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chapter 54

"And why?" I asked myself.
I turned my head to look outside the window only to see a sunny summer weather, it was spring.
Flowers everywhere, the sweet sound of birds singing, love everywhere. Families together and taking ice creams to match with the sunny weather.

All these scenery took me straight back when I was little.
Every spring or summer afternoon, it was always just me, mom and dad. Our happiness could not be described by any created word in the dictionary. You could say we were in ecstasy.
The summer would always bring something so wonderful to my heart, but at the same time, take something more dearly to my life as well.
And tears filled my eye.
There was nothing else called life I could say that was still remaining in me. I was nothing, I became nothing.

I sat up and removed the needles connected to my veins that was receiving treatment and walked faintly to the window to get a clearer view of the worst and yet the best seasons in my life, to take a long last look at it, because I wasn't expecting to see it again.
At least not in my condition.

"What are you doing? Come on dear, lay back on your bed, you've got nothing to worry about, we're doing the best we can to make sure you get well as soon as possible. The best treatment is reserved for the best patients," she ended by winking at Tyler, which gave me the impression that she was only being nice because of the money she was going to benefit from attending to me first, But getting better was just the least of my worries now, I didn't care if the world would just take away my life, my last breath, and let God have my soul and put it to rest. There was nothing more I would rather wish for.

"Emmi, are you okay? Come on, just take it easy and lay down. Get some rest," Tyler said while holding my hand and the other hand around my shoulder trying to lead me to the patients bed.
But I felt no sympathy for myself, I was just weak.
I ignored all their concerns and addresses towards me and started to walk out of the room.

"Where is she going? Get her back here," I faintly heard the nurse urging Tyler to bring me back, and I felt her grip on my hand but I gently went away while her hand slides off.

"Let her go," I heard Tyler say.
I walked straight along the hallway, passing different patients room. Some that were already on the verge of dying, relatives begging for the doctors or nurses emergency attection to their sick ones, patients with stroke, HIV/AIDS, malaria, etc.
Seeing all this and wanting to question myself and God, "why?"  but what occurred to me was they still have chances.

I finally reached the end of the hallway with one last room, I stood straight looking into it and the endless tears began to rush down from my face again, and I had no voice, no more strength to shout out the pain and agony I felt inside.
Seeing her lying there motionlessly, emotionlessly, inhumanly, lost, out if this world, no more with me. Just as it was the end of the way to this hallway, the same way I felt it was also the end of the road and the end of the world for me.
I still stood still with tears flowing down my eyes watching her.
I just wished to hold her hand, and say my one last goodbye.

" Be strong, have no fear, cos I'm with you, just as I was before, so I would be forever," I heard a voice whisper in my ears. For a minute I felt scared cos I would have thought it must have been from my mom, that maybe her spirit was still present, but I never believed in such things as spirits. So I thought maybe it was my mind trying to make me strong from what I've heard before.

I felt so much anger towards God for letting something like this happen to me, why it had to be now, he had to take her away from me now I was at my weakest.
I finally started to wonder if this was just a temptation or a test from God to test my faith and believe in him.
It was then I remembered some bible verses I've read before about how God feels about everything that happens to us, He himself feels sympathy towards us, he's not the one that tempts us but the devil himself, were all under his leadership and control, so all we had to do is pray to God and have faith in the new world that is coming, was h he will rule   those who have done good and condemn those who have done bad. Were in the world of satan, so is normal for temptations to come, all we need to do is stand strong and pray to God to save our souls from the devil himself.
There's nothing wrong with crying over a dead loved one, because Jesus grieved over Lazarus, but don't cry over the flesh.
What I did was to grieve and cry away the pain at ones, pray over her soul and hope to meet her again in the new world.

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