was pounding the more I looked at him. "Not exactly that...but he gets annoying from time to time."

"It must be really hard for you," said Kayden. "I'm sorry."

For some reason, him apologizing just made me more angry at my dad. "You're not mad? You won't stop hanging out with me?"

Kayden actually laughed at that. "You can't get rid of me that easily, not when it comes to you. And no, I'm not really mad because it counts for something that he put in an effort to make it up to you."

I heard everything he said but my brain only highlighted 'not when it comes to you' and it kept playing it over and over.

"Ju?"

"Huh, yeah. He's just too protective, but I know he's just looking out for me, although he does it in the worst ways sometimes."

"Is he willing to let up? Because if I were you, then I know we'd be fighting every single day."

               I didn't really want to get into that, and if the conversation continued in that direction, then we wouldn't have a good time, so I steered it away. "We'll talk about that another day. Right now, I'm feeling pretty sure that I can beat you." I said while getting the controller.

               Kayden just smiled and followed suit. "Be my guest Juju."

               Not more than five minutes later, Kayden was beating me like he designed the game himself. Seriously, how did he even get to be this good.

               You see, the thing is...I decided I wasn't taking it anymore.

I grabbed his controller and hooked my index finger at the collar of my hoodie. With the next chance I had, I threw it inside. Then I held mine tighter and started to beat him at the game.

"No! What the fuck?!" Kayden yelled.

It tore a laugh out of me, without having to take my eyes off to butcher him in the game. Kayden then tried to grab off my hand but I held it really tightly. It was a battle of whether I could still hold on to it and be able to keep beating him at it. "No, no!" I cried out as I stretched my neck, trying to see over where he was blocking my view.

               I was winning so easily it was so funny. I laughed almost uncontrollably as Kayden narrowed his eyes with a small smile and got closer to me.

"Oh I'm gon' kill your cheating ass," he swore, then he pushed me onto the bed so that I was now on my back, looking up at him.

His controller didn't fall down as we moved, so Kay pinned my free arm first, then the one with the hard grip on the game controller.

               "Let it go," he demanded and I held it tighter, more than determined to have my way.

               I probably had a cheeky grin. But it instantly disappeared when I felt his hands inside my hoodie. I panicked inside. His lips twisted in a wry smile as he pulled out his controller that I'd been hiding. He shook it in my face and cocked an eyebrow. "You know...I could beat you singlehandedly if I wanted."

               "Yeah right," I got defensive.

               "But we'll leave that for another day. I'm forcing karma's hand," he said. Right after saying that, I grabbed the controller back so that I now held the two of them in my grasp.

               "You still won't budge, let go Ju."

               "No. Why don't you grab it since you're so strong and cool?"

               He raised those—yes I'll say it again—perfect black eyebrows. My hoodie was still halfway up. That, and his hand were all I could think about.

               "Hmm..." Kayden said, sounding quite like the villain. "You're not ticklish are you?"

               I shook my head furiously with a silent plea in my eyes.

               "No?" He laughed. "Okay, so you don't mind, if I do this?" His fingers trailed over my stomach then to my side. I let out a laugh then immediately bit my lip to hold it in as the fingers inched higher.

               "No!" I said with the most stupid giggle I'd ever heard. Instinctively, I pushed Kay off me and somehow trapped him on the bed. Then I stilled when I felt his hands slide up and grip my butt.

               My laughter died down, just like his smile had faded, and we held each other's gazes. I didn't know I had it in me, but I closed my hands around his wrists on either side of me and slowly guided them higher, at the hem of my hoodie. I wanted him to understand. Please understand.

               Indecision flickered in Kayden's eyes and I thought he wouldn't rise to it. But then delicately, he pushed a hand inside and kept going higher, his grip on me like if he wasn't careful enough, I would break. I wouldn't. I placed my hands straighter above me so he could easily take the hoodie off and off it came, very smoothly.

               Kayden sat up a little straighter, then yet again, moved till he was very close to me. I fastened hands on his face, cupping his cheeks and cradling his face between my hands. Everything, every moment, every conversation, was leading to this. All of it. I understood that right then for the simple truth that it was. He might have moved or it might have been me, or both of us, but his lips were instantly on mine. And all I remember was gasping before becoming almost irretrievably lost in the million things I felt at the same time.

               I didn't know his lips could be as soft as they were. So soft it was hard to feel them, and yet again, they were all I could feel. I'd kissed a few girls before, but the way Kay's lips moved against mine made every past experience dull in comparison. We were actually kissing. And my heart rate threatened to go over the roof, but heavens knew I couldn't stop even if I tried.

               I felt him. Or something, but I felt it. Kayden pulled me closer to him and I felt his tongue against mine. Katey's breasts didn't compare to this. This was my world rapturing with nothing I could do to stop it but hopelessly want for more.

               I felt bold in his embrace and dared for more. My hands traveled slowly down his chest, and lower. I think I could go hours touching the hard muscles, but Kayden stiffened, then broke the kiss when I put a hand inside his shirt. He looked at me, his eyes so intense I looked down. He stopped my hand when I tried to continue, the action fraying the edges of my beating heart. And that's when it hit me. What the hell was I doing? I snatched my hand back like it had been burned. I saw the surprise register in his eyes right before getting off him hastily.

               As the reason why all of this happened, one of the controllers had fallen off the bed right next to my hoodie. I needed to leave, badly, and going to get it meant getting in his space again. I had to get away from here.

                Kayden sat watching me. My eyes flitted between the hoodie and him, then he bit his lip and sighed, those same lips that had just shown me how soft they could make me feel. I needed to stop thinking back to them.

                 Kayden reached over and handed me my hoodie. When I hesitated, he pushed it closer to me with a little nod. I took it, making sure our eyes didn't cross, and our hands didn't touch.

                "I'm sorry," I said. For this, me, everything...

               I walked out and not several seconds later, I heard his footsteps follow me to the door.

               His silence was driving me crazy so unable to take it anymore, I turned. I didn't want him to think I was like that, then he'd stop hanging out with me and then we wouldn't be friends anymore. "Listen...I'm not–"

          "Gay?" He supplied. "Yeah, neither am I."

             "I know."

              There was no parting hug this time. I didn't wait for it, I exited the house faster than I'd ever left any place.

               "Is everything okay?" Killian asked as he started the car.

               "Everything is fine."

              The last thing I saw as Killian drove away was the house getting smaller until it disappeared in the distance in the rear view mirror.