The Things Friends Are Made For

I knew how this went. I've had the brutal first hand experience already. Julian would probably never speak to me again because history was such a fan of repeating itself.

Maybe I was a magnet for rich white boys, because this was Kit's whole scenario all over again. The plus on this one was that I couldn't get expelled twice.

The only difference with this experience and Kits' is that this time, I felt every single thing. Every single thing was little fires sparking up in several places inside me. That was crazy, because never have I ever kissed anyone and felt that way. To the point where I could not stop thinking about it for more than ten seconds. My brain replayed everything like it was just yesterday. No, it didn't happen yesterday, it was an entire week ago.

I wouldn't play around about it, this was the seventh day that we hadn't spoken and I'll admit that I'm counting. Maybe if I'd never met Juju, then this would have been fine and pretty easy to shoulder.

But after meeting him, to spend seven whole days without speaking to him or texting for that matter, was really difficult. God knows the number of times I've gone to our inbox, like if I stared at the older message bubbles long enough, he would actually text me. He hasn't yet, and I couldn't bring myself to make the first move.

Yes, it's been bugging me.

When Kit kissed me, I hadn't questioned my sexuality, even as I'd kissed back. It felt a little awkward, but good, just like any other kiss. With Julian however, I questioned everything, down to why my dick was getting so excited because of a mere kiss.

At that time, so much had been going on in my mind that I'd stopped him because I needed to think. And that's when Juju had panicked and run away, or at least how I saw it. I remembered how he'd looked embarrassed and cursed why I was so quiet the entire time. That was guaranteed to make anyone self-conscious. Way to go Kayden.

But it was just a kiss, surely he could get over that. It didn't mean anything, well...it didn't have to. Fuck, I don't even understand myself. One part of me readily agreed with that logic as if in hopes that by thinking that way, it would make everything easier. But the other part of me could not just accept it for what it was, deep down it said; there's no use fighting it, that kiss was everything and you know it. But that was the thing, I didn't know, if I could understand then maybe I wouldn't have endured an entire week without speaking. And counting.

I was hanging on to every shred of hope that he would contact me, anything. I just wanted to know that he was also somehow affected by the silence like I was. Did he not miss hanging out with me as much as I missed hanging out with him? Do you not understand that communication goes both ways? My brain would always shoot back at me.

I checked every notification on my phone obsessively. To the point whereby I was too alert for any noise coming from my phone. But against all my endeavors, Julian seemed so far out of my reach. I didn't know how much longer my resolve could last, I wasn't going to count so strongly on it.

I flinched when my phone started vibrating in my pocket, snapping me out of my thoughts. Hope swelling in my chest, and a few other things like relief, anxiety and little bursts of happiness. I had not yet even confirmed why my phone was vibrating. I was embarrassed about the frantic speed it took me to fish it out, forgetting the laundry I was currently doing.

Tomorrow afternoon, my place?

The message was from Kit. I frowned. Kit had asked to see me but he wouldn't tell me exactly why. Fine, maybe I could suspect why and it had to do with the entire situation we were in, but although I have always been the type to confront the issue, this was one issue I didn't care to confront. And it wasn't like Kit to want to confront such a thing, but here we were, playing opposites like it came naturally to us.

The message stopped there, like he's been trying to get through to me several times. All he asked is that I go over to his house. I couldn't really deduce why for sure, but might as well. And I didn't like it. And yet I didn't exactly say no.

I made a quick decision and called him. He picked up immediately.

"What do you want to talk about man?" I asked immediately he picked up. "Unless you ain't asking me to come over to talk. I'm sure we're not going to play ping pong."

Kit cleared his throat twice from the other side before replying. "I do understand you are mad, but you'll see when you get here."

I felt awkward, but my answer was contradictory. "It's cool," I said solely because I was a little impressed he got the balls to want to talk directly to me without the presence of the other guys.

I hung up and put the phone in my pocket. Then got it out again and checked the call log. I am stupid, I already knew that. I put it back and got back to the laundry I was doing.

I checked the phone later that night as I got to bed too. Maybe it was high time I forgot about him. The friendship thing didn't work out between us and this was his way of saying goodbye. Was it my way though? I didn't think so. I also told him once that it wouldn't be that easy to get rid of me. So I had to put that into consideration and stop acting like a bitch.

Now if only I could understand why Kit chose this specific time to contact me...

•••

               It wasn't really the point of my focus, but every time I came over to Kit's house, I felt broker than I was. It was way too huge. And very much white. It could probably qualify for a mini white-house.

The absence of the twin Rolls-Royces, let me know that his parents weren't home. The house was extremely quiet when I walked in. A graveyard would have to pick a leaf. And for a moment there, it felt like I was being set up.

I walked straight to Kit's room and there he was, headphones in his ears, he was propped up against his pillow with one leg over his knee, swinging over the other, swaying to the music.

He was looking outside the window and the music must have been loud because he made no reaction whatsoever to me getting into the room.

Kit looked completely on edge, he looked stressed out and he ran his hands over his hair every four seconds or so. He was so tense I started to feel tense. Kit only turned when I shut the door. And then he looked at me.

"Yo," I said casually, almost like old times.

Kit took his headphones off and straightened on the bed. I didn't think it was possible for him to get anymore tense than he was but the scene was unfolding before my very eyes. He got worse. He didn't reply at all. All he did was look at me, something like fear and regret in his eyes.

So I went straight to the point. "What did you want man?"

"We need to talk," said Kit.

"No shit, Sherlock."

"I really want to apologize. I will admit...yes, I did get you expelled–"

"Okay, tell me something I don't know."

"You're my best friend Kayden-"

"Yeah, and yet somehow you pulled the dumbest bullshit and got me expelled-"

"I was just scared-"

"Scared that I would betray you? Scared that I would what, put up posters all over school, announcing that you're gay? Or no, wait...maybe you thought—"

"I panicked okay? And I know I fucked up. I fucking know that but, we can work this out. I'll think of a way, I just, I just really need things to be okay between us man." It sucked that the look in his eyes was so sincere.

I chuckled at what he said. "Why now?" I asked.

"I was going to come clean sooner or later. It wasn't a matter of the timing. I was just trying to gather up enough courage first..."

"So what if I decide not to listen to your bitch-ass ranting and decide to leave...then what?"

"But you came, so I know that a part of you wants to resolve this too," Kit replied. "I got you something."

That actually almost pissed me off. "Our friendship has never been about this. We don't apologize to each other with material possessions," I replied, a little agitated.

Kayden remembered a time when they had a fight with Kit and he got him something to apologize and Kit went berserk because he absolutely hated being bought something for in the name of an apology. It became a no-no for them from then on.

"Fuck you. This is not part of the apology. There was nothing I could do about the timing. It was the only time I could get it," said Kit.

They were the latest and limited edition basketball sneakers that I had been longing for. I just knew. Even if I'd only mentioned them once in a casual conversation with Kit.

If he had waited, someone else would have grabbed it by now. Kayden understood that Kit was never really planning to let him go as a friend, it touched a part of him that Kit still considered the things that were important to him despite the fact that they were fighting. It was the smallest glimpse of the best friend he pretended not to miss deep down.

"I know we're fighting, but you're taking this with you. And I'm not taking no for an answer," said Kit.

Kayden almost smiled. And then he felt it. He felt how much he missed Kit. He felt it so strongly at that moment that he was ready to put everything behind him, but he stood his ground.

He ignored the box, hiding his excitement.

"Why haven't you told anyone yet?" Kit asked suddenly.

"What? You bothered or something?"

Kit swallowed. "It's been more than a month. We still hang out together, why do you not hate me?"

"I hate you so much right now."

"No you don't. I don't feel it," said Kit. He extended the box closer to me, my hands itching to check the shoes out but controlling myself. "I'm going to tell the others."

I stopped, because talking to them meant he was going to come out. "I'm not sure you should do that, I mean, you could have them all expelled for knowing your secret." I knew what I said stung, I saw it in his eyes.

"I'm–"

"Sorry. I know, but imagine I betrayed you."

It had hurt. It had hurt a lot because Kit should have known better. I would take his secret to the grave if he had to. If he wanted me to. I knew exactly what it was like, to be hated by people simply for being who you were. And I would've protected my best friend at all costs. How could he not know that?

"Yeah," I said after observing Kit for a bit. "Good luck with that." I made to go.

Kit did not object. Except for one thing. "Take the box."

I raised an eyebrow and looked over my shoulder, back to him. Then I took the box because I knew I wasn't going anywhere without it.

"You'll be there right?" Kit asked.

I smirked against my will, then nodded. "What are friends for after all?"

That was sure to sting.