††  Ellis  ††

Standing outside Risk, wearing yesterday's clothes, I shoved my hands into my pockets and stared up at the imposing building.

I hadn't returned last night. Instead, I wandered for hours and at four am I ended up in some diner or cafeteria they called it here, close by.

Going back now wasn't a choice, but a necessity. My belongings, including my passport, were inside. Couldn't make it back home without it. Although, I hadn't decided if I was going home, yet.  And with a resigned sigh, I approached the staff entrance and punched in the code, letting myself in.

I'd barely stepped into the elevator before I heard James's voice.

"What time do you call this?" he barked, and shutting my eyes briefly, I slowly turned. 

He'd picked the wrong day to mess with me. "Fuck off, James."

"W-w-hat!?" he spluttered. "How—"

"You heard." I cut in. "But just in case you're deaf as well as fucking dumb, I said FUCK. OFF!"

"That's it. I'm done! You're coming with me to see Zack. Right now!"

My stomach clenched. "Zack's back?"

"Yes."

Sasha must have called him. Grumbling to myself. Of course, she did.

Fuck, I needed a drink. Lately, I found the appeal of drinking helped block out shit. Probably not the best coping strategy, but meh, fuck it. Who cared, right?

James stepped into the elevator with me and pressed the button. "You can forget it if you think I'm coming with you to see Zack."

Arrogant prick wasn't having any of it. "You have no choice."

Actually, I did. "That's where you're wrong. I can do whatever the fuck I like."

He huffed. "Oh, why? Because you're one of his—"

Before I blinked I turned and my hand shot out, gripping James by the collar and slamming him against the wall of the elevator.  The sudden movement caught him off guard, his eyes widened in shock and my grip around his throat tightened. 

"I am not one of his boys" I growled, my voice low and dangerous and no doubt he could see my serious expression. "Go on. Say it again. I fucking dare you!"

James tried to shake his head, his eyes wide with fear as his mouth clamped shut.

"Didn't think so." I released him and stepped back. The elevator opened, and neither of us moved.  But then it hit me. Why put it off?  I should just get it over and done with.

Turning toward James, who was still pressed flat against the wall rubbing his throat, I said, "You're right. I should go see Zack." I smiled. "After you."

He hesitantly moved past me, and I followed. As Zack's door came into view, I stopped James by grabbing his arm. He jumped. "I've changed my mind. You don't need to come in. I'm telling him I'm quitting, so no need to give him whatever speech you had prepared."

With that, I walked past him, my shoulder nudging him and opened the door without knocking. Zack's head lifted from his laptop, his dark eyes focused on mine.

I was suddenly acutely aware of my shortcomings. My hair felt too long. I'd not shaved. My suit wasn't expensive enough and my stride lacked confidence.

He always managed to make me feel like I was in his shadow.

How the hell did this man do this?

His eyes lingered on mine for what felt like an eternity and my mouth felt bone dry but I got out the words. "I'm guessing you're back because Sasha called you." I flipped out my hand trying to act calm even though my gut was so tightly wound it could have passed for a sailor's knot.

His brow was creased and his lips were parted and then he shut his laptop lid and got up and walked around his table to move closer.

"Yes. She called me."

For once, Zack wasn't taking over the conversation, he was waiting for me to kickstart this shit show. "Anything you want to say to me?"

He nodded. "You have questions. Ask them."

"I want to know if it's true?"

Frustration flickered across his face. "Mostly."

A surge of anger boiled within me, hot and fierce, as I realised the extent of the manipulation I'd fallen victim to. It felt like I'd been played, like a pawn in someone else's game, forced into feeling and acting in ways that weren't true to myself.

It was a bitter pill to swallow.

Zack didn't move or elaborate. He just stood there—staring at me. Was this another of his mind games? But screw it, I was done playing.

"So, this was all just a game to you, huh? Mess with the straight guy's head, right?" My voice dripped with bitterness as I threw my hands up in exasperation. "Well, congratulations. You got me. Add my name to the long list of idiots you've fooled."  My blood was boiling.

He inhaled slowly, lowering his eyes and then they slowly climbed back up to mine.

I took a breath trying to calm myself down. "How 'bout you explain it all to me. Starting with why? Why mess with me, huh?"

He said nothing, but his nostrils flared.

Erasing the space between us, I got right up in his face. He didn't try to move away. "Got nothing to say?" I jabbed my finger into the middle of his chest. He still didn't budge, but then he turned and walked over to his coffee machine.

"Do you want a drink—coffee?" he asked.

Was he serious? 

"No. I don't want a damn coffee, Zack." I had to stop myself from going over and smashing his stupid fancy machine over his head. But that wouldn't get us anywhere. "You said mostly, so If what she said isn't all true, tell me what is."

He turned around and gestured to the chair. "Take a seat, Ellis."

It wasn't a request but if he thought I was following his commands he was fucking delusional. "Thanks, but I'll stay standing."

"You will sit and give me the respect of hearing me out calmly."

I shook my head and laughed. "Give you respect? You're kidding me, right? I want the truth." I narrowed my eyes. "Just tell me. And no bullshit or trying to sugar-coat it, yeah."

He came toward me and I stood my ground. Leaning forward he spoke in a measured tone. His eyes narrowed too. "You are in my office. You will show me respect or you can turn yourself around and leave and if you leave you will not have your answers."

Always his way. He had to be in control. "Fine." I moved toward the chair in front of his desk, I wasn't going to sit on his leather sofa. "I'm listening."

Zack finished making is drink and set it down on his table and then leant up against right in front of me before folding his arms and on a long winded sigh he said, "I've always been attracted to straight men."

"So it's true what she said—you seduce them?"

He nodded.

"And you used Sasha to seduce me?"

"No."

I was up out of the chair, pacing now. "Bullshit!" He was lying out of his fucking teeth. "You knew I wouldn't get involved with you without her. All this teaching me to be a Dom was just a smokescreen."

I stopped dead and shook my head and let out a bitter laugh. "Did you both have a good laugh?"

"Both?" He pushed off his desk and came to stand in front of me. 

"You. You and Sasha." The words hung in the air, heavy with truth, and they hit me like a freight train, knocking the wind out of me. "Here was me thinking she actually was interested in me?" My heart sank like a stone, the realisation cutting deep, leaving me feeling betrayed and stupid.

"Whatever feelings Sasha has for you are not born from anything I asked of her."

"More fucking lies." I spat. "She's just as bad as you."

"Take your anger out on me, Ellis. Not Sasha. I won't lie and say in the past I've used women to seduce men. There is more to it, but it's irrelevant. I did not use Sasha to seduce you."

"I don't believe you. The first time you fucked me, you used her. Made sure she was there."

"I did that to include her. And to make it easier for you."

"Fuck that. You did it to make things easier for you." My guts twisted in acidic sludge, everything I'd let happen made me just as disgusted with myself as I was with Zack. "I'm a fucking idiot. I was falling in love with her, and you played on that. You made it clear that I couldn't have her without you."

"So you didn't want it? Me?" he asked.

Something flashed across his face. He almost looked vulnerable.

Pfft. Zack didn't have a vulnerable bone in his body. It's another mind game.

"I thought I did. You're good, I'll give you that." I tipped my head back and pressed my eyes shut. "Damn it."

"I didn't make you do anything you didn't want. And there is nothing wrong with being—"

Lowering my head. "Being what? Gay?" I cut him off. "You're right. There's nothing wrong with it. But I'm not fucking gay."

He spoke calmly. "I wasn't going to say, gay. I was going to say, curious. Bi-curious." Zack's chest heaved. Normally, nothing ruffled him. The guy was inhuman. A fucking port star with balls of steel.

His office door opened and he took a step back.  His eyes left mine, moving past me.

"Ivy," he deadpanned. "Didn't we talk about knocking?"

Flipping my head over my shoulder. "Knocking?" she said, pressing a finger to my lips. "Nope. Don't recall that conversation..." Her eyes moved between me and Zack. "Not interrupting am I?"

I felt my cheeks flush.

This suddenly felt awkward. But I tried to break the tension "Sup, Canada?" I said, flicking my chin up in greeting. And just like that, my mask slipped back into place.

Ivy returned my smile. "There is something different about you, USA?" she teased. "Are we treating you well?"

I didn't blink. "How do the Brits say it? Peachy?"

"Well, I'm not British, but I'll take your peachy."

I turned to Zack, jerking my thumb over my shoulder. There was no point in going around in circles. I'd heard enough. "I'm gonna—"

"Yes—go." Zack interrupted.

Looking back at Ivy. "See you around Canada."

"Count on it," she sing-songed.

Outside the door, James was still standing there. Nosey bastard. I didn't doubt he had his ear up against the door, listening to what his precious boss had to say.

Not saying a word I stalked past him and pushed through the door to the stairwell. As I walked upstairs, my anger dimmed a little. The truth was it had hurt what he'd done—what they'd both done, and made me feel almost broken.

Fuck it. Fuck him. Fuck everything.

Yanking out my phone from my pocket, I pulled up flight bookings back to the US.

I walked into the apartment with one plan. Get my stuff and get the fuck out of there.

As I walked into the open living area Sasha was sat flicking through a magazine with her feet up.   When she caught wind of me, she tossed it onto the table, dropped her feet and shot up, rushing over to me and flinging her arms around my neck, her warm breath buried against my skin. "Where have you been? I tried calling. Left you at least a hundred messages. Do you know how worried I was?"

I didn't have it in me to push her off me.  I wanted to hold her.  How could holding her feel so right when in truth, it was all a lie?

Finally she loosened her grip and eased back, tilting her head up to me. "Zack's coming back I called him, I didn't know what to do."

I nodded. "I know. I've just seen him."

Her eyes widened. "He's back?"  So he hadn't come up to see her. Interesting. "And did he tell you not to believe the crazy bitch—she was lying?"

Her question caught me off guard.  Didn't she know the game was up?  "Sorry to burst your bubble, Duchess but what she said was the truth."

Sasha shook her head adamantly.

Maybe she wasn't in on it... not consciously anyway, but then I remembered.  "And you said it yourself, you played along because you thought he might choose me?"

"That didn't come out right. I already said I was jealous, and yeah I was worried about that, but it changed. This changed. We changed."

"Did we?" I doubted that. "Do you know the story of the fox and the rabbit?"

"Sorry." She raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Y'know. The sly fox convinces the rabbit to help it cross a dangerous field, promising not to harm it. However, once they're halfway across, the fox's instincts kick in, and it can't resist, it kills the rabbit."

"Don't you mean the scorpion and the frog?"

"Same shit."

"No, it's not..."

I cut her off with my finger over her lips. "Whatever. The point of the story is that the fox or scorpion can't change. They're both predators and being the dominant, stronger, they always get what they want and fuck the consequences."

"What are you saying, Zack had all this planned?"

Shrugging. "Yeah, maybe. But it doesn't matter now. I'm done."

"What? You're leaving?" She shook her head, her blue eyes pleading. "You can't. I don't want you to go."

A pang of guilt tightened across my chest.  It was hard to say no when I could see the raw emotion in her expression.  But was it because she cared about me or was worried that Zack would call it quits with her now? 

"Can I ask you something, Sasha?"

"Yeah." She nodded, swallowing. "Ask me anything."

"Was it real, between us did you feel something for me... or was it..."

She gasped. "Yes."  She pressed her hand flat on my chest and I was sure she would be able to feel how hard my heart was working. "I didn't want to feel anything but I did. I do."

That dangerous feeling of hope sprang to life. "Then come back with me. We don't need Zack, we can carry on learning this kink stuff together. Me and You."

She blinked, pulling back a little. "I can't just leave Ellis, I made a commitment. Signed a contract. So did you."

Ha. Was she serious? It was all based on lies; I owed Zack nothing. "So fuck it. He's been using you. Why aren't you more pissed about it?"

"No. I don't believe that. He may have had an agenda to start with, I don't know. But I'm not going to judge him until I've spoken with him."  She dropped her hands from me and I instantly felt colder for it.  "And even if it was true, what she said. He's changed. I know he has."

I shook my head. "No. No, he hasn't. And at the end of this, he will cut you off and walk away and what then?"

"But I have feelings for him too." She looked so sad. "Don't make me choose Ellis. Please."

"Why not? We have something good here."

"Yeah and the three of us could have something better."

"Sorry," she grimaced when her phone started ringing. She fished it out of her back pocket. "It's my dad." She sent it to voicemail and shoved the phone back into her pocket. "Please Ellis, let's talk to Zack. I've seen the way you look at him. I know there is something there between you and him. We just need to sit and talk. Please."

I shook my head. "I can't trust him. And fuck," I tapped my forehead. "He's fucked up here and I don't know what to think or feel."

She took hold of my hands. "Please don't go." Her long lashes fluttered, and her eyes shimmered. Voice small, she said, "I want you to stay."

"Flights booked. I want you to come with me." I ran my thumb down her cheek as her lashes lowered. "Please. Choose me. Give me a chance."

A tear tripped past her lashes, and she either didn't realise she was crying or refused to acknowledge her tears.

But the truth was staring right at me. She wasn't going to choose me. I leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on her trembling lips. "Don't expect him to choose you. He can't change."

I stepped back. "Sorry Duchess." And forcing myself to walk away from her was one of the hardest things I'd ever done.

But I had to leave. I was going home.